I just can't understand why some older folks are so miserable

Pappy

Pappy

Living the Dream
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Moved back to NY from Florida. 🤓 2025
Each morning, weather permitting, I ride my bike through several mobile parks, along the canal, where most people are retired and living in nice little, well kept, homes. I go out of my way to greet everyone I see with a Good Morning...Most folks are real nice and say hello or even stop to to chat a bit.

But, there is always a few, mostly men, that will not say crap if they had a mouth full. It's usually the same ones and sometimes I get a grunt or moan out of them if I'm lucky. Normally I would ignore them, but they are living a good life in a nice setting, so would it be too much to greet a person?

i realize some folks have big problems and are no doubt preoccupied, but doesn't just about everyone have their own problems? I know I do, but will always answer someone that greets me.
 

Pappy, I know what you mean, and I guess it's just hard to understand how people can be so angry when it seems like they have so much more than others. It's like they forget the beauty of just living. I wonder if there is such a thing as genetic or hormonal anger, and they can't be otherwise? :donno:
 

I just read an article last night about women who are subjected to catcalls while they're out and about. One woman complained that the worst thing was when the guys would tell her "Smile!". She claimed that her choice of facial expression was hers and hers alone, and didn't need anyone telling her what to look like.

In a way, maybe this is what's going on with these folks you meet, Pappy. Maybe they're so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they've lost touch with any social skills, and resent even a simple "Good morning".

For most of my life I've called it the "stunned cow look" - that look on a cow's face when they're tipped over in a field. It's that look of puzzlement, of non-understanding. That's what I get when I say "Good morning" to them.

And unfortunately it isn't just the seniors. My little convenience store up the block has several clerks aged 30-50 and, I guess depending upon their love lives or how much sleep they got, they might respond to my "Good morning" with a grunt or a disputing "No, it isn't!".

There's also what I call the "Fear Mutes". They're the ones that are so afraid of everything in life - whether because of personal experience or just watching the news - that they turn even the most innocuous greeting into a threat.
 
Before I retired, I was an airline pilot for a major carrier. Before most, but not every flight, I would stand at the front opening of the aircraft and as the passengers filed in off the jetway or jet bridge I would greet them. Most passenger would smile and say, "Good Morning", or "Afternoon", or "Evening", depending on the time of day it was. However, a few would say nothing or just nod their head. I always thought that some were nervous or that some were pre-occupied with thoughts, or some just didn't want to be bothered. I was OK with it no matter what. I just felt that I did my part and I was sincere when wishing them a "Good Morning" or whatever. Normally, I did the same when they were exiting the aircraft. A lot of people would thank me a for a good flight, no matter if we had smooth air or turbulence during the flight. I think they were being grateful that we got to our destination safely.
 
I worked with the public most of my life. Grocery store, several years, delivering bread over 30 years. Always dealt with the public so I tried to be pleasant most of the time. I will admit, there were times I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. It's a lot easier to smile than frown.
 
I think a nod, smile or hello should come naturally, whether in a big city or small town. Some people are just negative nellies, have sour dispositions, or might even be jealous when seeing a content man riding his bike with a happy nature. Now, as Phil said, if some men are hitting on me, and verbally telling me to smile, I would have a choice response not suitable for a forum. Even if I was in a good mood to begin with, a comment from some joker like that is condescending and would now go over with me. I would not be naturally friendly with people like that...but on a daily basis, even in my life today, smiles and greetings come very easily. Life is too short...enjoy!
 
My company provides insurance for alot of Seniors. Many years ago, we were given training on the challenges the elderly may face. There was however discussion about how mean, cranky & rude Seniors were also mean, cranky & rude in their youth; that age doesn't have that much to do with it. Just my 2-cents
 
re:but they are living a good life in a nice setting.

They're simply are missing something in their lives and dont know where or how to find it.
 
I think it boils down to personality.

When hubby and I are out together and I see something wonderful: a lovely vista, blue skies and fluffy clouds, a seascape, a richly coloured sunset, and I say, "Just look at that", thinking that he will see the same thing and feel as good as I do, I am always surprised and a little deflated when he see something wrong, some flaw, some problem that needs to be fixed. I find it easy to smile because I am Pollyanna. Hubby is Cassandra. I'm the optimist, he's the pessimist. It's always been that way.

He also worries about money. I never do.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
I think it boils down to personality.

