Not that anyone is asking

JaniceM said:
Any updates??
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I got pictures of a very smiley Paxton. His foster mom sent them via text. I can't post them. The state forbids it until after he's legally adopted. But he looks really happy. His foster parents said he's "such a sweet boy". They took my advice on how to help him sleep better - he was having nightmares - and they said it helped a lot.

His foster mom came over on Tue to pick up bags of clothes, socks, underwear, and Paxton's favorite toys, his tricycle, and his electronics...tablet, keyboard, and learning toys. The clothes were for all 3 kids; their grandma brought them over. Their foster mom sent me pictures of them playing with the toys. They looked excited.

CPS scheduled a visit!! I got a call saying I can see the kids on the 21st for a 1-hr supervised visit.

This happened the day after I left a message with the Director of Social Services of Amador County. These are Amador's case visits, but they're held at Sacramento County's visitors center so that the foster parents don't have to drive 65 miles to Jackson. But I'm almost 100% certain that the person who supervises the visits is an Amador County CPS worker. I really, really hope so, because that person has to write a report about the visit, and when that person sees how Paxton reacts when he spots me walking toward the visiting room (which has glass walls), I know they're going to included it in their report. He's gonna lose his mind, like he always does when he hasn't been able to see me for a while.

His reaction will no doubt result in me & Meesh being able to visit him and the twins at the foster home, and them visiting us here...unsupervised. Not very long ago, I supervised certain people who visited Paxton.

But I still want to know why the long wait, why I had to go over people's heads, and why I have to be supervised. They act like I held the bag open while his dad emptied the cash registers of those liquor stores.
 
I get to see Paxton tomorrow. It'll be great seeing the twins, too. It's at the stupid visitors center, but I'm still stoked. Not gonna sleep well tonight but that's ok. I'll just look older and more worn out than usual. Maybe that'll make the staff say "We should let that poor old guy visit these kids at home."

I don't think I mentioned that my back specialist had new imaging done for a closer look at the tumor on my spine. As one of Schwarzenegger's most quoted quips goes, it's not a tumor. Doc said it could be an artifact, something stuck to the table or the gown or whatever. So, one less thing. Always good. But also one less reason for another back surgery, and I'd kind of like to have one.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. Fingers crossed it will be the only visit at the visitors center, and that all subsequent visits are at either my house or theirs.
 
Well, the whole building heard Paxton yell "Unco Fwank!" when he spotted me. The visit supervisor was indeed a caseworker at Amador County. She was pretty stunned that my visit had to be supervised. She told that to the kids' foster mom, Melanie, and Melanie said "Nobody understands it. I think he and Michelle should be able to have them on some weekends and overnight." The worker said she'll recommend "liberal, unsupervised visitation" in her report.

Paxton came running to me, and the twins were right behind him, all of them yelling "Unco Fwank!" Paxton jumped in my lap and the twins huddled against my chest, all smiles and giggles. My visit was from 11 to noon so I packed us a lunch and brought a jug of chocolate milk. Paxton picked out a book that was there and I read to them. Paxton could recognize 14 words when the court gave him to his mom, when he was 2 1/2. He's forgotten. We went over some letter sounds but I didn't push it. He'll get it back; his love of learning.

He told me how his mom hurt him and I told him he doesn't have to worry about that now. He can relax and have a good time. He said he's happy at Melanie's but he misses me all the time. I told him I'm going to come to his house and he can come to mine, too. (Paxton's new bike arrived yesterday so I planned to visit them at Melanie's on Saturday whether their caseworker said it was ok or not, and it's not like I'd have been arrested or something.)

Great visit! But now it's nap time...for me.
 
Murrmurr said:
Well, the whole building heard Paxton yell "Unco Fwank!" when he spotted me. The visit supervisor was indeed a caseworker at Amador County. She was pretty stunned that my visit had to be supervised. She told that to the kids' foster mom, Melanie, and Melanie said "Nobody understands it. I think he and Michelle should be able to have them on some weekends and overnight." The worker said she'll recommend "liberal, unsupervised visitation" in her report.

