Not that anyone is asking

Murrmurr said:
Brandon brought Paxton and the twins over for a 2-hour visit yesterday. We had a great time, as usual.

But the kids acted like didn't want to leave when he picked them up. Paxton, especially. They didn't say anything, and there wasn't any crying....they stalled. A lot, and for about half-an-hour. And whenever Brandon said "Ok, c'mon guys, pack it up, we gotta go," Paxton and Landon moved even slower.

After they left, I got a "How was your visit?" call from their former foster mom, Melanie, and it turned into an hour-long conversation.

Melanie & Tony had the kids for a whole day the previous weekend. She asked them if they were happy living with Brandon and Megan, and they were evasive at first, but then they told her that Brandon pinches their butts, and they don't like it.

And then Landon told Mel that Brandon said they need to cut his wiener off.

Naturally, she questioned Landon further. Turns out Brandon told Landon that his foreskin needs to be cut off.

Paxton isn't circumcised, either, but Paxton didn't say that Brandon told him he needed to be also. And he didn't say he didn't.

Melanie didn't tell the kids' grandmother, Jackie, about this. She knew Jackie would lose it if she did, so she asked me to tell her.

I did.

Because the whole thing is totally weird - the butt pinching, the foreskin thing...and there's other stuff Mel told me, too, and it's all really weird.

Plus, Brandon & Megan take the kids to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and I asked Brandon the name of their church, and I found their Facebook page and YouTube channel. I watched one of their Sunday meetin' streams on YouTube, and about a fourth the way through, I fully expected the preacher to bring out the snakes and start speaking in "tongues."

I told Jackie what Mel said and told her to watch the church videos. She's taking all this to her attorney, and she's going to ask him to file a stop-motion (or whatever) on the adoption.

She asked me if I would testify if her complaint goes to court. I said I would. Everything I can testify about the butt-pinching and the wiener-cutting is hearsay, but if her attorney's motion makes it to court, and I'm allowed to testify, I will.
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OMG.
 

Pinky said:
@Murrmurr
This is seriously disturbing stuff. Just when you'd thought the kids were in a good family situation .. this.
It's good that you are involved in their lives. They need someone who has their well-being at heart.

So disheartening. These kids never seem to get a fair break.
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I worry about what kind of people they will become. Paxton is already becoming detached from everyone except me and his grandmother. A sign he'll resist forming bonds and friendship with others. He's going to have trust issues. He's also learned to tune people out. Instead of learning academics and nature, he's laser-focused on figuring out how to manipulate his environment, including the people around him.

Paxton was learning to read when he was taken from me. He was 2 and 3/4 years old and could recognize 14 words. I kept a list. His mother never read with him, and in fact, she never unpacked his books I sent with him.

Melanie read to him, and she was loving toward him, and that renewed his interest in books. But his time with her lasted only months.

I got him a bunch of new books for his 5th birthday, and he seemed really excited about that, but he told me later that they don't read very often at Brandon and Megan's house. Mostly they get read to ...from the Bible.
 
My grandson & Paxton are the same age, separated by only a month or two. I have noticed things I worry about; things that can give him some trouble. IMO his parents & other grandparents are handling this all wrong. He was given Freedom of Choice since he was a baby. I think that is wrong. Parents/trusted adults should tell a little one what to do, not the other way around. A baby making choices is just too overwhelming and makes the kid the center of everything which has its drawbacks.

My grandson & Paxton even resemble each other.

This new set of parents sounds awful; but I admit to prejudice against Holy Rollers and foreskin cutters.
 
Pepper said:
This new set of parents sounds awful; but I admit to prejudice against Holy Rollers and foreskin cutters.
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Me, too. And religion can be a real tricky thing in a courtroom. Jackie's/grandma's attorney will file some motions or whatever this week. She's going to fight for custody. At the very least, she can delay the adoption...possibly until Paxton is actually old enough to request Freedom of Choice, and it will be reasonable.

The kids haven't had that right; they've had to go live with whoever CPS chooses.

Anyhow, if the judge allows Jackie's motion to contest the adoption, the accusations against Brandon and Megan will be investigated...one can hope.

In Calif (and maybe every state), grandparents of children in foster care only have one right - the right to request visitation, and CPS can approve or deny. Once the children are adopted, natural grandparents lose that right.
 
Are foster/adoptive parents allowed to have the children in their care circumcised? It seems an invasion of a child's rights to subject them to an invasive procedure purely on the grounds of their adoptive family's religious beliefs. I would make the attorney aware of that possibility.

Brandon sounds very weird and clearly has no respect for the children's boundaries. I may have read your earlier posts wrong and, if so I apologise but, I seem to remember that you weren't sure about Brandon right from the off. I think gut feelings are usually the right feelings and the fact that the children are uncomfortable is evident. You must be so worried but, it is good that they have your support.
 
