Maybe best to avoid DNA kits

I've never been interested in taking a DNA tests I've always heard negative reviews about them...however, that said.. if a DNA could prove the sperm donor named on my birth certificate was not really related to me, I'd pay everything I have to have that knowledge...
 

Pinky said:
@hollydolly

Japanese ancestral roots originate in China. I've had numerous messages that tell me I have both Japanese & Chinese cousins, etc.

I've not contacted any of them.
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wow... I didn't know that Japanese roots originate in China.. that's fascinating.. I thought they were 2 very different races..
 

hollydolly said:
I've never been interested in taking a DNA tests I've always heard negative reviews about them...however, that said.. if a DNA could prove the sperm donor named on my birth certificate was not really related to me, I'd pay everything I have to have that knowledge...
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@hollydolly
It may be worth it to you to have a DNA test done to find that out. It's just a matter of sending in a saliva sample.
 
jujube said:
I tell people "be prepared for surprises before you start opening all those doors to the past...." And if those "surprises" are going to bother you, you'd best not proceed.
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It may not be you that sends the test in. If one of your kids, grandkids, cousins does it and the results aren’t what you’d expected, then it shows the trail you should look at.

hollydolly said:
yes but he's dead... how could they know ?
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As above.

If your father had brothers or sisters and their kids did the testing and your DNA isn’t on the family tree, you could celebrate.
 
Watch out for Ancestry. My GD told them to cancel her membership. They had her CC and she had to fight them.

I see that my CC is on file and I can’t just remove it. I could get the bank to stop it but I may want to purchase kits for two other GDs. The only option I had was to Cancel membership.
 
Rose65 said:
There seems to be a lot of people using DNA kits and inevitably having unwelcome surprises. That's what curiosity gets you.

I listened to a radio 4 account yesterday, a woman talking about buying a kit as a present for her dad. He seemed reluctant, with good readon as it happens. She discovered as her mum admitted she had had a one night stand. So she tracked down her real father's family, who wanted nothing to do with her, especially as he happened to be now dead. So she carried on this saga. Finding out that her real father was Jewish, so she began exploring her Jewish roots.
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Her real father?????? So the guy who helped raise her, feed her, keep her out of trouble, care for her when she was sick, share her joys and sorrows is not her real father. Really?
 
Paco Dennis said:
I could ask BING CHAT but, I would like to know what the test reveals. Does the info vary with different tests? I was talking to my younger brother yesterday. He still lives in California. That is where we grew up. My mother died from a rare blood disease when she was 39. So we discussed some of our medical issues and wondered if her DNA has effected her three male children. Anyone know if you can buy a sophisticated test?

That OP story happens to many folks, and there other reasons for searching your "real" parent/s. I guess I would want to know who they were also.
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I used 23and Me. It tells you the basics (your roots) and a few diseases, but I also have used the Prometheas site where I downloaded my data (I think it was 5 dollars at the time). I have learned so much because it tells you exactly which SNPs are in your DNA.
 
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A lot of women are sweating this DNA thing. I have read several articles about siblings who get the DNA test and find out they are biological half siblings. That’s not good.
 
Rose65 said:
There seems to be a lot of people using DNA kits and inevitably having unwelcome surprises. That's what curiosity gets you.

I listened to a radio 4 account yesterday, a woman talking about buying a kit as a present for her dad. He seemed reluctant, with good readon as it happens. She discovered as her mum admitted she had had a one night stand. So she tracked down her real father's family, who wanted nothing to do with her, especially as he happened to be now dead. So she carried on this saga. Finding out that her real father was Jewish, so she began exploring her Jewish roots. I switched off at this point. Shaking my head!

I felt throughout that she was so utterly selfish and self-centred. Quite fine about trampling her way through many people's lives.

In my view, it's best to leave such things alone unless it is vital in some medical or other way. Our parents were once young, may have made mistakes, taken decisions they regret. What use is it to rake up the past? Curiosity can be a bad idea sometimes.
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Yes. Sometimes it is best for everyone involved to leave the skeletons in the closet.

On the other hand our daughter is researching our family history using Ancestry and she asked Hubby and I to take a DNA test. We were OK with doing so and it has turned up some useful links to distant cousins. In the early days of settlement in NSW (19th century) it was not uncommon for family members to migrate and then lose contact with each other.

It that very important? Not really. Certainly not worth causing hurt to people blissfully unaware of secrets that were better left undiscovered.
 
Chet said:
Since you can't verify what you're told, I would tend be skeptical. They could make things up. And if I had some genetic info indicating a potential health problem, I would not want to know.
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I did the 23&Me and they sure didn't make anything up in my case. It was fascinating and they named *towns* in both Germany and Switzerland that my ancestors came from... not just generalized regions. I'd already known those towns for decades from paid research my grandparents did. With 23 getting those correct that I already knew, I was more confident to believe the rest. And all from saliva... kind of scary when ya think about it.
 
I was contacted a couple of years ago by a woman who was trying to find out if one of my late husband's brothers was her grandfather. She had run his name (a very unusual last name) around the internet and was contacting everyone she could find with the same last name, which is how she came across me.

