I need advice/help with question about son

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
I would like to have a little one on one with my son. Just take him, alone for a nice quite dinner. I do not want to offend my DIL, she goes on trips with her Mom, out to dinner with Mom and sister my son not included. Should I not be allowed private time, just me and the son alone or am I just creating a problem? How do I phrase this invitation? I want to take you out for dinner, just you and me alone? Most of the time it is all of us together or me, son and grandson. I just want a little time just me and my son. Is that a bad thing?
 

No, it is not a bad thing. I can understand wanting to be alone with your son, your child. Maybe offer it as his Christmas present from you. Just for you and him alone. I would just say or write it in a card, "Son, I want to go out to dinner with you alone, for some mother and son time which I don't get with you very often."
 
Blessed said:
I would like to have a little one on one with my son. Just take him, alone for a nice quite dinner. I do not want to offend my DIL, she goes on trips with her Mom, out to dinner with Mom and sister my son not included. Should I not be allowed private time, just me and the son alone or am I just creating a problem? How do I phrase this invitation? I want to take you out for dinner, just you and me alone? Most of the time it is all of us together or me, son and grandson. I just want a little time just me and my son. Is that a bad thing?
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I think the only way it would cause offence is if there was some criticism of your DIL meeting her mum and sister alone othewise, it seems to me a nice idea to perhaps say how lovely it is that your DIL has time with her mum and sister and perhaps you and your son could have some mum and son meet-ups too.
 

Blessed said:
I just want a little time just me and my son. Is that a bad thing?
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Not at all
I so wish my Mom wudda done that.
I asked her a few times...she was 'busy'
We did have some alone time..... on her death bed
Wasn't pretty
'What are you doing here?!'
Felt like the grim reaper
Tempted to say 'waiting'

@Blessed
Do NOT deny that precious alone time with yer son.
No matter who thinks what
 
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I wouldn’t hesitate to ask my son (if I had one) out for dinner and cocktails. Maybe give the d-i-l a heads up that you were going to do that, but just do it. I’m with Gary O’ on this. I wish my mom were still alive and asked me out for dinner. Nothing would stop me from doing it.
 
Nothing I can add. You have some great advise here from some intelligent ladies!
Just don't overthink it! Maybe take the DIL out to lunch, (just her and you) some other time.

You're so lucky! Both of my children live thousands of miles away.
They call maybe once a month. We have a lot of fun on the phone, but still.
 
Trish said:
I think the only way it would cause offence is if there was some criticism of your DIL meeting her mum and sister alone othewise, it seems to me a nice idea to perhaps say how lovely it is that your DIL has time with her mum and sister and perhaps you and your son could have some mum and son meet-ups too.
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I have nothing bad to say about DIL or her Mom. Love them both deeply that is why I am so torn to ask for time alone with just my son. I just worry they may see it differently.
 
There are so many questions running in my mind, and forgive me for being curious - here they are:
-Have you done this before with your son?
-What is the motivation to go out with him only?
-Has your son ever asked you out alone?
-Is he your only son?
-How is your relationship with your son?
 
NorthernLight said:
@Blessed Objectively speaking, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Why do you think it might be a problem?
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I do not know, I sometimes think she DIL does not understand how much I love my son. She takes time a way with her widowed Mom and sister. Her Mom lost her Dad coming up on 2 years. I lost my husband, son's father 12 years ago. Most all people think I should be over it by now, not the case.

I love all of them but sometimes I would just like some time alone with my son without distractions. I tread lightly because I don't want her to think there I am doing something she would object to. The whole thing is just complicated.
 
palides2021 said:
There are so many questions running in my mind, and forgive me for being curious - here they are:
-Have you done this before with your son?
-What is the motivation to go out with him only?
-Has your son ever asked you out alone?
-Is he your only son?
-How is your relationship with your son?
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He is my only child, our relationship is strong. We went out all the time without his Dad (who has now passed). The motivation is for him to be able to speak freely about his life, how things are going. Since he has been married he has not asked me out alone, he has invited me out but the grandson was always included. You can speak about adult problems or concerns in front of a child.
 
NorthernLight said:
Talk to your daughter-in-law about it. Ask if she'd mind. Do you think that would work?
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No, that will not work, I do not have a problem with her but I think she has a problem with me. She knows I am right here, if something happens in their marriage, my son has choices.
 
I don't see anything wrong with a Mother and son having time together. I would never mind if my husband spent time with his mother in fact I suggested it and he would take his Mom to dinner.
 
It's a great idea! My son is 37, his dad died when he was age 2. Has 3 sisters. He traveled from Alaska to spend Christmas with us and will probably stay for awhile. I've been cooking for him and he's all about it.

We actually spend a lot of time together without the girls since they're so busy right now. Walks on the beach, TV viewing of Christmas movies and "Alone" which is a streaming survival series of episodes that takes place on an island Alaska located near where he was. In fact, he says he doesn't want to watch it when I'm not with him because he enjoys the ritual of morning coffee and breakfast while we watch it.

Breakfast is always the same lol...he just likes it alot. . BLT using "Black Label Maple Bacon", fresh ripe Heirloom tomatoes, Mayo, and Kale on warm Sourdough toast. Coffee of course.
 

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