Over 80, Is it better alone or with someone?

Where do you live? I live in California where it's impossible to find affordable housing. A 1 bedroom in senior complex is around $3,000 a month. There is a long waiting list for affordable housing. I've been looking for a room to rent, my gosh seems that they want me to pay their mortgage? If seniors can for their own well being live with someone their comfortable with. Like I've mentioned, my mother who lived alone, was found on the floor having suffered a heart attack.
 

Patnono said:
Where do you live? I live in California where it's impossible to find affordable housing. A 1 bedroom in senior complex is around $3,000 a month. There is a long waiting list for affordable housing. I've been looking for a room to rent, my gosh seems that they want me to pay their mortgage? If seniors can for their own well being live with someone their comfortable with. Like I've mentioned, my mother who lived alone, was found on the floor having suffered a heart attack.
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I'm stunned too at room costs. It's tough to find a studio under 1k yet some places you can rent a house. The problem with housing now is over the last 10-15 years so much was bought by investors and corporation who took a lot of independent landlords off the market.

Regardless I know people who would rather be found deceased in their home, apartment etc and verbally stated that. After a certain point most realize the end is near or they're not immortal. Condolences for your mother. But like many seniors she probably wanted to avoid hospitals and didn't want to be burdened by financial matters. I saw too many go in a hospital. It's cleaner for family and friends but the patient is another story.

Funny thing is I know people who want it both ways. Live alone but want a lot of friends and family to go out with.
 
Thank you, forgot to mention she survived her heart attack, but also has dementia. My brother is his legal guardian made the decision to move her to my sister's house. After that losing her Independence, she physically went down hill. Now she stays in bed %95 of the time, only going to the bathroom. She's given up. Places I found are more reasonable are away from the city towards the desert. I'm scared for myself, I have a landlord that's greedy, just raised my rent about $200 including that she's requiring me to purchase renters insurance. I don't have anywhere to go, living on savings and SSI. I've been trying to find a job, I'm sure you know that's like finding a needle in a haystack.
 

I didn't see that anybody said that? It's just safer, we are an easy mark for those that want to take advantage of us. A senior citizen was robbed in broad daylight in a Walmart parking lot. I do what I can so that I won't be a victim. I have a senior friend whose 85, she feels very vulnerable when she goes out. So I assist her when I can. Better Safe then Sorry.
 


I'm not close to 80... but I'm putting my two cents worth in anyway :)

Because my two siblings were much older than me, I was mostly raised as an only child.

I learned early how to entertain myself and do things on my own and like it.

I married early but was only married for three years. My only child was autistic [little verbal communication]... so even though he lived with me for 38 years until he suddenly unexpectedly died during a seizure... it was like being alone.

Ironically, although I am now totally alone for the first time in my life... I haven't noticed much difference... except I have more freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. I'm still getting used to that !

I plan to stay single the rest of my life.

 
AZ Jim said:
My beloved wife just passed (1-30-19). I am 82. I could never love again. My fondest wish is to be back with my baby in the hereafter.
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So sorry for your great loss.

I felt the same way after my only child died six years ago [see my previous post.]
After years of grief... I discovered it is really true... time does heal all wounds.

.
 
WhatInThe said:
I know people who would rather be found deceased in their home, apartment etc and verbally stated that. After a certain point most realize the end is near or they're not immortal. Condolences for your mother. But like many seniors she probably wanted to avoid hospitals and didn't want to be burdened by financial matters.
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That's me!

I hope to die peacefully at home... even though it might be quite a while before anyone notices !

.
 
Sunny said:
Ruth, I went straight from my parents' home to marriage also. Probably most of us did in those days. When my husband passed away nearly 9 years ago, that was the first time I ever had to live alone. I miss him (still), but I have been surprised at how much I enjoy the independence of living alone. I have absolutely no interest in living with anyone else.

I do know several people who have one of those "friendship" kind of relationships, where they each live in their own home, but spend lots of time together and sometimes travel together. They seem to have the best of both worlds.
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And I can bet that neither one is on here.
 
WhatInThe said:
Alot of the same variables apply as if you were younger. Marriage is a formality. If you want to live with someone and trust them go for it.
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Marriage is more than a formality. If you're not the legal spouse, someone else is the next of kin. Even if they didn't get along with your loved one or hadn't seen them in years, they get to make the decisions when something happens. And they can be very cruel to the "outsider." I found this out the hard way. My fiancé would never have wanted me to be treated like a nobody, but legally that's what I was.
 
I do not like living alone. I like to have people around, and at least one dog. I do, however, like being alone. I have to have a room where I can go to be alone. When my daughter visited CA for a couple of weeks last December, I enjoyed having the house to myself.

I quite like the idea of having a platonic friend to be a companion as I get older, but not actually live with me. This is assuming I have a dog, an alarm system, and cameras to keep me safe. And hearing aids if I need them. My mother took hers out at night (of course), but then she couldn't hear anything that may have alarmed her. I read too many mysteries.

I have not lived alone since I was 23 years old. First, I lived with and married my ex-husband. After that, I lived with friends for a few months, then with my current husband. When he moved to Boston, I lived with my ex-husband and a friend of ours. Then I moved to Boston and got married, had 4 kids.

I thought I'd be living alone here, except at night, but all four kids moved in. The boys ended up moving to CA, and my daughter stayed with me. Now my daughter is in CA too, and one of my sons lives with me. My son and I are moving next week to live with my cousin.

When I stayed at my mom's house for 5 months after she died, my ex-husband usually spent the night with me (he slept in the guest room). I was too nervous to sleep in a house alone; I tried it. When a fireball went through my bedroom I had no idea what it was. It was lightning, but I got really spooked thinking it was my mother. I never heard of a fireball before. Sometimes I slept at my stepdaughter's house.

My ex and I have been friends for most of my life. Always platonic, except when we were married.
 
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Manatee said:
This was asked on a previous thread. This one is for the octogenarians. Would you remarry, cohabitate or stay single?
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It’s a good question without a simple answer. Marriage implies a romantic relationship and a degree of togetherness many of us over 80 are not in the market for. However, cohabitation with a platonic friend and a good amount of privacy has many practical advantages from financial, to intellectual, to medical to shared physical chores. But this assumes one has a large enough home to accommodate such privacy. Staying single with a good friend living near by would be ideal, but there is very little opportunity for the elderly to meet and become friends.
 
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C'est Moi said:
Manatee--I'm not sure how many octogenarians have responded. :D I'm not there yet so I'll refrain from answering. Are you considering remarrying or just curious?
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In any thread posted for the elderly (otogenarians) you always have senior citizens 55 to 75 popping up and telling their elders how to live. And many Seniors are as clueless about the aging and dying process as teenagers and they don’t seem to want to listen and learn. I guess they can’t face their own mortality.
 
I'm not 80 yet but maybe someday(y). So when that day comes I think it might be fun to have a male friend to meet up with for conversation and shared activities of like interest. I've got 3 daughters who pretty much converse with me daily. It's wonderful but it's not the same. I wouldn't want to live together though because (pause...thinking) we might find we're too set in our ways which may destroy the friendship.
 
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