Memories of my challenging life-good, bad, and whatever, lol

In truth, buying this house was like buying the previous house with him, a pronouncement, I am buying this house-I hate the apartment. I had the choice of moving to the house or the street. Hmm.

During the move my dresser got broken. Both of our dressers are the same, but mine was the one that got scratched up and two drawers broken. We were able to get two new drawers from ikea but since they are a little different they don’t close right. One of my bookcases was broke well.

All but three of my dragons from my collection were broken. Some of my stuff went missing although I packed it all and have no ideal (well some ideal) what happened to it. This has happened every time we move. I’ve learned not to get attached to stuff.

Anyway, one of the reasons he said we needed to move was so I could have an office, cause I have to sort and file the paperwork, and I‘ve wanted a place to spread out and do my genealogy, and get my computer out of my bedroom. I hadn’t finished unpacking, just got to the study when the virus hit.

And now he works at home, in my study. A small room, which is why is wanted a 4 bedroom not a 3. He has the largest bedroom, the accessible shower, and easy access to the laundry room, because, as he said yesterday I got the other two bedrooms. Sigh. But I don’t.

It will take me two days to move my stuff out of the study and crunch it into my bedroom. I am doing that now. Can’t have my computer chair, he needs that, can’t have my computer table, it won’t fit into my bedroom. Can’t have the new bookcase I bought, he will take that.

Trapped, always trapped. Have to take the door off my bedroom to fit a bookcase in. Put my small dresser in my closet. had to put planting my flowers on hold, since he decided not to, but I can’t do it today since I have to move my stuff. Can’t use my computer till I get a longer cord.

😩
 

Aneeda72 said:
What a day yesterday. J called he needs bread, oatmeal, and a couple other things since we planned on shopping yesterday anyway, np. Then he calls again. Oh cheese. What kind of cheese. Both kinds. Sigh.

Conversations with J on the phone can be painful. Do you want shredded cheese? Yes, and American. K. Go shopping. And yay, Winco had wipes, one to a customers. Get everything need and go to the Winco on the other side of town.

They have wipes as well. Two to a customer, we get two of each kind. We are set, take the stuff to J, plus more canned goods that we had bought earlier. Go home and start working on the garden. Sigh. J calls at 5 in the evening. He is out of distilled water. Wait. Took him a new bottle three days ago.

He can’t possibly be out. As I question him on the phone he just gets more and more upset. Sigh. I call the director, and she has the nerve to tell me he probably did something with it. He’s been on the machine since he was 10 years old. Never had a problem 23 years and now, all of a sudden, one bottle disappears and the water is all gone from the other.

I have to hang up the phone before I explode. I do I tell her I am calling unified, I’m calling adult protection supervision, and I am 😤. Grab another bottle of distilled water, cause they aren’t going to go get him one, and take it to J.

Also steamed at him, he should have told me earlier he was out of water. I tell the aid to put the water in the locked room, and only staff is to touch it. The director has gotten hold of the social worker and they are also going to chart when they put it into the machine to see how much is used every day.

OMGosh. The machine takes a half gallon a month, always has, give me a break. When we get him on Saturday, we are going to take a picture of home much water is left in this bottle. We start to leave and J says he’s out of milk. Sigh. Of course.

We go to the gas station, get gas and MILK, take the milk to J. Go back home. Called son who convinces me not to call unified or adult protection supervision and see how the tracking goes. We will see.
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Aneeda,

I'm curious about the group home and how it operates.

Is this a temporary situation due to the virus.

Do they normally work with J and his housemates to do their own shopping, anticipate their needs, budget, etc...

It seems like that should all be part of an independent group home situation in an effort to wean these folks away from as much family support as possible.

I know it sounds cold and I don't mean it that way I'm just curious as to what if anything they do to prepare these kids for an independent future.

Thanks, B
 
Hmm, they used to put everyone who was mentally retarded or disabled in a state hospital. Then they stopped this practice, time line varied from state to state, except for those that needed a hospital setting. Which would be very medically needed, very aggressive, or sexually inappropriate.

The group homes are cheaper. Think of a group home as assisted living, or government housing for seniors. Once in, you usually don’t leave; but you can change organizations and therefore, houses.

They are state and federally funded. They are not due to the virus. You have a disabled child by whatever means. At birth in our state, if you are smart and knowledgeable, you sign up for a group home. We signed J up when he was 7 So he would have a spot available. Now it’s best to sign up at birth.

