Not that anyone is asking

[Murrmurr]

Frank, you should be lecturing at colleges about your experience and what works. Reality vs theory.

Funny you mention it....while I was a psych nurse, I gave 2-hr classes for group home leaders of homes for developmentally delayed kids. All the kids who lived in these particular group homes were victims of long-term physical and emotional abuse, like the young man who'd been kept in a basement for years and told lions would eat him if he came out, and actual head trauma like the little boy who survived after his mother shot him in the head.

This was back in the mid-80s, and my research team was testing to see if the methods that I used on Grant could work on kids with brain injury and acquired deficits as well as it does on kids who are "born that way." After 15 months, only 3 kids out of our 28 subjects showed measurable improvements in learning and behavior, and the board asserted that it could be because these methods made the test subjects feel closer to the staff because there was so much physical contact involved. Plus, physical contact between staff and patients was very controversial...and still is.

So we lost funding for the research and any patient-training programs that could have sprung from it.

Speaking of physical contact; I honestly believe that infants miss very important developments in their brains when parents carry them around in carriers instead of their arms. I hate those carriers. And I don't think you should put infants in strollers, either, only babies who are old enough to sit up and check out the environment. For them, strollers are stimulating. For infants, they're 100% numbing. Those carriers you wear on your chest are really good, though. I like them. But mom or dad's arms are still best of all.

 

[Murrmurr]

Happy Fella



His mother kept his hair buzzed because it's easy. Melanie was letting it grow out, and it was looking good, and then there was a lice problem. They hit 3 out of 7 kids, including one of hers.

Ah well. He's still a helluva handsome dude. And he does look happy.

I emailed my hair-saving method for getting rid of lice and their eggs to Melanie:

Totally saturate the kid's hair and scalp with baby oil, then wrap it with Saran wrap or a plastic bag or put a shower cap over it and smooth out all the air pockets. Secure it and have the kid wear it for 10 to 15 minutes, then shampoo and blow-dry their hair.

The kid's hair might feel a little oily until after a couple shampoos, but at least you don't have to buzz it all off. And you don't have to use that tiny little comb, either. The baby oil destroys the glue the females make to stick the eggs to the hair, and the blow-dryer blows the eggs away right along with their parents' corpses.

Lice breathe through their skin/exoskeleton. Oil suffocates them. I get rid of fleas from kittens and puppies the same way.

 

[Blessed]

Happy Fella

View attachment 265835

His mother kept his hair buzzed because it's easy. Melanie was letting it grow out, and it was looking good, and then there was a lice problem. They hit 3 out of 7 kids, including one of hers.

Ah well. He's still a helluva handsome dude. And he does look happy.

I emailed my hair-saving method for getting rid of lice and their eggs to Melanie:

Totally saturate the kid's hair and scalp with baby oil, then wrap it with Saran wrap or a plastic bag or put a shower cap over it and smooth out all the air pockets. Secure it and have the kid wear it for 10 to 15 minutes, then shampoo and blow-dry their hair.

The kid's hair might feel a little oily until after a couple shampoos, but at least you don't have to buzz it all off. And you don't have to use that tiny little comb, either. The baby oil destroys the glue the females make to stick the eggs to the hair, and the blow-dryer blows the eggs away right along with their parents' corpses.

Lice breathe through their skin. Oil suffocates them. I get rid of fleas from kittens and puppies the same way.

It just struck me, he looks a lot like your picture!! Two happy guys!!

 

[Murrmurr]

It just struck me, he looks a lot like your picture!! Two happy guys!!

This is him about a month after I got him:



Oh, yeah, I see the resemblance around the skull area.

 

[Pinky]

Happy Fella

View attachment 265835

His mother kept his hair buzzed because it's easy. Melanie was letting it grow out, and it was looking good, and then there was a lice problem. They hit 3 out of 7 kids, including one of hers.

Ah well. He's still a helluva handsome dude. And he does look happy.

I emailed my hair-saving method for getting rid of lice and their eggs to Melanie:

Totally saturate the kid's hair and scalp with baby oil, then wrap it with Saran wrap or a plastic bag or put a shower cap over it and smooth out all the air pockets. Secure it and have the kid wear it for 10 to 15 minutes, then shampoo and blow-dry their hair.

