Is happiness really a choice???

chic

chic

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U.S.
Ultimately, yes it is but in certain circumstances self care is definitely advised. It's hard to try to choose happiness when you're wading through overwhelming stress and grief so don't. This is when it's time to take "me time" to recover enough so that choosing happiness becomes and option again. It's just too tough to jump from extreme to extreme and remain sane. I do feel happiness is within ourselves through our thoughts.

What is your take on this? Do you believe we are the authors of our happiness?
 

I agree wholeheartedly ... too many people are under pressure through family, friends, work committments .. and even sometimes their own high expectations of their own abilities. Yet .. no one can be 100% all of the time.

They need time for themselves .. even to learn, now and then, to be a little bit selfish and pamper themselves. I think you need to do that to keep your resiliency and be able to bounce back from life's knocks and setbacks.
 
chic said:
Ultimately, yes it is but in certain circumstances self care is definitely advised. It's hard to try to choose happiness when you're wading through overwhelming stress and grief so don't. This is when it's time to take "me time" to recover enough so that choosing happiness becomes and option again. It's just too tough to jump from extreme to extreme and remain sane. I do feel happiness is within ourselves through our thoughts.

What is your take on this? Do you believe we are the authors of our happiness?
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Absolutely, happiness is your whole outlook and belief system. Example: person A has millions of dollars but is miserable. Person B is living hand-to-mouth, but is content.
 

I don't think it is a simple thing or the issue would not arise. I think it is more about trending many small choices in favor of more positive outcomes. But if you want to lump that into one big Choice that's a way to think about it. "Hope" is probably at the core of much of it.
 
chic said:
Do you believe we are the authors of our happiness?
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I used to think so
But learned I never knew happiness until He, my Lord, showed me true joy


Wrote about it

It started here (a few years back):

Didn’t happen today, yet still....it made me happy today

It’ll make me happy tomorrow if I think about it


A while back, wife and I went to church

It’s refreshing, sometimes, to attend a church

Sometimes

Anyway, there was a song service
I don’t sing
Can’t
Tried
It’s not considered singing
So, there I was, mouthing the words.

A few rows back, a middle aged gentleman was singing his heart out.
A tenor, I believe.
I also believe he was a butcher by trade.
Cause he was doin’ a job of it on that song.
His voice, his voice literally hurt my good ear.

Seems there are several stanzas to ‘He Lives’.
He got louder with each one.
At the last of the chorus to the last stanza I looked back...

Had to

There he was, tears streaming down his face.

Yet,

His face....beaming

He wasn’t a good looking guy

He literally wrecked the hymn




I’ve seen a lot of beauty
A lot
In nature, mostly

But this

Was the most beautiful thing

I have ever seen

yessir
 
It really depends on what is happening in your life. If you’re experiencing grief, loss of your health, job, etc it’s going to be much more difficult. For some things only time will help you to heal.

60% of our outlook is genetics and 40% is our attitude. We are all a combination of what our experiences have been and how we have learned to cope with adversity. There’s a push to be positive and happy all the time and that’s unrealistic. It’s actually called toxic positivity and can be harmful to people. We need to grieve when we experience loss.
 
Gary O' said:
I used to think so
But learned I never knew happiness until He, my Lord, showed me true joy


Wrote about it

It started here (a few years back):

Didn’t happen today, yet still....it made me happy today

It’ll make me happy tomorrow if I think about it


A while back, wife and I went to church

It’s refreshing, sometimes, to attend a church

Sometimes

Anyway, there was a song service
I don’t sing
Can’t
Tried
It’s not considered singing
So, there I was, mouthing the words.

A few rows back, a middle aged gentleman was singing his heart out.
A tenor, I believe.
I also believe he was a butcher by trade.
Cause he was doin’ a job of it on that song.
His voice, his voice literally hurt my good ear.

Seems there are several stanzas to ‘He Lives’.
He got louder with each one.
At the last of the chorus to the last stanza I looked back...

Had to

There he was, tears streaming down his face.

Yet,

His face....beaming

He wasn’t a good looking guy

He literally wrecked the hymn




I’ve seen a lot of beauty
A lot
In nature, mostly

But this

Was the most beautiful thing

I have ever seen

yessir
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You captured this moment very well. I was there, watching him sing and seeing his tears. What a beautiful story! I have experienced moments like this in church, where I sang in the choir, and certain pieces moved me to tears. These are priceless moments.
 
Well of course, if a person is mired down in Maslov's Pyramid lower levels of his Hierarchy of Needs, then one's life is dictated by just coping and struggle with difficulties often beyond one's control. So @chic 's question is more about those that have risen above that enough to dictate the path their lives take. So yes, given freedom to do so, including happiness in balance throughout one's life is a personal choice.