Anyway, group homes are independent living situations. If you could live on your own, you wouldn’t need a group home. Disabled children become disabled adults. I remember when this one kid came to live at J’s first group home. He simply sat on the floor.

He had Downs Syndrome, like J. His mom had died. She hadn’t prepared him to leave home. He missed her so much. He didn‘t understand. A year later they finally got him to sit in a chair. J saw his brother leave and his sister leave. He was prepared and wanted to go.

At the first home, they did everything for them. It was easier for the staff, and J lost many skills. In his current home he does most everything himself. He is learning to cook and asked for a cookbook for Xmas. He has two male roommates. Staff is at the house 24/7. He pays rent on the house and they split expenses except food. Each guy gets food stamps.

Normally he goes to sheltered workshop and works 3 times a week at a restaurant. But he is considered high risk and must stay home until everyone is back to work. He is taken shopping and is quite the shopper.
 

Happy to answer any other questions. You can google group homes and probably get better explanations
 
Aneeda72 said:
Hmm, they used to put everyone who was mentally retarded or disabled in a state hospital. Then they stopped this practice, time line varied from state to state, except for those that needed a hospital setting. Which would be very medically needed, very aggressive, or sexually inappropriate.

The group homes are cheaper. Think of a group home as assisted living, or government housing for seniors. Once in, you usually don’t leave; but you can change organizations and therefore, houses.

They are state and federally funded. They are not due to the virus. You have a disabled child by whatever means. At birth in our state, if you are smart and knowledgeable, you sign up for a group home. We signed J up when he was 7 So he would have a spot available. Now it’s best to sign up at birth.

Anyway, group homes are independent living situations. If you could live on your own, you wouldn’t need a group home. Disabled children become disabled adults. I remember when this one kid came to live at J’s first group home. He simply sat on the floor.

He had Downs Syndrome, like J. His mom had died. She hadn’t prepared him to leave home. He missed her so much. He didn‘t understand. A year later they finally got him to sit in a chair. J saw his brother leave and his sister leave. He was prepared and wanted to go.

At the first home, they did everything for them. It was easier for the staff, and J lost many skills. In his current home he does most everything himself. He is learning to cook and asked for a cookbook for Xmas. He has two male roommates. Staff is at the house 24/7. He pays rent on the house and they split expenses except food. Each guy gets food stamps.

Normally he goes to sheltered workshop and works 3 times a week at a restaurant. But he is considered high risk and must stay home until everyone is back to work. He is taken shopping and is quite the shopper.
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Thanks.

That is pretty much how it works in my area.
 
Got most of my stuff moved , lol, hardly enough room to walk through my room. Now I am tired. Have to buy a curtain to put up for a door. Had to put a bookcase where the door opened.
 
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I a, thinking about putting up a double barn door to cover my bedroom and the hall bathroom. The bathroom is small, if I remove the door I can put a hamper in their for towels.

Since I removed bookcases from the living room to use in my room, I now have to rearrange the entire living room. So tired, a woman’s work is never done.
 
Can’t sleep. I remember so many times waiting for my boys when they had surgeries, waiting when they had pneumonias, waiting always waiting to see if they would live or die. Trying not to be mad at the worker who put so many lives at risk.

But if my kid has the virus, yup I’ll be more than mad.
 
I find that I am just sad about so many things it’s almost overwhelming, I think the news about T has pushed me over my limit of bad news. 😔. Still waiting for those results.

Anyway, spent yesterday moving my things out of my study and making it into his study. I guess it’s good some of my stuff disappeared or got broke in the move since my bedroom is small. Crunching it all in. Later I will put stuff on my computer genealogy program, take a few months, and throw notebooks and paper away which will give me more room.

So far he’s broke every promise/agreement he made to me in regards to getting me to agree to buy this house. Typical. Also returned some plants that I bought. He took last week off to work on the back yard and finish it. Told him it wouldn’t happen, it didn’t.

He got a small area done. Got the dog run moved which was important, but with the mood I’m in I don’t even want the puppies. Also got the living room cleaned, kitchen and dining room are next. Oldest son came over, and true to his word, mowed our laws. WOW, so impressed that he did this.

Saved us from buy a lawnmower, eventually there will be no grass. We are both allergic to grass. Well, more housework, more stuff to move, better get to it.
 
Really bad tummy ache today, pretty sure it’s due to the issue with T. His test was negative, so now we wait for 14 days to see if he gets sick. So crazy!

