My Youngest Brother Is In ICU

Aunt Marg said:
Pecos. Looking for any update if you have one.
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Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
 
Pecos said:
Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
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Hang in there, Pecos; my thoughts are with you as I'm sure others from here.
 

Pecos said:
Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
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Thank you for the update, Pecos.

One thing I have learned in life, we cannot change people who don't want to be changed, but we can give them our love and wish them well.
 
Pecos said:
Update.
My brothers treatment plan has been a roller coaster ride. In addition to having been moved between hospitals a couple of times, his Doctors have gone from Stents, To Triple Bypass, to treatment with drugs alone, back to stents with drugs, and now treatment with drugs alone.

A big part of the problem is that he has been a life long heavy smoker and his lungs are a mess that have to be cleared out before they move forward. He also had a seizure on the day they were preparing him for the open heart surgery and that scared the Doctors. Additionally, he has had 2 or 3 minor heart attacks in the hospital.

I have talked to him several times and while he seemed upbeat, I could tell that he is very worried, and so am I. He understands why the Doctors are being so cautious. For now they are keeping him in the hospital and not letting him go home with the drugs since the air quality continues to be bad from all the fires in his part of Oregon.

Jim really regrets that he did not stop smoking decades ago. 56 years of heavy smoking is hard to overcome.

Please continue to keep your fingers crossed for us.
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I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner but I have been reading and you and your brother are in my prayers.
 
Pecos said:
As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best
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Ruthanne said:
you and your brother are in my prayers
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MickaC said:
My prayers, hopes and thoughts are with you.
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pamelasmithwick said:
You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers
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Prayers are huge
Funny how we sometimes think that's a sorta last result

I used to brush that prayer crap off like it was a wussy attempt at hope

No more

Had too many answered

But, there is that power of choice we all have

This is where hope comes in
Hoping Pecos' little brother comes to his senses and makes some good choices

Life is short enough
 
Pecos said:
Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
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Pecos, I'm sorry to hear that your brother went to a club right away after discharge, very sad, my heart goes out to you for having to watch him deteriorate like this. Addiction, especially after so many years, is hard to stop if the person isn't ready to and willing to do what is needed. I understand why the doctors want his lungs clear before they attempt any surgery. You both are in my thoughts, wishing the best for him.
 
Pinky said:
.. if he gets to feeling bad enough, it's a possibility he may straighten up
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That's a very real hope

Here's to hoping that 'bad enough' ain't too late


Pecos said:
The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies.
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I kinda get that
It's a 'I'M NOT DEAD YET!' thing
Like some sorta unkillable hero

I've had a few friends like that
Sadly, they're no more
 
I would imagine that you did suggest that he admits himself to a rehab? Does he even care what happens to himself? Does he show any concern?

Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel that people like your brother are very selfish. They only care and do what they believe is in their best interest. They forget about the people they leave behind and the painful misery and sadness that others must go through, only because they didn't give it (life saving efforts) their best endeavor. If he wants to live, he must quit those habits, which have put him on his death bed, otherwise, there is no other help available.

I'm a new guy here, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, so please excuse me if I am.
 
Sneaky Pete said:
I would imagine that you did suggest that he admits himself to a rehab? Does he even care what happens to himself? Does he show any concern?

Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel that people like your brother are very selfish. They only care and do what they believe is in their best interest. They forget about the people they leave behind and the painful misery and sadness that others must go through, only because they didn't give it (life saving efforts) their best endeavor. If he wants to live, he must quit those habits, which have put him on his death bed, otherwise, there is no other help available.

I'm a new guy here, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, so please excuse me if I am.
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I don't think that you are speaking out of turn. You make some good points and I will have to ponder them for a bit. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see an underlying truth.

By the way, welcome aboard.
 
Pecos said:
Thanks for asking, this is a tough one for me and the support that I am getting from you and others on the forum means a great deal.

We seem to be in a state of limbo for lack of a better way of putting it. After the roller coaster ride, the Doctors decided that they would not operate until my brother's lungs got cleaned up better. They gave him medications, including patches to help him stop smoking and sent him home with instructions to also stop the heavy drinking. Fifty five years of heavy smoking and heavy drinking is hard to overcome. They will not operate until he gets his lungs cleared up better.

The very evening after they discharged him, he called me from outside a club where he was going to meet some of his buddies. My confidence level that he will follow the Doctors orders is not very high and my middle brother makes the same assessment.

It breaks my heart to see this self destructive behavior in an otherwise very intelligent person, but addiction is a tough nut to crack. As GaryO told me earlier, sometimes all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
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Thanks for the update. I feel for you and have been in a similar situation where I was helpless and frustrated knowing I have no control of someone's actions. Remember the saying you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink?

You've done your part brother. Now it's up to him. Sending you positive thoughts for peace in your ❤.
 
Pecos said:
My youngest brother (71) had a heart attack in the early morning hours of 29 August and managed to get emergency services to get him to a hospital fairly quickly. The doctors determined that he needed to have a stent put in and they scheduled him for this operation the next morning. I was able to talk to him right after they had done their initial prep work and he was coherent and in good spirits but was already under the influence of the drugs. The operation did not happen as he started having breathing problems and they decided to stabilize him before moving forward. He is still in ICU. We do not know if his situation is complicated by COVID.

I and my other brother (73) are very worried and good information seems to be very hard to get. My youngest brother is in Oregon and had to evacuate because of the fires. He was exposed to a lot of smoke.

I am on the East Coast and my middle brother is in Central Calif and can't do much either except play phone tag.

Fortunately, my youngest brothers step-son is staying on top of this to the best of his ability and is competent and trustworthy. He seems to be our best source of information at this point.

But I am very worried and the difficulty of getting current information in the "age of COVID" is frustrating.

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this lately?
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Pecos, like everyone else, I am so saddened to read this news. From August 29 to still be in ICU is almost unheard of so something must be going on. The lack of communication would drive me crazy, but I guess somewhat understandable with covid and hippa etc. I will most definitely keep your brother in my prayers, and you and the other siblings as well. Wish I could do more, but hey, I’m Irish and praying is what we do and do well 😉
 
Aneeda72 said:
How is your brother doing now?
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I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.
 
Pecos said:
I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.
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I really feel for your brother and understand how hard it is for him. Giving up smoking, for him, is just as hard as giving up sugar and limiting carbs is for me. Look at the people who eat in at a restaurant and risk lifelong illness or death. I am frustrated that my son and his girlfriend felt a burger and malt were worth getting COVID-19. But I would never say anything.

I know you, and your brother, are frustrated because you love him, as I am frustrated as well, because I love them. It is so frigtening to think they might die, could die. But we must never show our frustration, IMO. Love and support them, it is all we can do.

Life is such a struggle for us all at this time. Stay well @Pecos
 
Pecos said:
I talked to him yesterday. He is at home but is making very little progress in stopping smoking, but that is how he is calling the shots on this one. My middle brother and I are pretty frustrated with him not doing what he needs to do. His Doctors are not pleased with him either. His heart surgery simply isn't going to take place until his lungs get cleaned up.
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Quitting smoking is very difficult & painful; been there. He probably realizes it wouldn't do much good at this point, so why suffer any more than he has to.
 
Just closing the loop on this old thread.

I talked to my younger brother a couple of days ago and he is actually feeling better. He still has not completely stopped smoking, he still drinks a little and he now refuses to take any of the medications that his Doctors have prescribed for him. He may never get the bypass operation that they keep telling him he needs.

Go figure! It is almost mysterious that he is still alive.
 

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