Not that anyone is asking

You've done a great job helping Paxton and the twins get this far. You know that they have settled down in their new placement and that Melanie is seeing them regularly so, perhaps it is time for you to step back and concentrate on your health and your life with Michelle?

Melanie seems to have been very supportive of your access to Paxton until now and, it may be that she is also concerned about your health. Perhaps consider emailing Melanie just asking her to send your love to Paxton and the twins, say that your heart will always be open and you hope that she will keep you updated in the future.

Obviously this is not the situation you hoped to be in but, it's not necessarily the end of the line; there have been many twists and turns and things may still work out but, in the meantime, take a breather and get well x
 

Murrmurr said:
I have no idea what Brandon's problem is. An oversized ego, is my guess. It's obvious he has to be in control for one thing, and he believes he never has to explain himself or take advice from anyone because we're all stupid and misguided.

There's not one person involved who thinks I'm owed an explanation about anything. Not since day 1, really.
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It would benefit everyone involved if Brandon would just be honest with you. If he has had input from a child psychologist that it would be best for Paxton not to see you, then he should say so. In any case, he is going about things the wrong way. If he has an issue, he should discuss it. I hope this can be resolved somehow.
 
Murrmurr said:
I have no idea what Brandon's problem is. An oversized ego, is my guess. It's obvious he has to be in control for one thing, and he believes he never has to explain himself or take advice from anyone because we're all stupid and misguided.

There's not one person involved who thinks I'm owed an explanation about anything. Not since day 1, really.
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...but those of us who are outside and CAN see the wood for the trees, know that you're more than important in that little boy's life...
 

Murrmurr said:
I might have broken a bone in my hand. Or maybe cracked it. The capitate bone, I think.

Or I hope I just hyperextended my fingers when I fell.

I did a face-plant out front of my son's house yesterday. We were walking out to my van to load some stuff in the back, and I slipped in the wet grass and twisted my ankle, then my knee gave out, and I went down hard.

Grant's hands were full, so he just watched the whole thing happen. Heaven forbid we drop an armful of crap so we can catch the old man before he slams his face on some asphalt. 😂

He did *carefully* set the crap down so he could help me up....out of a gutter full of rain water. But only below my waist. The rest of me was on the street.

Grant walked me back into his house, and then he freaked out a little because blood was running down my cheek. His sweet wife, Kat, sat me down and rendered first aid. A warm sudsy wash with a soft, clean cloth, followed by several gentle pats with a gauze pad soaked in hydrogen peroxide, and lots of encouraging words all the while. Such a dear girl.

My ankle hurt, so Kat walked me to the couch, put my feet up, and applied an ice-pack. I had a headache, so she administered Tylenol. I was wet and cold, so she tossed a blanket over me.

So, my ankle and my face hurt that day. Today, I think my hand has the most serious injury. The back of it's all swelled up across the knuckles, and it's red there, and moving my 2 middle fingers causes a lot of pain.

Obviously, I stuck my hands out in front of me as I fell, but I just fell on my hands. They were of little use in this incident. Well, I suppose they cushioned my chest a bit, but this did little good for my hands...the right one, especially.

I sprained my ankle, so it doesn't feel so great - I'm kind of stayin' off it - and I've got a beaut of a shiner that covers half my cheek, but that'll all mend ok in a few days or so. I might go get my hand looked at, though. There's really nothing much a doctor can do...just wrap it, probably. But I'm curious about what's up with it exactly, if it's actually broken or just cracked or what.

Grant called my younger son, Liam, and told him what happened, so Liam brought my grandson over to stay a couple days. He's helping me out so Meesh can go to work and school and not worry about it. Among a few other things, he helped me take down the Christmas tree and move the furniture back over there.

He's a little freaked out about my big shiner. About every hour he'll come and say, "You want some ice for that, grampa?" 🫣
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I just saw this. Hope you are better now despite the other things going on.
 
Trish said:
You've done a great job helping Paxton and the twins get this far. You know that they have settled down in their new placement and that Melanie is seeing them regularly so, perhaps it is time for you to step back and concentrate on your health and your life with Michelle?