Pretty much have everything moved and rearranged. Put a curtain across my door so I have privacy. Next summer I hope to put a double barn door up. One for my bedroom and the other for the hall bathroom which is small
 
I am so cold all the time, just freezing so I look on line and yup it’s my fibromyalgia. I’m not sure if I have flares any more or just fibromyalgia with a few lesser symptoms every now and then. This pain on top of all the other pain makes it impossible to function lately.

Even if the virus weren’t here I would be unable to go out. Ugh. At least I got the puppies all set with their shots. But I am getting really tired of tv, seen all the movies I want to see, and since my computer cord came last night I can now play my computer game.

But I really want to be outside. Husband rented the tool to break the concrete up next to our house and will be doing that shortly. Hopefully he won’t break the house, but with him, yup, it could happen.
 
My son is happy. They got a 4th roommate today who has DS as well. My other son is still in lockdown. Got a shopping list from him popcorn, cake, and hamburgers-the essentials of life.

I don’t feel well today, think I had a TIA, really off balance, bit hard to walk, and a crappy headache. Also ankles are swollen, chest hurts, so my heart failure is alive and well. Did not sleep last night either. Ugh. Been sitting on my butt too much.

The small retaining wall husband is building is looking really good. I asked him what he wanted to do with the rest of the yard. He is undecided. Rocks delivery is tomorrow, can not wait to get them put in the dog run. The boys will be cleaner.

Both go to grooming tomorrow for a haircut, 😂, too bad I can’t get one.
 
So yesterday evening I settled down in my room to watch tv and play my computer game. It’s 8 pm and I only got 2 hours sleep last night but can’t sleep due to a variety of issues. My husband walks into the room, panicked look on his face, and announces he has to go to the ER. Sigh.

Why? There’s blood in the toilet. Sigh. Why is it that bleeding scares him so much? A year ago a vein popped in his lower leg after a shower, blood everywhere. Call the paramedics he screams, I bleeding. Sigh. Why can’t he call his own paramedics? Paramedics came, couldn’t even find a hole anywhere.

Bleeding stopped, told him he didn’t need to go to the hospital. Yup, he insisted, I took him. He was fine. Before then a hemorrhoid, bled a little, yup, ER. Sigh. Can’t it wait, I asked him. Nope, it’s a lot of blood. Sigh. Yup, off to the ER.

I drop him off, son will bring him home. They can’t find anything wrong. Son brings him home. If it happens again, come back. 🙄. The man can not stand the sight of his own blood. 😂.
 
Quite the day today, today.

Oldest son told us he may have to have another more dangerous open heart surgery. I have to wonder if that is why he has become more available in helping us with back yard. I don’t think I could survive a fourth son dying before I do. It just adds to my sadness and worry. I assume his return to work order will be May 18.

Second son has gotten the all clear the virus. Social worker asked is he could return to work on May 18. I hate it that our state is opening up with the virus on the rise, but it doesn’t matter since most are ignoring the stay at home, where masks when you go out orders anyway. 2769 cases with 29 deaths in our county, 5317 cases 50 deaths in state.

I told the worker, it was up to our son as long as the risks were explained and he wore a mask if he could tolerate doing so. While he is extremely physically disabled, he is slow normal medically and can made his own decisions. Therefore, I have to let him. Like any adult his wishes would overrule mine anyway.

Third son, might be able to return to his work on May 18 as well. He must wear a mask and I’ll ask about social distancing. His lung issues may him high risk but he is anxious to go after being home for 6 weeks. I have more control of him since I have guardianship of him. But I can’t require the company to continue to keep him a home when the stay at home order is lifted.

My husband‘s stay at him order will be lifted May 18. He’s already been notified. I’ve told him to get a note from his doctor to continue to work at home, he qualifies to continue to do so. But so far has refused.

I had my appointment with the ortho who is sending me to the surgeon. He greatly doubts I will be able to have surgery even though they have starting doing elective surgeries again. He is not sure a surgery will help my shoulder enough to be warranted due to the risk caused by my preexsisted conditions.

But since I survived hip replacement I think that argument is uncalled for. However, they might make me go to a major hospital for the surgery as they did for my hip. The place these doctors work at is an orth hospital, not a surgery center, but I am too high risk for it. Patients who die affect the doctors “stats”, it makes them more cautious. The larger hospital puts me at more risk because of the virus patients. Sigh.

