It Takes Effort To Be Social Living Alone

katlupe

SF VIP
Location
Norwich, NY
Living by yourself can cause some people, especially in the past year during quarantine, become set against trying new things or interacting with new people. I tend to do that myself. Not that I am set against meeting people but I will choose eating at my computer over a group activity. When I first moved here 3 years ago, I hadn't left my house in 5 months. Not even to go shopping. So at first, it was intimidating. I had to force myself to go to their first potluck dinner. After that I forced myself to go to their Bingo games (I absolutely hate games unless I was playing games with my son when he was a child). I found myself really looking forward to these social times with my neighbors. It is beyond saying hi or making small talk in the hall or by the mailboxes.

One man who has been here since last summer never spoke to anyone. Others would mention it to me that he won't even say hi. I would run into him in the laundry room and he didn't speak even though he looked up from his book. Well, to me he was a challenge. I spoke to him every chance I got. Even in the laundry room. I'd just ramble on about something or other. About a month ago he was in the laundry room folding his clothes and I came in and he started talking away to me! I could barely get away from him! Now to be honest, there could be some other reason. Like his hearing or medications. I don't know. But when we start having dinners again, I will be sure to invite him.

I have become close friends to a woman who lives on another floor. She has no family except for cousins. But she goes out and does all kinds of things. She is disabled and it does not hold her back. Same with the lady across the hall who is on the go all the time, at 95 years old. They are my inspirations, as was my father at 94. So I am working on being more social and getting out and doing stuff (and not always alone either).
 

This was the reason why I moved out of the complex I used to live in. It was all too communal and you were expected to join in with everything. I actually took to creeping out the back entrance, so that I didn't have to face the questions as to where I was going.
Now I'm in a much smaller unit and we all keep to ourselves.
 
Wow, is my hat off to you, @katlupe; this is so cool that you do this! People like you are both wonderful and rare. I subscribe to a lot of friendship blogs, I've read a *ton* of books about friendships/relationships/social connections, etc. and it seems like it's been about 10-12 years ago that I started seeing a lot, and more and more all the time, of people complaining about the fact that so many acquaintances are becoming "needy" and "pushy" by wanting to be friends. Now some of those people are "brag-complaining" (or whatever you call that phony, listen to my high-class "problems" thing) no doubt, but some do mention how they feel bad that they're having to let people down by rejecting that possible friendship since they don't have time for the people that are already their friends. I keep seeing more and more of it; in fact, another site I'm on had this very subject last week.

So I think it's cool that you take the time to do what you do; seems like more and more that most people are unable or unwilling to do the same. Hugs!
 

I didn't mean to sound like anyone was expected to join in. Our dinners and Bingo games usually have about 10 or less people. But there are some people who stay alone when they move in because they are afraid of making an effort to meet others. Living in a building like this, there are times when we need to know our neighbors. When we need some kind of help and feel comfortable asking.

One lady who is 96 lives on the top floor and she has been very depressed through out the quarantine due to nothing social going on. She usually bakes desserts and she is very loving to us all. Luckily, her daughter and her husband live here too. Some people need it.

I am an introvert and would not do anything with others if I didn't force myself. Afterwards I realize I had a good time, but was glad when it was time to go home.
 
I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part. I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me. I try to keep a distance from him. I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them. I am not much of a group person any more, never really was. I just like taking my walks with doggie.

In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so. No one hardly spoke to me. I'm not going to bother with them this year. Just going to walk doggie. I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion. It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.
 
Wow, is my hat off to you, @katlupe; this is so cool that you do this! People like you are both wonderful and rare. I subscribe to a lot of friendship blogs, I've read a *ton* of books about friendships/relationships/social connections, etc. and it seems like it's been about 10-12 years ago that I started seeing a lot, and more and more all the time, of people complaining about the fact that so many acquaintances are becoming "needy" and "pushy" by wanting to be friends. Now some of those people are "brag-complaining" (or whatever you call that phony, listen to my high-class "problems" thing) no doubt, but some do mention how they feel bad that they're having to let people down by rejecting that possible friendship since they don't have time for the people that are already their friends. I keep seeing more and more of it; in fact, another site I'm on had this very subject last week.

