Let Things Lie

Medusa said:
I feel for you in what you're saying about your experiences above, I really do ♥, but this is the exact opposite of what the OP is asking for.



EDIT: Added a heart.
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The OP post wasn’t initially clear to me I think I see a number of things in it now though. Some are statements, some seem to be rhetorical questions. I see though that the OP is politely requesting that we should all let it go. I think it’s also fair to say I see some level of frustration. A frustration that I have also felt at times. And yet I too, at times haven’t let it go, perhaps at times and in part in trying to gain some clarity when none is given, which can have frustrations in itself. Because sometimes I don’t see closure. But that’s just me, as often I feel I need some sense of closure.

But here is the thing, sometime we just have to try to rise above it. Something that’s more challenging for others depending on the circumstance. Sometimes, including me, we all just have to try a little but harder. ALL being the operative word. I would like to thank @hearlady for raising the point.
 
Having spent a lot of time on many forums, having administered a couple myself, I’ve evolved a couple of simple rules for myself as a poster. After all, *I* am the only one I have any control over on a forum! 😂

I’ll engage with someone when I have obviously been misunderstood. They are clearly disagreeing or taking offense with something I did NOT say, a point I did NOT make. It’s happened occasionally and I’ll do everything I can to clarify what I said. Sometimes it’s cleared up, sometimes the person responding just wants to fight with the proverbial straw man to make THEIR point, so I let them do their thing. 😂

I have occasionally said “I respectfully disagree” and made a statement as to why. I’m not trying to change the other person’s mind, but for whatever reason I feel in that moment it’s important to put forth another point of view. I say what I have to say and move on, unless the other person wants further discussion, which I’m happy to engage in unless it’s a combative response.
 
Ronni said:
Having spent a lot of time on many forums, having administered a couple myself, I’ve evolved a couple of simple rules for myself as a poster. After all, *I* am the only one I have any control over on a forum! 😂

I’ll engage with someone when I have obviously been misunderstood. They are clearly disagreeing or taking offense with something I did NOT say, a point I did NOT make. It’s happened occasionally and I’ll do everything I can to clarify what I said. Sometimes it’s cleared up, sometimes the person responding just wants to fight with the proverbial straw man to make THEIR point, so I let them do their thing. 😂

I have occasionally said “I respectfully disagree” and made a statement as to why. I’m not trying to change the other person’s mind, but for whatever reason I feel in that moment it’s important to put forth another point of view. I say what I have to say and move on, unless the other person wants further discussion, which I’m happy to engage in unless it’s a combative response.
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I think I do all those things you mention when I myself have been misunderstood by others.

The true art I think, is when to realise that it doesn’t matter how well I might put something based on reasoning facts and evidence and logic, the other person is never going to see it, for reasons at times that seem only to be known to themselves. The ‘art‘ is then realising that, and then “letting go”. Putting hope or faith in the other person to one side in order to let go?
 
Magna-Carta said:
I think I do all those things you mention when I myself have been misunderstood by others.

The true art I think, is when to realise that it doesn’t matter how well I might put something based on reasoning facts and evidence and logic, the other person is never going to see it, for reasons at times that seem only to be known to themselves. The ‘art‘ is then realising that, and then “letting go”. Putting hope or faith in the other person to one side in order to let go?
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Yes! Exactly. Letting go of one’s expectations is for me a mandatory life skill! 😂 And I’m still very much a work in progress! 😉
 
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hearlady said:
So many times there are the inevitable squabbles that come with participating in a forum with so many different people from so many cultures and values. I think it's fine, in fact I love the (usually) healthy debate.
One thing we have in common is that we're seniors. Most people at this point have wisdom and common sense.
So, when there is a squabble and it dies down and people get back to the discussion, why oh why must someone always come back in with a comment even in support of a poster? Just let it go. Its over (or so we thought.)
I'm not lecturing, I'm requesting. I won't respond to comments on this thread. I won't debate.
I won't reply, I'll let it lie.
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You are 100% correct. As a matter of fact, I like to hear other people's views on a subject. I was on another forum for quite a while and was having a good time and making friends until I disagreed with someone over politics. You can not imagine the attacks they threw at me.I put up with it for a while and then just walked away.
 
Sassycakes said:
You are 100% correct. As a matter of fact, I like to hear other people's views on a subject. I was on another forum for quite a while and was having a good time and making friends until I disagreed with someone over politics. You can not imagine the attacks they threw at me.I put up with it for a while and then just walked away.
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Betting it was mostly just a few people pushing the hate. There is ALWAYS a clique of people on any forum you visit who think THEY run the place and everyone who doesn't conform gets "the treatment". Yes, there is one here too.
 
