Men Bashing Jokes

JonSR77

Senior Member
yes, I am a guy. And yes, I guess I am betraying the tribe a little. But I am also a former stand-up comedian. And this serves my other tribe, so...there it is...

Question: "Why do female spiders kill their husbands after the wedding night?"

Answer: "They are trying to stop the snoring before it starts...


And more fun Men Bashing jokes at:

(not all G rated, hope that is ok)

https://www.skirsch.com/humor/man_jokes.htm
 

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, & tells his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs & gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."
She looks mad, but fetches another beer & slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer & a few minutes later, says, "Quick, get me another beer...it's going to start any minute."
Now, his wife is really furious. She yells at him: "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer & sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken fat slob, & furthermore......"
The man sighs & says, "It's started."
 
An attorney arrived home late after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed & he was feeling worn out & depressed.
As soon as he arrived home, his wife started yelling at him: "It's midnight....What have you been doing all night......? Where the hell have you been.....? Dinner is cold & I'm not reheating it....!"
Too tired to argue with her, he poured himself a drink & went to take a shower.
His wife followed him to the bathroom, continuing to yell at him. While he was in the shower, the phone rang. It was her husband's office & she was given a message for her husband - that his client, James Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day her husband must have had, she decided to go into the bathroom to give him the good news.
When she opened the bathroom door, her husband had just stepped out of the shower & was drying himself off.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around & screamed, "Dammit woman....don't you ever stop?"
 
yes, I am a guy. And yes, I guess I am betraying the tribe a little. But I am also a former stand-up comedian. And this serves my other tribe, so...there it is...

Question: "Why do female spiders kill their husbands after the wedding night?"

Answer: "They are trying to stop the snoring before it starts...


And more fun Men Bashing jokes at:

(not all G rated, hope that is ok)

https://www.skirsch.com/humor/man_jokes.htm
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
(best one)
 
Women and men are certainly different. This joke illustrates that well, I think.

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop- dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
 
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife. They carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband says, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
 

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