Most irritating attitudes towards seniors?

I think the one thing I think about most when it comes to getting older, is that "how long will I have my independence", specifically, my own home, and belongings surrounding me. Just so many horror stories of folks beng sent off to "strangers" to not just run their life, but do things like bathing etc., strangers. I admit that frightens me. It's also one reason, even though I have more office experience (which isn't getting me a job so far anyway) I would like to care for someone that longs to stay in their own home, own belongings, and just needs someone to stay with them/live with them. I think there must be a lot of folks that could stay in their homes if they just had someone willing to stay and do the things they can't do.

I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy. I am still looking for something, and hoping. I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon. Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do. This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.

I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me;)
 
Gael said:
It's like the whole brainwashing of the media that we are affected by. Nowadays it's young girls especially emulating impossibly thin runway models and developing eating disorders, for example.
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Yes, even watching that silly Cinderfella, I was feelin a tug at my heart like "wow, to have a fairy god-mother, LOL! My brain is saturated with that stuff at 61 years old. It's an ongoing battle to accept reality. I'm just silly enough to still believe in, well, for lack of a better word, miracles.
 
nwlady said:
Yes, even watching that silly Cinderfella, I was feelin a tug at my heart like "wow, to have a fairy god-mother, LOL! My brain is saturated with that stuff at 61 years old. It's an ongoing battle to accept reality. I'm just silly enough to still believe in, well, for lack of a better word, miracles.
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Please, fantasy and I are well acquainted. And I wound up here in the land of the fae and myth. Just feeds it!:crying:
 
I, too, want to take care of myself for as long as I can. But like you, I also would like to be able to stay in my own home with a compatible caregiver.
 
nwlady said:
I think the one thing I think about most when it comes to getting older, is that "how long will I have my independence", specifically, my own home, and belongings surrounding me. Just so many horror stories of folks beng sent off to "strangers" to not just run their life, but do things like bathing etc., strangers. I admit that frightens me. It's also one reason, even though I have more office experience (which isn't getting me a job so far anyway) I would like to care for someone that longs to stay in their own home, own belongings, and just needs someone to stay with them/live with them. I think there must be a lot of folks that could stay in their homes if they just had someone willing to stay and do the things they can't do.

I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy. I am still looking for something, and hoping. I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon. Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do. This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.

I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me;)
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Your concerns are pretty universal, Denise. You're not alone there at all. And I hope things go in the direction you would like and that you find some position doing the sort of carer work you are describing.

They have a carer system here and it's very helpful, though recently they've made cuts there due to the economic downturn.

Here's some links that may be of interest to you:

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/23/home_care_workers_are_not_babysitters/

http://newamericamedia.org/2013/06/...inding-skilled-eldercare-workers-not-easy.php

http://www.indeed.com/q-American-Home-Care-jobs.html
 
Thanks Gael, I will take a peek to see what they are all about. I know things will work out. I am ok where I am living, kind of a barter thing, plus enough cash to get me by. My SS will be here by end of Dec. my birthday. I just anxious to have way more going on in my life, busier. Thanks again;)
 
I try to respect the elderly, as I would like to be respected and treated with dignity when I am old and frail, I would wish to live on my own and not be a bother to my children though so long as I could cope, otherwise I would probably move into a home for the elderly.
I understand that some older folk must be hard to cope with especially if they have Dementia and I feel sorry for the hard times the carers are going through.
 
nwlady said:
I can do a lot, talked about it over and over here, although I would have trouble lifting heavy. I am still looking for something, and hoping. I just applied for another (still waiting for an answer/offer from a Adult Foster Home) that is in Central Oregon. Lord how I don't want to move again, but I have to do what I have to do. This person needs a cook, housekeeper, nothing heavy duty, so I applied because yeah, I would love to help someone like that.

I hope one day I might be able to "first" be able to care for myself a long, long time, but when I need a little help, it would be nice to be able to stay at home, and have the "right" kind of helper live with me;)
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I hope you're able to find a good position helping someone out like that Nwlady. I want to be able to take care of myself for a long time, but I realize that if my husband passes before me, I will be all alone and probably need some assistance with things as I age.

