That’s frustrating I know Aneeda. That’s happensd to me so many times that now I usually copy my post into ‘notes’ first.
and please don’t stress yourself out answering my questions. It was a huge post. I feel bad for you.
Have a wonderful evening
Memories of my challenging life-good, bad, and whatever, lol
- Thread starter Aneeda72
- Start date
and please don’t stress yourself out answering my questions. It was a huge post. I feel bad for you.
Have a wonderful evening
I’d like to mention that what I did to you in your diary is what I get the most angry about when I’m venting to my husband.
He always thinks I’m looking for a solution to fix me and I’m not. I’m just talking for the sake of talking.
For some reason I need to play the hero and have solutions to problems which are non of my business and don’t need fixing.
I’m HORRIBLE for giving unsolicited advice and it really was grossly inappropriate of me.
Now I’ll stop beating myself up. The really strange thing is that I don’t know where this annoying habit came from. Neither one of my parents were that way or anyone that I knew.
Ive thought of another question for you.
Do you have any characteristics that resemble your parents that you swore you’d never be like but yet find you are and how do you feel about it?
He always thinks I’m looking for a solution to fix me and I’m not. I’m just talking for the sake of talking.
For some reason I need to play the hero and have solutions to problems which are non of my business and don’t need fixing.
I’m HORRIBLE for giving unsolicited advice and it really was grossly inappropriate of me.
Now I’ll stop beating myself up. The really strange thing is that I don’t know where this annoying habit came from. Neither one of my parents were that way or anyone that I knew.
Ive thought of another question for you.
Do you have any characteristics that resemble your parents that you swore you’d never be like but yet find you are and how do you feel about it?
While I physically look like my mother, I went to great lengths to not pick up any of the "bad" parts of my parents. But remember, I only lived with my father till I was 15 and my mother till I was 17. I never saw my father again after I was 19. Plus they both worked my entire childhood and I avoided them as much as possible when they were home.
My children, never knew my father, but know my mother well. They said I am nothing like her.
I did pick up "racial/color" blindness from my parents, and a deep devotion to our country. Both my parents believed in the color green, the almighty dollar. A firm belief in God, country, and family from my paternal grandmother, and thus acceptance of all people no matter what their circumstances.
My brother picked up their love of green. He is well off, and if I were dying of thirst he would charge me for his spit. His son is a millionaire. Once my sister in law said the thing she liked best about me was that I never asked them for financial help. I'd rather die than do that.
My children, never knew my father, but know my mother well. They said I am nothing like her.
I did pick up "racial/color" blindness from my parents, and a deep devotion to our country. Both my parents believed in the color green, the almighty dollar. A firm belief in God, country, and family from my paternal grandmother, and thus acceptance of all people no matter what their circumstances.
My brother picked up their love of green. He is well off, and if I were dying of thirst he would charge me for his spit. His son is a millionaire. Once my sister in law said the thing she liked best about me was that I never asked them for financial help. I'd rather die than do that.
Thats very interesting. Your children never met their grandfather. That’s too bad but understandable.
That love of money seems to be a popular theme. With my parents it evolved from living through the war. Rationings were needed and I think it became a habit. My parents are similar minus the religion and luckily I never picked up the penny pinching habit.
Ive never asked my parents for financial help either but haven’t needed to but I do understand what you’re saying.
There are more important things to worship than money but some habits are hard to break I guess. That’s just the way they are.
Ive definitely picked up some habits/ characteristics from my parents that I wasn’t quite aware of until the last year or so and am working on them. I’m hoping within time I can change things around some and if not just accept me as is worts and all.
Later Anneda xx
Keesha,
I have a few moments so I will start this. The MRI of my C Spine (neck) was completed in April 2017. I don't ever need to get another one. This one is bad enough.
Alignment: There is a slight degenerative retrolistheses of C4 on C5.
Disc spaces: There is diffuse disc desiccation throughut the cervical spine. Disc height loss is present throughout the mid and lower cervical spine.
Posterior elements: Facet and uncovertebral join arthrosis is present throughout the mid and lower cervical spine.
C2-C3: There is disc desiccation and slight disc bulging. There is a small right paracentral posterior projecting disc protrustion.
C3-C4: There is disc height loss and disc desiccation. Minor posterior disc bulging is present. Bilateral uncovertebral and facet joint arthrosis creates mild left and SEVERE right C4 bony neural foraminal narrowing.
C4-C5: There is disc height loss with disc desiccation. There is slight degenerative retrolisthesis of C4 on C5. Broad posterior disc bulging is present. There is borderline spinal stenosis. Bulky facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild left and SEVERE right C5 bony neural foraminal narrowing related to the facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C5-C6: There is mild disc height loss with disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging and posterior projecting osteophyte is present. This disc bulging and osteophyte is larger in size towards the right. Bilateral facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild left and moderate right C6 neural foraminal narrowing related to the facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C6-C7: There is disc height loss and disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging and posterior projecting osteophyte formation is present. Bilateral facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild bilateral C7 neural foraminal narrowing related to facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C7-T1: There is disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging is present. Right-sided facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis creates SEVERE C8 neural foraminal narrowing.
