I am so sorry for your loss. Right now you are probably in a fog not knowing which way is up. I lost my husband of 38 years very suddenly two years ago, also one week before christmas. That first year I thought I was going mad and was always expecting him to walk through the front door, I was lucky enough to find a grief support group. During these times you might find an online group, it helps to talk with someone who shares the same experience. I walk a lot, it helps. The second year was worse because I was out of the fog and was finally beginning to realize that he was not coming back. I am now starting my third year without my companion and learning to live on my own. Take care on your journey and reach out.