Not that anyone is asking

Pinky said:
@Murrmurr

The time is overdue for behavioural changes .. the twins need to stop using Paxton as their whipping-boy. I hope this stops, the sooner the better. I hope his self-esteem is salvageable.
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I filed a formal complaint last year after Paxton's caseworker and the caseworker's supervisor arbitrarily decided he was "too young to benefit from psychiatric therapy," which was pure BS and has no scientific basis whatsoever.

The caseworker was fired over that, and her supervisor was put on paid leave and lost her supervisory position. She came back as a caseworker.....

Guess who Paxton's caseworker is?

I found out for sure just yesterday that the kids' caseworker is the former supervisor who had to retake some classes, lost her title, and is losing income because I filed a complaint. A legitimate complaint. So, the reason I've had supervised visitation and still have limited visitation, and no one ever returns my calls or answers my emails is because Pax's caseworker hates my guts. She's giving me a hard time and making Paxton's life miserable purely out of vindictiveness.

And I have finally found an attorney who will take my case against her and Amador County. I'm suing them for violating Paxton's rights. And get this; the attorney's first name is Ranz...pronounced "rants." I think that's hilarious.

Paxton's grandma, Jacki, gave me all the documents she had from all 3 CPS cases, both Sacramento County and Amador County, and I took the whole lot to Ranz yesterday. He went over it and called me last night to tell me he's pretty sure I have a case. So he's going to start an investigation.
 
Jules said:
Brandon is receptive to learning Paxton’s history. He’s also willing to understand you and vice versa. Things are looking positive.
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He told me that, based on everything Tony & Melanie told him about the dynamic of the kids' relationships, Paxton and Landon share a bedroom and he believes this is helping them bond as brothers. Zoey shares a room with Brandon and Meghan's 13yr-old daughter, and Brandon said Zoey seems to like having an older sister. I'm not so sure....Zoey is pretty bossy and fancies herself as a Mommy figure. One of the things she loved about Tony and Mel's home is that she got to mother the two babies who live there.

But, yes, Brandon at least appeared to be open to all the info I shared, and that look in his eyes when he stared at me after I told him how long I parented Paxton - that look told me it was a lot for him to process...in a positive way, you know? I saw empathy there. Empathy for Paxton, what this has done to him, the trauma and confusion it's caused.
 
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Murrmurr said:
I filed a formal complaint last year after Paxton's caseworker and the caseworker's supervisor arbitrarily decided he was "too young to benefit from psychiatric therapy," which was pure BS and has no scientific basis whatsoever.

The caseworker was fired over that, and her supervisor was put on paid leave and lost her supervisory position. She came back as a caseworker.....

Guess who Paxton's caseworker is?

I found out for sure just yesterday that the kids' caseworker is the former supervisor who had to retake some classes, lost her title, and is losing income because I filed a complaint. A legitimate complaint. So, the reason I've had supervised visitation and still have limited visitation, and no one ever returns my calls or answers my emails is because Pax's caseworker hates my guts. She's giving me a hard time and making Paxton's life miserable purely out of vindictiveness.

And I have finally found an attorney who will take my case against her and Amador County. I'm suing them for violating Paxton's rights. And get this; the attorney's first name is Ranz...pronounced "rants." I think that's hilarious.

Paxton's grandma, Jacki, gave me all the documents she had from all 3 CPS cases, both Sacramento County and Amador County, and I took the whole lot to Ranz yesterday. He went over it and called me last night to tell me he's pretty sure I have a case. So he's going to start an investigation.
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Ranz sounds encouraging. I wish for the best outcome for Paxton. I wish he didn't have to deal with those twins but who knows what will change in the future.
 
RadishRose said:
Ranz sounds encouraging. I wish for the best outcome for Paxton. I wish he didn't have to deal with those twins but who knows what will change in the future.
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Everyone close to this case thinks the kids should have been separated, at least for a year or two. With regular visitation, though. And they should have been getting therapy, too. Especially since CPS insists they stay together.

If their case was in Sacramento County, they'd have been in therapy from the get-go. Amador County uses those funds for other things....like furnishing their new building, throwing office parties and spa-days and that kind of sh*t.
 
hollydolly said:
Not to make light of this in any way Frank.. but this long horrendous tale.. once it's all over and settled properly.. would make a great film.. told from the point of a Lone Foster father.. and the battle for the rights of a fostered son and his siblings born to addicted abusive parents..
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I've actually thought about that, too. I wish I was a good writer. But like you say, when it's all said and done, it would be a good story whether it turns out badly or has a happy ending.