Trish said:
Are foster/adoptive parents allowed to have the children in their care circumcised? It seems an invasion of a child's rights to subject them to an invasive procedure purely on the grounds of their adoptive family's religious beliefs. I would make the attorney aware of that possibility.

Brandon sounds very weird and clearly has no respect for the children's boundaries. I may have read your earlier posts wrong and, if so I apologise but, I seem to remember that you weren't sure about Brandon right from the off. I think gut feelings are usually the right feelings and the fact that the children are uncomfortable is evident. You must be so worried but, it is good that they have your support.
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Adoptive parents have the right to circumcise, baptize, and even install religious altars in the kid's bedroom. They can treat their adopted kids the same as they would their natural kids. The law doesn't distinguish the two.

It protects both equally, though. Even if the adoption goes through, if someone reports abuse of any kind, Child Protective Services can take kids from adoptive parents same as they would natural parents.
 
Trish said:
... I may have read your earlier posts wrong and, if so I apologise but, I seem to remember that you weren't sure about Brandon right from the off. ...
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He struck me as not at all confident about his own parenting skills.

And his lack of confidence sure wasn't a confidence-builder for me. For a while it seemed like he was open to a little coaching, but turns out I got that wrong. He listened, but that's all...in one ear, out the other.

I get the impression now that Brandon's attitude is, no one tells him what to do. Aside from his uber-patriarchal church, I suppose.
 
A circumcision after babyhood is a monstrous, torturous procedure and should not be allowed because of the ages of the boys who will be aware of what is happening. Surely this can't be allowed??????????????????????
 
hearlady said:
I wish these children could just live their life happily, as I know you do too.
At least they have you and so they know there are good people in the world. 🦋
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It drives me crazy knowing they'll never realize their full potential. How will they ever be able to achieve academically, creatively, or socially when their development has already been thwarted by one emotional trauma after another? It's depressing as hell.

And when you know Pax and the twins are only 3 in millions of kids going through the same thing.... The foster system is fraught with stupidity, corruption, and plain old wrong-thinking and bad decisions. It's a county cash-cow that only looks good on paper ....until you dig deeper. CPS messes kids up, and they get paid for it. They tear families apart and destroy children "in the child's best interest."

I don't doubt that CPS's tragic endings far outnumber the happy ones. Just guessing, I'd say it's 20% vs 80%, and I'm probably being generous.
 
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Jules said:
This never ends for these kids. It’s not fair.
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You know what really sucks? They're adjusting to it. Adjusting to the constant disappointments, the devastation, the powerlessness, the inability to trust anyone. They are becoming manipulative and sneaky. They have no empathy for others, no desire to form emotional bonds. And why should they?

Just tears me apart.
 
Pepper said:
They have learned, are learning, to harden their hearts against pain, to put up walls.
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When I remember and can clearly envision the joyful, playful, eager, clever little boy Paxton was when he was given back to his mother, and compare that content little charmer to who he is now, just 2 years later, I want to cry.

Well, I want to kill, really, but ....
 
Murrmurr said:
He struck me as not at all confident about his own parenting skills.

And his lack of confidence sure wasn't a confidence-builder for me. For a while it seemed like he was open to a little coaching, but turns out I got that wrong. He listened, but that's all...in one ear, out the other.

I get the impression now that Brandon's attitude is, no one tells him what to do. Aside from his uber-patriarchal church, I suppose.
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It's a shame because, if he had been open to advice, it could have been a happy outcome for everyone, especially the children. I guess there is still a chance that this can be resolved and it's his lack of skills that is the problem rather than anything more sinister.
 
Murrmurr said:
When I remember and can clearly envision the joyful, playful, eager, clever little boy Paxton was when he was given back to his mother, and compare that content little charmer to who he is now, just 2 years later, I want to cry.

Well, I want to kill, really, but ....
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At what age can a child choose where he wants/doesn't want to live?
 
Trish said:
It's a shame because, if he had been open to advice, it could have been a happy outcome for everyone, especially the children. I guess there is still a chance that this can be resolved and it's his lack of skills that is the problem rather than anything more sinister.
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I don't think it's his lack of skills. I think he thinks he's the only person involved who has the skills to turn these soppy, mamby-pamby little milk-toasts into decent, god-fearing, demon overpowering, off-grid survivalists.
 
Murrmurr said:
I don't think it's his lack of skills. I think he thinks he's the only person involved who has the skills to turn these soppy, mamby-pamby little milk-toasts into decent, god-fearing, demon overpowering, off-grid survivalists.
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He sounds awful. What is the wife like? I hope a case can be made to let the children live with their grandmother 🤞
 
Trish said:
He sounds awful. What is the wife like? I hope a case can be made to let the children live with their grandmother 🤞
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She's sweet and quiet. She seemed really interested in my DYI stuff, like a chest and some shelving I made, and the cat shelters me & Paxton built and painted, and the workshop.
 

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