It's hard nowadays, because you can't trust everyone to be in your home, I would be blessed to find someone like you to help me out. My mother had some lady coming in a couple of times a week just to do light housework and light shopping for her, she ended up having her family jewelry which was handed down to her stolen by this person.

We moved my inlaws into our home when my father in law had a major stroke, and was half paralyzed and needed full care. They were both in poor health, both had wheelchairs, walkers, etc. Glad we didn't need to put them in a home and have strangers care for them.

When I think of how they struggled, I am very fearful of being that way and having to trust a stranger to come in and do things for me. Hoping there's more folks like you around, that is comforting indeed.

I was raised to respect my elders and help the elderly if they need it, I'm still that way until this day.
 
Sea and Denise, I would have thought with all the online businesses that somewhere would be a site that did background checks to match up senior roommates. They could share household expenses and chores. I wonder what it would take to set that kind of thing up. You two need to start one maybe. :magnify:
 
LogicsHere said:
Shame on some of you. I wonder how well you would have turned out if your parents felt the same way about raising you as a child. I feel that you "owe" a parent something, perhaps not having to live with them I agree, as it can be difficult though I've been doing it for the last 3+ years and holding down a full-time job. But many resent the fact that the parent is spending "their" inheritance on nursing home care. You can't have it both ways.
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I sure admire you LH, my nephew could have had a bundle if he'd skimped on his grandfather's care, but grandpa had the best that the money would pay for, real proud of my nephew;) He didn't care about any inheritance, just a good kid.
 
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we each have had differing experiences that have help form and shape who we are. I am old now but in my day my mother in law lived with me over seventeen years. It would have been difficult for her to live alone. We moved her in when our kids were in elementary and middle school. It worked well for her and I considered it beneficial for my children. I build a large room on my house to give her a bit of privacy, encouraged her participation in our social affairs. She developed her own social life and was an avid Bridge player and over time developed many friends. I was also prepared to build a room for my mother should she need a place to live and no longer able to cope. It worked out well and I think beneficial for all of us. I was glad I could do what I did and would do it again.
 
Ina said:
Sea and Denise, I would have thought with all the online businesses that somewhere would be a site that did background checks to match up senior roommates. They could share household expenses and chores. I wonder what it would take to set that kind of thing up. You two need to start one maybe. :magnify:
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Seabreeze and Ina, I have another excellent iron in the fire, along with the one down South. This one is even better, and I will be going over to the coast either tomorrow or Tuesday to meet the people, no worries, things are coming my way:)
 
drifter said:
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we each have had differing experiences that have help form and shape who we are. I am old now but in my day my mother in law lived with me over seventeen years. It would have been difficult for her to live alone. We moved her in when our kids were in elementary and middle school. It worked well for her and I considered it beneficial for my children. I build a large room on my house to give her a bit of privacy, encouraged her participation in our social affairs. I was also prepared to build a room for my mother should she need a place to live and no longer able to cope. It worked out well and I think beneficial for all of us. I was glad I could do what I did and would do it again.
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I think a lot of folks that actually do this, find out it turns into a real blessing for them. It's got to be difficult but yet, probably just worth it, again though, so's not to ruffle any feathers, I understand not everyone is cut out to handle this sort of thing:)
 
Thanks SB, was sort of a fluke, seems like, maybe just meant to be, but I ran into someone that knew someone, and the next thing I knew I was on the phone talking to some folks in need;):eek:fftopic: so I won't be discussing this here, but pm if you want to know anything about my job situation;)
 
nwlady said:
Thanks SB, was sort of a fluke, seems like, maybe just meant to be, but I ran into someone that knew someone, and the next thing I knew I was on the phone talking to some folks in need;):eek:fftopic: so I won't be discussing this here, but pm if you want to know anything about my job situation;)
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Sounds promising and all the very best, Denise!
 
Diwundrin said:
Sounds familiar Justme, I count my greatest achievement in life to be the fact that I didn't smother mine. Only my black sense of humour which allowed me to see the whole situation as an amusing mind game, played out over decades, kept me sane and her alive, you were wise not to take yours on. (I had no other commitments to compound things, I couldn't have done it with a family to consider.)