Maybe I can find someone to write it. A ghostwriter, maybe. 🤔
 
hollydolly said:
Not to make light of this in any way Frank.. but this long horrendous tale.. once it's all over and settled properly.. would make a great film.. told from the point of a Lone Foster father.. and the battle for the rights of a fostered son and his siblings born to addicted abusive parents..
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Wow, HD you're right! It would be riveting.
 
Murrmurr said:
I filed a formal complaint last year after Paxton's caseworker and the caseworker's supervisor arbitrarily decided he was "too young to benefit from psychiatric therapy," which was pure BS and has no scientific basis whatsoever.

The caseworker was fired over that, and her supervisor was put on paid leave and lost her supervisory position. She came back as a caseworker.....

Guess who Paxton's caseworker is?

I found out for sure just yesterday that the kids' caseworker is the former supervisor who had to retake some classes, lost her title, and is losing income because I filed a complaint. A legitimate complaint. So, the reason I've had supervised visitation and still have limited visitation, and no one ever returns my calls or answers my emails is because Pax's caseworker hates my guts. She's giving me a hard time and making Paxton's life miserable purely out of vindictiveness.

And I have finally found an attorney who will take my case against her and Amador County. I'm suing them for violating Paxton's rights. And get this; the attorney's first name is Ranz...pronounced "rants." I think that's hilarious.

Paxton's grandma, Jacki, gave me all the documents she had from all 3 CPS cases, both Sacramento County and Amador County, and I took the whole lot to Ranz yesterday. He went over it and called me last night to tell me he's pretty sure I have a case. So he's going to start an investigation.
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That caseworker does not have the children's future at heart. Personally, I think Paxton and the twins should have been separated from the start, considering the bullying that they picked up by their mother.
 
I met the foster-to-adopt mom today. I like her. She noticed pieces of furniture I refurbished and/or repurposed, and she loved the cat shelters me, Paxton, and the twins are working on. She let the kids stay an extra half-hour, and she gave me and Meesh big hugs as they all left.

She takes great photos, too. Here's one of Paxton.

Paxton 5-18-23.jpg

Gaps, chips, curly tongue and all, ya gotta love that smile.
 
I make a mix of nuts and dried fruit and toss handfuls of it out in the backyard for the squirrels. But some of the birds like it, too, and a bunch of them will suddenly get noisy telling all their budgies about it.

"Murder! I found food!"
"What is it?"
"Don't know, but it's tasty."
"This one looks like a bug. Species unknown, but...."
"A cashew! Myrtle! Hey, Myrtle! ....Myrtle loves cashews."
"Ooo, you gonna get [lucky] tonight, budge."
"You know that's what I'm all about."
"Waaalt (in bird-squawk), you old crow."
"High-flight-feathers, braaa!"
 
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We got to have Paxton and the twins for a few hours yesterday morning. We decided not to get fireworks because ...well, it was morning. We made a kid garden instead; half produce, half flowers and ferns. Good times.

When Brandon came to pick them up, Paxton didn't want to go. He didn't make a big fuss about it - after all, that's never done any good - he just kept coming back to hug me and didn't let go for a long time. I kept reassuring him he'd be back to visit again soon, but I asked Brandon "Why's he doing that? You having problems at home?"

"No, no, everything's fine. I...I don't know why. He misses you. He talks about you all the time, and he wants to come over here every day."

Every day isn't practical, but I told Brandon he can bring him over more often, anytime. And Pax had asked me earlier to give him a photo of me & him having yerba maté together, so I printed it and gave it to him. I told Brandon to let Paxton hang it on his wall in his room. He said he would and that he has a frame for it.

I will have a talk with Paxton next visit, though. I'll ask him if Brandon is being a mean dad. Maybe he just misses me, but I remember when he was reunited with his mother back in 2021, and she dropped him off here for a weekend about 3 months later....so it was the first time we saw each other in 3 months, and I took him out for lunch...

We're eating, and Paxton says "I don't love my mom," and his eyes teared up. He said, "My mom is mean to me."