IMPRESSION:
Multilevel cervical spondylosis.
What does this all mean? My neck hurts, my neck hurts a lot. I have pain from my neck, into my shoulders, down both arms. My arms, hands, and fingers go numb on a regular basis and it is getting worst. The lower part of my face goes numb from just above my lips on down. The numb lips drives me crazy at time and I end up biting myself often when chewing. The neck causes terrible headaches, and it also causes ice pick headaches where it feels like you are being stabbed with an icepick.
Fun Times? Nope! I'll do my thoracic spine next. I have a great many problems in this portion of my spine and it will take more time.
I have a few moments so I will start this. The MRI of my C Spine (neck) was completed in April 2017. I don't ever need to get another one. This one is bad enough.
Alignment: There is a slight degenerative retrolistheses of C4 on C5.
Disc spaces: There is diffuse disc desiccation throughut the cervical spine. Disc height loss is present throughout the mid and lower cervical spine.
Posterior elements: Facet and uncovertebral join arthrosis is present throughout the mid and lower cervical spine.
C2-C3: There is disc desiccation and slight disc bulging. There is a small right paracentral posterior projecting disc protrustion.
C3-C4: There is disc height loss and disc desiccation. Minor posterior disc bulging is present. Bilateral uncovertebral and facet joint arthrosis creates mild left and SEVERE right C4 bony neural foraminal narrowing.
C4-C5: There is disc height loss with disc desiccation. There is slight degenerative retrolisthesis of C4 on C5. Broad posterior disc bulging is present. There is borderline spinal stenosis. Bulky facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild left and SEVERE right C5 bony neural foraminal narrowing related to the facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C5-C6: There is mild disc height loss with disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging and posterior projecting osteophyte is present. This disc bulging and osteophyte is larger in size towards the right. Bilateral facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild left and moderate right C6 neural foraminal narrowing related to the facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C6-C7: There is disc height loss and disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging and posterior projecting osteophyte formation is present. Bilateral facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis is present. There is mild bilateral C7 neural foraminal narrowing related to facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis.
C7-T1: There is disc desiccation. Mild posterior disc bulging is present. Right-sided facet and uncovertebral joint arthrosis creates SEVERE C8 neural foraminal narrowing.
IMPRESSION:
Multilevel cervical spondylosis.
What does this all mean? My neck hurts, my neck hurts a lot. I have pain from my neck, into my shoulders, down both arms. My arms, hands, and fingers go numb on a regular basis and it is getting worst. The lower part of my face goes numb from just above my lips on down. The numb lips drives me crazy at time and I end up biting myself often when chewing. The neck causes terrible headaches, and it also causes ice pick headaches where it feels like you are being stabbed with an icepick.
Fun Times? Nope! I'll do my thoracic spine next. I have a great many problems in this portion of my spine and it will take more time.
bingo
Senior Member
- Location
- southeast illinois
having had an even worse childhood....on into adulthood. ...i understand how life is made traumatic and unfixable by their actions....
i left after 57 years. ..not looking back...not subjecting myself to any more wrenching emotions....
i don't talk about it or dwell on any of it anymore...its like ive convinced myself that life never existed...
all hope for your healing
i left after 57 years. ..not looking back...not subjecting myself to any more wrenching emotions....
i don't talk about it or dwell on any of it anymore...its like ive convinced myself that life never existed...
all hope for your healing
So, my Thoracic spine:
I have a syringohydromyelia, essentially a syrinx. This is a fluid collection in the spinal cord itself. It is a malformation inside the spinal cord. When full of fluid, it can cause direct pressure on the cord causing a host of problems. Weakness, numbness, stiffness, pain, scoliosis, and incontinence etc. I am fortunate in that my syrinx is self draining. Otherwise, a needle is inserted into the syrinx, through the spinal cord, and fluid is drawn out on a regular basis. Ugh. When it drains, it feels wet like water running down my back.
MRI 2004
T7-T9 syringohydromyelia
MRI 2017
Alignment: The thoracic kyphosis is exaggerated measuring 46 degrees. There is minimal anterolistheses of C7 on T1 measuring 0.2 cm.
Vertebral Bodies: There is very minimal loss of anterior vertebral body height at T5, T6, T7, measuring less than 10%.
Intervertebral discs: There is multilevel thoracic degenerative disc disease.
There is a small left subarticular zone protrusion at T2-3.
There is a slight left subarticular zone protrusion at T4-T5.
There is a mild circumferential disc bulging at T5-T6, T6-T7, and T7-T8.
There is a small left subarticular and foraminal zone protrusion at T9-T10.
There is an interbody disc protrusion at T10-T11 as well as mild circumferential disc bulging.
Neural foramen: There is mild bilateral foraminal stenosis at T8-T9 and T9-T10 related to degenerative change.
Mild chronic compression fractures of T5, T6, and with less than 10% loss of anterior vertebral body height.
A prominent superior endplate internal disc disruption of Schmorl's node is identified involving T11.
