Not that anyone is asking

Trish said:
She does sound nice.
Click to expand...
She seems very nice. But I've only met her once and texted with her twice; once to ask which things she thought Paxton would like for his 5th birthday (from my short list, she chose books), and once when she asked me to keep the kids an extra 1/2 hour. She also clearly understands how my history with Paxton effects him now. Brandon seems to appreciate our history, but he doesn't understand how or why that's even relevant now.

But I suspect Brandon totally controls who Megan talks to and what she can and can't say, probably with her consent. The reasons I think that is because, 1) Melanie told me she and Megan were texting back and forth, and suddenly Brandon took over the conversation using Megan's phone, and he ended it, and Mel hasn't heard from Megan via telephone since; and 2) I'm very familiar with their church, and it's extremely patriarchal. The men serve god and the women serve men. The women do what they're told, full stop.

I don't like harping about their church on a public forum (and I'm not going to name it), but it's relevant bc it will shape the kids' future, and I am very concerned about that.
And I do know a lot about it. My 1st wife's family were devout members.
 

Murrmurr said:
She seems very nice. But I've only met her once and texted with her twice; once to ask which things she thought Paxton would like for his 5th birthday (from my short list, she chose books), and once when she asked me to keep the kids an extra 1/2 hour. She also clearly understands how my history with Paxton effects him now. Brandon seems to appreciate our history, but he doesn't understand how or why that's even relevant now.

But I suspect Brandon totally controls who Megan talks to and what she can and can't say, probably with her consent. The reasons I think that is because, 1) Melanie told me she and Megan were texting back and forth, and suddenly Brandon took over the conversation using Megan's phone, and he ended it, and Mel hasn't heard from Megan via telephone since; and 2) I'm very familiar with their church, and it's extremely patriarchal. The men serve god and the women serve men. The women do what they're told, full stop.

I don't like harping about their church on a public forum (and I'm not going to name it), but it's relevant bc it will shape the kids' future, and I am very concerned about that.
And I do know a lot about it. My 1st wife's family were devout members.
Click to expand...
Brandon does not sound like the sort of person you could engage in a conversation with re your concerns about the children. It's a very difficult situation and, I guess, all you can do is keep a record of anything which concerns you and hope that the situation can be resolved in the best way possible for the children. You are obviously very concerned and it must be a terrible strain on you and Mel, the worries seem so constant. From what you have posted, it does sound like the grandmother would provide a better environment.
 
Trish said:
Brandon does not sound like the sort of person you could engage in a conversation with re your concerns about the children. It's a very difficult situation and, I guess, all you can do is keep a record of anything which concerns you and hope that the situation can be resolved in the best way possible for the children. You are obviously very concerned and it must be a terrible strain on you and Mel, the worries seem so constant. From what you have posted, it does sound like the grandmother would provide a better environment.
Click to expand...
The grandmother (Jackie) babies them a lot....like too much, honestly. Brandon complained to the caseworker about it, so it's a sticking point with CPS now. Jacki said she's working on it, but, apparently, it's a hard habit to break.

I've known Jackie for a long time. Decades. She was my parents' next-door neighbor, my sister used to babysit her kids, and I coached her son when he was in Little League (for half-a-season). She has a history of substance abuse; over 20 years of addiction. She's been clean for a dozen or so years, but the long-term effects are obvious. She's financially irresponsible, extremely emotional, her home is cluttered (but not like a hoarder, and the furniture is very nice), her yard is always in a horrible state, and she's very dependent on her boyfriend.

She's the mother of Paxton's mother, who has drug problems and abused Paxton, and mother-in-law of the kids' father, who is doing a stint in prison for 4 liquor-store robberies, which he did all in one night. Luckily, he wasn't armed, but he pretended he was. He'll be up for parole within a couple years. He has a history of violating parole (on a previous charge of domestic violence against the kids' mother), but he could still get out after that parole hearing. Calif parole panels are pretty lenient. But anyway, the thing is, Paxton's parents lived with Jackie for a few years, and they were all really close until Paxton tested positive for drugs the day he was born.

None of what I just wrote in the previous 2 paragraphs works in her favor. She does have a good attorney, but she owes him money right now.

