My husband and I are having an argument

JaniceM said:
I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but while the OP wasn't specific in what she meant by 'friendly,' and even though it sounds like the divorce was her son's fault, I don't believe parents should keep their kids' exes in their lives other than what's necessary for the sake of the children.
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I respect your opinion, but I also disagree. In other situations, perhaps, but in this case the mother was not at fault regarding the divorce, and has been there faithfully to love and raise their two sons. For Sassy to alienate herself from the loving mother, she'd also be hurting her two grandsons. I fully agree with what she is doing, if her son is smart, he'll have a change of heart someday and be a son to Sassy and a Dad to his sons.
 

You're his mom & his dad, and you're messing around with the woman he hates. I can't imagine why he resents you. Emotions aren't logical. It does sound that there was a lot said by all parties, during the divorce period. If the divorce happened many years ago, what caused the bad feelings 2 years ago? Most of the responders to this post pretty much agree that a birthday card, alone, is a good idea. You stated you haven't talked to him in 2 years, yet you have his address, why haven't you contacted him before now?
 
@fuzzybuddy Sadly it was their son that was doing the messing around per the initial post. The son has no right to ask his parents to isolate themselves from their grandchildren. And then of course they will have interaction with the children's mother.

As a someone who was very isolated as a child, even I know how important those extended family relationships are. Because not having them damaged me.
 

Remy said:
As a someone who was very isolated as a child, even I know how important those extended family relationships are. Because not having them damaged me.
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It was my decision to divorce my first husband, he was fine with an unpaid housekeeper he could totally ignore year after year, but of course my mother-in-law sided with him and was angry with me.

I didn't expect anything else, but I was careful to maintain a polite, friendly relationship with her for the very reasons you say. When couples divorce the child usually feels like his world has tilted, the one thing that remains the same and grounds him is his grandparents.
 
Della said:
It was my decision to divorce my first husband, he was fine with an unpaid housekeeper he could totally ignore year after year, but of course my mother-in-law sided with him and was angry with me.

I didn't expect anything else, but I was careful to maintain a polite, friendly relationship with her for the very reasons you say. When couples divorce the child usually feels like his world has tilted, the one thing that remains the same and grounds him is his grandparents.
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That could not have been easy to do. But you did the right thing for your children. It says a lot about you. And I know for a fact there are parents who can't do what you did.
 
JaniceM said:
I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but while the OP wasn't specific in what she meant by 'friendly,' and even though it sounds like the divorce was her son's fault, I don't believe parents should keep their kids' exes in their lives other than what's necessary for the sake of the children.
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I strongly disagree. My son's marriage fell apart and I made it clear to him and his wife that I was there for both of them and would provide whatever help they each needed to raise their two boys. Our son felt acrimony towards his ex wife and behaved hurtfully towards her but I remained friendly. Now many years later the boys are grown men and we just had an eightieth birthday celebration for Hubby at which all of us were present, together with the partners of the grandsons and the family is stronger for not taking sides all those years ago.
 
Warrigal said:
I strongly disagree. My son's marriage fell apart and I made it clear to him and his wife that I was there for both of them and would provide whatever help they each needed to raise their two boys. Our son felt acrimony towards his ex wife and behaved hurtfully towards her but I remained friendly. Now many years later the boys are grown men and we just had an eightieth birthday celebration for Hubby at which all of us were present, together with the partners of the grandsons and the family is stronger for not taking sides all those years ago.
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Excellent post Warri, thanks for sharing! Happy Birthday wishes to your hubby!

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I haven’t read all the responses so I don’t know what’s trending, and I don’t want to know.

He’s your son. He will always be your son no matter what, unless he’s sociopathic and you want him out of your life for good. Even then he’ll still be your kid bit you may decide to go no contact.

Other than that, you get to celebrate his birthday in whatever way you want to.
 
My Dad sent me a postcard from overseas. It read, "Son. You should never run away from your problems."

(Keeding!) ;)
 
Della said:
It was my decision to divorce my first husband, he was fine with an unpaid housekeeper he could totally ignore year after year, but of course my mother-in-law sided with him and was angry with me.

I didn't expect anything else, but I was careful to maintain a polite, friendly relationship with her for the very reasons you say. When couples divorce the child usually feels like his world has tilted, the one thing that remains the same and grounds him is his grandparents.
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I'm not 100% sure- lack of details- but I think your viewpoint is closer to mine. There's a huge difference between being polite to someone, and, as others seemed to be saying, being a person's social friend.
Naturally it's better for the children when the adults in their lives can set animosity aside and treat each other respectfully, but I still believe that should be the extent of it.
 
Warrigal said:
I strongly disagree. My son's marriage fell apart and I made it clear to him and his wife that I was there for both of them and would provide whatever help they each needed to raise their two boys. Our son felt acrimony towards his ex wife and behaved hurtfully towards her but I remained friendly. Now many years later the boys are grown men and we just had an eightieth birthday celebration for Hubby at which all of us were present, together with the partners of the grandsons and the family is stronger for not taking sides all those years ago.
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It sounds as though the parents considered their son, as a "loser". As per the post, "He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her." Plus, they had to help him financially. Whether or not he is a loser, by the parents continuing to associate with the ex , without regard for his feelings is why he's In Las Vegas.. As he sees it, his kids mean more to his parents than he does. The parents put themselves in the middle of the divorce, and took sides. There is definitely ill will between the parents and the son, as they haven't attempted to contact him in two years., nor did the son.
You learn early in life to never take sides in a divorce, it will definitely come back to bite you.
 
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