Collin spent the weekend with me. He told me his mom is mean and he doesn’t love her. When she came to pick him up on Sunday, he cried and begged me to send her away…and when I say begged, I’m not exaggerating. But I had to walk him out to her car and not punch her in the face. Did I feel like a monster? Yep. Does he see me as one? He must wonder why I keep giving him back to her even after he finally found the words to explain what’s happening to him; “Mom is mean. I don’t love mom.”
The Tuesday after I sent him home with his abuser, I went to a doctor appointment; a follow-up on the Zoloft prescription I’ve been taking for about a month now. She had me fill out a sort of mental health/mood profile. I scored in the low range, which means “nothing to worry about”. But I told her all about Collin, because it’s relative. I’m depressed and angry and I feel as helpless as I'm sure he does.
She asked me about his behavior, and I told her. He’ll be 3 in June. He still wants a bottle, still wears a diaper, has very poor language skills, and he cries A LOT. Two to four times a day he cried for 15 to 25 minutes, seemingly inexplicably. I mean, he laughed and played when he wasn’t crying, but when he wasn’t playing or crying, he just wanted to be held. We spent a lot of time kicked back together in my recliner, with him just holding onto me, touching my face and stroking my arm and laying his head on my chest, smiling kind of dreamily. I told her what he said, too, that his mom is mean to him and he doesn't love her,
His grandmother came to see him while he was here, and she told me that when Collin’s father had her alone, he told her that Tara is mistreating Collin, that he had to push her off of him at one point, and held her against a wall, telling her to leave Collin alone. He said he plans to split up with her and keep the kids, or at least Collin. She’s very loving toward the younger ones; the twins; but she’s not even friendly toward Collin. He said she’s verbally abusive, and it’s every day.
Collin's father told the grandma that Collin told his preschool teacher that his mom is mean to him. And you’ll never guess what the teacher did. She called Tara. She freaking told on him, and he got in trouble. Tara screamed at him and told him to NEVER tell anyone what goes on in their family. His father pushed her away, and told Collin he did the right thing and to ALWAYS tell someone when his mom is mean to him. And then him and Tara started fighting. In front of the kids.
So, anyway, I told my doctor all that; about Collin’s behavior and all the stuff his grandmother told me. I told her that it’s driving me freaking crazy, I’m all stressed out about it, I want to kill Tara and run off with Collin, I’m extremely angry, and I feel helpless because, sure, I can call CPS, but except for Collin’s obvious regression, what I have to tell them is 3rd-person hearsay. And I know what they’ll do with that…nothing. Not a damn thing. I know because it wouldn't be the first time I called CPS about Collin and Tara.
So, my doctor called them. She got as much info from me as she could, like what preschool he’s going to, what county he lives in, Tara’s last name, etc. Maybe she has enough clout to get an investigation started, idk. Maybe CPS will call me and ask questions. Finally. Or maybe nothing will happen. Probably.
I told Collin’s grandma to call CPS. You have to understand, I’m pretty much a nobody to them now, but she’s Tara’s mother. She has first-hand knowledge. She’s an actual witness – she’s seen Tara drinking a boatload of beer, seen how she treats the kids and how she treats the twins like a little Prince and Princess but mostly ignores Collin.
Whenever I've called CPS they basically ignored me. They closed his case and they act like they don't want to hear anymore about it. Every time I've called (3 times), they told me to only call if I see severe injuries or unmistakable ligature marks or obvious signs of neglect, like extreme weight loss or something. I was their buddy when I was Collin’s foster father. Now I’m just a thorn in their side.
