Not a fan of life or living

[horseless carriage]

Grown

There are some of us who, mercifully, don't have the sort of mental health issues that you have had to deal with, yet feel, understand even, that life, that's to say, our own lives, is something that, had it been possible, we might have chosen to pass on, had we been able to partake in that decision. It's one of a number of reasons why, at the age of 21, I decided to be sterilised.
I have never admitted it before and I do hope that what I did helps you to understand, you're not alone. How many times I have thought, this world is not a place to bring kids into.

 

[Shalimar]

Your life won't last for ever so, instead of moaning about the years you have 'lost', make the most of the years which are left. Sitting on your backside feeling sorry for yourself serves no purpose.

Hmm. Mental illness is real. So is the anguish caused by its multiple effects. Anyone in that state of being is entitled to despair. It would be bizarre if they felt otherwise. Pull up your bootstraps psychology is ineffective, and rather harsh. Compassion is needed.

 

[Shalimar]

Good grief, man, get help and get a grip. Life is happening and you're missing out. Too late to do anything meaningful? What? It's too late when you're dead, and obviously you aren't dead. Get off your dead (no pun intended) center and get moving. Can't never could.

Sunshine
Ice cream
Laughter of babies and little kids
Chocolate cake
Books
Music
Flowers
Friends

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if following the right list pulled one out of the pit? Sadly, it never does. Mental illness and despair are not character flaws, but genuine agonies experienced by many individuals through no fault of their own. However well meaning, pushing someone to just get on with things only serves to deepen their sense of futility. They feel dismissed, often ashamed that they just can’t get over it. It is a battle I still fight.

 

[Shalimar]

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if following the right list pulled one out of the pit? Sadly, it never does. Mental illness and despair are not character flaws, but genuine agonies experienced by many individuals through no fault of their own. However well meaning, pushing someone to just get on with things only serves to deepen their sense of futility. They feel dismissed, often ashamed that they just can’t get over it. It is a battle I still fight.

This distress can also be found amongst those suffering severe trauma/PTSD. Again, not a voluntary response, and even prolonged therapy is often ineffective.

 

[Della]

Yes, I agree with Shalimar, that too often people send "cheer up" messages, ( not saying anyone here did,) and that's just not helpful at all, even if well meant.

That's why I posted the video I did, everyone in it seems depressed and almost suicidal, but the ending is hopeful because it carries a simple message of, "Hold on."

The groups that work with young gays who are dealing with despair have the slogan, "It gets better," which is a similar message.

 

[Medusa]

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if following the right list pulled one out of the pit? Sadly, it never does. Mental illness and despair are not character flaws, but genuine agonies experienced by many individuals through no fault of their own. However well meaning, pushing someone to just get on with things only serves to deepen their sense of futility. They feel dismissed, often ashamed that they just can’t get over it. It is a battle I still fight.

You know, I wanted to say something similar, but didn't because my feeling about this type of situation is that people who don't get it, won't get it no matter how it's explained. But I love what you said and how you said and on reading, I think it's important that you did say it. Because, even if 99% still don't get it, your very empathetic and salient words are out there for those who can understand them. ♥

EDIT: Grammar

 

[Shalimar]

Hmm. Mental illness is real. So is the anguish caused by its multiple effects. Anyone in that state of being is entitled to despair. It would be bizarre if they felt otherwise. Pull up your bootstraps psychology is ineffective, and rather harsh. Compassion is needed.

There is an immense courage often found in such individuals. It should be recognized more often, and respected for the strength required to live with such constraints.

 

[Shalimar]

You know, I wanted to say something similar, but didn't because my feeling about this type situation is that people who don't get it, won't get it no matter how it's explained. But I love what you said and how you said and on reading, I think it's important that you did say it. Because, even if 99% still don't get it, your very empathetic and salient words are out there for those who can understand. ♥

Thankyou so much. Difficult to change some people’s minds, hopefully easier to offer support to those who deal with these challenges. I believe in the chain of hands.

 

[Medusa]

...the chain of hands.

I love that. ♥

 

[Shalimar]

Grown

I have no magic words. But, I do hear you. I offer hugs, compassion, and a listening ear. I have been where you are, a very bleak place. I have been fortunate enough to find reprieves, more often than not. My deepest wish is that you may find the same, you are a good person, a worthy person.

 

[Shalimar]

...the chain of hands.

I love that. ♥

For many, it is the isolation that is so soul destroying. Sometimes, we can be a candle in the dark for each other. Sometimes, it is enough.

 

[Bellbird]

IMO , the older we get .... the more difficult happiness is to find. Our social circle shrinks, mostly due to a loss in activity , sometimes due to the death of friends.

I hate to sound selfish but the simple truth is ..... we need to learn to like ourselves , and enjoy our own company. If we have had to deal with the death of family/friends ...... We need to learn to be greatful to be us ..... not them.

Don't get me wrong ..... I myself go through those "what's the use days" myself but ...... I just try to remember that , [even though , some days are very trying ... and sometimes very painful] I look forward to the days that are not.

Hang in there my friend.

Well said. Thank you

 

[Medusa]

For many, it is the isolation that is so soul destroying. Sometimes, we can be a candle in the dark for each other. Sometimes, it is enough.

Yes, and isolation can be so much worse when it comes from being misunderstood. Loneliness is so much deeper in a crowd.

 

[chic]

The best thing a person can do when another feels this way is listen. Just listen.

 

[Shalimar]

The best thing a person can do when another feels this way is listen. Just listen.

QFT

 

[ehanveyjr]

Good grief, man, get help and get a grip. Life is happening and you're missing out. Too late to do anything meaningful? What? It's too late when you're dead, and obviously you aren't dead. Get off your dead (no pun intended) center and get moving. Can't never could.