Melanie seems to have been very supportive of your access to Paxton until now and, it may be that she is also concerned about your health. Perhaps consider emailing Melanie just asking her to send your love to Paxton and the twins, say that your heart will always be open and you hope that she will keep you updated in the future.

Obviously this is not the situation you hoped to be in but, it's not necessarily the end of the line; there have been many twists and turns and things may still work out but, in the meantime, take a breather and get well x
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You sound like Michelle. ☺️

The thing that's bothering me is that Brandon told Paxton he could see his Uncle Frank on a regular basis, and now it's not happening. Whatever the reason, I'm sure it has nothing to do with Paxton; it's personal, or Brandon's paranoid or something; but Paxton is paying for it emotionally.

And this could backfire on Brandon. Not that I give a rat's about him, but he's shaping Paxton now, and he's making a big mistake here. Maybe Paxton will never feel close to his adopted father, maybe he's learning not to trust anyone, maybe he'll suck at relationships all his life....a lot can go wrong.
 
Murrmurr said:
You sound like Michelle. ☺️

The thing that's bothering me is that Brandon told Paxton he could see his Uncle Frank on a regular basis, and now it's not happening. Whatever the reason, I'm sure it has nothing to do with Paxton; it's personal, or Brandon's paranoid or something; but Paxton is paying for it emotionally.

And this could backfire on Brandon. Not that I give a rat's about him, but he's shaping Paxton now, and he's making a big mistake here. Maybe Paxton will never feel close to his adopted father, maybe he's learning not to trust anyone, maybe he'll suck at relationships all his life....a lot can go wrong.
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I will take that as a compliment :)

Of course, you and Michelle deserve an explanation but, as it is not forthcoming, pushing it will only create hostility. I think the best strategy is to bide your time and maintain a friendly correspondence with Melanie.

Unfortunately, it seems that despite your closeness with the children, especially Paxton, you do not have any legal rights so, all you can do really is show concern and hope that one of them, hopefully Melanie, will do the decent thing and let you know what is going on.

In the meantime, you need to put that weight back on and enjoy some good times :)
 
Pinky said:
It would benefit everyone involved if Brandon would just be honest with you. If he has had input from a child psychologist that it would be best for Paxton not to see you, then he should say so. In any case, he is going about things the wrong way. If he has an issue, he should discuss it. I hope this can be resolved somehow.
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Brandon is about as communicative as an amoeba. And I think he won't ask me any questions about Paxton because he thinks it would make him come across as incompetent or something like that. But he does have questions, I can tell. It's in his eyes and his body language. It's totally obvious.
 
I had a lunch date with Melanie today. It's pretty clear I won't be seeing Paxton again, but Melanie (and Tony) will, so I took his Christmas gift with me. I took the Christmas wrap off it because I was afraid it would remind him that he picked out and wrapped a gift for me, too, back in November, but he probably won't ever be able to give it to me.

I got him a book titled The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. It was written by Charlie Mackesy. He's an illustration artist and I think it's the only book he's written. He also illustrated it, and his illustrations were used for an animated short-film with the same title. I wanted to get the DVD or blu-ray, too, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

The film was released in the UK in 2020, and aired on Apple TV for a short time in 2022. I don't have BBC or Apple TV, and it might have been removed by now anyway. I'll keep looking for it.

It's an awesome story about a 6yr-old boy who's alone and looking for Home. A little while into his lonely search, he befriends a mole, and he and the mole befriend a fox, and they all befriend a horse. The animals help the boy search for Home, and along the way they share their ideas about life's promises and it's difficulties, what Home is, and the various places it could be, which is not necessarily geographical.

Maybe doesn't sound like it, but it's definitely aimed at young children. The ideas about life and home that the boy and the animals discuss are from a young child's perspective, but they're profound and meaningful. Even philosophical.

Anyway, I ordered the book for Melanie's kids, too, and I gave them both to her over lunch. It's a great book for kids in the foster-adoption system, and Mel and Tony fostered and adopted 2 of their kids (for a total of 5). She liked that I signed "Uncle Frank" on her kids' book, too.

Mel will give Paxton his book when he and the twins spend a night with her family this week.