There is a perineural nerve root sleeve tumor (a schwannomas) seen within the right foramen at the T9-10 level. Keep in mind this stupid tumor has settled where the syrinx.
The schwannoma is where I truly get, pardon my language, screwed over. It is cancer or it isn't cancer. But I cannot get tested to find out. Right now it is contained, touching it would release cancer cells into my system so no touching it. It is in a really bad place as far as my spine is concerned. Very hard to reach. If it grows enough and touches the cord, it will make me a quadriplegic. If it grows and they try to take it out, it is such a delicate operation, I risk becoming a quadriplegic. I don't want to be a quadriplegic. I am supposed to get an MRI on it every year. MRI's are hard for me to do. I have refused to continue the process.
Meanwhile, this stupid tumor on a spinal nerve root causes PAIN to my shoulder blade, pain which raps around my ribs. and pain into my chest. Chronic continuous pain, as does my stupid neck. It also causes other complications.
The fractures, OMG, they don't heal. They just are there and painful. Sometimes if I move wrong, something gets pinched and causes severe pain for several hours. This area hurts all the time. Once I moved wrong and screamed mindlessly for 15 minutes.
The Lumber Spine
I have a variety of different MRI's of my lumber spine. Sometime before 2004 my disc at L4/L5 exploded in my sleep. Pieces of the disc hit nerves etc. I had my first surgery. After surgery, I was still in extreme pain. Another MRI, showed the first surgeon missed several pieces of the shattered part of the discs and those pieces migrated into the spinal cord and put pressure on the spine. I had a second surgery to correct the first. The first surgeon put the incision in the wrong place. Resulting in nerve damage to a major nerve and anytime I have lower back surgery that incision must be used for blood loss to the skin in that area will occur. Sigh.
MRI 2017 (Most of my MRI"s are done without contrast due to complications with my one kidney)
L1-L2 The posterior margin of the intervertebral disc is flat. There is mild facet arthritis.
L2-L3 There is mild facet hypertrophy.
L3-L4 There is mild narrowing of the intervertebral disc. The posterior margin of the intervertebral disc is flat. There is mild-moderate facet arthritis.
L4-L5 There is mild generalized annular bulging and there is midline hyperintensity with the annulus compatible with a small annular tear. There is bilateral facet arthritis.
Once again a major part of my post is missing. It is half finished, I will finish it another time.
I have a syringohydromyelia, essentially a syrinx. This is a fluid collection in the spinal cord itself. It is a malformation inside the spinal cord. When full of fluid, it can cause direct pressure on the cord causing a host of problems. Weakness, numbness, stiffness, pain, scoliosis, and incontinence etc. I am fortunate in that my syrinx is self draining. Otherwise, a needle is inserted into the syrinx, through the spinal cord, and fluid is drawn out on a regular basis. Ugh. When it drains, it feels wet like water running down my back.
MRI 2004
T7-T9 syringohydromyelia
MRI 2017
Alignment: The thoracic kyphosis is exaggerated measuring 46 degrees. There is minimal anterolistheses of C7 on T1 measuring 0.2 cm.
Vertebral Bodies: There is very minimal loss of anterior vertebral body height at T5, T6, T7, measuring less than 10%.
Intervertebral discs: There is multilevel thoracic degenerative disc disease.
There is a small left subarticular zone protrusion at T2-3.
There is a slight left subarticular zone protrusion at T4-T5.
There is a mild circumferential disc bulging at T5-T6, T6-T7, and T7-T8.
There is a small left subarticular and foraminal zone protrusion at T9-T10.
There is an interbody disc protrusion at T10-T11 as well as mild circumferential disc bulging.
Neural foramen: There is mild bilateral foraminal stenosis at T8-T9 and T9-T10 related to degenerative change.
Mild chronic compression fractures of T5, T6, and with less than 10% loss of anterior vertebral body height.
A prominent superior endplate internal disc disruption of Schmorl's node is identified involving T11.
There is a perineural nerve root sleeve tumor (a schwannomas) seen within the right foramen at the T9-10 level. Keep in mind this stupid tumor has settled where the syrinx.
The schwannoma is where I truly get, pardon my language, screwed over. It is cancer or it isn't cancer. But I cannot get tested to find out. Right now it is contained, touching it would release cancer cells into my system so no touching it. It is in a really bad place as far as my spine is concerned. Very hard to reach. If it grows enough and touches the cord, it will make me a quadriplegic. If it grows and they try to take it out, it is such a delicate operation, I risk becoming a quadriplegic. I don't want to be a quadriplegic. I am supposed to get an MRI on it every year. MRI's are hard for me to do. I have refused to continue the process.
Meanwhile, this stupid tumor on a spinal nerve root causes PAIN to my shoulder blade, pain which raps around my ribs. and pain into my chest. Chronic continuous pain, as does my stupid neck. It also causes other complications.
The fractures, OMG, they don't heal. They just are there and painful. Sometimes if I move wrong, something gets pinched and causes severe pain for several hours. This area hurts all the time. Once I moved wrong and screamed mindlessly for 15 minutes.
