My step daughter is being irresponsible

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
Ron's daughter Sheri works with him. She is the only one in both our families of kids who isn't vaccinated. Her mother (Ron's ex) is an anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist, fringe group joiner, dark web server. She has convinced her daughter that the covid vaccines are evil, the white house has undercover programs relating to the vaccine and the virus designed to control us, alter our DNA, etc. Covid tests are similarly bad, nose swabs are hurtful and damaging to the brain, and masks are not only unnecessary but also designed to limit/decrease our oxygen to make us more suggestible. I could go on but you get the idea.

Sheri is free to believe whatever she wants to, and has the absolute right to make any choices for her and her children that she deems appropriate, whether I or her father agree or not. And I feel the same way about everyone. But Sheri's choices have the potential to impact/harm her father, and by extension me and my kids and grandkids who I am close to and see frequently

She was exposed to covid via her boyfriend's ex and child over the weekend. She has refused to get a test, refused to quarantine, is saying she has no symptoms and it's bogus anyway. She has continued to send her boys to their Montessori school without informing the of the exposure. And has continued to go to work with her Dad. When we found out about the exposure from another source (her sister) she shrugged it off and said no big deal, she was not gonna argue about it, she made her choice and the family could do what they want with it.

Her sister is furious. She wants Sheri to take a test because of their dad/my husband, and that "she should just be a decent human being but you know apparently that's hard for some people these days."

My frustration is that Sheri puts the responsibility for her decisions off on everyone else. When she told her dad she'd been exposed, she then said 'are you gonna make me not work?" She wasn’t saying “I may be contagious, I don’t want to put you at risk, so I’m not going to come to work so that I don’t expose you and Glen (their helper).” Or. “I’d like to come to work because I really need the money, but I will be masked the whole time and I want you and Glen to be masked too.” Or any approach that does not force everyone else have to change their plans or be forced to decide whether or not to put themselves at risk. She exposes her dad who exposes me just because we live together, and I then have to decide whether or not to expose my kids and grands and clients.

I’m not just thinking with now. The virus is on the rise so this will come up again. Either that or she just won’t say anything any more because she doesn’t want the hassle and we’ll all unknowingly be exposed.

Her sister texted me: "I’m really just pissed at her at this point with how ignorant and inconsiderate she is being. I often wonder how we come from the same gene pool. I can't talk a to her right now. Christian (her husband) and will call her tonight after I cool off for awhile."

I'm worried sick. I don't know what to do. I can't trust her. Her sister at least can choose whether or not to see her. But Ron works with her daily and he's very torn. He needs her at work, and she's insisting on working, but won't mask up or get a test or do anything to mitigate the risk to him. And I feel helpless to do anything effective to reduce Ron's risk, or my own, other than quarantining from him in my own home
 

No offense but, Ron needs an employee that's not sick and not potentially gonna come to work and spread it to everyone including clients and their families and the families of all the people they come into contact with. Here at the hospital we don't get tested or quarantine unless there's symptoms. If he's the boss he's well within his right to tell her to wear a mask until they find out whether or not she's symptomatic. He can make her go take a test whether she likes it or not. You guys don't have to put up with that. *hugs*
 
Oh, how sad for the responsible members of the family. Certainly, Ron must be torn every which way. But, if this person refuses to take any precautions etc, as Marci says, it is simply too dangerous to allow her to come to work. This virus kills people. The new variants are Uber contagious. She has no right to risk the lives of the rest of your family, nor the

children at Montessori. The school needs to be informed. Whatever unpleasant confrontations arise from standing your ground are vastly preferable to having family, friends, clients, etc potentially become ill, and possibly die. Sending prayers and positive energy your way Ronni. 💕🌹🥰
 

If she weren’t his daughter, what would Ron do as her employer? And she needs to ask herself the same question if she worked for any other person who asked her to mask up and take the test. She’s taking advantage of the relationship, imo.

A call to the school is mandatory. You can’t afford to disrupt the family so this is not the time to tell them the source.

Now to be really tough, if someone worked for me and I became ill because of this ordeal, they wouldn’t be working for me any more. This could really blow up for everyone involved.
 