I counsel everyone I can reach NOT to take on the caring role for parents.
Help out, put 100% into supporting them in their own digs by all means, even at a stretch build 'em a Granny flat in the backyard, but never, ever, let them move in.
Never promise to look after them, but discuss their future firmly and often, and make it clear that moving to a care facility is the only option when they can no longer fend for themselves. Pay whatever you have to to ensure they're comfortable there, money can be replaced, your time can't be.

Caring is a thankless job, it should be done only to satisfy one's own conscience, but that satisfaction in 'doing your duty' should never be allowed to interfere with the duty owed to spouses and children, nor should it be allowed to suck the last few years of enjoyment from the life of the retired carer and the rest of their family.

Imo elderly frail parents who put their own preservation and lifestyle ahead of the well being of the children they expect to 'serve' and nurse them are not truly loving parents at all, they're users, and so not worth the sacrifice of the carers time, and enjoyment of life.
Exceptions apply of course if it's a terminal, relatively short term thing, but never presume that the frail 'old' dear who swears she'll never see another Xmas won't live another 31 years! Mine did! ... and she damned near took me with her when she went! Now, just over 4 years later I'm in almost as bad condition physically as she was, I never got to enjoy retirement, she wore me down and out ... and I don't have a fool like me to care for me 24/7 either. I guess she won 'the game' after all.

The 'Boiling Frog' syndrome applies, never get into that saucepan!

Oh, and please think carefully if your children really deserve to suffer years of servitude to attending your needs before you think of allowing them to 'care' for you no matter how well intentioned or adamant they are. They simply have no idea of what they're setting themselves up for.
Get yourselves out there and check out aged care facilities next time you're anywhere near one. They're a lot better than in our parent's day and people I know and have met from them love the life there. Pick your favourite and put your name on the waiting list, otherwise you'll have to take what you can get.
The biggest favour our generation can do our kids is not to saddle them with us.
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I agree with you there Frail parents who put their own lifestyle, desires and needs, and self preservation above their children's...well sometimes they do seem like users. Manipulators. The idea that my elderly happiness is more important than yours stinks. Yes, she claims that she will not see another birthday and this goes on for ten years or more. I am sorry you didn't get to enjoy retirement...I hope she did not win "the game after all." I hope that I can enjoy my retirement. It's coming very soon.
 
Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began. Well, not actually because it did take time to for someone to age and become senior. But, you get my drift.

Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!" He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.
 
That Guy said:
Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began. Well, not actually because it did time time to for someone to age and become senior. But, you get my drift.

Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!" He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.
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[h=1]Discrimination Against the Elderly[/h]http://seniors.lovetoknow.com/Discrimination_Against_the_Elderly
 
That Guy said:
Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!" He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.
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Hmmm,approx. 30 years ago. Those little punks (IF they survived their punkhood years) are now approaching 50 or are already there. Wonder if they ever think back on that and cringe?
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
Hmmm,approx. 30 years ago. Those little punks (IF they survived their punkhood years) are now approaching 50 or are already there. Wonder if they ever think back on that and cringe?
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Upon having that memory this morning wondered the same thing. Wondered if any of them are still living and hoping maybe just one in the car was just going along with the peer pressure.
 
That Guy said:
Mistreatment of seniors has been a curse since time began. Well, not actually because it did take time to for someone to age and become senior. But, you get my drift.

Anyway, just remembered my dad telling me back in the eighties of some neighbor hood turds speeding past the house and yelling, "Hurry up and die, old man!" He shrugged it off but I know it hurt him.
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Some seniors, like myself, start feeling useless in ways, forgetting things more easily, heard someone mention feeling invisible, definitely being passed over for jobs (and that one tics me because I know there are jobs I can run circles around other folks on).

That was mean of those kids to say to your dad, and when they are old, I hope they remember doing it. What goes around comes around. I remember making fun of my mom, with the rest of the family, big laugh, because she was back-firing walking across the floor at christmas. My mom laughed, like I do now, about that stuff, but at the same time, it hurts to know that you are not young anymore and not as good at all you were. I said some people for those here that have no problems growing old, or otherwise, well good for you I say! That would be really nice. Sort of like "oh, I never had any trouble with hotflashes" good on ya, I spend half my day peeling off clothes and putting them back on.
 
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