They have a crazy payment arrangement: Jackie and her boyfriend are supposed to build the attorney a koi pond with a waterfall and the boyfriend is supposed to fix the attorney's car. They started the koi pond a couple months ago but haven't finished it, and the boyfriend totally flaked on fixing the car. (the attorney is still on the case, though, and says he'll see it through)

Anyway, this is how Jackie's life works All The Time. So, I have reservations. I mean, she adores the kids and she's very protective of them, but her life is so chaotic....from my perspective. :(
 
Last edited:
Well people can love their families... but not be any good for them, and that's the case with Jackie. Her heart's in the right place because they're her blood family but that's no going to be good enough to be a long term parent to very vulnerable children
 
Murrmurr said:
The grandmother (Jackie) babies them a lot....like too much, honestly. Brandon complained to the caseworker about it, so it's a sticking point with CPS now. Jacki said she's working on it, but, apparently, it's a hard habit to break.

I've known Jackie for a long time. Decades. She was my parents' next-door neighbor, my sister used to babysit her kids, and I coached her son when he was in Little League (for half-a-season). She has a history of substance abuse; over 20 years of addiction. She's been clean for a dozen or so years, but the long-term effects are obvious. She's financially irresponsible, extremely emotional, her home is cluttered (but not like a hoarder, and the furniture is very nice), her yard is always in a horrible state, and she's very dependent on her boyfriend.

She's the mother of the kids' father, who is doing a stint in prison for 4 liquor-store robberies, which he did all in one night. Luckily, he wasn't armed, but he pretended he was. He'll be up for parole within a couple years. He has a history of violating parole (on a previous charge of domestic violence against the kids' mother), but he could still get out after that parole hearing. Calif parole panels are pretty lenient.

None of what I just wrote in the previous 2 paragraphs works in her favor. She does have a good attorney, but she owes him money right now.

They have a crazy payment arrangement: Jackie and her boyfriend are supposed to build the attorney a koi pond with a waterfall and the boyfriend is supposed to fix the attorney's car. They started the koi pond a couple months ago but haven't finished it, and the boyfriend totally flaked on fixing the car. (the attorney is still on the case, though, and says he'll see it through)

Anyway, this is how Jackie's life works All The Time. So, I have reservations. I mean, she adores the kids and she's very protective of them, but her life is so chaotic....from my perspective. :(
Click to expand...
Blimey! I can understand why you have reservations. I guess it depends on where the children will be happiest although, Jackie's chances of getting custody sound slim.

I suppose it is difficult to find a family who will adopt three children and, if the children are moved from Brandon/Meghan's care and Jackie is refused custody, I guess the children will end up back in care?

It's a very sad situation :(
 
hollydolly said:
Well people can love their families... but not be any good for them, and that's the case with Jackie. Her heart's in the right place because they're her blood family but that's no going to be good enough to be a long term parent to very vulnerable children
Click to expand...
Yep, I agree. And Jackie is soft when it comes to her son, the kids' father. I think there's a good chance she'd let him be around his kids after he gets out of prison whether or not there's a no-contact order in place, and whether or not CPS suspends his right to visitation. And if she did that and got caught, she'd lose the kids and any right to see or contact them whatsoever.
 
Trish said:
Blimey! I can understand why you have reservations. I guess it depends on where the children will be happiest although, Jackie's chances of getting custody sound slim.

I suppose it is difficult to find a family who will adopt three children and, if the children are moved from Brandon/Meghan's care and Jackie is refused custody, I guess the children will end up back in care?

It's a very sad situation :(
Click to expand...
Yeah, they'd go back into care. It would be their 4th placement in 2 years. VERY sad.

But if that happens, Michelle and I will ask they be placed here. Michelle's working on getting a foster-home license now, and I think we'd have a really good chance.
 
Murrmurr said:
Yeah, they'd go back into care. It would be their 4th placement in 2 years. VERY sad.

But if that happens, Michelle and I will ask they be placed here. Michelle's working on getting a foster-home license now, and I think we'd have a really good chance.
Click to expand...
well all we can do it keep fingers crossed Frank... 🤞🤞I know it's not the most ideal for you, at your age and with your disabilities, but as we all know the only people who thus far have been the best fit, is you Paxtons' foster father from a baby... and you and Michelle know these children, particularly Paxton as tho' you'd given birth to him, and have loved, cared, adored, played, educated, him, and know precisely how to react to Paxton's mood swings.. how to get him out of a funk.. how to love him, and he you...for him the world begins and ends with his Uncle Frank

but if you were granted custody.. would it mean taking all 3...?
 