The Lumber Spine
I have a variety of different MRI's of my lumber spine. Sometime before 2004 my disc at L4/L5 exploded in my sleep. Pieces of the disc hit nerves etc. I had my first surgery. After surgery, I was still in extreme pain. Another MRI, showed the first surgeon missed several pieces of the shattered part of the discs and those pieces migrated into the spinal cord and put pressure on the spine. I had a second surgery to correct the first. The first surgeon put the incision in the wrong place. Resulting in nerve damage to a major nerve and anytime I have lower back surgery that incision must be used for blood loss to the skin in that area will occur. Sigh.
MRI 2017 (Most of my MRI"s are done without contrast due to complications with my one kidney)
L1-L2 The posterior margin of the intervertebral disc is flat. There is mild facet arthritis.
L2-L3 There is mild facet hypertrophy.
L3-L4 There is mild narrowing of the intervertebral disc. The posterior margin of the intervertebral disc is flat. There is mild-moderate facet arthritis.
L4-L5 There is mild generalized annular bulging and there is midline hyperintensity with the annulus compatible with a small annular tear. There is bilateral facet arthritis.
Once again a major part of my post is missing. It is half finished, I will finish it another time.
Keesha,
You also asked how I am socially. I am very socially isolated at this time. But I do ok when I am in social settings, I talk too much. I don't do large gatherings. I am no longer, for the most part, a door mat like I used to be. Therefore, if you push, I will push back if I think it is called for. My husband hates that I stand up to him now.
It never occurred to me not to have children. I knew I wasn't an abusive person so I never worried about this. Although I married abusive men. Sigh.
Bingo,
Lots of people's childhood were worst than mine. When I hospitalized for the pnemonia and the beating my dad gave me, I was put on a children's ward. I was around 7-10 years old. She was three or four; and wrapped in lots of bandages. She had been burned by her parents. She was quiet. She died shortly after I entered the ward.
We all handle out pasts in the ways that work best for us. Our parents must have been haunted by their childhoods to treat us so despicably.
You also asked how I am socially. I am very socially isolated at this time. But I do ok when I am in social settings, I talk too much. I don't do large gatherings. I am no longer, for the most part, a door mat like I used to be. Therefore, if you push, I will push back if I think it is called for. My husband hates that I stand up to him now.
It never occurred to me not to have children. I knew I wasn't an abusive person so I never worried about this. Although I married abusive men. Sigh.
Bingo,
Lots of people's childhood were worst than mine. When I hospitalized for the pnemonia and the beating my dad gave me, I was put on a children's ward. I was around 7-10 years old. She was three or four; and wrapped in lots of bandages. She had been burned by her parents. She was quiet. She died shortly after I entered the ward.
We all handle out pasts in the ways that work best for us. Our parents must have been haunted by their childhoods to treat us so despicably.
Hi Aneeda ,
I’m so sorry you are in such pain. That’s such a shame. Your injuries sound extensive.
Why are you so isolated now?
That’s good to know you are good in a social setting. That makes life run more smoothly. It appears that you do just fine in social settings. We have some things in common;large crowds being overwhelming, struggles with insecurities and learning to become more assertive without becoming arrogant and cocky. Me... needs work.
That’s great that you had no worries about having children. You appear to be an excellent mother with lots of love and patience. For you to also adopt abused children is incredible. They are lucky to have you.
My reason for not wanting children wasn’t at all that I was afraid I’d abuse them physically and intentionally. No way. That wouldn’t happen. What I worried about was passing down mental disorders and rare metabolic disorders. If I could stop a child from having a life plagued by these disorders then I would ‘cause they’ve been horrible to live with.
You are right Aneeda. We do all handle our pasts in ways that work best for us. There have many years I needed a ‘no contact’ relationship. It really was easier but then things shift and major change is required. It’s super stressful but required.
I’m so sorry you are in such pain. That’s such a shame. Your injuries sound extensive.
Why are you so isolated now?
That’s good to know you are good in a social setting. That makes life run more smoothly. It appears that you do just fine in social settings. We have some things in common;large crowds being overwhelming, struggles with insecurities and learning to become more assertive without becoming arrogant and cocky. Me... needs work.
That’s great that you had no worries about having children. You appear to be an excellent mother with lots of love and patience. For you to also adopt abused children is incredible. They are lucky to have you.
My reason for not wanting children wasn’t at all that I was afraid I’d abuse them physically and intentionally. No way. That wouldn’t happen. What I worried about was passing down mental disorders and rare metabolic disorders. If I could stop a child from having a life plagued by these disorders then I would ‘cause they’ve been horrible to live with.
You are right Aneeda. We do all handle our pasts in ways that work best for us. There have many years I needed a ‘no contact’ relationship. It really was easier but then things shift and major change is required. It’s super stressful but required.
With my daughter moving and taking her daughter and her daughter taking her daughter, I find I can no longer live in this house. I just put a door between the family room and hallway to keep the baby safe. We have two tables in the dining room so all of us fit. We have enough chairs in the living room for all the adults.
I could go on. This house, home, echoes with all their voices. We bought it so we could all fit together, and have get togethers with all of us. I will always hear her voice, calling from the front door, I will always see the baby crawling on the floor. I will always be sad in this house.
