Nothing Beats Marriage

Timewise 60+ said:
This is a gross generalization! No doubt some men do look for this first. Not me, I would rather find love and a best friend that enjoys what I enjoy. Then we pay to have meals cooked, laundry done, and house cleaned! I believe many men in my age group would feel the same...and be willing to spend the money...life is short, and you cannot take it with you!
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You sound like the type most men would want to give a miss.
 
I was a bachelor until age 32. Then I lived with a gal for two years. But marrying her was a mistake because we broke up after only one year. After the divorce, we went to Europe for two months to make up, but it was too late. We split as friends. It was a trial run. She was jealous of my next wife because she insisted she finally had straightened me out (she shouldn't have done it. She was sweet as a girl friend but unbearable as a wife.) But otherwise she was right. My second marriage has lasted already 45 years. My advice to fellow guys: if you can't make a marriage working the second time, then don't try it a third time. It would be just an exercise in frustration (but some guys never learn.) To make a marriage last requires more than "love at first sight." For once, don't try to mold your partner to your fancy. You have to accept your partner "as is" with all of his/her faults and bad habits. If you are unwilling or unable to compromise, then don't get married.
 

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To pursue a woman has nothing to do with calling or texting her daily. It’s bigger than taking her on dates. To pursue her means to be honest, consistent, vulnerable and to articulate your feelings for her every step of the way. It means to reveal your intentions to make sure she knows you want her and only her and that you remind her often. Extend as much effort as you can and then extend some more. To pursue a woman means that you alter your life in such a way that it’s facing not only her but the future you see with her.
 
Marriage suits some but increasingly not others. It all depends on personality and level of independence. Marriage can be a huge risk, a legal contract easy to get into and very hard to end. Many regret it bitterly.
Not everyone wants to be trapped forever. There are so many pros and cons that it needs much thought and weighing up.
Marriage is only great if the two people really are well suited and each benefit equally from it.
Living in a romantic haze wearing rose coloured glasses is not to be recommended! What you find endearing in your beloved at first can drive you mad years later.
 
horseless carriage said:
To pursue a woman has nothing to do with calling or texting her daily. It’s bigger than taking her on dates. To pursue her means to be honest, consistent, vulnerable and to articulate your feelings for her every step of the way. It means to reveal your intentions to make sure she knows you want her and only her and that you remind her often. Extend as much effort as you can and then extend some more. To pursue a woman means that you alter your life in such a way that it’s facing not only her but the future you see with her.
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That is a very very ideal scenario.
 
I have a very good marriage that was helped by our marrying in our late twenties so we both knew what we wanted in a partner, great persistence, being kind to one another, and both of us never treading near the lines one should never cross in a marriage.

A strong measure of luck also came into play, with odds tilted heavily toward our success. We had very supportive parents and in-laws, healthy children who gave us relatively few headaches, and zero drug, alcohol, infidelity, mental health, domestic violence, or employment problems to contend with. Yes, there were a few financial crunches along the way, but we put our noses to the grindstone and worked our way out.

If everyone's marital game board had a similar set up with those same life cards being dealt, the divorce rate would be much lower.

I'm grateful to have been so fortunate. My marriage has been one of the easiest aspects of my life, and nobody is more surprised - or grateful - than I am.
 
We are coming up 38 years married this month…..(2nd time for both )

We got married in a huge park that was owned by the company DH worked for and you had to get written permission to use the area as it’s fenced / locked
It was spring time in Aust however it was 43c = 109f it was a stinking day as Aussie say…. hot and windy
 
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fwtxcitywoman said:
IDK I've been married for twenty years, and I am totally sick of being a nurse with a purse. Never again!
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Sorry, but this seems like an incredibly toxic attitude to me. Surely this was bad luck rather than your husband's fault? Isn't there something about this implied by the marriage contract?

But then I probably have an unrealistic view of marriage. My own only lasted 15 years and that ended almost 30 years ago now. I've never experienced marriage through middle and old age.
 
dilettante said:
Sorry, but this seems like an incredibly toxic attitude to me. Surely this was bad luck rather than your husband's fault? Isn't there something about this implied by the marriage contract?

But then I probably have an unrealistic view of marriage. My own only lasted 15 years and that ended almost 30 years ago now. I've never experienced marriage through middle and old age.
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The role of a nurse with a purse is a strong possibility for women and men when marrying late in life. The older we marry, the greater the odds of more years of "in sickness" and "for poorer" than "in health" and "for richer."

Long marriages often end up there, too, but many good decades of partners being healthy and working together to build that purse will blunt possible resentment during later, more difficult ones.

On this very forum we have numerous examples of long marriages where one or both partners have fallen into poor health and the one in the support role manages it cheerfully and with great affection. I can bring to mind at least half a dozen of those SF members offhand.
 
dilettante said:
Sorry, but this seems like an incredibly toxic attitude to me. Surely this was bad luck rather than your husband's fault? Isn't there something about this implied by the marriage contract?

But then I probably have an unrealistic view of marriage. My own only lasted 15 years and that ended almost 30 years ago now. I've never experienced marriage through middle and old age.
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You are certainly entitled to your opinion. As I am. Just speaking my reality.
 
George1959 said:
But this is valid vice versa too. I know two women who always compared their new husbands with their deceased ones. And the new ones lost.
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DH and I married June of 1957. I was 17 just graduated from high school, He was 19 and in the Navy and of course everyone said we would never make it. Well everyone who said that are dead now. Should he go first I wouldn't wish to have any other man, when you have had the best no one could come near that.
 

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