We talked about Brandon quite a bit over lunch. I've always suspected Melanie doesn't share too much about Brandon with me, afraid the worst parts will get back to him "somehow". And now I'm sure she doesn't, and that really pisses me off, for a multitude of reasons. I don't think I can do these monthly lunches with Mel anymore.

I've done all I can do for Paxton up to this point. If Brandon allows him to see me in the near future, I'll be here for him. Paxton doesn't remember being a baby, and in a few years he won't remember being 3, and probably not much about being 5, but if he decides to strike out on his own and look for me 10 or 15 years from now, I hope I'm still here. I'm gonna try to be.
(tho that's not what I planned yrs ago)
 
Two of my favorite parts in that book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, are

where the boy senses the horse is extremely wise, so he asks it "What is the wisest thing you have ever said?" and the horse answered, "Help."

and when, after much discussion about love and friendship, the boy reasons, “Home isn’t always a place, is it?”
 
I feel sad for you @Murrmurr and Paxton and his siblings because, of course, every child needs an Uncle Frank; someone who loves them unconditionally and will always be there for them. I think you have made a wise, although painful, decision to step back and I hope you and, in particular, Paxton will be reunited at some point. I doubt that Paxton will forget you x
 
Murrmurr said:
Two of my favorite parts in that book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, are

where the boy senses the horse is extremely wise, so he asks it "What is the wisest thing you have ever said?" and the horse answered, "Help."

and when, after much discussion about love and friendship, the boy reasons, “Home isn’t always a place, is it?”
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I have watched it but, can't remember where!
 
Trish said:
I feel sad for you @Murrmurr and Paxton and his siblings because, of course, every child needs an Uncle Frank; someone who loves them unconditionally and will always be there for them. I think you have made a wise, although painful, decision to step back and I hope you and, in particular, Paxton will be reunited at some point. I doubt that Paxton will forget you x
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I have very few specific memories of my parents from when I was under 10, but I remember how each of them made me feel about myself. That's what sticks with you your whole life.
 
Jules said:
It’s hard to logic what Brandon’s issues are. They sure aren’t fair to Paxton. Melanie seems to be caught in the middle. Perhaps she’s been sworn to secrecy about everything. That would explain her not putting anything in writing so she doesn’t get caught later.
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Exactly right, but I thought she trusted me enough to be completely open about Brandon and whatever in the hell his deal is. She said she did.

From what Melanie would say, I did figure out he believes he's doing God's work. (I'm not going to expound on that)
 
Two days ago, my sister, Bonnie, saw her doctor because she'd been having severe headaches for over a month, and had a spell the night before where she was so confused and disoriented she thought she might have had a stroke.

Her doc ordered a brain scan that very day, and it showed a mass, possibly 2 masses, in her brain, and he admitted her to a hospital for more testing and images.

The masses are malignant.

The good news is, she has treatment options; they're treatable and operable. The bad news is, she already has immunodeficiency disorder (so I'd opt for surgery if I was her), and she doesn't cope with life's challenges very well at all. She's gonna be falling apart, but only until treatment starts and she makes progress. Then she'll handle it like a real trooper.

She's going home from the hospital today. Treatment will start very soon, I'm sure.
 
Murrmurr said:
Two days ago, my sister, Bonnie, saw her doctor because she'd been having severe headaches for over a month, and had a spell the night before where she was so confused and disoriented she thought she might have had a stroke.

Her doc ordered a brain scan that very day, and it showed a mass, possibly 2 masses, in her brain, and he admitted her to a hospital for more testing and images.

The masses are malignant.

The good news is, she has treatment options; they're treatable and operable. The bad news is, she already has immunodeficiency disorder (so I'd opt for surgery if I was her), and she doesn't cope with life's challenges very well at all. She's gonna be falling apart, but only until treatment starts and she makes progress. Then she'll handle it like a real trooper.

She's going home from the hospital today. Treatment will start very soon, I'm sure.
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Poor Bonnie... hopefully she'll choose the right options and get very well.. wish her well from us if you can Frank... but certainly we wish her everything she'll be wishing for herself..
 

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