Is anybody in a new relationship?

hellomimi

Namaste 🙏
Location
City of Angels
My late father had something of an ego you'd have to say, because he used to say how popular he was!

On the other hand, he said too that "friends dont last forever", so however many we might think we have now a few might disappear for one reason or another, so maybe we'd better keep seeking new ones to replace hem if we can(?). :unsure:
I know for sure that only I, me, and myself will not leave me nor betray me. Therefore, learning to love myself and establishing boundaries to protect my interests has been my goal.

I have learned that I cannot give love on an empty love bank that's where daily affirmations come in to make sure it's filled to the brim.
 

Rosemarie

Well-known Member
Location
England
Women who know their worth are not afraid to walk out. From Gray's research I've read, Men value women who they know can, and will walk away, if they don't treat them right.
Not quite true. I left my husband because of abuse. I was forced to return because of lack of money. He convinced himself that I had learned a lesson and wouldn't leave again, and the abuse continued. I left again and divorced him....this time I got money from the divorce.
 

katlupe

Senior Member
Location
NY
I didn't think to mention it on this thread, but I have been married 3 times and the last two I walked out on. You get to a point where you have to put yourself first for a change. I used to follow a forum that was called "I Hate My Husband" and it was women who wanted desperately to leave their husbands but had no means of support for themselves or their children. One day I said to myself, I am not going to die here (I wrote about my marriage and what happened on my diary here) and I got out. The best move I ever made (The worst thing I ever did was after I left my 2nd husband, because he was a bad alcoholic, was to get married again)!!! I do believe my husband thought I could not leave due to my ss check being so small. But here I am..........
 

hellomimi

Namaste 🙏
Location
City of Angels
I know women in abusive relationships who feel trapped in their marriage because they can't support themselves. Their abusive husbands refuse to divorce them to keep them as "slave"(their words, not mine).

We are fortunate to have the means to walk away from un-fixable/abusive relationships. Hopefully, if we "get into the market" again, we can identify those we attract whose character exhibit the pattern of our ex(es). They may be the same demons in a different costume. LOL As much as I'd like to start on a clean slate (tabula rasa), I have to keep my senses open to avoid the same mistakes.
 

Rosemarie

Well-known Member
Location
England
I know women in abusive relationships who feel trapped in their marriage because they can't support themselves. Their abusive husbands refuse to divorce them to keep them as "slave"(their words, not mine).

We are fortunate to have the means to walk away from un-fixable/abusive relationships. Hopefully, if we "get into the market" again, we can identify those we attract whose character exhibit the pattern of our ex(es). They may be the same demons in a different costume. LOL As much as I'd like to start on a clean slate (tabula rasa), I have to keep my senses open to avoid the same mistakes.
It's only recently that women in abusive relationships have been able to get help. Previously, they were just expected to put up with it.
 

ClassicRockr

Well-known Member
I was never in an abusive relationship or marriage. But, my "ex" and I only seen each other as "good looking". She came from a very, very different upbringing and, basically, wanted nothing to do with the way I was raised as a farmer. Her parents were rich, lived in one of the most-desirable housing developments in So California.

During the years I was divorced/single, I thought mixed "love" and "sex" to much. I could count the number of times I "thought" I was in love..............and, it definitely wasn't love.
 

grahamg

Senior Member
I was never in an abusive relationship or marriage. But, my "ex" and I only seen each other as "good looking". She came from a very, very different upbringing and, basically, wanted nothing to do with the way I was raised as a farmer. Her parents were rich, lived in one of the most-desirable housing developments in So California.

During the years I was divorced/single, I thought mixed "love" and "sex" to much. I could count the number of times I "thought" I was in love..............and, it definitely wasn't love.
Hard call, or just the way you feel looking back?
 

grahamg

Senior Member
It's only recently that women in abusive relationships have been able to get help. Previously, they were just expected to put up with it.
Yes that is true, they were expected to put up with all sorts, and a man could physically chastise his wife and not be prosecuted for it even after WWII I believe.

My mother was told by her parents to "refuse nothing only blows" in her marriage, though they thought a lot of my dad as a son in law, coming up a very steep climb during his journey on his bicycle every Sunday to visit my mother every week, winter and summer, and it took three and a half years for him to be invited into the farmhouse would you believe, (my mother's younger sister doing the asking even then!).

