My mother and grandmothers and aunts and teachers

G

GeorgiaXplant

Well-known Member
Location
Georgia
all used to repeat over and over again that if I hadn't anything nice to say that I should say nothing at all. They also used to repeat over and over again that it wasn't what was said, it was how it was said.

When we post here, there aren't the body language and facial expressions that convey what we say when we're face-to-face so I try to use emoticons when being facetious or sarcastic or just plain silly so that I don't come off as being cruel or unfeeling or superior.

Perhaps we should all try to be more mindful of the feelings of others, and when another poster starts a thread that's a vent, not anything asking for advice, that we refrain from expressing disagreement with the poster's point of view regarding their own lives.

Flame away!
 

I will have my say, just as I expect others to do so too! If people are very sensitive maybe they shouldn't post on forums!
 
I have to agree with the cheese on this one...
 

Ralphy1 said:
I have to agree with the cheese on this one...
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Thanks!

I have posted on many forums since I got into computers in the late 90s, and believe in the phrase, 'if you can't take heat, get out of the kitchen'. However, that is with the proviso that people's comments aren't racist, homophobic or threatening. I have had a couple of on-line stalkers in my time when I was stupid enough to give away too much information about myself. I advise others not to be too forthcoming with private details, especially about naming members of their families, or showing pictures of children. Apparently evil perverts have been known to use their faces to substitute them for those of kids being sexually abused and put on porn sites!:mad:
 
I will have my say as well, but I certainly won't have anything to say about anyone's vent about their personal lives that trashes their feelings or would cause hurt.

Anything else that's posted? Questions? Politics? Religion? News of the day? Sure. I'm entitled to my opinions just as anyone else is.

I don't think that any of us are entitled to deliberately disparage the way another person lives or thinks or does in their own lives.
 
Opinions are good but sometimes harshly stated and maybe the poster had no harsh intentions. It is difficult riding the waves online. Myself, I usually avoid controversial topics because I just don't like to argue.
Once I was surfing online and I came across this forum where these people were debating religion/creation/etc. The only reason I stopped and read that forum was because of the WAY they were discussing it. No one was emotional. No one was making their opinion personal. They were like scientists examining research. They were pretty brainy..hey maybe they were scientists. Anyway, I so enjoyed it because no one was trying to win a point or dominate an opinion they were all just throwing out ideas to share. It was very interesting discussion to read. BUT that kind of calm expression I have discovered is not very common .
I hurt someone's feelings once & I didn't mean to. I've also felt hurt. It's kind of like a large family Thanksgiving dinner..there are going to those sitting at the table you clash with at times & those you don't.
 
Bluecheese50 said:
Thanks!

I have posted on many forums since I got into computers in the late 90s, and believe in the phrase, 'if you can't take heat, get out of the kitchen'. However, that is with the proviso that people's comments aren't racist, homophobic or threatening. I have had a couple of on-line stalkers in my time when I was stupid enough to give away too much information about myself. I advise others not to be too forthcoming with private details, especially about naming members of their families, or showing pictures of children. Apparently evil perverts have been known to use their faces to substitute them for those of kids being sexually abused and put on porn sites!:mad:
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Apples and oranges.
 
At times it can be messy at the dinner table or a forum but life can be messy, and that is just part of life...
 
I believe that there is a difference between following the letter of the law, and following its intent.

Technically you can post something that follows all of the rules of a forum, yet still leave a bitter taste in many mouths.

And it isn't just a case of "I will have my say" - there are ways to express one's opinions that don't rub others the wrong way. Yes, there are sensitivities at play here, but to run roughshod over them shows a certain lack of social abilities ... or the refusal to employ them.

Words are dangerous little critters - they can just as easily soothe as destroy.
 
It is not emotionally healthy to continually ride roughshod over the feelings of other's claiming no responsibility for the fallout. Cheese, even you are not immune to the negative power of words. An adept mental health professional could discern your buttons and hurt you in relatively short order. whose responsibility would that be?
 
Hmm, you never had a messy family situation, must be living a Leave it to Beaver life...
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
I will have my say as well, but I certainly won't have anything to say about anyone's vent about their personal lives that trashes their feelings or would cause hurt.

Anything else that's posted? Questions? Politics? Religion? News of the day? Sure. I'm entitled to my opinions just as anyone else is.

I don't think that any of us are entitled to deliberately disparage the way another person lives or thinks or does in their own lives.
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If people post on forums then their views can be challenged, mine certainly are, I don't have a problem with that!
 
Shalimar said:
It is not emotionally healthy to continually ride roughshod over the feelings of other's claiming no responsibility for the fallout. Cheese, even you are not immune to the negative power of words. An adept mental health professional could discern your buttons and hurt you in relatively short order. whose responsibility would that be?
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Not sure what you mean?
 
What possible benefit can there be to deliberately hurting someone else? If doing that makes a person feel good, then it seems that there's something very seriously wrong...sort of like there is with people who torture pets.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
What possible benefit can there be to deliberately hurting someone else? If doing that makes a person feel good, then it seems that there's something very seriously wrong...sort of like there is with people who torture pets.
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I don't set out to deliberately hurt anyone, but I will certainly challenge any opinion with which I disagree, I don't apologise for that at all. As I have stated before, if people are very sensitive they shouldn't post on forums.
 
In my career, I have often found that people with large reserves of unresolved anger and pain, often use freedom of speech as an excuse to vent their spleen on all and sundry on forums such as this, graciously allowing others to respond. Thing is, This is

not done through civil debate, but by verbal bludgeon. Admin has made it very clear that this forum is not a free for all. We are expected to treat each other with respect, allowing for differences in politics, religion, ethnicity, gender, country etc. if we do

not abide by these guidelines, we face the consequences.
 
No one has the right to "challenge" the very real feelings of another person regarding their personal lives. If a post is a vent, it's just that: a vent. It does not require any comment whatsoever and certainly not a recitation of negative feelings of the person responding.

Senior Forums is billed as being a "Friendly Community" for people over 50. If one takes issue with another poster's remarks on their own personal life and feels compelled to respond, there's always this thing we call civility.

It has nothing to do with not being able to stand the heat and getting out of the kitchen.
 
I haven't noticed much in the way of personal attacks here. We are who we are some are just more aggressive than passive in expressing ourselves. Myself, as you know my dear mermaid, am just a shy, sensitive boy who would never say boo to anyone, least of all, you...
 
Ralphy1 said:
I haven't noticed much in the way of personal attacks here. We are who we are some are just more aggressive than passive in expressing ourselves. Myself, as you know my dear mermaid, am just a shy, sensitive boy who would never say boo to anyone, least of all, you...
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There are personal attacks; you just haven't visited those threads. Those attacks aren't just personal attacks; they are cruel and uncalled for.
 
Hmm, well I have gotten under some people's skin on occasion, too, but generally I tend to be a good boy, if slightly immature...
 

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