As soon as possible, we will put the house up for sale, before the end of summer at the lastest, and move. We have begun looking at apartments . I will never buy a house again. I am just too sad at the turn of these events. At my last doctors’ appointment my doctor turned to me and said “you know your husband will die. You need to make plans, soon.”
I plan to sell the house soon. I plan to finish my days in an apartment. I plan to be as little a burden to my son as I can. Those, for now, are my plans.
I could go on. This house, home, echoes with all their voices. We bought it so we could all fit together, and have get togethers with all of us. I will always hear her voice, calling from the front door, I will always see the baby crawling on the floor. I will always be sad in this house.
As soon as possible, we will put the house up for sale, before the end of summer at the lastest, and move. We have begun looking at apartments . I will never buy a house again. I am just too sad at the turn of these events. At my last doctors’ appointment my doctor turned to me and said “you know your husband will die. You need to make plans, soon.”
I plan to sell the house soon. I plan to finish my days in an apartment. I plan to be as little a burden to my son as I can. Those, for now, are my plans.
It’s been since March since I posted and I’m not sure I even remember how, but I have decided to add to the thread. Lol, hate to leave everyone hanging without knowing the end. I’m not even going to try and update the other places I posted on, nor am I reading through this thread at this time, or any other thread I’ve posted.
Having one of those “filled with self pity” moments, unable to sleep or concentrate, trapped still in my stupid life due to my own mistaken choices, I’m back, lol.
Update on the family: they are all doing great! My daughter loves Texas, although why anyone would is beyond me. I have adjusted, somewhat, to her move. In reality we “talk” more now than we did when she just lived 25 miles away. And while I never see her now, I rarely saw her then. She now has seven poodles. El Paso let’s you have as many dogs as you want so she doesn’t have to hide any of them. She has nice neighbors. Just got a new job and seems, despite the usual bumps in the road, to be doing well.
Long story which I won‘t relate since I don’t have enough time left in my life to do so, so very short version. Her idiot daughter moved in with a guy shortly after they hit Texas, took the baby with her of course. When that guy left, as we told her he would, my granddaughter got hit hard with the realities of life. It’s a TV drama show for sure. The result being once again Mom and dad rescue stupid young adult from desperate situation. It was an extremely bad situation, but I’m happy to report not nearly as bad as first represented. My idiot granddaughter and beloved great granddaughter are safely back home with mom and dad. Despite early reports from CPS, baby is doing great. Her mom, while not taking good care of herself, took, I would say under the circumstance, excellent care of baby. Baby is now caught up on all her shots and shows no ill effects from the issues that occurred.
The major mistake my granddaughter made was in not contacting her parents right away. As I am the queen of bad choices, I am not faulting her for those mistakes. (Also I was a single mother at the same age my granddaughter is. Although, I was married, left, and then divorced. The end result was the same extreme poverty, no choices, but no CPS involvement, but things were different so long ago. And I did call my mother-long story.). Anyway, I realize the desperation and struggles my granddaughter faced. I did not have supportive parents who would have come when called. I remind my daughter several times that granddaughter was well taken care of.
Ok, let me see if I can post this.
Having one of those “filled with self pity” moments, unable to sleep or concentrate, trapped still in my stupid life due to my own mistaken choices, I’m back, lol.
Update on the family: they are all doing great! My daughter loves Texas, although why anyone would is beyond me. I have adjusted, somewhat, to her move. In reality we “talk” more now than we did when she just lived 25 miles away. And while I never see her now, I rarely saw her then. She now has seven poodles. El Paso let’s you have as many dogs as you want so she doesn’t have to hide any of them. She has nice neighbors. Just got a new job and seems, despite the usual bumps in the road, to be doing well.
Long story which I won‘t relate since I don’t have enough time left in my life to do so, so very short version. Her idiot daughter moved in with a guy shortly after they hit Texas, took the baby with her of course. When that guy left, as we told her he would, my granddaughter got hit hard with the realities of life. It’s a TV drama show for sure. The result being once again Mom and dad rescue stupid young adult from desperate situation. It was an extremely bad situation, but I’m happy to report not nearly as bad as first represented. My idiot granddaughter and beloved great granddaughter are safely back home with mom and dad. Despite early reports from CPS, baby is doing great. Her mom, while not taking good care of herself, took, I would say under the circumstance, excellent care of baby. Baby is now caught up on all her shots and shows no ill effects from the issues that occurred.
The major mistake my granddaughter made was in not contacting her parents right away. As I am the queen of bad choices, I am not faulting her for those mistakes. (Also I was a single mother at the same age my granddaughter is. Although, I was married, left, and then divorced. The end result was the same extreme poverty, no choices, but no CPS involvement, but things were different so long ago. And I did call my mother-long story.). Anyway, I realize the desperation and struggles my granddaughter faced. I did not have supportive parents who would have come when called. I remind my daughter several times that granddaughter was well taken care of.
Ok, let me see if I can post this.
My oldest son, after his open heart surgery, is doing great. He is back to hiking, working, normal life. Went to Canada on a trip with his girlfriend/significant other, and agreed to stop to see his grandmother (my mother) who is 95. She still lives in a senior complex by herself. Still as mean as ever according to my brother.
