Over 80, Is it better alone or with someone?

Manatee

Manatee

Well-known Member
Location
Florida
This was asked on a previous thread. This one is for the octogenarians. Would you remarry, cohabitate or stay single?
 

Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
 

Tommy said:
Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
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That sounds like a good arrangement. Still friends, maybe a little closer. Companionship.
 
Tommy said:
Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
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That sounds perfect to me.

At this point in my life, I don't want to see a U-Haul truck pulling up out front.

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I don’t think I could live with someone else at this point in my life...in fact I know I can’t ....after my husband died someone that I met from Ohio moved in with me...didn’t work, lots of reasons why but a major one was I’m used to doing things my way.

Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.
 
CeeCee said:
I don’t think I could live with someone else at this point in my life...in fact I know I can’t ....after my husband died someone that I met from Ohio moved in with me...didn’t work, lots of reasons why but a major one was I’m used to doing things my way.

Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.
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I know exactly what you mean!! That's how I would be if something happened to my o/h.

I wouldn't want to live as a partner again with anyone.
 
CeeCee said:
Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.
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That's exactly the way I feel. I would love to have someone I could get out and do things with occasionally but not to live with.
 
I doubt I could ever get use to another persons ways at this point in my life. Truth be told, I went straight from living with my parents to getting married. Should something happen to my hubby I'd like to give living alone a try. I'm sure my kids will have other ideas. I'm grateful that they care but I'm sure their well meaning advice will make my head spin.
 
Ruth, I went straight from my parents' home to marriage also. Probably most of us did in those days. When my husband passed away nearly 9 years ago, that was the first time I ever had to live alone. I miss him (still), but I have been surprised at how much I enjoy the independence of living alone. I have absolutely no interest in living with anyone else.

I do know several people who have one of those "friendship" kind of relationships, where they each live in their own home, but spend lots of time together and sometimes travel together. They seem to have the best of both worlds.
 
Alot of the same variables apply as if you were younger. Marriage is a formality. If you want to live with someone and trust them go for it. If you are really independent stay single until incapacitated. Alot of insurance pays for light routine home care now a days. Get your doctor to prescribe it if assistance is what you are really worried about.
 
Tommy said:
Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially. I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
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I am 76 now, in my 60's that is exactly what I wanted to find, a platonic "buddy" like your MIL found. I never had any luck with romantic relationships, and when I tried getting ''just friends'' the guy would get insulted. Now in my 70's I've become even more of a loner and set in my ways and I also would be very heartbroken if a friend died on me. So, at this point in my life I prefer to be alone except for the company of my cats. Life is good as long as I can be independent and able to take care of myself.
 
I think that's fine, but if you have kids that live close by? You should give them a key to your house, or wear one of those life alert thing's? My mom was living alone. My niece came by to see her, she didn't answer, so luckily she had a key, my mom had fallen down from a heart attack. So from there my brother Whose her legal guardian made her move to my sister's house. Have you considered a roommate? So you could still live in your home? The downside for my mom is that once he moved out, seems like she's given up on LIVING? Because she's lost her Independence I feel? She used to have breakfast with her friends, now she's lost that. She just stays in bed ALL the time, except for the bathroom.
 
If people want Independence and are enjoying life why not let them be? Patnono's mother might have preferred to die early but have breakfast with friends etc as long as she could. My, very independent mom died just after her 65th BD but at lest she lived the way she wanted to till she laid down on her couch and died. Her mom died (in her 70s) the same way after living independently for about 20 years. I always tell my kids I hope I just lay down on the couch and die when it's my time to go. I don't know if I'd want to live alone or not. I got married just after I turned 16 and both of us are still kicking. I do like my space but he is good about giving me plenty of room so it works out fine.
 
Excuse me but you don't know my mom to say what she preferred? So if you saw your mother on the floor you would leave her there? We CARED enough about her to realize that she could no longer live ALONE, so you would be making a BAD decision letting her to live ALONE knowing she shouldn't be ALONE to let her SUFFER???
 
C'est Moi said:
Manatee--I'm not sure how many octogenarians have responded. :D I'm not there yet so I'll refrain from answering. Are you considering remarrying or just curious?
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Just curious, we are both still hanging in there at 84 and 85 years old.

My sister who is 90 and has been widowed for more than 20 years. lives in a 4 bedroom house. Her grandson, his wife and 2 great granddaughters moved in with her. She loves it.
 
That's Great for your sister, as long as there's mutual respect about the different ages. It's good the two of you are doing well. My mom was doing good living alone we came by checking on her. But unfortunately my niece stopped by and found her on the floor, she'd had a heart attack. We don't know how long she was there for? My brothers made a decision she couldn't live alone anymore, plus she has dementia. That decision should have been made long ago, but they gave into her. So take care and enjoy your Independence.
 
Lara said:
"Alot of insurance"? Aren't all seniors on Medicare?
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There are still optional plans and hmo style plans. I've recommended to some people and they say their plan doesn't cover it because it isn't a hmo type plan. They have something similar to old school BC that will pay after the fact. Ironically their plan is more expensive but they carry a no or extremely low deductible/copay plan.

As far as being alone I think living with someone would evolve naturally overtime. That arrangement probably works best if more organic. If someone has to ask or be asked I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. I've known people who have their adult children with them and others where their adult children absolutely refuse to stay with them, maybe the rare occasional overnight stay.

I've known others who have periodically shopped retirement homes for the last 20 years. They can afford it, it will be some work but they can afford it so it's a 100% viable option for them. Their biggest gripe is the travel to store etc but I don't all homes alleviate that.

I'm starting to see more stuff about integrating seniors and young in the same communities. Even read where nursing/long term care facilities about to peak out if they haven't already.
 
I am 65 and have been divorced for 25 years. I do enjoy a mans company and enjoy going out on dates from time to time, but I am not sure I will ever marry again. Like it has been said by other members on here, I couldn't deal with the grief of losing a spouse if he passed before me.
 


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