Paxton came running to me, and the twins were right behind him, all of them yelling "Unco Fwank!" Paxton jumped in my lap and the twins huddled against my chest, all smiles and giggles. My visit was from 11 to noon so I packed us a lunch and brought a jug of chocolate milk. Paxton picked out a book that was there and I read to them. Paxton could recognize 14 words when the court gave him to his mom, when he was 2 1/2. He's forgotten. We went over some letter sounds but I didn't push it. He'll get it back; his love of learning.

He told me how his mom hurt him and I told him he doesn't have to worry about that now. He can relax and have a good time. He said he's happy at Melanie's but he misses me all the time. I told him I'm going to come to his house and he can come to mine, too. (Paxton's new bike arrived yesterday so I planned to visit them at Melanie's on Saturday whether their caseworker said it was ok or not, and it's not like I'd have been arrested or something.)

Great visit! But now it's nap time...for me.
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What a great visit, Murr. An early gift for you!
 
Lewkat said:
So glad it turned out well for all of you Murr.
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Their mother had court yesterday. The caseworker isn't gonna tell me how that went but the Foster mom and grandmother will, soon as they know. The issue is whether the home security video shows abuse or just bad parenting; it shows her hitting Paxton, screaming at him, and taunting him and calling him names. It also shows a fight between the mother and father with a lot of swearing.

If the judge judges those actions as abusive, s/he will terminate the mother's parental rights and possibly charge her criminally. If not, s/he'll order parenting classes, anger management classes, and a psych assessment, and then treatment if that results in a diagnosis. If the mother is still "eligible for services", taxpayers will cover all that. If not, she has to. And if SHE has to, she just might. She really wants to win this case, not to get her kids back, but because she despises the foster mother, "Mel".

Mel was the twins' NICU nurse. They were born early, underdeveloped even for being early, meth in their systems, one to the point of requiring withdrawal, and had to be on breathing machines. When they were strong enough to go to a medically equipped home, Mel volunteered to foster them. They were returned to their mother 18 months later, shortly before their second birthday.

Paxton went, too, of course. I was his foster dad from when he was about a month old until a few months before he turned 3. For the kids it was an unjust, environmentally jolting, and just plain bad reunification, and crushing for us fosters, too. But we'd become friends, which is working out to be a great thing right now. Mel's husband Tony and I get along great, and my wife, Michelle came along at the tail end of all this, but she and Mel became fast friends, and we feel like one big family.

Mel & Tony have 3 daughters of their own, so a total of 6 kids now. I just know Michelle's gonna be in heaven when they all come to visit Uncle Frank and Auntie Meesh (she had to have a hysterectomy when she was 26, i think...or 28, so no kids).
 
If the judge does not adjudicate their mother as being unfit from what you say here, Frank, he/she needs his/her head examined. No child should be in an atmosphere such as this. Here, in NJ, they'd be in a foster home system in a NY minute.

Prayers that this all turns out well for those children.
 
My supervised visit schedule for January was emailed to me...one visit, mid-month.

You know how you can fill with rage so immediately and thoroughly you can't see straight? So yeah, I don't remember the exact date, but it's 1 visit for 1 hour for the whole month.

I called the caseworker and had a stroke of luck....she was there. But she's adamant that nothing's going to change because she's a new caseworker under a new supervisor and a new administrative assistant. And all these people have to start over.

I probably shouldn't have called while I was still angry.
 
Pinky said:
Who writes these assinine rules? :mad:
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Actually, that one - frequent family contact while in foster care improves children's emotional well-being - that's a good rule. That one's basically saying foster kids need to see family, and I consider myself family....but maybe CPS doesn't.

Although, I was Paxton's dad, essentially, and all 3 of the kids call me uncle, and that particular guideline refers to "extended family" which according to CPS includes important people in their lives, like teachers and so on. So I'm sure it applies.
 
Murrmurr said:
Actually, that one - frequent family contact while in foster care improves children's emotional well-being - that's a good rule. That one's basically saying foster kids need to see family, and I consider myself family....but maybe CPS doesn't.

Although, I was Paxton's dad, essentially, and all 3 of the kids call me uncle, and that particular guideline refers to "extended family" which according to CPS includes important people in their lives, like teachers and so on. So I'm sure it applies.
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I didn't mean that rule .. sorry, should had been more specific.
One hour, once a month :mad:
 

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