My Friend’s Girlfriend (?)

win231 said:
You gave him the best advice anyone could ever give.
Anyone who gives someone an ultimatum in a relationship is someone to run away from. If her intentions were good, she wouldn't be pressuring him.
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Hmm, maybe her intentions are good, but she wants a total relationship and he doesn’t. So as much as she likes him, he is wasting her time and at our age we have little time to waste. She should move on, she will find what she is looking for and so will he.
 

Speaking from the female perspective, I would never give an ultimatum...and would not want a man to give one to me. Especially if I felt we were not both in the same place in relationship.
Also, with the current situation, it would be a hard no from me. If they moved in together, and everything shut down...then the relationship went south, she may not find a new place to move to.

Especially if your friend is better off financially than his lady friend...she may be looking for the financial security.
 

I can also understand her point of view. She wants a full time relationship. Better to ask (not demand) if that’s what he wants too. He may be enjoying many benefits that he doesn’t feel have to be balanced out. They should each look out for their own needs.

Or, she might just be a manipulative *itch.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Hmm, maybe her intentions are good, but she wants a total relationship and he doesn’t. So as much as she likes him, he is wasting her time and at our age we have little time to waste. She should move on, she will find what she is looking for and so will he.
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A "Total Relationship" is called "Marriage." What she wants is called "Shackin' Up."
 
win231 said:
A "Total Relationship" is called "Marriage." What she wants is called "Shackin' Up."
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No, it’s not called shack in up. A lot of people no longer believe that a marriage certificate is necessary for a marriage especially since a divorce is easily obtained. A lot of people, especially woman, want to retain their options.

A total relationship is when two people commit to the relationship of their choosing. Catch up with the times, the world has changed 😂.
 
I got an ultimatum once after a few weeks of dating.
When we got back to my house after going out to dinner, my Black Lab was excited to see me.
While I was showing him some love for a minute, my date says, "I wonder what would happen if I asked you to choose between me & that dog."
I said, "I'd tell you to wear your seat belt & drive safely."

My Lab was very happy when she stormed out. He got her number sooner than I did.

ETA: Anyone who really cares about someone will not give them an ultimatum or ask them to give up something they love.
 
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oldman said:
It seems we are all on the same page. When he was telling me about their relationship, I started to worry. In the past, he has been known to be a bit careless by not taking the necessary time to look at a situation from all sides. I asked him the simple question “Do you love her?” He said he didn’t know yet because it was too soon in their relationship. So, I told him maybe he needed to decide that first.

I think he wants to be with her, but not live with her. You know how it is. When someone asks you a question and you don’t give them the answer they want, they either reword it, or keep asking others until they get their answer. Kids do this all the time. If mom says no, they ask dad.
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It looks like he wants to go slow and see if his feelings for her grow deeper enough to get into a commitment. The best advice for him is to give it time and think about it. He's the only one to decide what's best for him. If he gives her an ultimatum and he's still unsure of his feelings for her, best to let her go than regret decisions made in haste.

When a friend asks me, do you like XYZ? If I hesitate to answer, it means NO; close friends know if I like someone I literally light up like a neon bulb with a matching YES!! 😆
 
Gaer said:
May I add, as a woman, I would not be interested in a man because he was lonely. He has to get his head together! Love himself first!

I should add: IMO!
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Hopefully, he learns to love and care for himself first. High quality men (and women) know their worth; they are fulfilled and are not looking for anyone to complete them or make them happy. They can be rightfully picky and if they get into relationships that don't work out, they walk away with their self esteem intact and easily move on with their best life.
 
oldman said:
Just before I came down with the Virus, I was talking on the phone to a friend that I knew from work. He lives in Albuquerque and his wife had passed away about two years ago to cancer. I was kind of his leaning post when he needed someone to speak to. He has been very lonely since his wife’s death.