For some, happiness is not much of a life goal as many today are so focused on career, power, material accumulation, and money that they spend years, decades basing their happiness on success on those things that are not where true emotional human happiness lies, rarely taking vacations or being involved with social or family interests. In the end, they may achieve success there, only to be so driven by that time in their lives they are lost in middle age towards doing anything else that wiser more content people have found along their own journeys.
 
Happiness is influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics, life circumstances, and intentional activities. While we may not always have control over external circumstances, we do have the ability to make choices that contribute to our well-being and overall contentment. Cultivating positive habits, practicing gratitude, nurturing relationships, and engaging in activities that bring joy can all play a role in shaping our outlook on life and increasing happiness.
 
This is a huge can of worms and a lot depends on your perception of happiness. There can be the short term cycle of happy and not happy, then there's the happiness with life and your lot in life happiness.
I was in my early 40's sitting in my backyard looking at the stars and having a quiet beer when I realised that for the very first time in my life I was happy with life, it was a cathartic moment.
 
Great answers and comments everyone. This is hard for me because I can never ignore my reality enough to be delusional in my happiness and thereby flip the script.

I've heard life coaches instruct, prioritize your own happiness and everything else will fall into place using JUST thoughts and I am experimenting with this with mixed results but by putting a positive spin on my thoughts alone. Sometimes things do start to change for the better and I cannot account for this. Sometimes it's something as simple as taking a time out to listen to an old song I used to love or experience the peace of the natural wold. Or laugh at something. This works well for physical illnesses and conditions. :giggle:
 
DebraMae said:
We can try to be optimistic and thankful for the things we have and I do believe that helps keep us content. However, the phrase "choose to be happy" has the opposite effect on me. I find it irritating. If it were that easy we would all be happy.
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It is that easy, we just don't see it. You choose happiness as your default attitude - an attitude of gratitude. You do it as you would make a choice about what you want to eat. You pick the good from among all the other choices you have before you. The more you focus your attention on those things which make you happy (and overlook the rest) the more you realize you have to be happy about. And it grows from there. You find your blessings are more abundant than you thought they were, and happiness becomes a habit, and a conscious choice.
 
Nathan said:
Absolutely, happiness is your whole outlook and belief system. Example: person A has millions of dollars but is miserable. Person B is living hand-to-mouth, but is content.
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I agree wholeheartedly. We have a neighbor family with several houses. She is in her early 60s, he in his mid 70s. They didn't need to work for decades. But they get every day(!) at least one parcel from Amazon. Are they happy? I don't believe so. They try to fill their inner emptiness with material things. But it doesn't work, so they go on and on without success.
 
sailormann said:
It is that easy, we just don't see it. You choose happiness as your default attitude - an attitude of gratitude. You do it as you would make a choice about what you want to eat. You pick the good from among all the other choices you have before you. The more you focus your attention on those things which make you happy (and overlook the rest) the more you realize you have to be happy about. And it grows from there. You find your blessings are more abundant than you thought they were, and happiness becomes a habit, and a conscious choice.
Click to expand...
I think that is often dependent on what baggage a person carries. For example, those afflicted with severe CPTSD, virtually incurable, do well to survive and find some purpose in their lives. There is a saying amongst

therapists, “ sometimes, all one can do is survive.” Given the horrors of some individual’s experiences, that is no small thing, but a huge victory.The human mind has limitations in its capacity to heal. To expect too much can cause

such sufferers intense and protracted anguish. Last thing they need is to feel guilt and shame because they are unable to grab life and shake the joy from

it. My friends who walk this journey, I salute you for your strength, tenacity, and courage. You are bravest of the brave. 💕🤗
 
I've thought about it and am not sure it can be a choice with everyone all the time. We can use defense mechanisms like smiling, laughing to keep us from feeling all the pain we are in. I have done that and it was alright until I would break down and sob.

When a person is mildly depressed it may help them to feel better by being grateful which is a choice. But for some that doesn't work all the time.

I have been grieving for awhile now and no matter what I do I still feel a profound sadness. Usually if I have a real good and hard cry it helps me to start getting back to normal. I haven't been able to do that yet.

Sometimes our chemistry prevents us from being happy. The neurotransmitters and hormones bring certain states of mind and moods.
 
I believe for myself, I can choose to be happy. If I feel down, worried or stressed about something, I will first pray about it. Then I write about it in my journal. After that I put it behind me and choose to be happy for today and not stress over whatever it is. I put my efforts into thinking positive and that usually works for me. So yes, happiness is a choice for me that has worked in my darkest moments.
 

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