That's the day thoughts of Argentina, Kentucky, Los Angeles, and Thailand raced through my head, and plans on how to transfer my money and monthly deposits without leaving a trail, obtaining a couple of false IDs...or maybe something simpler, like a tragic accident befalling his mother....all these thoughts within like 10 seconds while I chewed on a mouthful of ham sandwich.
 
Murrmurr said:
We got to have Paxton and the twins for a few hours yesterday morning. We decided not to get fireworks because ...well, it was morning. We made a kid garden instead; half produce, half flowers and ferns. Good times.

When Brandon came to pick them up, Paxton didn't want to go. He didn't make a big fuss about it - after all, that's never done any good - he just kept coming back to hug me and didn't let go for a long time. I kept reassuring him he'd be back to visit again soon, but I asked Brandon "Why's he doing that? You having problems at home?"

"No, no, everything's fine. I...I don't know why. He misses you. He talks about you all the time, and he wants to come over here every day."

Every day isn't practical, but I told Brandon he can bring him over more often, anytime. And Pax had asked me earlier to give him a photo of me & him having yerba maté together, so I printed it and gave it to him. I told Brandon to let Paxton hang it on his wall in his room. He said he would and that he has a frame for it.

I will have a talk with Paxton next visit, though. I'll ask him if Brandon is being a mean dad. Maybe he just misses me, but I remember when he was reunited with his mother back in 2021, and she dropped him off here for a weekend about 3 months later....so it was the first time we saw each other in 3 months, and I took him out for lunch...

We're eating, and Paxton says "I don't love my mom," and his eyes teared up. He said, "My mom is mean to me."

That's the day thoughts of Argentina, Kentucky, Los Angeles, and Thailand raced through my head, and plans on how to transfer my money and monthly deposits without leaving a trail, obtaining a couple of false IDs...or maybe something simpler, like a tragic accident befalling his mother....all these thoughts within like 10 seconds while I chewed on a mouthful of ham sandwich.
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I hope it's only because Pax misses you, @Murrmurr
To a child, even a week is a long time. Perhaps Brandon is strict sometimes. I'm sure that, if he is, he will
now reconsider his child-rearing habits.
 
Pinky said:
I hope it's only because Pax misses you, @Murrmurr
To a child, even a week is a long time. Perhaps Brandon is strict sometimes. I'm sure that, if he is, he will
now reconsider his child-rearing habits.
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Living with Brandon and Megan is a big adjustment after being fostered by Melanie and Tony for several months. They were kind of permissive. Too permissive, imo. I don't believe in letting your little kids run the household and decide things like where you're gonna vacation. Input is fine, and votes are fun, but final decisions are for adults to make and little kids to live with.

Mel & Tony's house was basically one big playhouse, a free-for-all, and the kids had very few no real work involved responsibilities. That's a big mistake, imo. Work teaches a kid to appreciate things and to respect other people's work.

Brandon & Megan believe in structure. Too much, I think. Like they think free time is a gateway to drugs or something, so breakfast at 8, lunch at noon, nap at 2, and between then and then we do this and this. Plus they aren't into sugar at all, so no fruit-snacks, and absolutely no cake and cookies. Maybe birthday cakes are an exception, idk.

It's a major change. And probably hard for pre-schoolers to navigate, acclimate, and find their ground. Brandon & Megan don't recognize that at all. They both seem completely unaware that what they see as positive changes can have a negative effect. And they don't seem convinced that trauma exists in these kids.

And that very much reminds me of what Paxton's father said to his mother the first time he held his son, "You're right! It's just a tiny body with a floppy head!" Like that's all a child is; a thing that's floppy at one end. Like there's no real consciousness there.

Kids do adjust, and traumatized kids are very good at it. But the trauma doesn't melt away. Healthy eating doesn't cure it in a week, or whatever. That sh*t's there to stay. Those stains are permanent. They're people, not stuffed dolls with floppy heads. There's a brain in there, and it works from day one.

Ha! Sorry, my friend, you got me started. And I saw it through :p.

Brandon & Megan really want to do their best to raise decent people. I'm not enthused over their methods, but the kids will know they are loved. I'm pretty sure about that. HOWEVER, I will ask questions, and Paxton will answer honestly. He's a really good boy, and he has no doubts about how much I love him.
 
Murrmurr said:
Living with Brandon and Megan is a big adjustment after being fostered by Melanie and Tony for several months. They were kind of permissive. Too permissive, imo. I don't believe in letting your little kids run the household and decide things like where you're gonna vacation. Input is fine, and votes are fun, but final decisions are for adults to make and little kids to live with.

