grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
The words "I hate you", "You are horrible", came from the mouth of my young daughter quite often, (though you've all heard about that I know), however, staying in London in twenty years ago, I learnt in an article in Good Housekeeping magazine, I think it was, that other children across the world use those self same words to their father, (/nonresident patent).
It gets really boring and heavy when you start scratching the surface of "parental alienation syndrome", (controversial issue or disease?), and alternatively "parental alienation", (not so controversial)!
However, in a very mild way, and hopefully without too many folk pitching in with "you should have done this or that", I'd like to shed some light on what its like to have those words said to you repeatedly, and whatever insights I might have gleaned.
Here is the minimum background I can give you. First my ex told a court welfare officer my four year old daughter hated me, and how terrible it was she had to force her to have contact with me. The court welfare officer, Mrs Hobson, took a dislike to my ex, didn't swallow any of it, and when we returned to face the judge officiating over the divorce, he threatened my ex she would have to face him if she failed to cooperate.
I'm trying to be quick here, so fast forward eight years, numerous occasions when my daughter stated the words in the thread title, but as maybe only a child could do, followed them with the words, " Keep coming daddy"! However, after disagreements about whether my daughter could come on short holidays, (we'd managed to organise about six two three, or four day stays during those years, but when I asked once more the wheels fell off, and my daughter said, "Don't come again daddy", and a year or so of court expense later I lost their support, as " the child's views are given more weight, and it was clear the contact I had with my child was not enjoyable for her,(/substandard), the decided.
Now here is the insight I'd like to impart, what is it like for a child to say they hate their parent, (whether they do at the moment they say it or not, or for whatever reason, it happens often enough in intact families after all)?
I'd guess my daughter understood the strength of my feelings for her, so stating she hated me carried no jeopardy for her, and contrariwise, failing to say how poor contact was might make her mother suspect she wasn't 100% loyal to her. My daughter used to emerge from behind her mothers front door, and disappear behind it when I took her home, so hard was it for my ex to have to clap eyes on me, (and this went on for years, though in fairness my daughter was almost always there at the arranged time/date, once every three weeks for the majority of the time, and for the seven hours together you were permitted.
Finally I should state my ex !over our daughter, and was a very attentive parent, and the best one for sure to have custody.
It gets really boring and heavy when you start scratching the surface of "parental alienation syndrome", (controversial issue or disease?), and alternatively "parental alienation", (not so controversial)!
However, in a very mild way, and hopefully without too many folk pitching in with "you should have done this or that", I'd like to shed some light on what its like to have those words said to you repeatedly, and whatever insights I might have gleaned.
Here is the minimum background I can give you. First my ex told a court welfare officer my four year old daughter hated me, and how terrible it was she had to force her to have contact with me. The court welfare officer, Mrs Hobson, took a dislike to my ex, didn't swallow any of it, and when we returned to face the judge officiating over the divorce, he threatened my ex she would have to face him if she failed to cooperate.
I'm trying to be quick here, so fast forward eight years, numerous occasions when my daughter stated the words in the thread title, but as maybe only a child could do, followed them with the words, " Keep coming daddy"! However, after disagreements about whether my daughter could come on short holidays, (we'd managed to organise about six two three, or four day stays during those years, but when I asked once more the wheels fell off, and my daughter said, "Don't come again daddy", and a year or so of court expense later I lost their support, as " the child's views are given more weight, and it was clear the contact I had with my child was not enjoyable for her,(/substandard), the decided.
Now here is the insight I'd like to impart, what is it like for a child to say they hate their parent, (whether they do at the moment they say it or not, or for whatever reason, it happens often enough in intact families after all)?
I'd guess my daughter understood the strength of my feelings for her, so stating she hated me carried no jeopardy for her, and contrariwise, failing to say how poor contact was might make her mother suspect she wasn't 100% loyal to her. My daughter used to emerge from behind her mothers front door, and disappear behind it when I took her home, so hard was it for my ex to have to clap eyes on me, (and this went on for years, though in fairness my daughter was almost always there at the arranged time/date, once every three weeks for the majority of the time, and for the seven hours together you were permitted.
Finally I should state my ex !over our daughter, and was a very attentive parent, and the best one for sure to have custody.