The kid's hair might feel a little oily until after a couple shampoos, but at least you don't have to buzz it all off. And you don't have to use that tiny little comb, either. The baby oil destroys the glue the females make to stick the eggs to the hair, and the blow-dryer blows the eggs away right along with their parents' corpses.

Lice breathe through their skin/exoskeleton. Oil suffocates them. I get rid of fleas from kittens and puppies the same way.

@Murrmurr
What a beautiful boy. I love that smile .. he looks so happy

 

[hearlady]

This is him about a month after I got him:

View attachment 265891

Oh, yeah, I see the resemblance around the skull area.

So sweet!

 

[Murrmurr]

I totally expected to see Paxton and maybe the twins, too, this past weekend, but I didn't hear from Melanie, so I text her today asking if I could have Paxton for 2 or 3 hours tomorrow evening (Tue). I told her my b'day was Sunday, and so we're having a small family gathering here tomorrow.

I text her over 2 hours ago and she hasn't responded yet. I hope she's just busy, or maybe lucky enough to be resting. But I'm worried she changed her mind about breaking the rules. Or even worse, maybe CPS told her to limit or even stop Paxton's contact with me. If they're confident Paxton will be eligible for adoption soon, maybe they're quietly manipulating a disconnection between him and me, because they think it's "in his best interest," and also his adopted family's best interest.

The tactics CPS uses are dangerous, literally harmful to children. Often even traumatic. I really hate that agency. And all its affiliates too. Idiots, all of 'em.

 

[Pinky]

I totally expected to see Paxton and maybe the twins, too, this past weekend, but I didn't hear from Melanie, so I text her today asking if I could have Paxton for 2 or 3 hours tomorrow evening (Tue). I told her my b'day was Sunday, and so we're having a small family gathering here tomorrow.

I text her over 2 hours ago and she hasn't responded yet. I hope she's just busy, or maybe lucky enough to be resting. But I'm worried she changed her mind about breaking the rules. Or even worse, maybe CPS told her to limit or even stop Paxton's contact with me. If they're confident Paxton will be eligible for adoption soon, maybe they're quietly manipulating a disconnection between him and me, because they think it's "in his best interest," and also his adopted family's best interest.

The tactics CPS uses are dangerous, literally harmful to children. Often even traumatic. I really hate that agency. And all its affiliates too. Idiots, all of 'em.

I'm sorry to hear this, and hope that CPS hasn't gotten to Melanie. If she has a conscience, she should
realize that Paxton needs to be in contact with you in order to move foward in an emotionally healthy way.

 

[Murrmurr]

I'm sorry to hear this, and hope that CPS hasn't gotten to Melanie. If she has a conscience, she should
realize that Paxton needs to be in contact with you in order to move foward in an emotionally healthy way.

She totally gets why Paxton asks for me all the time. When I sent a bunch of his stuff over there - she came to pick up his favorite toys and his electronics just before we moved - she said he knew where it came from and smiled about it all day.

But Melanie is kind of a timid person. I think she's more afraid of repercussions from CPS than she lets on. And they're more intimidating than they have any right to be.

It's been 4 hours now, and still no word from her. I text "Is everything ok?" over an hour ago.

 

[Pinky]

Perhaps it's time for a good heart-to-heart talk with Melanie. She needs to understand that Paxton will do
better if he's allowed time with you.

I hope you hear from her soon. Is it feasible for you to be in touch with her husband too?

 

[Murrmurr]

Perhaps it's time for a good heart-to-heart talk with Melanie. She needs to understand that Paxton will do
better if he's allowed time with you.

I hope you hear from her soon. Is it feasible for you to be in touch with her husband too?

I don't have his number, unfortunately.

I'll leave a message with his caseworker tomorrow....and the next day. She sux at returning my calls.

 

[Jules]

Did you hear the decisions from Tara’s court case?

 

[Murrmurr]

Did you hear the decisions from Tara’s court case?

No, they postponed it. I think it's later this month, like around the 20th, or in the 20s.