I'll skip over the details but my brother-in-law had been in the right place at the right time to be the possible father of her father. By this point, all those "intimately" involved are deceased and all this lady had to go on was family rumor and a blurry photo of the "guilty" partners.

She sent me a copy of the photo and a good photo of her father in his youth. Well, the blurry photo sure looked like my brother-in-law at that age and her father was pretty much a dead ringer for him.

My brother-in-law had been married at the time and had children already, so this made for a sticky situation.

I explained that I was not in contact with that branch of the family and had no way of knowing how to get in touch with them. I suggested going the DNA route. I did pass the info on to my late husband's niece, who I am close to, just in case she wanted to do anything with it. She didn't. She is not in contact with that branch, either. There was a falling-out some years ago. It's a trait that runs in that family.

I felt sorry that I couldn't help the woman, but I felt it wasn't my place to try to enable the connection.
 
A half sister found me by using ancestry. She found my cousin who gave her my information. My parents were not married or engaged when he got drafted during WW2.

My dad was in England and got involved with a woman who had 2 kids and her husband was away with the British army. Apparently this half sister resulted. I have no clue if my dad ever knew.

She asked me for information to help her finish the family tree and asked for photos all of which I sent. It cost me 70 to send and a few months later despite being in daily contact she dumped me. My siblings were right to not acknowledge her. If I have any more long lost relatives they can F*** off!!
 
I just believe in letting sleeping dogs sleep!
Teacher Terry said:
A half sister found me by using ancestry. She found my cousin who gave her my information. My parents were not married or engaged when he got drafted during WW2.

My dad was in England and got involved with a woman who had 2 kids and her husband was away with the British army. Apparently this half sister resulted. I have no clue if my dad ever knew.

She asked me for information to help her finish the family tree and asked for photos all of which I sent. It cost me 70 to send and a few months later despite being in daily contact she dumped me. My siblings were right to not acknowledge her. If I have any more long lost relatives they can F*** off!!
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What a disruptive situation and I wonder if any good at all came of it.
 
Teacher Terry said:
A half sister... asked me for information to help her finish the family tree and asked for photos all of which I sent. It cost me 70 to send and a few months later despite being in daily contact she dumped me. My siblings were right to not acknowledge her. If I have any more long lost relatives they can F*** off!!
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🤔hmm. She may not have "dumped" you (unless you offended her in some way). Some family researchers get really obsessed with finishing all the many details of a family tree. They are driven and it takes up a tremendous amount of their time. Just call her and ask her nicely if you can have a copy of the finished family tree when completed.

I wouldn't burn any bridges this early on, nor be too quick to anger. Also she's a half sister and may not feel as close as a full sister. Just be gentle with her. She sounds like a gem for taking all that time and investing all her efforts for this tedious project. Maybe she's planing on sending everyone a copy as a surprise gift someday like next Christmas if it's complete. Your anger might set you outside the loop for receiving this treasure. Just give her call.
 
Lara said:
🤔hmm. She may not have "dumped" you (unless you offended her in some way). Some family researchers get really obsessed with finishing all the many details of a family tree. They are driven and it takes up a tremendous amount of their time. Just call her and ask her nicely if you can have a copy of the finished family tree when completed.

I wouldn't burn any bridges this early on, nor be too quick to anger. Also she's a half sister and may not feel as close as a full sister. Just be gentle with her. She sounds like a gem for taking all that time and investing all her efforts for this tedious project. Maybe she's planing on sending everyone a copy as a surprise gift someday like next Christmas if it's complete. Your anger might set you outside the loop for receiving this treasure. Just give her call.
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When someone emails never contact me again I am certain that is dumping!! We emailed daily and never talked on the phone. I was always nice and kind. That was 4 years ago.

She got the pictures of my dad and his parents which is what she wanted and the information. She had been working on the family tree for 10 years before contacting me.

She’s a gem all right and I don’t need any of her treasures. She used me and then dumped me plain and simple. Not sure why this is hard to understand.
 
I did the DNA test and found out I come by my interesting lifestyle biologically. Pirates, thieves, cut-purses, gamblers, drunks, prostitutes, etc. Basically the same thing my fortune teller told me.

On the upside, I get to send out 23 birthday cards (and checks) to my new kids. :love:
 
Rose65 said:
I just believe in letting sleeping dogs sleep!

What a disruptive situation and I wonder if any good at all came of it.
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No good came of it for me and I was very hurt. She only wanted the pictures and information since she had been working on the family tree for 10 years before finding me and was stuck. I had the missing information.
 
Teacher Terry said:
No good came of it for me and I was very hurt. She only wanted the pictures and information since she had been working on the family tree for 10 years before finding me and was stuck. I had the missing information.
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That is awful, I can understand.
I suppose if anyone is approached it may be best to just plead ignorance and ignore it, just don't get involved.

I know someone who found out in this unwelcome way that they had had a sibling, a sister who was now dead. They never knew their mother had had this child. It just meant very upsetting feelings and took a lot of adapting to. The truth is not always beneficial perhaps.
 

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