My heart is heavy today

Mrs. Robinson

Mrs. Robinson

Well-known Member
Location
Nampa,Idaho
My brother`s wife passed away suddenly yesterday morning. She was only 68. She had sepsis a year ago,very nearly die,and spent two months in the hospital. It was a long recovery but she was doing well. Was playing golf again this summer and they did some travelling. Cooked for a dinner party of 8 on Sunday night and was very tired on Monday. Very tired. My brother wanted to take her to the doctor but she refused. Same on Tuesday. She went to sleep in the afternoon and slept through the night. On Wednesday morning,he could not wake her up. Called 911 and went to the hospital but nothing that they did would help for any amount of time. It was sepsis again. She passed yesterday morning. I am so worried about my brother-she was the love of his life. He just lost his daughter,my niece,to cancer in August,as some of you probably remember. He is 78 and while his health is good, this much heartbreak in such a short time scares me for him. I know some of you have experienced this exact thing-the loss of a child and a spouse in a very short time. It`s just heartbreaking.
 

So sorry, MrsR.:( I hadn't heard the term sepsis so I googled it. I wish your brother strength and (eventually) peace at a very difficult time.
 

My sympathies to you and your brother and family, Mrs Robinson. So sorry for the loss and the pain and struggles over your brother you are going through. Hoping for the best for you all.
 
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Robinson. What a terrible shock to the family. It is very heartbreaking...my sincere sympathy to you all at this difficult time.

:rose:
 
Sorry for your brother's loss. There is never a good time to lose a close friend or relative, but near the holidays just kind of multiplies the sorrow. My condolences to him and the family.
 
Such sad news Mrs. Robinson, my deepest sympathy to you, your brother and your family...hugs. May she rest peacefully now.
 
Mrs. Robinson, I am so sorry for your and your brother's loss. As you know, I've been there. It's going to be hard to pull your brother through this. The biggest problem for him right now is waking 'each day' to realize his whole world has changed, and nothing will ever to be same for him again. And worst of all, he has no choice in the matter, which will make him feel useless.

I did this each day this year, until around mid November, when I saw the hopelessness in the eyes of the permanent VA residents. I saw pain worse than mine. I knew their pain came from being alone and having nothing to look forward to, and no one to care for or care for them.

If you can help him find a reason to live for, he will at least be trying to live, instead of waiting to die. I know that at his age this is going to be extra hard, but if you can find something that is truely needed that he can do, it will help give him the will to live.

But first it will take your whole family to agree to dedicate a couple hours each day to 'make' him talk and move. One person a day is enough. The more family and friends that can do this the better. It reminds him that by not fighting to live, he will be hurting them in ways that will be hard to carry with him.
 
Ina said:
Mrs. Robinson, I am so sorry for your and your brother's loss. As you know, I've been there. It's going to be hard to pull your brother through this. The biggest problem for him right now is waking 'each day' to realize his whole world has changed, and nothing will ever to be same for him again. And worst of all, he has no choice in the matter, which will make him feel useless.

I did this each day this year, until around mid November, when I saw the hopelessness in the eyes of the permanent VA residents. I saw pain worse than mine. I knew their pain came from being alone and having nothing to look forward to, and no one to care for or care for them.

If you can help him find a reason to live for, he will at least be trying to live, instead of waiting to die. I know that at his age this is going to be extra hard, but if you can find something that is truely needed that he can do, it will help give him the will to live.

But first it will take your whole family to agree to dedicate a couple hours each day to 'make' him talk and move. One person a day is enough. The more family and friends that can do this the better. It reminds him that by not fighting to live, he will be hurting them in ways that will be hard to carry with him.
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Very wise words Ina, I couldn't agree more, it will be very important gearing the mind toward a reason to wanting to go on, that is foremost important; without finding a viable possible reason a person's chance sink faster. Loving family and friends for a start will be a big plus in any event as long as they aren't to cumbersome or forceful in their attempt to have the person, say for example, get over the worst of the painful suffering other than at their own pace.
 
So sorry to hear of this sad news for your and your brother. Being available for your brother at this time of need will be so important. Condolences to you and your family.
 
Mrs Robinson,
Like Ina, I have been living your brothers experience for the past year. My heart goes out to him and yourselves. Lives shattered in an instant. Platitudes do not help. There may be some small comfort in the short duration and ease of her passing. From your comments, she was apparently unaware that she was about to pass.
We are all different. Ina offers much good advice. My own would be quite different. Your brother is 78. I am 83. At this age I am not interested in "moving on". I am content to live with my memories. I am not interested in advice on how to "get over it". When the bad moments come, I do appreciate a compassionate, listening ear. So I would say; pay attention to what your brother is telling you. Try to give him what you think he needs. Its all that you can do. There is no happy ending. So sorry for your loss. :rose:
 
My Deepest Sympathy for your Brother's loss of his Dear Wife, and the family's loss, Mrs. Robinson. My heart goes out to you, and will be keeping your brother in my prayers for strength.
 
Underock1 said:
Mrs Robinson,
Like Ina, I have been living your brothers experience for the past year. My heart goes out to him and yourselves. Lives shattered in an instant. Platitudes do not help. There may be some small comfort in the short duration and ease of her passing. From your comments, she was apparently unaware that she was about to pass.
We are all different. Ina offers much good advice. My own would be quite different. Your brother is 78. I am 83. At this age I am not interested in "moving on". I am content to live with my memories. I am not interested in advice on how to "get over it". When the bad moments come, I do appreciate a compassionate, listening ear. So I would say; pay attention to what your brother is telling you. Try to give him what you think he needs. Its all that you can do. There is no happy ending. So sorry for your loss. :rose:
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No one in their right mind should ever tell or intend to tell someone to get over it, I don't think most of us get over the loss of those we lose, what was said was one gets past or through the deepest depths of the suffering to a point where they can see some light in the day and not just wallow in the pain each and everyday there after, but in that person's own time frame. No, we don't get over the loss those who expect one to don't understand deep love for others and losing those people. You may still hurt, but, hopefully you find a way to still live a fulfilling life or you choose to rot on the inside.
 

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