Not that anyone is asking

Kaila said:
I would leave out, when you're in the meeting, that part you added above, that you are too old and disabled......
they can see that you are older, and they have paperwork on you.
And that doesn't help you to make the first most important point of emphasis, of yours, and of the meeting,
which is : that all you want is what benefits Paxton (so just focus on those points that relate to that!)

And side-line, if you need to add it, that it doesn't benefit the twins to visit you, because they are not bonded to you, like he is, and that it just takes away from the close bond Paxton does have with you...which is great for Paxton. He is the one of the 3, who clearly benefits a great deal from spending time with you. And he needs that continued stability and loving relationship with you. He'll develop better with it!

The 2nd point, of yours to make, is to appear that you ARE an excellent adult to care for Paxton, and that he should remain able to keep and continue that relationship, with you, long-term and in any situation, he's put into.
(Reminding them that you are older and less able, does not aid or support your making that impression and that point.)

Include, if it comes up, that you do support Paxton being able to have a relationship with his siblings, but not that they must be at everything he does or that all 3 must be together all of the time, or them having the exact same as he does in everything.
He benefits from some of his life being independent of them too. Especially in his visits at your home and his time with you.

Those are just quick ideas. I am too tired to re-check myself, to see if I am sure of my ideas or not, Or if I agree with myself or not. o_O:rolleyes::LOL::ROFLMAO:

:sleep::sleep::sleep::sleep:
Only use any of my input, if they fit for you!
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Thank you for that, Kaila.

I looked up synonyms for "uncivilized" but the synonyms are even worse - savage, for example.
I wasn't really going to make too big a deal of my "disabilities" but I should mention I have some physical limitations and chronic pain. The thing is, Tara-mom is well aware of those things, so I'm hoping the mediator and other people there will realize that Tara is knowingly asking me to do something that could jeopardize my health and the kids' safety, really. I will mention that I had to take extra pain meds while the twins were here because I had to chase after them (outside), break up their little physical fights, clean up broken glass, wash walls, etc.

Neither CPS nor the foster parent program discriminate against people with disabilities who are involved with their kids in care. They aren't allowed to hold it against me that I take medication and what-not. Even if I was in a wheelchair or blind they have to give me the same consideration as anyone else. But again, I won't make a big deal about it; I won't make it a sob-story, which I think is kind of where you're coming from, right? 'Cause, yeah, that would be unwise.

Thank you, again, Kaila!
 

Murrmurr said:
But again, I won't make a big deal about it; I won't make it a sob-story, which I think is kind of where you're coming from, right? 'Cause, yeah, that would be unwise.

Thank you, again, Kaila!
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What I meant was, that my viewpoint is that you don't need to be the one to bring that up, or to raise that topic, because you haven't hidden it or lied about it, they know that, and it is not the subject of the meeting.
And it doesn't help to get your viewpoint across to them, of what's good or not, for Paxton, so it doesn't serve you or Paxton, for you to remind them, or for that part to be given any time at this meeting.

Unless it does. ;):D:giggle::geek::LOL:

Of course, you will know better than me, which details are pertinent, in your specific situation. But I thought that the entire focus should be on, Paxton's welfare, and the twins, too; their behaviors, their needs/difficulties/challenges, rather than about you.

(If someone else brings it up, and you are asked to provide clarity on your abilities/actions/health, then you will, of course. That is better, was my guess.)

My understanding is that the main purpose, and the reason that you are invited to be there, is to add your viewpoint of what is good for Paxton, because you know him uniquely and differently than anyone else there, whose views could not replace your perspectives and input on him, that only you can offer.

Btw, that person from the visitor center, is very important, as a third party, who observed Paxton at multiple times, so it's worth it to have her there at the meeting, even though that date seems ridiculous to me. But it's worth it to have her there. Neither Tara :LOL: can dispute what that woman observed.
 
Kaila said:
What I meant was, that my viewpoint is that you don't need to be the one to bring that up, or to raise that topic, because you haven't hidden it or lied about it, they know that, and it is not the subject of the meeting.
And it doesn't help to get your viewpoint across to them, of what's good or not, for Paxton, so it doesn't serve you or Paxton, for you to remind them, or for that part to be given any time at this meeting.

Unless it does. ;):D:giggle::geek::LOL:

...

Btw, that person from the visitor center, is very important, as a third party, who observed Paxton at multiple times, so it's worth it to have her there at the meeting, even though that date seems ridiculous to me. But it's worth it to have her there. Neither Tara :LOL: can dispute what that woman observed.
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Unfortunately, the lady at the visitors center who's most familiar with me and Paxton, Alex, won't be in the meeting. Her back-up person will be, and she's only seen me a few times. Plus she's less experienced than Alex.

But the upside is, the meeting is tomorrow morning, and if visits resume soon after then Paxton will be able to come over for our little Christmas together.

I hope Alex briefs the back-up person before the meeting. She strikes me as the type who would do that, but we are pressed for time. Meeting is at 9am tomorrow.

Thank you again, Kaila.
 

That is terrible.:cry:
There's a fair chance that things might change in huge ways, in the future, and I hope they do.
In the meantime, I feel very sad, for Paxton, and for you.:(

He is better off to have had the time with you that he has had, no matter what, imo. And again, I will continue to hope that this situation is likely to change, and we hope it will be soon, and that there will be something very positive, in the future, that we can't see right now.