Ronni, this is clearly a moral dilemma and lives are potentially at stake. If you cannot get you husband to take action, then you must step up to the plate and get people informed. It would be nice if this could be done without you having to take a lot of heat. But there may not be an easy path for you here. In the end, you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror.
Sometimes life tosses us a hard ball and we have to do hard things that we really don’t want to, but think how you will feel if someone dies. My heart goes out to you on this one because this will not be easy.
 
Offer to pay for her to take the test or offer time off from work to go get the test if it's free. It's one thing to think it's bogus another to deny family members peace of mind.

Confronting the situation since it's a family member isn't easy. Not accusing or demanding just explain your thinking as you posted here.

Quote
"Sheri is free to believe whatever she wants to, and has the absolute right to make any choices for her and her children that she deems appropriate, whether I or her father agree or not. And I feel the same way about everyone. But Sheri's choices have the potential to impact/harm her father, and by extension me and my kids and grandkids who I am close to and see frequently"

If she doesn't agree then have Ron fire her azz & tell her she isn't welcome until she can prove she is virus free.
 
Ronni said:
I'm worried sick. I don't know what to do. I can't trust her. Her sister at least can choose whether or not to see her. But Ron works with her daily and he's very torn. He needs her at work, and she's insisting on working, but won't mask up or get a test or do anything to mitigate the risk to him. And I feel helpless to do anything effective to reduce Ron's risk, or my own, other than quarantining from him in my own home
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You have your share of worries Ronni, sorry to hear this. She is being selfish and stubborn. Ron is the one who needs to man up and insist she does not come around until she is tested, vaccinated and masks up. He's the one who has to decide what he wants or needs more, her at work possibly infecting him, you and other family members or her to stay away until she has her act together and can prove testing, vaccination, etc.

Ron needs to do right by you and the rest of the family. You need to talk to him and insist he doesn't wimp out and put everyone in danger. This is no joking matter with the new variant and everything, and you shouldn't have to be the one to always do the uncomfortable dirty work. If you step in and try to take action, there will still be unrest between you and him and her. He needs to grow a spine and handle this.
 
This is dangerous ground whatever you do, or try to do, and deep resentments could ensue.

A friend of mine tried to warn her own son's second wife, that he'd been physically abusive towards his first wife, (he went on to do the same thing to wife number two and three).

As a result my friend was shunned by her son for over four years, just for feeling the need to speak up and try to protect these women, (she'd been physically abused by his father as a young woman, living abroad as an army wife).

Your situation is obviously different, but as I've said, fraught with likely resentments you might come to face, and I don't know how to advise you.
 
I would continue to point out to Ron, that he is endangering his own ability to work and to continue the business (for himself and for her, and his other daughter, and for his grandchildren, etc) by not setting more boundaries with this daughter of his. His inactions are also resulting in increased risks (and stressors) for you and your children and for others who do business with him, etc. (Has he informed his clients or customers? )

I hope he will get himself to make a better decision and to take actions, and to get himself un-torn. It will not help his daughter or anyone, if he (or others ) get sick.

I would seriously consider self-isolating in the meantime, Ronni, because if he gets sick, as he is taking more risks of doing, then you'd likely get sick too,
and if so, then you will be even less able to help him.
And, If he gets sick, it would not help him (or you or your children or your clients)
for you to be sick as well.

Sorry you are in this difficult position. You cant change her, or him. But you can keep informing him, and he might see the points. He cant change her, but he can set more guidelines.
You can protect yourself more, if he doesn't, which is worthwile imo.
 
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grahamg said:
This is dangerous ground whatever you do, or try to do, and deep resentments could ensue.

Not dangerous if you consider what is taking place & who is wrong in their attitude towards their family. Fear of alienation should be on the daughter.
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Ronni said:
I feel helpless to do anything effective to reduce Ron's risk
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I feel that Ron's risk is up to Ron. Why do you feel that you have to do anything to reduce Ron's risk?

If he chooses wrong, you'll have to make a decision.. Poor Ronnie, you've been around the horn with this girl before on the same issue. No, you cannot trust her. I remember what happened before.