So I think it's cool that you take the time to do what you do; seems like more and more that most people are unable or unwilling to do the same. Hugs!
Thank you, but I have to clarify that I didn't have any friends really before I moved here. Three who I didn't really see anymore due to them moving away. I have plenty of online friends but none in person. Not till I moved here. I am in a small city so there are many opportunities to go places and meet others. Plus I have a boyfriend who is very social. But I still have to push myself out there.
 
I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part. I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me. I try to keep a distance from him. I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them. I am not much of a group person any more, never really was. I just like taking my walks with doggie.

In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so. No one hardly spoke to me. I'm not going to bother with them this year. Just going to walk doggie. I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion. It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.
I know what you mean about the gossip. I make a point of not repeating anything someone tells me. My building is a small complex I guess, just 32 apartments on 3 floors. I think my point in this post is to point out that if you are lonely or anything like that, you can make friends by putting forth an effort. Sometimes you just want one friend, or none, if you so choose.
 
I know what you mean about the gossip. I make a point of not repeating anything someone tells me. My building is a small complex I guess, just 32 apartments on 3 floors. I think my point in this post is to point out that if you are lonely or anything like that, you can make friends by putting forth an effort. Sometimes you just want one friend, or none, if you so choose.
Yes, it takes some effort to make a friend or two. In these covid times I'm not putting in any effort until I am vaccinated and protected from the virus. I have tried in the past to make some new friends and it did not work out for me. That makes it even harder to want to keep trying.
 
I am so used to being by myself, I fear I am becoming a sarcastic misanthrope. It's been slightly over 1 year since I delivered meals-on-wheels. So I don't become a total recluse, I attend Bible study twice a week, if I have no schedule conflicts, and go to church once a month so I can have social contact.

Agoraphobia runs in my father's side of the family. My father's brother NEVER went out of his apartment - had someone run his errands. I also have a cousin on that side (not that uncle's daughter), who also does not go out. My father wasn't too bad in that respect - he could be in social situations, but if truth be told, he probably preferred to stay at home.
 
Yes, it takes some effort to make a friend or two. In these covid times I'm not putting in any effort until I am vaccinated and protected from the virus. I have tried in the past to make some new friends and it did not work out for me. That makes it even harder to want to keep trying.
Sometimes it happens when you don't expect it. Some days, I can do laundry, get mail and go to the dumpster and not see one person in my building. And I am one of those people who absolutely must be home before dark. I don't have a car so on my home from somewhere, usually with my boyfriend, I am holding my keys........miles from home! Just like my grandma did.
 
One of the things I am reminded of is how when people are snowed in (or quarantined) they are so bored. That is not me. I can be locked in here with no power and I would still be busy. I will say though that I understand how the social people feel because my bf is very much that way.
 
Sometimes it happens when you don't expect it. Some days, I can do laundry, get mail and go to the dumpster and not see one person in my building. And I am one of those people who absolutely must be home before dark. I don't have a car so on my home from somewhere, usually with my boyfriend, I am holding my keys........miles from home! Just like my grandma did.
That's great you have a boyfriend! Maybe one of these years I'll get one, too. I haven't totally given up on that or making friends--it's just hard now. Yes, we need to keep those keys handy! :)
 
I live in a Senior Living Facility which is more or less also assisted living. Due to health issues, my family thought this was the best solution for me since I cannot live with my son. He can live with me, but no way can I live with him. I love him dearly, but he's an adult and does things his way which often annoy me. Well, when I first moved here 13 years ago, it was very active with a lot of social folks. This suited me fine as I am a people person to an extent. As time has passed, so have most of those people I first met and here I am now with a new group moving it who are well into dementia, but not quite ready for the Alzheimer's unit. So, I, the dog, and my computer with my forums, etc. have become the best of friends. No activities to speak of, but COVID has scotched that anyhow. Good thing I am comfortable in my own skin and I go visit my son for a couple of weeks every other month. Works out OK.
 
I didn't mean to sound like anyone was expected to join in. Our dinners and Bingo games usually have about 10 or less people. But there are some people who stay alone when they move in because they are afraid of making an effort to meet others. Living in a building like this, there are times when we need to know our neighbors. When we need some kind of help and feel comfortable asking.

One lady who is 96 lives on the top floor and she has been very depressed through out the quarantine due to nothing social going on. She usually bakes desserts and she is very loving to us all. Luckily, her daughter and her husband live here too. Some people need it.