Very sorry though, for sure, Frank.
 
Devi said:
Well, dang. I can't believe the authorities chose a rote decision over what's clearly right. No thinking going on there! Sad.
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Tara-mom is pretty good at convincing people who don't know her that she's sincere. She sincerely wants her kids, but that doesn't make her a good, loving mother, or even a decent person. In this case, she just doesn't like to lose, especially not to CPS.

That said, it's possible there is no law preventing her from getting those kids back. Either the caseworker is an idiot, or she has no solid evidence or legal grounds for terminating Tara's parental rights and going ahead with adoption. Or could be both.
 
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RadishRose said:
I'm so sorry.
Maybe it's time to walk away from all this, and just enjoy your own life.

Things may change regarding Paxton someday.
But stay away from those twins, theyre nothing to you. Jmo.

Good luck to you my friend!
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Kaila said:
That is terrible.:cry:
There's a fair chance that things might change in huge ways, in the future, and I hope they do.
In the meantime, I feel very sad, for Paxton, and for you.:(

He is better off to have had the time with you that he has had, no matter what, imo. And again, I will continue to hope that this situation is likely to change, and we hope it will be soon, and that there will be something very positive, in the future, that we can't see right now.

Very sorry though, for sure, Frank.
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Rose, that's where my head's at right now. I'll always love Paxton. I think about him all the time, and I worry about his feelings and his future and all that. He's hurt, and I'm hurting for him. But what's a guy to do, right? I did everything I could. I can only hope he always has that spark of curiosity and desire to explore things and learn. I think that will get him through. That and knowing he's lovable.

Kaila, I won't be surprised if Paxton and I find ourselves in this place again. He's young enough to forget our history together, so it could be kind of a new adventure. That part I bolded - I'm thinking that way, too.
 
Pepper said:
I'm so sad for you (((Frank))). I really promote what @RadishRose said. Excellent advice coming from her heart.

Anyway, ain't over till it's over and I doubt that this whole situation is over.
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They said in the meeting that there's 6 months to go, so yeah, things could shift again.

Yeah, I agree with Rose, too. I can't let this eat me up, and I need to be patient. And hopeful too.
 
I have no words to describe how sad and disappointed I am for you, and for Paxton.

There will come a day, when Paxton and the twins are older .. that their mother will not get away with her lies.

Hopefully, there will be a chance for these innocent children to turn themselves around and live a normal life.
 
Pinky said:
I have no words to describe how sad and disappointed I am for you, and for Paxton.

There will come a day, when Paxton and the twins are older .. that their mother will not get away with her lies.

Hopefully, there will be a chance for these innocent children to turn themselves around and live a normal life.
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I hope your right, Pinky. The twins were only 18 months old when Tara got them back the first time and only 2 when she lost them again. Paxton was a year older. So, for the twins, it's like it's just normal to be in and out of homes and be part of this family and then a different one. And maybe that makes them better off - like they can cope with it better; they're in it to win it and can roll with what comes next. As I'm sure you can imagine, it's a lot harder for Paxton. He was all settled in here - this is Dad, this is my home, I love our routine - and then all of a sudden he was yanked out of it and ended up in a house of chaos.
 
Devi said:
I'm kind of aghast. But I do recall things that happened to me even when I was a toddler, so perhaps Paxton will remember. They (the powers that be) will change their decision. If not, Paxton may seek you out on his own in the future. <sigh>
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I remember only 1 thing from when I was about 3 1/2. That was the day I found about a dozen lamb's tails on the ground at the sheep farmer's place. When my dad explained what those were and how they got there, I was horrified. I have no memories after that until I was 5. I remember my 5th birthday.

Pax's grandma promised me that she'll "keep my memory alive."
 
I still remember my second birthday when I got the big teddy bear. I still recall my third birthday when I picked out my Irish Setter from a pile of puppies -- but it's not the specific memories that will matter most in Paxton's life. It's the awareness of goodness and love in the universe that he got from you.

Every time he cried and you picked him up, every time he saw gentleness form you toward him and others, he learned that kindness and love exist. That will remain with him even if he doesn't see much of it in the next few years.

Just as babies raised in institutions where they are left to cry, often never learn to bond and grow up unable to feel empathy, the reverse is true when they have had a good start like you have given Paxton. No price can be put on that and nothing can ever take it away from him.

:cry::love:
 
Della said:
I still remember my second birthday when I got the big teddy bear. I still recall my third birthday when I picked out my Irish Setter from a pile of puppies -- but it's not the specific memories that will matter most in Paxton's life. It's the awareness of goodness and love in the universe that he got from you.

Every time he cried and you picked him up, every time he saw gentleness form you toward him and others, he learned that kindness and love exist. That will remain with him even if he doesn't see much of it in the next few years.

Just as babies raised in institutions where they are left to cry, often never learn to bond and grow up unable to feel empathy, the reverse is true when they have had a good start like you have given Paxton. No price can be put on that and nothing can ever take it away from him.

:cry::love:
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Made me tear up a little there, Della.

I agree with what you're saying. His mother will do all she can to shape him into her image, and if that doesn't work she'll work on extinguishing his spark, so I hope that one of the things he got from me is the strength to hold onto the other things.
 
Della's post reminds me of something my mother had printed on a piece of paper long ago, and it goes something like this....."you may not always remember what people tell you, But, you'll always remember the way they made you feel."

I believe this to be true.
 

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