I suspect CPS is doing everything they can (i.e., violating Pax's right to visit family and extended family, making excuses for not scheduling visits) to distance Paxton and his siblings from me and their grandma in order to simplify the transition through the adoption process.

Jackie is in the same boat as me; she hasn't seen the kids since early January and no one's talking to her. No one's answering her emails or returning her calls. She filed something with the court, they took her money, and that's it so far.

This is why I'm getting really worried. I'm all stressed out, been gnashing my teeth all day and all night, smoking like a chimney, and I'm not eating and sleeping well at all. And not because I haven't seen Paxton, it's because he hasn't seen me. And he keeps asking to.

It's really messing me up.

 

[Murrmurr]

Did you hear the decisions from Tara’s court case?

This happened when he lived with that foster family in Jackson in 2021...foster mom, Jennifer, just suddenly stopped answering my texts and emails one day. I sent Paxton a letter and it came back! And his weekends here stopped too. Jen and I had been keeping in touch, so it was freakin weird.

 

[Pinky]

There appears to be some outside interference .. unless Melanie has suddenly decided that Paxton should
not see you anymore.

I hope you get this straightened out soon.

 

[Murrmurr]

There appears to be some outside interference .. unless Melanie has suddenly decided that Paxton should
not see you anymore.

I hope you get this straightened out soon.

Me, too. It's driving me crazy.

My son and his wife are taking me and Meesh out to dinner in a little bit, to distract me. His father-in-law is coming, too. I like him, he's a great guy and he's really good to my son.

 

[Murrmurr]

Finally heard from Melanie. She worked today and had to pull a double shift because the hospital is overrun with cold and flu patients.

She's too nervous to give Paxton more freedom to see me. The caseworker went to her house yesterday and asked a lot of questions and it spooked her. Plus the caseworker (Christy) understands Paxton's speech pretty well and she questions him, and Mel's afraid he'll say too much.

I get it, but it stinks that the handling and fate of kids who have a history of abuse and are in state custody are subject to the fear foster parents have of losing them, authority-drunk social workers who feed on that fear, and a system that refuses to hire workers who've been formally trained in the fields of children's mental health and emotional development, but instead treats every child using outdated cookie-cutter shortcut methods, the results of which only look good on paper.

So, Paxton will see his Unco Fwank when Christy says he can, and not for a minute longer.

I know she justifies it. "He'll get over it, they all do. Their suicides and substance addictions have nothing to do with how I did my job. I was just doing my job."

She can lie to herself all she wants. She sees the statistics. She knows she's full of sh!t.

I'm going to make Paxton a photos and memories album, and it won't be a freaking fairy-tale Baby-Book. And I'm going to teach him to ask for what he wants, and who to ask, and how to persist and insist. And when he's old enough to reason, he's gonna know I didn't do this, that I was not in control of this bullsh!t. He's gonna know that he was loved, that he is 100% lovable, and good and smart, and that none of this was his fault either.

 

[Murrmurr]

Oh, and the people who were all fired up to adopt Paxton and the twins, especially the twins....they're having second thoughts. Especially cuz of the twins. Those poor little kids are so messed up. And I feel really sorry for them, but they're holding Paxton back.

 

[Pinky]

That's disturbing news. When are those kids going to get a chance at getting a stable and lasting home-life?

Very disappointed for you that the social worker has so much control. They need to be thinking more about
the kids, than of the power they hold over everyone. Can't they see that allowing contact with you, is a
positive for the kids?

 

[leastlongprime]

Happy Fella

View attachment 265835

His mother kept his hair buzzed because it's easy. Melanie was letting it grow out, and it was looking good, and then there was a lice problem. They hit 3 out of 7 kids, including one of hers.

Ah well. He's still a helluva handsome dude. And he does look happy.

I emailed my hair-saving method for getting rid of lice and their eggs to Melanie:

Totally saturate the kid's hair and scalp with baby oil, then wrap it with Saran wrap or a plastic bag or put a shower cap over it and smooth out all the air pockets. Secure it and have the kid wear it for 10 to 15 minutes, then shampoo and blow-dry their hair.