Murrmurr said:
The grandmother (Jackie) babies them a lot....like too much, honestly. Brandon complained to the caseworker about it, so it's a sticking point with CPS now. Jacki said she's working on it, but, apparently, it's a hard habit to break.

I've known Jackie for a long time. Decades. She was my parents' next-door neighbor, my sister used to babysit her kids, and I coached her son when he was in Little League (for half-a-season). She has a history of substance abuse; over 20 years of addiction. She's been clean for a dozen or so years, but the long-term effects are obvious. She's financially irresponsible, extremely emotional, her home is cluttered (but not like a hoarder, and the furniture is very nice), her yard is always in a horrible state, and she's very dependent on her boyfriend.

She's the mother of the kids' father, who is doing a stint in prison for 4 liquor-store robberies, which he did all in one night. Luckily, he wasn't armed, but he pretended he was. He'll be up for parole within a couple years. He has a history of violating parole (on a previous charge of domestic violence against the kids' mother), but he could still get out after that parole hearing. Calif parole panels are pretty lenient.

None of what I just wrote in the previous 2 paragraphs works in her favor. She does have a good attorney, but she owes him money right now.

They have a crazy payment arrangement: Jackie and her boyfriend are supposed to build the attorney a koi pond with a waterfall and the boyfriend is supposed to fix the attorney's car. They started the koi pond a couple months ago but haven't finished it, and the boyfriend totally flaked on fixing the car. (the attorney is still on the case, though, and says he'll see it through)

Anyway, this is how Jackie's life works All The Time. So, I have reservations. I mean, she adores the kids and she's very protective of them, but her life is so chaotic....from my perspective. :(
Click to expand...
This is very discouraging to hear. The kids need someone reliable to count on. You seem to be the only
one who fits the bill.
 
hollydolly said:
but if you were granted custody.. would it mean taking all 3...?
Click to expand...
CPS won't separate them. And at this point, they shouldn't.

I wish they had done 2 years ago, when Melanie had them and reported the twins were abusing Paxton. It's what they learned from their mother. Mel proposed placing Pax with me, and scheduling sibling visits 2 or 3 times a week for a couple hours, then weekend visits as well, until we observed less aggression from the twins.

CPS didn't go for it. That's when Mel & Tony said that, in that case they couldn't adopt all 3, but they hoped very much they could adopt Paxton. Of course, CPS said no.

But that's how bad the twins' were. And Mel & Tony fostered them from infancy to 18 months, and they adored them. Mel cried for months after their mother got custody. Eight months later, CPS took them again and they were not the same kids by then. The twins got mean and underhanded and Paxton was sheepish and totally downtrodden.

They got a lot better after several months with Mel & Tony (and regular visits with Uncle Frank :giggle:). But, if you remember, Mel & Tony had since had a baby of their own and were fostering another. That's 7 kids total. Their 8yr-old was the oldest, and they started having problems with her, mainly because she wasn't getting the attention she was used to, the house was chaotic, schedules were tight, and Melanie was tired and probably grumpy a lot of the time. It was just too much. And so they were placed w/Brandon & Megan. 😒
 
At a hearing today, a Calif Supreme judge terminated Paxton and the twins' parent's parental rights, terminated their right to visitation/contact (which was already suspended), and told CPS they must complete the adoption process by Jan. 24th.

Jackie will contest the adoption. She wants custody, but I don't think she has a prayer. Contesting the adoption is a good move. Brandon will no doubt try to stop her scheduled visits with her grandkids, but I think CPS will probably allow the visits to continue.
 
Murrmurr said:
At a hearing today, a Calif Supreme judge terminated Paxton and the twins' parent's parental rights, terminated their right to visitation/contact (which was already suspended), and told CPS they must complete the adoption process by Jan. 24th.

Jackie will contest the adoption. She wants custody, but I don't think she has a prayer. Contesting the adoption is a good move. Brandon will no doubt try to stop her scheduled visits with her grandkids, but I think CPS will probably allow the visits to continue.
Click to expand...
Those kids need to be around people they can trust. I hope everything turns out right for them. This constant upheaval is heart-breaking to hear about.
 
Having trouble with my legs the past 2 days. I know why, and there's not much I can do about it besides taking it easy for a couple days or so and spending a lot of time in my recliner. I got up several times during the night just to walk around to stop the leg-foot cramps and try to keep my legs from going numb and useless.