I call him occasionally now, and while he never calls me, he has at least started accepting my calls. This way I can check on mother without ever having to talk to her which is a blessing. She hasn’t called me in a couple of months, maybe longer. YAY. Hopefully she has forgotten I exist. But I did just send her a birthday card, sigh. She’ll probably call.
I still take my son with DS out every Saturday. Having a lot of stomach issues, and problems eating, when he noticed I wasn’t eating my fries he said: “do you need help with those?” Lol. Yup, here you go. Also see my other disabled son, who did not spend Christmas this year in the hospital-first time that happened in a long time. Gotta count the little blessings.
Hmm, I think I mentioned I rehomed the puppy I bought. Still have Koda our standard poodle. Sent him to board and train to try and get him to retrieve. They finally resorted to force fetch techniques-the dreaded ear pinch and toe pinch. His response was everyone could go pound sand. He dropped the item in his mouth, laid down on the training table, and refused to move. (Takes after my husband). After two months we brought him back home, and he made it clear that if we wanted something picked up from the floor we better do it ourselves or not drop it in the first place. Oh, well. Trainers remarked that he was the most stubborn dog they had ever worked with. Again, reminds me of my husband.
As for me, long story. House sold, very stressful, moved to apartment which husband hates and, as usual, made my life miserable. He decided to buy new house, very stressful search, and finally supposed to close on Friday. But I am reviewing my options or at least pretending to myself that I have options to review, but more on that later.
Had the FNB test for thyroid cancer, been avoiding it for years. Sigh. Had the ultrasound, told I had cancer. Saw the specialist who said it was cancer. Had the truly awful and painful FNB test, not cancer. I have started to refuse a great many medical tests, after this silliness I am inclined to refuse them all. Oh well.
I call him occasionally now, and while he never calls me, he has at least started accepting my calls. This way I can check on mother without ever having to talk to her which is a blessing. She hasn’t called me in a couple of months, maybe longer. YAY. Hopefully she has forgotten I exist. But I did just send her a birthday card, sigh. She’ll probably call.
I still take my son with DS out every Saturday. Having a lot of stomach issues, and problems eating, when he noticed I wasn’t eating my fries he said: “do you need help with those?” Lol. Yup, here you go. Also see my other disabled son, who did not spend Christmas this year in the hospital-first time that happened in a long time. Gotta count the little blessings.
Hmm, I think I mentioned I rehomed the puppy I bought. Still have Koda our standard poodle. Sent him to board and train to try and get him to retrieve. They finally resorted to force fetch techniques-the dreaded ear pinch and toe pinch. His response was everyone could go pound sand. He dropped the item in his mouth, laid down on the training table, and refused to move. (Takes after my husband). After two months we brought him back home, and he made it clear that if we wanted something picked up from the floor we better do it ourselves or not drop it in the first place. Oh, well. Trainers remarked that he was the most stubborn dog they had ever worked with. Again, reminds me of my husband.
As for me, long story. House sold, very stressful, moved to apartment which husband hates and, as usual, made my life miserable. He decided to buy new house, very stressful search, and finally supposed to close on Friday. But I am reviewing my options or at least pretending to myself that I have options to review, but more on that later.
Had the FNB test for thyroid cancer, been avoiding it for years. Sigh. Had the ultrasound, told I had cancer. Saw the specialist who said it was cancer. Had the truly awful and painful FNB test, not cancer. I have started to refuse a great many medical tests, after this silliness I am inclined to refuse them all. Oh well.
Life can be so hard, as we all know. The great Toilet Paper shortage of 2020 reminds me of the sugar shortage when I was in my 20’s. There really wasn’t a shortage, but people created one with panic buying. Sigh. Even then I rarely baked so I didn’t care, but, sheesh, I need toilet paper.
I am not afraid of the virus, nor of dying; but became overwhelmingly sad yesterday when the group home called and said due to a declared State of emergency in Utah by the governor, J, as an at risk person, would not be allowed to attend sheltered workshop. But must stay home.
My husband and I fall into the high risk category due to age and disability. My three surviving sons and daughter are high risk for health reasons as is my only bio granddaughter. Sigh. The virus could destroy my entire family.
I am not staying home. I am not afraid. I am washing my hands as always. I am faithful to the God I believe in and realize this is just a stupid virus. But I am saddened at the threat to my family, as are many others. Meanwhile, if I could just find some regular toilet paper—-
I am not afraid of the virus, nor of dying; but became overwhelmingly sad yesterday when the group home called and said due to a declared State of emergency in Utah by the governor, J, as an at risk person, would not be allowed to attend sheltered workshop. But must stay home.
My husband and I fall into the high risk category due to age and disability. My three surviving sons and daughter are high risk for health reasons as is my only bio granddaughter. Sigh. The virus could destroy my entire family.
I am not staying home. I am not afraid. I am washing my hands as always. I am faithful to the God I believe in and realize this is just a stupid virus. But I am saddened at the threat to my family, as are many others. Meanwhile, if I could just find some regular toilet paper—-
Aunt Bea
SF VIP
- Location
- Near Mount Pilot
I'm not overly concerned about the virus I'm staying out of the way so that I don't end up contributing to the problem or becoming a burden on others.