I would say lose her quickly. Very quickly.
 
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grahamg said:
This is dangerous ground whatever you do, or try to do, and deep resentments could ensue.
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I agree, particularly with steps. My advice is to do what you can to protect yourself and your family, but don't get involved in saying anything about Sheri to others, or to her about this. You have to let her father deal with this one directly, and trust him to do the right thing. Letting him know you are trusting him would probably help.
 
RadishRose said:
I feel that Ron's risk is up to Ron. Why do you feel that you have to do anything to reduce Ron's risk?

If he chooses wrong, you'll have to make a decision.. Poor Ronnie, you've been around the horn with this girl before on the same issue. No, you cannot trust her. I remember what happened before.

I would say lose her quickly. Very quickly.
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How would you suggest I do that @RadishRose? I’m not being snide, I’d love nothing more than to put distance there. ((I assume that’s what you mean). Do you have suggestions?
 
You got the shot right? So why are you so in fear and worried about somebody else? :rolleyes:

Ronni said:
I feel helpless to do anything effective to reduce Ron's risk, or my own, other than quarantining from him in my own home
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If there was a virus, then you know that it would already be everywhere, yes?
So if you hide in your room, you might be exposing yourself to "the virus" :rolleyes: in your room.
But if you want to do that to feel safe, then do it, and leave other people alone to decide for themselves.
 
John cycling said:
You got the shot right? So why are you so in fear and worried about somebody else? :rolleyes:



If there was a virus, then you know that it would already be everywhere, yes?
So if you hide in your room, you might be exposing yourself to "the virus" :rolleyes: in your room.
But if you want to do that to feel safe, then do it, and leave other people alone to decide for themselves.
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……..What??

I have no idea what this means?? 🤷‍♀️
 
I just saw on the news this morning:

“Tennessee ranks No. 1 in U.S. for new COVID-19 cases per capita”

Read that again. We’re #1, in the worst way.

For God’s sake! How hard is it to get vaccinated?!

At least wear a mask if you can’t or won’t get the vaccine. Get tested. Quarantine if you’ve been exposed or you’re sick. People need to quit being so damn selfish and irresponsible.

Our ICU’s across the state are overcrowded. If Ron or I get non-Covid sick or have a heart attack or some other health emergency happens, our care is threatened because of the overworked medical staff and the overcrowding in our hospitals.

it’s not just Covid that could kill us. It could also be the lack of care we’d be subject to because the hospital staff are so overworked as the result of irresponsible people not doing the right thing regarding getting their vaccine or masking up or quarantining or whatever.

I am honestly appalled at Sheri’s lack of care. She’s contributing to everything I said above. That she and her kids didn’t come down with Covid after their exposure is pure luck.

I told Ron, the next time this happens I will be very aggressive with my own self care and the protection of my family, and that will include but not be limited to me quarantining myself from him completely if he won’t lay down the law with Sheri.

I realized that me taking whatever steps I feel I need to, to protect myself, is Ron’s consequence for not being more aggressive with Sheri.
 
Ronni said:
I am honestly appalled at Sheri’s lack of care. She’s contributing to everything I said above. That she and her kids didn’t come down with Covid after their exposure is pure luck.

I told Ron, the next time this happens I will be very aggressive with my own self care and the protection of my family, and that will include but not be limited to me quarantining myself from him completely if he won’t lay down the law with Sheri.

I realized that me taking whatever steps I feel I need to, to protect myself, is Ron’s consequence for not being more aggressive with Sheri.
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What the heck is he waiting for? He needs to be the assertive/aggressive person here, you shouldn't have to be. If you have to quarantine yourself, in my opinion, you are the one suffering the consequences of his failure to act responsibly....not him.

This Sheri nonsense really makes me angry, these selfish people who are afraid to get a vaccine during a deadly worldwide pandemic should not affect the health of all responsible people around them. If they are required to have it to keep their jobs, so be it. Let them go off into conspiracy land and leave others healthy. I feel for you Ronni, hope Ron wakes up soon, this nonsense is taking too long. The only way we control this pandemic and get back to normal is to be united in reaching that goal.
 
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