The stupid large skin tear keeps me wakes me up at night due to pain. Why do things hurt so much more at night? I wish one of these doctors had done an X-ray to make sure the bone was ok. Even a large skin tear should not hurt this much. Stupid thing continues to leak blood, and some of the skin is starting to die.

I hope it dies and doesn’t rot. I had the skin on one tear rot. It was really disgusting. I notice that a small skin tear on my haNd is not healing. The hand always takes much longer for some reason. Plus the arthritis in my fingers of that hand is getting worst, more painful, and more crippling, going to ask for an X-ray of it.
 
Things are starting to open. We have such trouble with on line ordering we’ve only got fast food when out and about. Today we got philly state sandwiches at our favorite place. Husband went inside, ordered, and we ate it nice and hot in the parking lot, sitting in our car under a shade tree.

While seating was available inside, not doing that till cases stop rising in our area. The cases are much higher than reported, since cases on Indian reservations are not reported as ours even though they are in our state. They are considered on federal land and not state.

Got more veggies in this afternoon. Bought some on sale roses, going back tomorrow for more hope they are still there. Will have to pay delivery fee to have more rocks delivered. Son has been using the trailer and bringing them over. With his heart info, we are stopping that.

We are considering rehoming one of our puppies. But for now we have sectioned the dog run into two sections. The older by two month pup,Aussie, sometimes beats the crap out of Henry. I’ve got to use the hose on Aussie to stop it. Lately, he grabs Henry’s collar and chokes him from behind.

Aussie gets very upset if he thinks we are taking them into the house and starts a fight to be first in line to leave the dog run. But Aussie is first into the dog run in the morning, and last out at night. Getting him in is easy. He will run out the house, sit by the gate, and go in since he gets a treat.

Coming out is hard and Aussie chooses the freedom over the yard over a treat so he must be leashed. Trying to leash up both dogs is nearly impossible with both attempting to escape the dog run and play chase the puppy. The addition of the fighting makes it nearly impossible.

Tomorrow I will put the e-collar on Aussie and start training him. Aussie is under the impression he is the boss. He is not. I am the boss. As soon as it is warm enough, he will be sent to board and train if they open again. Big surprise for him. 😂.

They are both good dogs, too smart, too strong willed, and in for a surprise. Couple more weeks and I will order an e-collar for Henry. While Aussie is very treat trainable, Henry is not due to his tummy issues and his lack of interest in treats. Hopefully I stay well enough to train them. It’s been an issue lately and two pups is probably one too many.
 
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Well, we still have both pups.

I have to see my doctor Friday, ugh. My doctor appointments are 2-3 hours long, hate going in. Why she just wouldn’t prescribe the medicine I wanted is beyond me. Plus she wants to check the wound, even though another doctor just checked it.

It is still leaking blood, waking me up at night, and i think the skin will all die as it has bubbles under it.

I have a butterfly rash on my face as well. Last time that occurred I had to be hospitalized. Yeah, that’s not happening. Oh, well, back to the gardening.
 
So today has started out good, I can actually see my ankles, the swelling, from water weight, has gone down. Legs are more comfortable.

The wound on my arm is getting better. My bandage didn’t stick this morning and hardly any blood on it so it is healing. Still aches a lot. The ends haven’t closed together. Sigh. Still sure that I will lose the skin. Oh, well, what’s another scar.
 
It is a sad day. We decided to rehome our puppy. It is unfair for such an active dog to be saddled with two older inactive people. I paid quite a bit for him for it took a while for my husband to come around. I think my husband forgets some time that I have my own money.

We seem to want dogs, but be unable to keep dogs. I actually talked about this to my doctor and no one will like her answer, I didn’t. Anyway, I take very good care of his shots, just had him fixed, and have taken him to the local humane society where they can find him a more appropriate home.

We kept Aussie who has less poodle in him. He is very treat motivated and able to calm himself down quite quickly. Plus we are one dog people, we just have to face that fact. Two dogs is one dog too many.

I am writing this here, so whenever I think I can have a second dog, I remember I CAN NOT! It is not fair to the dog. I can not afford it. And it always ends up badly!!
 
Aussie, our remaining puppy is doing well. I think after the excitement of having a brother wore off, like many children he realized he didn’t want a brother after all. 😂. I miss Henry but he was a very needy puppy and very vocal. I don’t miss his high pitched whine.