I am an introvert and would not do anything with others if I didn't force myself. Afterwards I realize I had a good time, but was glad when it was time to go home.
Do you find that some of the older people are perhaps getting dependant on you? This was another reason why I left. I'm in good health, but not everyone else was and I found myself being asked to do things for those less able.
I know that sounds mean, but there was a warden on the complex who was paid to help people, so I don't know why they asked me. She was rather neglectful of her duties actually and , one lady who really needed assistance, didn't get it until someone reported her.
 
Do you find that some of the older people are perhaps getting dependant on you? This was another reason why I left. I'm in good health, but not everyone else was and I found myself being asked to do things for those less able.
I know that sounds mean, but there was a warden on the complex who was paid to help people, so I don't know why they asked me. She was rather neglectful of her duties actually and , one lady who really needed assistance, didn't get it until someone reported her.
Oh no, I stay to myself most of the time. I cannot walk very well and there are some days when I don't even take my garbage out. I think most of the people here with health issues have their own aides who come several times a week. Some people get meals on wheels.

This is basically an apartment building for seniors and disabled tenants and we are on our own. Nobody is employed by the owners to do anything for us. In fact, someone asked the maintenance man for help trying to get in the door and he said it was not part of his job to help anyone.
 
I live in a Senior Living Facility which is more or less also assisted living. Due to health issues, my family thought this was the best solution for me since I cannot live with my son. He can live with me, but no way can I live with him. I love him dearly, but he's an adult and does things his way which often annoy me. Well, when I first moved here 13 years ago, it was very active with a lot of social folks. This suited me fine as I am a people person to an extent. As time has passed, so have most of those people I first met and here I am now with a new group moving it who are well into dementia, but not quite ready for the Alzheimer's unit. So, I, the dog, and my computer with my forums, etc. have become the best of friends. No activities to speak of, but COVID has scotched that anyhow. Good thing I am comfortable in my own skin and I go visit my son for a couple of weeks every other month. Works out OK.
Sounds like my relationship with my son! He lives down the block and I see him almost daily. But I would never be able to live with him. I have, but it wasn't a good thing for either of us.
 
As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back. I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient. It's kind of a strange feeling though!
 
As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back. I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient. It's kind of a strange feeling though!
Gaer,
What is your secret to not letting the complete alone time bother you or let it get in your head?
 
As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back. I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient. It's kind of a strange feeling though!
This is exactly how I am....and I'm perfectly content in my own little world.
 
Gaer,
What is your secret to not letting the complete alone time bother you or let it get in your head?
hahaha! Secret? This is something I'm supposed to be going through. There are a lot of serious things going on in this world. I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness. I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible. Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles, i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded but, I don't see that as a possibility.
haha! he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
So,I try to stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."
 
hahaha! Secret? This is something I'm supposed to be going through. There are a lot of serious things going on in this world. I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness. I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible. Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles, i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded but, I don't see that as a possibility.
haha! he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
So,I try to stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."


You are such an upbeat person Gaer! I'm with you on that.

Your head is in the right place at all times, and that makes for a wonderful existence.
 
I live in a large apt. complex and I like being to myself for the most part. I don't like to get involved in any of the gossip about the neighbors and that is just what one man always wants to do with me. I try to keep a distance from him. I do talk to some by saying hi or hello or how are you when I see them. I am not much of a group person any more, never really was. I just like taking my walks with doggie.

In the Summer here we had gatherings I would go to for an hour or so. No one hardly spoke to me. I'm not going to bother with them this year. Just going to walk doggie. I think it would be nice if I had someone, male or female, to visit with on occasion. It would be nice to have lunch or dinner once in awhile.
That’s me as well @Ruthanne I’d like to go out every now and then with a friend to visit at lunch, but then be done for a week. I am not a crowd person at all, access to a bathroom is important to me and the more people the longer wait. 😂
 
hahaha! Secret? This is something I'm supposed to be going through. There are a lot of serious things going on in this world. I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness. I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible. Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles, i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded but, I don't see that as a possibility.
haha! he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
So,I try to stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."
Wonderful things happen every day. Watching an eagle flying in the sky, listening to the water ebb and flow on the beach, getting licks from my dog.
 


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