Is it selfish of me to want to receive cards or gifts for my birthday and Mother’s Day?

MLynn

New Member
I have two sons and two daughters, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. I have been very involved in all their lives and never forget a birthday present or Christmas gift. In fact in years past I grew flower baskets and gave them to my kids on Mother’s Day. My hurt is I seldom receive anything on my birthday or mother’s day. This year my 41 year old daughter bought her sister/sister-in-law surprise Mother’s Day gifts, I saw on Facebook. My oldest son (43) got flower baskets for all the women in his life excluding me. My children are very caring thoughtful people I don’t think they have a clue how hurt I am. Should I be?
 

I'd be upset too. Your kids should know what kind of person you are and that you appreciate a card or gift when appropriate. Some people don't care much about that stuff but others do and there's nothing wrong with that. They should be recognized but their children on mother's day and birthdays.
You say your kids are caring and thoughtful people. Their actions toward you don't indicate that to me.

It's kind of an odd situation though. If you came out and told them and they started showering you with gifts and cards after that .... would that not maybe feel a little hollow? I don't know. Tough situation.
Sorry your Mother's Day wasn't what you had hoped 😘
 
I have two sons and two daughters, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. I have been very involved in all their lives and never forget a birthday present or Christmas gift. In fact in years past I grew flower baskets and gave them to my kids on Mother’s Day. My hurt is I seldom receive anything on my birthday or mother’s day. This year my 41 year old daughter bought her sister/sister-in-law surprise Mother’s Day gifts, I saw on Facebook. My oldest son (43) got flower baskets for all the women in his life excluding me. My children are very caring thoughtful people I don’t think they have a clue how hurt I am. Should I be?
I don't blame you for feeling hurt, I would feel that way too. Since this seems to be ongoing, have you ever told your sons or your daughters how you feel about this? If so, what was their response? By the way, welcome to the forum, and a late Happy Mother's Day to you!

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You have every right to be upset. You should be acknowledged as their mother and what better way to do that than Mother’s Day. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It must feel horrible. Since I’m not a human mom, I’ll leave this for others to comment on.
Welcome to our site. I hope you enjoy your stay.
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I'd be upset too. Your kids should know what kind of person you are and that you appreciate a card or gift when appropriate. Some people don't care much about that stuff but others do and there's nothing wrong with that. They should be recognized but their children on mother's day and birthdays.
You say your kids are caring and thoughtful people. Their actions toward you don't indicate that to me.

It's kind of an odd situation though. If you came out and told them and they started showering you with gifts and cards after that .... would that not maybe feel a little hollow? I don't know. Tough situation.
Sorry your Mother's Day wasn't what you had hoped 😘
You are correct, I wouldn’t like it much if they started showering me with gifts, so I’ll keep quiet.
 
Thank you Keesha!
You’re most welcome.
I agree with MrPants. If you talked with them and they started showering you with gifts, it could make things more uncomfortable. You could ask your daughter what gifts she bought but then you’d have to be prepared for the answer. Perhaps showing interest in getting gifts might help some. Maybe your kids don’t think you want anything from them or maybe they think you don’t like getting gifts. Sometimes opening that can of worms makes things worse, sometimes it opens up communication and helps. Only you’d know this.
 
I ask my adult children to not give me anything at all other than a phone call, a card, or a text. We have too much stuff already, their taste is not that great, and I would prefer that they save for their retirement.
But I do enjoy some kind of acknowledgement.
Their taste is not that great? 😂🤣
Good enough! Lol That’s actually funny but what a great attitude to have. 👍
 
My children are very caring thoughtful people I don’t think they have a clue how hurt I am. Should I be?
Durn tootin' you should be.

It's kind of an odd situation though. If you came out and told them and they started showering you with gifts and cards after that .... would that not maybe feel a little hollow?
Yeah, that hardly ever heals things

This year my 41 year old daughter bought her sister/sister-in-law surprise Mother’s Day gifts, I saw on Facebook. My oldest son (43) got flower baskets for all the women in his life
Might I suggest you graciously comment on how lovely those gifts for the other mothers were......
 
I have two sons and two daughters, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. I have been very involved in all their lives and never forget a birthday present or Christmas gift. In fact in years past I grew flower baskets and gave them to my kids on Mother’s Day. My hurt is I seldom receive anything on my birthday or mother’s day.
Not to beat this to death, but;

I ask my adult children to not give me anything at all other than a phone call, a card, or a text. We have too much stuff already, their taste is not that great, and I would prefer that they save for their retirement.
But I do enjoy some kind of acknowledgement.
That's where I'm at.
I pretty much HATE other people's taste
And, yeah, 'too much stuff'
Call me, text me, send me something to eat

Now...back to the issue;
Do they, in any way, acknowledge you're existence on the holidays?
Not doing THAT is gross negligence.