Good luck to you and your family.
"Call on God but row away from the rocks!"
"Trust in Allah but do not forget to tie the camel!"
Good luck to you and your family.
"Call on God but row away from the rocks!"
"Trust in Allah but do not forget to tie the camel!"
As usual, my body continues to break down. My shoulder started to hurt three weeks ago, thought it was the packing. Went to the doctor the other day who thinks I’ve torn my rotator cup. Oh, goody. She sends me to the “special doctor“. Who, looks over my many health issues, and says “we certainly don’t want to do surgery on you”.
Yup, been here done this. I will give you a shot with the longest needle I can find. Put it in the wrong place the first time. Pull it out and shove it in a hopefully less painful spot (it wasn't’), but the right place, at least. And shove the med in. Then order PT for three weeks.
If, in three weeks your shoulder is not better or the PT is too painful, I will order an MRI. Nope, not doing an MRI, will do an ultrasound. Ok, he says. I will order an ultrasound and we will go from there. But recovery from this surgery, if you have it, will be long.
Hmm, will it be longer than having an extremely painful, useless shoulder for the rest of my remaining life? I don’t think so, but that’s just my opinion having not been to medical school, uneducated little old me.
I use the rest room on the way out. They have toilet paper. Wonder if I could pry some out and hide it in my walker. Would I get arrested if I get caught? Would I rot in hell? Would I have to confess the toilet paper crime to a priest? Hmm, I leave it behind. Too much risk, too little paper.
As a side note, there is a nursing station on the way in to every clinic and hospital that our medical plan has. You are required to stop and sanitize your hands. (There is not one by the restrooms. Feel free to not wash after gaining entrance and using the above. Maybe we should do this in rebellion for them buying up all the toilet paper, and leaving none for our houses.)
On the way out you are required to once again sanitize your hands, leaving behind in the clinic the germs you may have gotten there. Lol. The stupidity of it all. IMO.
Yup, been here done this. I will give you a shot with the longest needle I can find. Put it in the wrong place the first time. Pull it out and shove it in a hopefully less painful spot (it wasn't’), but the right place, at least. And shove the med in. Then order PT for three weeks.
If, in three weeks your shoulder is not better or the PT is too painful, I will order an MRI. Nope, not doing an MRI, will do an ultrasound. Ok, he says. I will order an ultrasound and we will go from there. But recovery from this surgery, if you have it, will be long.
Hmm, will it be longer than having an extremely painful, useless shoulder for the rest of my remaining life? I don’t think so, but that’s just my opinion having not been to medical school, uneducated little old me.
I use the rest room on the way out. They have toilet paper. Wonder if I could pry some out and hide it in my walker. Would I get arrested if I get caught? Would I rot in hell? Would I have to confess the toilet paper crime to a priest? Hmm, I leave it behind. Too much risk, too little paper.
As a side note, there is a nursing station on the way in to every clinic and hospital that our medical plan has. You are required to stop and sanitize your hands. (There is not one by the restrooms. Feel free to not wash after gaining entrance and using the above. Maybe we should do this in rebellion for them buying up all the toilet paper, and leaving none for our houses.)
On the way out you are required to once again sanitize your hands, leaving behind in the clinic the germs you may have gotten there. Lol. The stupidity of it all. IMO.
Last edited:
I’ve eaten way too much today. My stomach will make me suffer for it. But such a frustrating week! Eating helps keep me sane. But the Gastroparesis is getting worst and the diarrhea I’ve had for two years, due to the laxatives for the Gastroparesis, whin.
My husband settled on this house giving many, what I knew to be false promises, but in the end I caved. And right away, my savings were gone, again, and we are again in debt. While we didn’t redo wiring we had to replace all the electrical sockets in the house and add a few outlets.
The rest of the needed outlets are difficult to add and extremely expensive. We had to fix and upgrade the outside box and replace the inside electrical box which was actually a small outside electrical box which was wired wrong. The house is now safe from an electrical fire as far as I know.
We fixed all the plumbing in the kitchen-we thought. Expensive and they left a clog in the kitchen sink. We will not use them again-this project is put on hold. We need to fix the HVAC and add air conditioning-this project is put on hold.
My husband settled on this house giving many, what I knew to be false promises, but in the end I caved. And right away, my savings were gone, again, and we are again in debt. While we didn’t redo wiring we had to replace all the electrical sockets in the house and add a few outlets.
The rest of the needed outlets are difficult to add and extremely expensive. We had to fix and upgrade the outside box and replace the inside electrical box which was actually a small outside electrical box which was wired wrong. The house is now safe from an electrical fire as far as I know.
We fixed all the plumbing in the kitchen-we thought. Expensive and they left a clog in the kitchen sink. We will not use them again-this project is put on hold. We need to fix the HVAC and add air conditioning-this project is put on hold.
The removal of the fifty foot tree was expensive, frustrating, and aggravating. My husband, who decided he would be in charge of everything was not able to cope and has continued to make wrong decisions, because for 48 years I did it all.