Sunshine
Ice cream
Laughter of babies and little kids
Chocolate cake
Books
Music
Flowers
Friends

I would rate Ice Cream higher

 

[Lavinia]

Hmm. Mental illness is real. So is the anguish caused by its multiple effects. Anyone in that state of being is entitled to despair. It would be bizarre if they felt otherwise. Pull up your bootstraps psychology is ineffective, and rather harsh. Compassion is needed.

Actually you don't seem to have considered that perhaps those offering advice have been in a similar situation themselves. I certainly have and the only way I got out of it WAS by doing something myself. I made up my mind that I had had enough of suffering and made the effort to overcome my problems. I'm not back to normal but at least I can function on my own.
Self-pity is useless....action is what is needed.

 

[Shalimar]

Actually you don't seem to have considered that perhaps those offering advice have been in a similar situation themselves. I certainly have and the only way I got out of it WAS by doing something myself. I made up my mind that I had had enough of suffering and made the effort to overcome my problems. I'm not back to normal but at least I can function on my own.
Self-pity is useless....action is what is needed.

I am delighted action worked for you, but we are not all created alike. Sadly, for many, it does not. There is a massive difference between self pity and an inability to change one’s reality. As I posted earlier, I, too, have been there. Action was not my salvation. Compassion and connection were.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Your post touches close to home Ed! I feel so bad for you because I've experienced how you are feeling through my beautiful, brilliant, sweet, considerate grandson. He's suffered from depression since he was a boy (he's now 25). We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago and he was saying things similar to what you've posted. It scared me because I thought he may have been thinking of taking his own life. But he accepted Islam a couple of years ago and suicide is a big no no...him trying to be as devout as he can knows this. He even admitted to having to call the suicide hotline at one point. I'm so glad he did that! No amount of advice, care and love we give helps him snap out of it when he's in that place. But he seems to be able to do it in his own time in his own way. In that state, he realizes his blessings and thanks God for them.

I have online friends I've known for about 16 years who suffer from depression. I've read their stories and am among those who lifted them when they needed it. @Georgiagranny ...it's easy for people who haven't experienced these feelings to give pep talks. But severe depression doesn't acquiesce to that kind of motivation. If it was that easy for the depressed person, Mr. Ed wouldn't be in the deep dark place he is now or need to express himself in this manner. And my grandson wouldn't feel so tortured so much of the time. I've tried "pep talks" too but in a much gentler manner. @Pecos

@Shalimar I'm so glad you found what worked for you

 

[Buckeye]

Dr Marcus Welby, MD, was always able to cure all these problems/conditions/ills with a stern talking to. I guess it's a lost art...

Here's a scientific look at the issue:

Mental Illness

 

[Mr. Ed]

The year 2005 was a pivotal time in my life, spiritually speaking, I woke up and was not afraid. 34 years prior, I avoided people and conversations for fear of being made fun of. I stayed in the laundry room so as not to smoke inside the house. My daughters grew up without me while my wife worked full time and finished college.

Strange though, I don't consider my life extraordinarily than any other until now realizing I have nothing to show for my effort in being here. It is not so much I missed out on life as it is not having the strengths and skills to accomplish what I should have accomplished 50 years ago.

 

[Pepper]

"You're not a FAILURE---You're OLD"

That's what I told myself. It's too late anyway to whine over the mistakes I made and the UNsuccesses. That's it, It Is Done. No more mourning, no more self blame.

 

[Knight]

The year 2005 was a pivotal time in my life, spiritually speaking, I woke up and was not afraid. 34 years prior, I avoided people and conversations for fear of being made fun of. I stayed in the laundry room so as not to smoke inside the house. My daughters grew up without me while my wife worked full time and finished college.

Strange though, I don't consider my life extraordinarily than any other until now realizing I have nothing to show for my effort in being here. It is not so much I missed out on life as it is not having the strengths and skills to accomplish what I should have accomplished 50 years ago.

Where is it written you have to accomplish anything? As for nothing to show try reviewing your various post that challenge thinking. I for one appreciate the way you look at life in those & like the way I look at what your posts challenge me to explore about myself.

So you are accomplishing something even if you don't realize it.

 

[Shalimar]

I think some people contribute through their actions, whereas other’s contributions are based on who they are. Both can be inspiring.

 

[911]

I have dealt with 3 people who were threatening suicide. I have also had to investigate a few who carried it out. One of those threatening suicide quickly came to mind. This man came home from work and had his wife and children leave the house. He then told his wife as he pushed her out the door to call for the coroner. He had been suffering from depression, but his doctor had ok’d him to return to work.

When the 911 call came in, I was just coming on the shift at 6:15 p.m. I was working 4-12 hour shifts that week. I quickly did a U-turn and headed for the house. When I arrived, the wife was crying and had taken the kids to the neighbor about a half mile away. After I took her story, I radioed for backup (Code 2, lights on, but no siren) and a negotiator for a threatening suicide.

It was almost a half hour before the negotiator showed up. After informing her of the situation, she called the house and they talked it out for about 20 minutes. He agreed to come out without any weapons. The lady told me that he may have not been serious about his suicide, but may have done it without someone offering him options. He was really reaching out for help. I asked her what she told him. She said that she promised him that no harm would come to him, that he would not go to jail and would take him to see someone that would help him feel better and get well. It had seemed to me that she agreed with most of what he was telling her. She told me this is no time or place to argue with someone that is about to jump off the cliff. I guess things worked out for him because I never got another call to go to his house and in fact, I saw him on his tractor mowing a few weeks later.