When hubby and I are out together and I see something wonderful: a lovely vista, blue skies and fluffy clouds, a seascape, a richly coloured sunset, and I say, "Just look at that", thinking that he will see the same thing and feel as good as I do, I am always surprised and a little deflated when he see something wrong, some flaw, some problem that needs to be fixed. I find it easy to smile because I am Pollyanna. Hubby is Cassandra. I'm the optimist, he's the pessimist. It's always been that way.

He also worries about money. I never do.
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Sounds a lot like my own 15 years of marriage.

As Ralph Kramden once said of his mother-in-law,

"She can't help it - she's always been a blabbermouth. She was born that way."
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In the same vein, I've always been a pessimist - I can't help it. It's who and what I am. Yet, I manage to say "Good morning" with a smile, even if I'm having a leg cramp or the pigeons are pulling the few remaining hairs out of my head.

It really doesn't take much energy, even if you're mentally singing the blues, to at least make a show of social grace. Otherwise you might just be dragging another person down to your level.

I put on a good show of being a curmudgeon, but inside I'm friendly, at least enough to consider other people's emotions.
 
Depression and negative thinking affect many people, young and old. .... "the grouchy crowd."

There are ways to re-train the brain if someone wants to get help for the problem. BUT, these people don't feel that they have a problem.
 
Pappy said:
Now this morning I could understand why. Rainy and just plain miserable out. If I ride my bike this morning, I'll be the grouchy one.:mad:
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Aw, c'mon, Pap - you have everything else on that bike - you mean you don't have an automatic pop-up umbrella? :p

Nothing like coming home soaked to the skin, is there?
 
I think it is mostly our attitude about life that makes us either happy or upset about everything. Life is never all good, or all bad; there is always both sides to everything, we just choose which to look for.
Regardless of what happens in life, the one thing we always have control over is our attitude.
As for not responding to a spoken greeting, that is really sad that people are so immersed in whatever misery that they can't even bother to say hello back to you.
I worked in sales, and you have to put on that smiley face and be friendly no matter what life is dishing out to you. When I was going through my divorce , and totally broken-hearted, many years back, I was in and out of peoples houses all day long, checking on their insurance needs, all smiles and happy-acting; and then went back to my little motel room every night and cried for hours. It is not easy, but it can be done.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I think it is mostly our attitude about life that makes us either happy or upset about everything. Life is never all good, or all bad; there is always both sides to everything, we just choose which to look for.
Regardless of what happens in life, the one thing we always have control over is our attitude.
As for not responding to a spoken greeting, that is really sad that people are so immersed in whatever misery that they can't even bother to say hello back to you.
I worked in sales, and you have to put on that smiley face and be friendly no matter what life is dishing out to you. When I was going through my divorce , and totally broken-hearted, many years back, I was in and out of peoples houses all day long, checking on their insurance needs, all smiles and happy-acting; and then went back to my little motel room every night and cried for hours. It is not easy, but it can be done.
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Exactly. I think there is growing lack of discipline and self control from young and old. Kids are in new territory with the instant gratification society and old people are in new territory because they are living longer which is a blessing and burden at the same time. Not only is it discipline and courtesy that was taught when young one must work at courtesy and discipline through out their life because their health and emotional state will change. Politeness is just like fitness. If you don't use it you will lose it.
 
I've been around cranky old people, and it doesn't take much to make them crack a smile and relax. Sometimes it's just a hard exterior that's put up for various reasons.
 
My step dad just moved near me. He bought a nice place in a 55+ mobile park. I see some people walking etc. He is however completely hearing impaired and I sometimes worry people will think he is rude when he's not. I know this has happened in the past when he didn't hear sales people etc. So you never know what is going on with someone.

Also years ago I was acquainted with a woman who just seemed to be not nice. I didn't see her for a time and when I saw her again she gave me a big hug and was beaming. I found out she had two hip replacement surgeries and had been in miserable pain prior. I had judged this woman not knowing what she was going through.
 
That's a very good point kitties. When I was a child a new family moved in opposite us. They had a girl roughly my age and we became firm friends. Later she confided that on first meeting she thought I was very unfriendly. I had toothache at the time.

The elderly have all sorts of aches and pains as well as impairment of hearing and/or vision. On the other hand, some, like my auntie, have been miserable all their lives. Old age doesn't change who we are but it does seem to reduce our ability to mask our less sociable characteristics.
 

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