Mel & Tony's house was basically one big playhouse, a free-for-all, and the kids had very few no real work involved responsibilities. That's a big mistake, imo. Work teaches a kid to appreciate things and to respect other people's work.

Brandon & Megan believe in structure. Too much, I think. Like they think free time is a gateway to drugs or something, so breakfast at 8, lunch at noon, nap at 2, and between then and then we do this and this. Plus they aren't into sugar at all, so no fruit-snacks, and absolutely no cake and cookies. Maybe birthday cakes are an exception, idk.

It's a major change. And probably hard for pre-schoolers to navigate, acclimate, and find their ground. Brandon & Megan don't recognize that at all. They both seem completely unaware that what they see as positive changes can have a negative effect. And they don't seem convinced that trauma exists in these kids.

And that very much reminds me of what Paxton's father said to his mother the first time he held his son, "You're right! It's just a tiny body with a floppy head!" Like that's all a child is; a thing that's floppy at one end. Like there's no real consciousness there.

Kids do adjust, and traumatized kids are very good at it. But the trauma doesn't melt away. Healthy eating doesn't cure it in a week, or whatever. That sh*t's there to stay. Those stains are permanent. They're people, not stuffed dolls with floppy heads. There's a brain in there, and it works from day one.

Ha! Sorry, my friend, you got me started. And I saw it through :p.

Brandon & Megan really want to do their best to raise decent people. I'm not enthused over their methods, but the kids will know they are loved. I'm pretty sure about that. HOWEVER, I will ask questions, and Paxton will answer honestly. He's a really good boy, and he has no doubts about how much I love him.
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@Murrmurr

You are right, that kids do adjust. You are wise to continue to ask questions of Paxton. He is so fortunate that you have his back.

As far as Brandon & Megan go .. I guess they are learning as they go along, just as the kids are. Parenting
is not always easy.
 
Pinky said:
@Murrmurr

You are right, that kids do adjust. You are wise to continue to ask questions of Paxton. He is so fortunate that you have his back.

As far as Brandon & Megan go .. I guess they are learning as they go along, just as the kids are. Parenting
is not always easy.
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One really positive about Brandon is, he totally recognizes that, to Paxton, I'm Dad. Brandon gets that; he knows I'm important to Paxton, and I really appreciate that.
 
Brandon brought Paxton and the twins over for a 2-hour visit yesterday. We had a great time, as usual.

But the kids acted like didn't want to leave when he picked them up. Paxton, especially. They didn't say anything, and there wasn't any crying....they stalled. A lot, and for about half-an-hour. And whenever Brandon said "Ok, c'mon guys, pack it up, we gotta go," Paxton and Landon moved even slower.

After they left, I got a "How was your visit?" call from their former foster mom, Melanie, and it turned into an hour-long conversation.

Melanie & Tony had the kids for a whole day the previous weekend. She asked them if they were happy living with Brandon and Megan, and they were evasive at first, but then they told her that Brandon pinches their butts, and they don't like it.

And then Landon told Mel that Brandon said they need to cut his wiener off.

Naturally, she questioned Landon further. Turns out Brandon told Landon that his foreskin needs to be cut off.

Paxton isn't circumcised, either, but Paxton didn't say that Brandon told him he needed to be also. And he didn't say he didn't.

Melanie didn't tell the kids' grandmother, Jackie, about this. She knew Jackie would lose it if she did, so she asked me to tell her.

I did.

Because the whole thing is totally weird - the butt pinching, the foreskin thing...and there's other stuff Mel told me, too, and it's all really weird.

Plus, Brandon & Megan take the kids to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and I asked Brandon the name of their church, and I found their Facebook page and YouTube channel. I watched one of their Sunday meetin' streams on YouTube, and about a fourth the way through, I fully expected the preacher to bring out the snakes and start speaking in "tongues."

I told Jackie what Mel said and told her to watch the church videos. She's taking all this to her attorney, and she's going to ask him to file a stop-motion (or whatever) on the adoption.

She asked me if I would testify if her complaint goes to court. I said I would. Everything I can testify about the butt-pinching and the wiener-cutting is hearsay, but if her attorney's motion makes it to court, and I'm allowed to testify, I will.
 


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