He thought because “I could do it, it was simple“. He has very little respect for me. It’s not, as many woman know simple, to get servicemen. His tree guy didn’t show up. I knew he wouldn’t. It was valentine’s day, lol, that guy was not going to come. And he didn‘t.
I choose the next tree guy who came out on time, gave an estimate, came the next week, removed the tree, and some over the fence line branches on the other side. The stump was taken out the next day. Except the stump was in the fence, and the fence was ruined removing the tree. Sigh.
My tree guy knew a fence guy-of course he did. Its a small job and you can get serviceman for small jobs on Saturday and Sunday. Utah is booming in house growth-7th in the nation, I think. The fence guy came, used the same posts, three foot fence, and a gate on the other side.
But while even on the top, it’s short on the bottom due to uneven ground. Sigh. Uneven because the stupid tree was a Chinese elm. All the sucker trees, along the fence, had to be pulled out, increasing the problem. Both his dogs, and ours, can get under the fence. We have to fix this.
But we can’t. Because we are running store to store buying the essentials to keep us alive. Will I be sad if I catch the virus. Nope.
He thought because “I could do it, it was simple“. He has very little respect for me. It’s not, as many woman know simple, to get servicemen. His tree guy didn’t show up. I knew he wouldn’t. It was valentine’s day, lol, that guy was not going to come. And he didn‘t.
I choose the next tree guy who came out on time, gave an estimate, came the next week, removed the tree, and some over the fence line branches on the other side. The stump was taken out the next day. Except the stump was in the fence, and the fence was ruined removing the tree. Sigh.
My tree guy knew a fence guy-of course he did. Its a small job and you can get serviceman for small jobs on Saturday and Sunday. Utah is booming in house growth-7th in the nation, I think. The fence guy came, used the same posts, three foot fence, and a gate on the other side.
But while even on the top, it’s short on the bottom due to uneven ground. Sigh. Uneven because the stupid tree was a Chinese elm. All the sucker trees, along the fence, had to be pulled out, increasing the problem. Both his dogs, and ours, can get under the fence. We have to fix this.
But we can’t. Because we are running store to store buying the essentials to keep us alive. Will I be sad if I catch the virus. Nope.
The roots of the tree extend under the narrow walkway next to the house. At one end, the widest part of the walkway, the cement has lifted. This makes the sidewalk drain all the water down to the backdoor which, since it’s level with the sidewalk, will cause flooding into the house.
Gee, lovely. So we bought a thing to slip on the bottom of the door to help prevent flooding, and we will have to remove all this sidewalk and redo it before winter. Hoped to get it done before spring but not happening.
Shopping again today, got enough distilled water now for a month. This is a big relief. Son asked if we could find hand wipes-nope. No TP. Got some canned potatoes, beets, peas, and chili. Oh, and corn. No green beans. But Winco had ramen which was exciting to some shoppers.
It is interesting to see some which stores are out of what stuff, while other stores have plenty. Saw some bread shortages at some stores but plenty at others. We don’t eat much bread but have four loafs in the freezer for J as he eats a loaf a week. Need to go check on my other son today.
A CNN projection today said that if was possible for a million people in the US to die of the virus in thirty days. Ugh. This reporting fuels the panic. The neighbor of my son’s boss tested positive for the virus. Since my son was in contact with his boss, he is at risk. But neither my son nor his boss can get tested.
Meanwhile we go about our lives as usual. Wipe our hands after shopping, wash throughly when we get home, but the reality is, like the flu, if you are going to get it-you will. I had the flu shot, yet I had the flu. It is what it is. Daughter says no bananas in her area. I hate bananas. Lol.
Now, hopefully I can get more TP at some point. Lol.
Gee, lovely. So we bought a thing to slip on the bottom of the door to help prevent flooding, and we will have to remove all this sidewalk and redo it before winter. Hoped to get it done before spring but not happening.
Shopping again today, got enough distilled water now for a month. This is a big relief. Son asked if we could find hand wipes-nope. No TP. Got some canned potatoes, beets, peas, and chili. Oh, and corn. No green beans. But Winco had ramen which was exciting to some shoppers.
It is interesting to see some which stores are out of what stuff, while other stores have plenty. Saw some bread shortages at some stores but plenty at others. We don’t eat much bread but have four loafs in the freezer for J as he eats a loaf a week. Need to go check on my other son today.
A CNN projection today said that if was possible for a million people in the US to die of the virus in thirty days. Ugh. This reporting fuels the panic. The neighbor of my son’s boss tested positive for the virus. Since my son was in contact with his boss, he is at risk. But neither my son nor his boss can get tested.
Meanwhile we go about our lives as usual. Wipe our hands after shopping, wash throughly when we get home, but the reality is, like the flu, if you are going to get it-you will. I had the flu shot, yet I had the flu. It is what it is. Daughter says no bananas in her area. I hate bananas. Lol.
Now, hopefully I can get more TP at some point. Lol.
I ordered TP on Amazon - 36 triple-ply rolls for $29.95. Free shipping in 5 days.
I tried to order for a friend today - no luck.