Lonely But Not Alone

I could never live for someone else. I enjoy living my own life, as Janet lives hers. We get along very well while we each do our own thing. If she started catering to me the way you suggest, to the op, I would feel uncomfortable, closed in and creepy. I'd also start looking for a good shrink for her.

I think the line, "Get a life!" comes to mind. Nobody should live just for somebody else. How truly dreadful!
Amen, brother.
 

I think you are a completely amazing wonderful person. I sincerely do.
Sorry, but there are two people in any relationship. When one person ONLY thinks of the other person they are ignoring and denying their own needs. This can only happen for so long. Eventually that act of "selflessness" will cause resentment. It can make one vulnerable to a person of the opposite sex who (gasp!) might dare to show some interest in their feelings.
 
[QUOTE="C'est Moi, post: 1366154, member:

Well said! Who would want someone fawning over them 24/7? It IS creepy at best.
 

I was married for 30+ years to an abusive, controlling man, and felt extremely lonely in that relationship. Please understand, I'm not for a moment suggesting your husband is dysfunctional, just that one can feel lonely even surrounded by people.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here. You asked us to be armchair therapists. In what regard? Are you wanting to be counseled about how YOU can feel better about your situation? Or are you looking for suggestions regarding ways to fix your husband?
I have many activities with friends, so that is not an issue. Here are my babies!
post of the evening right here!
You're kidding, right?LOL😁
 
My mother was a "character". She often said, when someone complained about their husband not having the same interests or was not spending more time with them "you gotta be kidding". My father had passed away and she'd had many a proposal of marriage. She'd say "hey, I was married and bored for 30 years , don't intend to spend the rest of it that way, thanks but no thanks". Her idea of a perfect mate was one that had an out of town job...lol. "No needy men or animals"...ha ha.

Different strokes, huh. She had many many interests.
That's funny! My mom was the same way after her second divorce...she married my dad twice! Ugh! What didn't she learn the first time? 😅 But she always said,"I wouldn't have the best man walking!" I miss her🥰
 
I was married for 21years, actually 21 too many. While we had quite a lot in common, he chose to leap from hobby to hobby, discarding them all once he became proficient. People would say oh, you should take it up too, so you can do it together - well I say bollocks to that, life’s too short. I don’t believe in giving up your self in order to pander to your partner, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate. He even chose to change his job so he would work seven days a week. I say, if a person can’t be bothered to meet you halfway, if they persist in making themselves unavailable, then they don’t want to be with you. Once I had proof that he was also seeing another lady, I cut loose and it was the best move I ever made. I’ve been happily single now for twenty years, I’ve travelled, have my own home and can do what I like. Life definitely doesn’t have to be a compromise. And frankly, the days of playing the little woman pleasing her man went out in the 70’s.
 
I'll add my 2 cents! Treasure him! Treasure every single moment with him. Light up and run and kiss him when he walks in the door. Don't sit alone while he's sleeping! Crawl in bed with him! Snuggle up to him! Pretend this is the first time you've ever been with him! Give him LOVE!!!!!
Nothing in common? MAKE things in common! Get up at 3 AM with him and make him hot cocao or an omelet! Find out what interests him and develop a STONG interest in it! Be exciting! Be fresh! Be new! Play the music he loves. Cook the food he loves! Give all you are to him!
Adapt your schedule to HIS. Be asleep when he's asleep and be up when he's up! be there for himinEVERY WAY!
You don't know what a great gift it is to find love! To have this man as your own! Just love him like crazy!!!!! That's all i have to say.
So I'll add my 2 cents....You made me cry....I have a sister in law that lost her husband (my husband's brother)….I call her on the phone
just to keep her company....She lives 2 hours away from us....You are right gaer….Many of my friend's have lost their husbands..
My husband is not well at this time, and we are still in love and do everything together....I bring him to his Doctor's and he even
will go to the store with me....Mostly he stays in the car...If it's a long walk....We were married at 20 years old....Still with each other
almost 55 years....Yes you are right.....Treasure each other.....Life is short....We both worked, but we still would have dinner with each other
I feel for that lady....
 
It is most definitely a two way street.

I spent 30+ years contorting myself into all kinds of weird pretzel shapes trying to be what my husband wanted me to be. It was a miserable, wretched time, made so much worse by the fact that he was abusive, domineering, controlling, text book narcissist. Even if he hadn't been any of that, still I wasn't interested in an "Ozzie and Harriet" kind of marriage where's he's the king of his castle and I'm his loyal servant who never complains and is always at his beck and call. Nope. If it's not an equal partnership then it's not worth it.

It doesn't sound like you have any of that going on, but still, your situation sounds less than ideal.

Like you, I'm young for my age lol! 😂 You teach dance? What kind? I'm a ballroom dancer myself!
Sorry for you having to put up with abuse....Hope you are well and having a life for yourself...You sound like a great lady...
 
I was married for 21years, actually 21 too many. While we had quite a lot in common, he chose to leap from hobby to hobby, discarding them all once he became proficient. People would say oh, you should take it up too, so you can do it together - well I say bollocks to that, life’s too short. I don’t believe in giving up your self in order to pander to your partner, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate. He even chose to change his job so he would work seven days a week. I say, if a person can’t be bothered to meet you halfway, if they persist in making themselves unavailable, then they don’t want to be with you. Once I had proof that he was also seeing another lady, I cut loose and it was the best move I ever made. I’ve been happily single now for twenty years, I’ve travelled, have my own home and can do what I like. Life definitely doesn’t have to be a compromise. And frankly, the days of playing the little woman pleasing her man went out in the 70’s.
I quite agree with working on compromise and communication. If that fails, life can still be fulfilling on your own terms.
We, as women, really did ourselves in with,
"I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you're a man."
😜
 


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