"That's love isn't it" :love:🥰😘.
 

grahamg

Senior Member
I know for sure that only I, me, and myself will not leave me nor betray me. Therefore, learning to love myself and establishing boundaries to protect my interests has been my goal.
I have learned that I cannot give love on an empty love bank that's where daily affirmations come in to make sure it's filled to the brim.
You'd agree with meeting a partner/husband half way I guess, that kind of "equality" even I with jaundiced view of the way equality is defined or redefined, would think this is necessary? :unsure:.
 

hellomimi

Namaste 🙏
Location
City of Angels
You'd agree with meeting a partner/husband half way I guess, that kind of "equality" even I with jaundiced view of the way equality is defined or redefined, would think this is necessary? :unsure:.
Love is love is love.

If and when I meet the man I'm attracted to and we bond intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, that's when I feel we're equal. If I can feel safe with him, that's the time I know our foundations are strong enough to make a relationship work. My definition of equality in a relationship is when we don't need anything from each other, yet we want to be together to amplify our happiness.
 

grahamg

Senior Member
Love is love is love.
If and when I meet the man I'm attracted to and we bond intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, that's when I feel we're equal. If I can feel safe with him, that's the time I know our foundations are strong enough to make a relationship work. My definition of equality in a relationship is when we don't need anything from each other, yet we want to be together to amplify our happiness.
Does "Love is love is love" mean anything other than you're stamping your feet when maybe challenged as to your views?

Couple's are only equal, or you only accept a definition of equal when neither needs anything from the other, so this means my future wife telling me she wanted my child, and my very deep sense or instinct I wanted a child, thus fail your test, on both sides, though most might think we were very equal in that regard(?).
 

Brookswood

Member
Since getting divorced, I have had several meaningful relationships with women. Two have been for about 5 years. The first was a mistake, that I thought I could fix. The harder I tried the worse it got. She was sbasically a bitter, unhappy person deep down, and nothing I did would fix it. Foolish me to think I could. Finally, in another one of her fits of anger she told me we were through. I agreed. And that was that.

The second was a very good relationship, but her children all decided to move back to another part of the country. Her kids, grandkids and siblings were all there. The handwriting was on the wall. She left and I can't blame her. My children are near me and I could not see leaving them to follow her and her family.

New dating rule: She needs to have at least one child established nearby.
 
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grahamg

Senior Member
You know what needs to be said. Love don't pay my rent, my job does so get stepping fool.

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Love may not pay the rent I agree, though the choice of living with someone you love and accepting you may be short on rent money sometimes, against living with someone who you dont love but always having money for the rent man is a finely balanced one you might think, (Oprah Winfrey famously stating: "anyone who marries for money earns every penny!")?
 

FastTrax

Senior Member
Location
We have no idea
Love may not pay the rent I agree, though the choice of living with someone you love and accepting you may be short on rent money sometimes, against living with someone who you dont love but always having money for the rent man is a finely balanced one you might think, (Oprah Winfrey famously stating: "anyone who marries for money earns every penny!")?

Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.
 

grahamg

Senior Member
Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.
Do any of the things you describe occur with the frequency you've suggested or have you been indulging yourself by watching too many films on the Horror Channel? :unsure:
 

Brookswood

Member
Oh I definitely agree but an awful lot of women and men resort to stooping to that level and when the rent money doesn't appear on the kitchen table they call the cops to tell the supporter to get lost (For a while) but when the cops clap on the bracelets they jump on the cops back and try to choke them out. Can't pay the rent from jail.
You better not marry a cop or you could be in real trouble.
 

FastTrax

Senior Member
Location
We have no idea
Do any of the things you describe occur with the frequency you've suggested or have you been indulging yourself by watching too many films on the Horror Channel? :unsure:

Now I am going to be as respectful as I can so here's the deal and there is no way around it. Where I am from like the BedStuy/Crown Heights border, Brownsville, Jamaica, Central Islip and Hempstead that scenario was pretty much a weekly occurrence give or take a day or two. Throw in rampant violence, mayhem, drug abuse, rioting and looting, serial rape, gang warfare, push in robberies and other things that you wouldn't believe actually happen since you are in the UK. So maybe you're the one watching horror movies on TV. You know, the TV you have to pay your government to have in your flat. Yes that TV.

BTW: I don't watch the horror channel for horror because in the US horror is pretty much a weekly, daily and hourly occurrence (Pick one) especially in the urban areas like I mentioned in my post. Happy Holiday and may GOD bless you.
 
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FastTrax

Senior Member
Location
We have no idea
You better not marry a cop or you could be in real trouble.

Nope, married twice to two teachers. I do have officers of the law in my extended family and for the most part they are pretty tolerant and they are very good at what they do and they do a very good job. Take care.
 


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