I finally put four people on ignore. I hated to do it, I really did. I enjoy talking to people and learning their points of view. But, due to my background, I tend to endure and put up with a lot of abuse. I seem to attract abusive people like chum attracts sharks. I am trying to change this aspect of my personality.

I assumed they wouldn’t let me go easily. I was right. I assumed they would make comments about me on the forum. I was right. This behavior, of theirs, reassures me that I have made the correct decision in doing this.

I have read nothing of theirs since I put them on ignore. After all, when I left the forum for a while because of someone, I wasn’t reading or posting anything, that was “running away” as @win231 remarked. I refuse to do that again.

Maybe instead of acting like a five year old @win231, I’m acting like an adult. 🤔😄
 
Another word on the ignore function. While it doesn’t show you what someone said, it does give you a choice to see what someone has written. This is silly to me, if I wanted to see what someone was writing on a thread I was on, I wouldn’t have put them on ignore.

I have not and will not look at what anyone I have on ignore has written. Ever. If I look at it, I might be tempted to respond and then, once again, I am engaged in useless back and forth conversations with people I have already decided not to “speak” with or listen to.

I have never been a curious person. It was hard at first, but as time goes by it is less and less hard. I just wish the people I put on ignore would put me on ignore. But I have no way of knowing whether or not they have. 😂. Oh well.
 
1807 law Invoked. Almost speechless. More blah, blah, blah from our leaders. People think he won’t do it, I hope he doesn’t do it. But I think he will do it. Called my entire family, told them all to stay in until we see what happens.
 
Interesting enough one of my posts was edited because I mentioned the name of a person that I ignored. 🤔 I’ve seen this is a common practice on the forum, to let people know you are ignoring them, how else would they know? I mean Pecos told me he was putting me on ignore.

I thanked him for telling me. I wish there was a way to see a list of people who have you on ignore. That would be interesting, or maybe there is a list and I just don’t know how to look at it. Also, it would let you know who not to waste your time responding to.

In any event, I don‘t disagree with the moderator‘s decision. I didn’t go back and search for the post that was edited. I assume they complained, maybe they didn’t. I don’t care either way.

What I don’t understand is why they care so much that I am ignoring them. They certainly must realize why I put them on ignore. I am mildly curious, but not curious enough to have a look, 😂. I think since I put them on ignore, I should, well, ignore them.

Therefore, it was my mistake to mention their name, since I acknowledged whoever it was. A hard habit to break, not to acknowledge someone. The moderators decision was correct. I will be extra careful in the future to not do this again. It is a learning curve.

Duh me. I have to correct my post once I reread an alert.
 
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I am convinced that the aliens landed in the back yard, kidnapped my husband. He’s been great for about 3 weeks now. After my doctor appointment I had to go home, and take a pain pill for my hip. I can walk less and less. He went to Costco on his own.

He walks in the door with flowers. FLOWERS, for our anniversary this month. FLOWERS. Who is this guy? I can count on two hands the times he’s bought me flowers. Baby’s breathe, carnations pink and red, daisies in a white basket. WOW, just WOW. Even when I was in the hospital for two and half weeks in 2018 he didn’t buy me flowers.

It’s great. But, you know, the sudden change in personality, while for the better, is a bit worrisome. Should I be worried? Idk. But I love the flowers.
 
So it is also my birthday month, he very rarely gets me a present but he does usually
say happy birthday. He comes home from getting a few groceries, stops in front of me, and says “it’s your birthday”.

Yup.

“Did you want something for your birthday?” He asked. I look at him. “What would you like for your birthday?”

“A divorce“. 😂. He walks away. Ah, yes, another year in paradise has gone by. 🤦🏻‍♀️
 
Aneeda72 said:
I am convinced that the aliens landed in the back yard, kidnapped my husband. He’s been great for about 3 weeks now. After my doctor appointment I had to go home, and take a pain pill for my hip. I can walk less and less. He went to Costco on his own.

He walks in the door with flowers. FLOWERS, for our anniversary this month. FLOWERS. Who is this guy? I can count on two hands the times he’s bought me flowers. Baby’s breathe, carnations pink and red, daisies in a white basket. WOW, just WOW. Even when I was in the hospital for two and half weeks in 2018 he didn’t buy me flowers.

It’s great. But, you know, the sudden change in personality, while for the better, is a bit worrisome. Should I be worried? Idk. But I love the flowers.
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@Aneeda72 I love Carnations and I do enjoy reading your posts....especially the part about the aliens :ROFLMAO:
 

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