I went to PetSmart the other day to buy a larger tank for the goldfish, and since it's right next to a Walmart Superstore, I went in there to get some groceries and stuff. I usually avoid Walmart, especially their Superstores, because they're massive and you have to do a lot of walking.

Then when I got home, I set up the new tank. I got a 30-gallon one, 3X bigger than the old one. Sure glad I didn't get the 40-gallon one, like I originally planned. I decided to filter the water of chlorine and other minerals before filling the tank with it, so had to tote about 5 gallons at a time back and forth, back and forth. Water is heavy, you know?

I put in the substrate about 1/3 the way through, then after a bit more water I put in the plants and rocks and stuff, and then I set up the filters and air-stones, and got them going. Some of the tubing is a tiiiny bit too big, like by a nanometer, so I had to jerry-rig a couple of them. That was a freaking pain in the keister.

The tank looks pretty good. Good, but kind of boring. It'll look a lot better when the plants grow bigger. But, man, by the time it was ready for the fish, my back was hurting really badly.

Now the fish look really small in their new home, which is kind of hilarious. Made me think I need to go buy a whole school of guppies or something. Seems like they love it, though.
 
Murrmurr said:
Having trouble with my legs the past 2 days. I know why, and there's not much I can do about it besides taking it easy for a couple days or so and spending a lot of time in my recliner. I got up several times during the night just to walk around to stop the leg-foot cramps and try to keep my legs from going numb and useless.

I went to PetSmart the other day to buy a larger tank for the goldfish, and since it's right next to a Walmart Superstore, I went in there to get some groceries and stuff. I usually avoid Walmart, especially their Superstores, because they're massive and you have to do a lot of walking.

Then when I got home, I set up the new tank. I got a 30-gallon one, 3X bigger than the old one. Sure glad I didn't get the 40-gallon one, like I originally planned. I decided to filter the water of chlorine and other minerals before filling the tank with it, so had to tote about 5 gallons at a time back and forth, back and forth. Water is heavy, you know?

I put in the substrate about 1/3 the way through, then after a bit more water I put in the plants and rocks and stuff, and then I set up the filters and air-stones, and got them going. Some of the tubing is a tiiiny bit too big, like by a nanometer, so I had to jerry-rig a couple of them. That was a freaking pain in the keister.

The tank looks pretty good. Good, but kind of boring. It'll look a lot better when the plants grow bigger. But, man, by the time it was ready for the fish, my back was hurting really badly.

Now the fish look really small in their new home, which is kind of hilarious. Made me think I need to go buy a whole school of guppies or something. Seems like they love it, though.
Click to expand...
Are your legs hurting from carrying that tank and lugging all the water around?
Mine would be....
 
Frank, maybe something like these would help you have to move or carry heavy items. They have larger and smaller sizes too.

hollydolly said:
I just recently bought these...

71b0c2e69ab523ed5e6b632f1ba96386.jpg

5c81f4f9551f08637e2b4bfe2a35497e.jpg

d3ca421340193fecdbec9226abae8410.jpg
Click to expand...
 
dobielvr said:
Are your legs hurting from carrying that tank and lugging all the water around?
Mine would be....
Click to expand...
I didn't carry either tank while they were over 20% full, but the 30-gal one was pretty heavy and a really awkward load while empty. Thing is, I'm actually not supposed to lift or carry more than 5 pounds. That's the limit the back surgeon gave me because lifting/carrying over that causes my back muscles to press against nerves in my spine that aren't protected like they should be (due to stenosis). But just bending and twisting at the waist can do that, too.
 
Jackie (Paxton's grandmother) called me this morning. The CPS caseworker called her to tell her there will be no more visits with the kids.

When adoption is imminent, per policy, CPS advises the adopting family to cut ties with the children's' original family and extended family so they can devote all their available time to bonding with the children.

In CPS language, I'm "extended family."

I'm 99% certain that Paxton saw my face for the last time on July 21st.
 
Murrmurr said:
When adoption is imminent, per policy, CPS advises the adopting family to cut ties with the children's' original family and extended family so they can devote all their available time to bonding with the children.
Click to expand...
What a crock of stupidity. You and all others who are good family should be kept in the circle. Those at the CPS think that the love the children have for you just evaporates with the signature on the bottom of a legal form? Makes me spitting mad.
 

Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top