The kid's hair might feel a little oily until after a couple shampoos, but at least you don't have to buzz it all off. And you don't have to use that tiny little comb, either. The baby oil destroys the glue the females make to stick the eggs to the hair, and the blow-dryer blows the eggs away right along with their parents' corpses.

Lice breathe through their skin/exoskeleton. Oil suffocates them. I get rid of fleas from kittens and puppies the same way.

I imagine WD-40 would work too.
A little light oil in water is used to determine how segregate insect parts from water the phase.
A light oil (agriculturally know as Supreme of Dormant oil) in water (I forget the ratio but it's not much) is used as a late winter dormant insecticide spray.
I used a retail household bug spray (pyritherin) to get rid of scabies (mites) on my person. It's the same product used for lice but less expensive.

 

[Murrmurr]

I imagine WD-40 would work too.
A little light oil in water is used to determine how segregate insect parts from water the phase.
A light oil (agriculturally know as Supreme of Dormant oil) in water (I forget the ratio but it's not much) is used as a late winter dormant insecticide spray.
I used a retail household bug spray (pyritherin) to get rid of scabies (mites) on my person. It's the same product used for lice but less expensive.

Lice treatment is supposed to be safe for kids, and it's sold over-the-counter, and it's not so much that I didn't trust it, but baby oil is a lot cheaper, more effective imo, and easier to use, plus you don't have to torture the kid and yourself with that itty-bitty comb.

According to an online search, these essences are good lice-deterrents; eucalyptus, lemongrass, citronella, rosemary, lavender, tea-tree, geranium, neem oil, anis/anis seed, and mint; and I suppose you could add them to the baby oil or whatever kind of oil you use.

 

[Murrmurr]

That's disturbing news. When are those kids going to get a chance at getting a stable and lasting home-life?

Very disappointed for you that the social worker has so much control. They need to be thinking more about
the kids, than of the power they hold over everyone. Can't they see that allowing contact with you, is a
positive for the kids?

Apparently not. The kids' grandma told me last night that Almanor County CPS doesn't get the kids' history from Sacramento County CPS. In other words, CPS in one county doesn't share information when a new case for the same kids is opened in another county. If that's true, it's totally unreasonable, doesn't even make sense.

Even if Sacramento CPS wants to share info with Amador CPS, they can't unless Amador asks for it, and even then they have to do it without naming names. Like, Paxton's former caseworker can't say "Paxton needs liberal contact with Frank," she'd have to say "One of the children" could benefit from it, or something like that. And, I suppose she can't use my name, either.

Nonsense, right? They protect everyone's privacy so much, no one benefits.

 

[Jules]

That all falls under the category of WTH, or worse.

 

[Murrmurr]

My sister moved in with us last night....Katherine, but she goes by Bonnie, because that's what dad always called her. She's been living in our parents' house ever since mom moved in with me in 2011 (and then with our brother in 2014. Dad died several years earlier).

So anyway, Bonnie started getting eviction notices soon after mom died in 2021 because the house was in a reverse mortgage, so it's actually been in the bank's possession since January 13, 2021. Bonnie ignored all the eviction letters (because that's how Bonnie rolls) until she got one a couple weeks ago from the sheriff's office. She hadn't even started packing. She did apply for a few apartments last October, but she only works part-time and she can't afford the kind of places she applied for. I gave her the link to some really decent low-income housing apartments, and she said she applied for a couple of those but they have long waiting lists.

If she applied for 1-bedroom apartments like she said she did, then the wait time is "only" 6 to 9 months...usually. And I guess she's going to wait here. With us.

Bonnie is 18 years younger than me. Mom and dad's last-born. Their only daughter, and the apple of her daddy's eye. The baby of the family...an accurate distinction. I'm not saying she's demanding, but she is kind of needy. Mostly when it's convenient. Bonnie has her own way of doing things, and it's not the way most people do things. But she does listen to reasonable advice. Listens to it.

So, we have a house-mate for a while.

 

[Murrmurr]

That all falls under the category of WTH, or worse.

It's ignorant.

( @Jules - assume you're talking about CPS)