Magna-Carta said:
The OP post wasn’t initially clear to me I think I see a number of things in it now though. Some are statements, some seem to be rhetorical questions. I see though that the OP is politely requesting that we should all let it go. I think it’s also fair to say I see some level of frustration. A frustration that I have also felt at times. And yet I too, at times haven’t let it go, perhaps at times and in part in trying to gain some clarity when none is given, which can have frustrations in itself. Because sometimes I don’t see closure. But that’s just me, as often I feel I need some sense of closure.

But here is the thing, sometime we just have to try to rise above it. Something that’s more challenging for others depending on the circumstance. Sometimes, including me, we all just have to try a little but harder. ALL being the operative word. I would like to thank @hearlady for raising the point.
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Noted. 🙃
 
If someone writes a 'toxic' post, everyone should not respond! That would stop these posts from this person. Don't feed the monster...

Of course, everyone could block the person who wrote this post and in doing so...this person is blocked from the forum by the people on the forum.

Even if a few folks don't do as suggested above. The toxic writer probably will not continue to post if his/her only audience are people who agree with or welling to just tolerate anything...
 
Timewise 60+ said:
If someone writes a 'toxic' post, everyone should not respond! That would stop these posts from this person. Don't feed the monster...

Of course, everyone could block the person who wrote this post and in doing so...this person is blocked from the forum by the people on the forum.

Even if a few folks don't do as suggested above. The toxic writer probably will not continue to post if his/her only audience are people who agree with or welling to just tolerate anything...
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And who gets to decide whether its toxic, or merely truth? There ARE those who can't tell the difference....
 
oldaunt said:
And who gets to decide whether its toxic, or merely truth? There ARE those who can't tell the difference....
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I get what you are saying, but in this way at least each individual gets to decide, just like a jury in a trial. And yes, not everyone will always agree, and that makes it at least a fair judgement.

If you let one person, make the call on what is toxic, that leaves the call up to one person, to much power for one! Of course, not forgetting that the people who monitor our posts can erase the post and/or block the person who posted the toxic message.
 
Magna-Carta said:
In what way might someone liking a post of yours, or liking anyone’s post for that matter, be considered pathetic and childish?
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On a not so neighborly platform someone began to stalk me and several other women (including a new widow) and tried various methods to meet as well as get into homes when asking for help. After being restricted and suspended several times he used the "smiles" for attention and to let us know he was still around. It was not only childish and pathetic but in my opinion dangerous. After several years of blocking and reporting he seems to have gone away but I still keep the pepper spray around. The use of an emoji isn't always a friendly gesture.
 
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Happy Heart said:
On a not so neighborly platform someone began to stalk me and several other women including a new widow) and tried various methods to meet as well as get into homes when asking for help. After being restricted and suspended several times he used the "smiles" for attention and to let us know he was still around. It was not only childish and pathetic but in my opinion dangerous. After several years of blocking and reporting he seems to have gone away but I still keep the pepper spray around. The use of an emoji isn't always a friendly gesture.
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Well I know, since I've received enough of that here. I just consider the source, laugh and move on.
 
Nathan said:
@hollydolly , IMO that's called stalking and should be reported to Matrix.
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yes this is what my little ''fan'' does.. even tho' I have her blocked she used the like button so I know she's following me everywhere, and hanging on my every word... the sad thing is.. she's clearly unhinged and doesn't realise that she's also showing everyone else that she's a stalker.. by commenting on my posts when clearly she's been blocked..
 
Happy Heart said:
On a not so neighborly platform someone began to stalk me and several other women (including a new widow) and tried various methods to meet as well as get into homes when asking for help. After being restricted and suspended several times he used the "smiles" for attention and to let us know he was still around. It was not only childish and pathetic but in my opinion dangerous. After several years of blocking and reporting he seems to have gone away but I still keep the pepper spray around. The use of an emoji isn't always a friendly gesture.
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That’s terrible, and probably a police matter; if the police can be bothered to be involved with it that is? From your description, it seems that every aspect of it is designed to intimidate.
 
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hollydolly said:
yes this is what my little ''fan'' does.. even tho' I have her blocked she used the like button so I know she's following me everywhere, and hanging on my every word... the sad thing is.. she's clearly unhinged and doesn't realise that she's also showing everyone else that she's a stalker.. by commenting on my posts when clearly she's been blocked..
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How might it be possible for someone to comment on someone's posts if that person is blocked? Unless she keeps creating new accounts, for which I would have thought the owner of the forum might be able to see the persons I.P. address, and then block that address.
 
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PeppermintPatty said:
There’s a lot of puppet accounts on this forum.
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I remember being on one forum about 20 years ago, where based on the persons style and use of language, he had two accounts, and was switching over accounts and talking to himself under different names within various threads. Kind of attempting to validate himself in the process.
 
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Magna-Carta said:
I remember being on one forum about 20 years ago, where based on the persons style and use of language, he had two accounts, and was switch over accounts and talking to himself under different names within various threads. Kind of attempting to validate himself in the process.
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Yep! That’s it. 😂🤭lol.
 
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