But

If they do, then you should be happy with that

If it were me, I'd send 'em a card on the holidays and birthdays

In it, I'd just say 'I'M STILL ALIVE, YOU INGRATES'
and giggle my hind end off

But

That's me
 
Children tend to take us moms for granted unless we actively let them know what it is we want. I would have commented, "Where's my flower basket Sonny?" You are his mom after all. No use suffering alone. My youngest son would have said, I didn't think you wanted one. You could still do that by the way. Be direct and don't go on about how it hurt you.
 
Looks like I’m the odd man out here but that’s not unusual for me. 😂

I won’t deny I enjoy when I get a phone call, card or gift for Mother’s Day, birthday etc, but it’s not something I’m focused on. I don’t feel slighted or ignored if it doesn’t happen, or wonder why this child or that didn’t call etc. I just don’t think about it.

We’re a very close family. I have 5 kids, 4 of whom live close by with their families, and we’re always getting together for birthdays, seasonal events, “just because” type gatherings etc. My oldest lives across the country in CA with his wife and kids and we call, FaceTime etc frequently and at least before Covid he would fly me out to visit with them a couple times a year, take me on vacations with them etc. Because of that closeness with all the kids and grands I’ve just never felt any need for extra attention on any specific day.

It would make me feel uncomfortable to think that my kids are paying me those special tributes out of some sense of obligation or a “now I’m supposed to” attitude rather than genuine feelings of love and affection. I so much prefer the authentic closeness I feel with them on a regular basis when we get together, or randomly chat during the course of our day. I’ll take that over any artificially or commercially generated reason for them to let me know they’re thinking of me.
 
I have two sons and two daughters, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. I have been very involved in all their lives and never forget a birthday present or Christmas gift. In fact in years past I grew flower baskets and gave them to my kids on Mother’s Day. My hurt is I seldom receive anything on my birthday or mother’s day. This year my 41 year old daughter bought her sister/sister-in-law surprise Mother’s Day gifts, I saw on Facebook. My oldest son (43) got flower baskets for all the women in his life excluding me. My children are very caring thoughtful people I don’t think they have a clue how hurt I am. Should I be?
Yes‼️I feel your pain 4 children 1 deceased got bday flowers from 1daughter no Mother's Day 😥
 
I have two sons and two daughters, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. I have been very involved in all their lives and never forget a birthday present or Christmas gift. In fact in years past I grew flower baskets and gave them to my kids on Mother’s Day. My hurt is I seldom receive anything on my birthday or mother’s day. This year my 41 year old daughter bought her sister/sister-in-law surprise Mother’s Day gifts, I saw on Facebook. My oldest son (43) got flower baskets for all the women in his life excluding me. My children are very caring thoughtful people I don’t think they have a clue how hurt I am. Should I be?
I'm with you on this one too but am scratching my head as to whether I always remembered my own mothers birthday by giving a card and/or gift(?)
 
Mother's day and your birthday must be painful MLynne, so sorry that is happening to you, my only suggestion would be to back off until someone has the sensitivity to ask you "is there something wrong?" And then tell them why.
 
No, it is not selfish to want your children to remember you, their mother. I kind of know the feeling since my adult son is disabled and does not even know when mother's day or my birthday is. I know he does not do it on purpose, but I did feel hurt when he first stopped remembering me on those days. He lives close by and comes here almost daily, so he could at least say Happy Mother's Day or something, but just does not know what day it is. I don't mention it to him and now I have grown used to it so I don't feel hurt anymore. In your situation I would stop sending them gifts and cards and see if they notice. The fact that they do for others on Mother's Day and not their own mother is puzzling as to why.

Welcome to our forum! Glad to have you here.
 
My husband has NEVER give me a Mother’s Day gift or card. He even refuses to say Happy Mother Days since our last child left home. He says “I am not his mother”. Of course, he has only ever bought any presents for any holiday or my BD at the insistence of the children when they were younger. He’s always been a jerk.

After decades of this behavior, 4 years ago, I decided to stop doing things for him as well on holidays. But my children always get me Mother’s Day stuff, BD, and Xmas. I would follow @Judycat advice.
 


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