He met a woman at a senior center’s dance and after a few months, they became more than friends. He never wanted a full blown relationship, but she is bugging him to move in together. She wants to sell her house and move in with him. He told me that he’s not ready for that type of a relationship, but this woman is being persistent. She told him that he has until the first of the year to decide or she is going to move on. He asked me for advice.

I told him it sounds like she wants a more serious relationship than he does. I also told him not to allow himself to be talked into anything that he may regret later and if you have to let her go, then so be it. I only ever saw a picture of her, which for being 68 years old, she looks good. They do have a lot in common, so I can understand his hesitancy for not wanting to let her go.

Personally, I prefer not to give opinions when it comes to relationships. I think each of us has to make our own decision.

What do you think?
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www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/how-do-i-get-rid-a-house-guest-who-wont-leave.htm

 

Mi casa tu casa mi amigo. Just bring some "Rolling Rock" and a party size jar of honey roasted cashews. Deal?
 
Aneeda72 said:
No, it’s not called shack in up. A lot of people no longer believe that a marriage certificate is necessary for a marriage especially since a divorce is easily obtained. A lot of people, especially woman, want to retain their options.

A total relationship is when two people commit to the relationship of their choosing. Catch up with the times, the world has changed 😂.
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Qft. I enjoyed two long term monogamous relationships without ever feeling the need to marry. However, fairly recently, I was engaged to Sifuphil to facilitate his moving to Canada so we could build a life together. Otherwise, I would have preferred not to be in that position. Sadly, he died. At no point in my life have I ever felt I was shacked up with anyone.
 
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Shalimar said:
Qft. I enjoyed two long term monogamous relationships without ever feeling the need to marry. However, recently, I was engaged to Sifuphil to facilitate his moving to Canada so we could build a life together. Otherwise, I would have preferred not to be in that position. Sadly, he died. At no point in my life have I ever felt I was shacked up with anyone.
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I'm sad he passed away. I would've enjoyed talking to him. He was a hoot. 😁
 
Shalimar said:
Qft. I enjoyed two long term monogamous relationships without ever feeling the need to marry. However, recently, I was engaged to Sifuphil to facilitate his moving to Canada so we could build a life together. Otherwise, I would have preferred not to be in that position. Sadly, he died. At no point in my life have I ever felt I was shacked up with anyone.
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😮 Sorry for your loss.

My son and his girlfriend have been together for over 5 years now. Except for the interruption of Covid-19 they are together each evening. At their age, they prefer to have their own places although both their mothers, 😂, wish they would marry.
 
win231 said:
I got an ultimatum once after a few weeks of dating.
When we got back to my house after going out to dinner, my Black Lab was excited to see me.
While I was showing him some love for a minute, my date says, "I wonder what would happen if I asked you to choose between me & that dog."
I said, "I'd tell you to wear your seat belt & drive safely."

My Lab was very happy when she stormed out. He got her number sooner than I did.

ETA: Anyone who really cares about someone will not give them an ultimatum or ask them to give up something they love.
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Oh, really? I love you so you can continue to take illegal drugs, keep smoking, and, despite being diabetic, here is a two pound box of candy which you love, eat up. We give people we love ultimatums ALL the time. Love is rarely unconditional. And, if you choose a dog over the love of your life, then the other person was not the love of your life. IMO.
 
I find that when it comes to love and money, advice can be a trap. So I frame things by telling people what I did.

For example:

After my divorce, I waited two years before I became serious with anybody. Given the number of 'gems' who turned out to be nothing more than shiney bits of glass, that was a wise decision for me. Had I married one of these women I would be in big trouble today. And I would be a very unhappy man. That's my story. Take what you wish and leave the rest.
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Aneeda72 said:
Oh, really? I love you so you can continue to take illegal drugs, keep smoking, and, despite being diabetic, here is a two pound box of candy which you love, eat up. We give people we love ultimatums ALL the time. Love is rarely unconditional. And, if you choose a dog over the love of your life, then the other person was not the love of your life. IMO.
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Your comparison to giving up a dog & giving up things that cause harm is not a valid one. I know you can do better. 😁
 

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