Phil's Phollies

[Lara]

Good Lord. What a major change of events. You can breathe a sigh of relief now. I'm happy for you both. I agree, get a second opinion!…..

I went for my annual check up with a new doctor last year in a very healthy state. I had a CBC done; Doctor said lab results were good, but then called me a week later to tell me that a new standard had been set for reading lab results and mine now indicated that I needed to be on $tatins and blood pressure medication for life! I told her I'd do ANYthing before putting toxic $tatins in my body, like exercise, diet, etc. She gave me all kinds of horror stories if I didn't take the meds and called in my prescriptions.

I never picked them up but instead went home, googled, and found that I should get a Calcium Plaque Scan before taking $tatins. It said if you don't have much plaque in your arteries then you don't have any problem. Within 12 hours I also randomly, by happenstance, came across a doctor's show on TV…topic was the Plaque Scan!...saying the same thing I read online. Is that divine intervention or what!

I called my doctor and she said, "Sure, if you want to pay $200 for this scan". Um, that sure beats the cost of $tatins for life! A handsome radiologist fought with the insurance company for an hour, on my behalf, to consider the scan preventative and BCBS finally agreed to cover the cost. The doctor said the scoring goes up to a 5. He said if you have a 1 or 2 then you don't have any problem. I got the scan done. The next day the lab results were in...my score was…..drumroll…..0 !! I told my doctor and she then agreed with me that I didn't have a problem.

Nevertheless, it scared me so I've been swimming daily, watching what I eat, reducing salt, etc. I got a new doctor. She did a physical on me and the lab results were stellar. No problems across the board. She attributed my good health to the swimming and rolled her eyes at the previous doctor. She said, "You have nothing to worry about and you're not about to have any heart attack".

 

[SifuPhil]

Wow, it's good to hear another story with a happy ending, Lara!

It seems that nowadays its almost an adversarial relationship with doctors - you have to fight to get attention, you have to fight to get treatment and you have to fight to get the RIGHT treatment. It also seems that, whether because of their case-load or fear of malpractice or whatever, they take the quickest route available to them for treatment, whether it's even the correct one or not. Maybe they ARE being overworked, what with the insurance company regulations and all, but still - "do no harm".

I'm glad you did your "due diligence".

 

[NancyNGA]

 

[Meanderer]

Good News, Phil and Lara!!

 

[Lara]

Intensive Care Unit...

 

[SeaBreeze]

Phil glad to hear your roomie didn't need such a serious operation, scary about that mix up though.

 

[SifuPhil]

... and of course she's still in pain - now she says it's her hip and ankle.

Sometimes you just can't win.

On the positive side, there's a James Bond marathon on TV.

 

[SifuPhil]

Poor Little Misguided Thing

Just to fill in some time ... here's something I wrote several years ago, concerning a would-be writer on a writer's forum ...

Poor Little Misguided Thing


I am a member of a writer's forum that is quite innovative and totally motivating. It provides me with the company of like-minded writers, people who
actually write for pay rather than the horde of wanna-be's that infest more generalized boards.

So it came as a bit of a surprise that a new member appeared and started posting how she wanted to write a book.


It wasn't so much her desire - I can't fault one for wanting to write - but the WAY she went about expressing this desire, coupled with a few other things she mentioned and the way she responded to various messages from the members, brought me to the conclusion that this lady is delusional.

As an example: she was explaining how she still hadn't found a topic to write about for her book. She quoted U2's song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (from The Joshua Tree) as "I still found what I'm looking for".

Hell was unleashed when I pointed out her quoting error.


Here's a few of the messages she wrote that led up to WWIII …

I've been mulling this over for some time now, and I've decided that I'd like to write a book. So far so good... My problem is that I wouldn't know where/how to start. I don't even have an idea of the type of book I want to write. I just know I want to write one. Now, I appreciate that this post is at best, vague, but if any of my fellow (members) can give me an advice/help/suggestions/slap around the face with a wet fish then I would be grateful.

Wow - way to impress your audience right out of the gate. And remember that "slap" remark - it comes to bear later.


This reply came from the owner of the site, a published author like myself:

I don't want to throw cold water on a warm idea... but I think you'll need a bit more motivation than "I feel like it". Writing a book - especially a fiction book - is a LOT of work, even when you've got what you think is an awesome idea. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm just saying that your best bet for the moment might be to do as (a member) suggested: keep notes, jot things down, gather ideas. Once you hit on the thing you want to do, you'll know it and it'll start to form - then you can start writing.

But she wasn't happy with this early - and quite logical - reply; she had to worry this topic like a dog with a juicy T-bone. She was out for justification, critics (and people merely trying to be helpful) be damned!

She went on to perfunctorily thank the owner, as well as two other members who agreed with him, then posted this gem:

I haven't written fiction for years, but when I was at school I wrote a lot of stories and the teachers were always blown away by them. I even remember back as far as being in Brownies - I wrote a poem for my Writers badge - and Brown Owl took me to one side and asked me if I'd copied it from somewhere else.

Yeah, good ol' Brown Owl - I'm still working on getting through his body of work; VERY famous author.

Call me cynical, but somehow I don't see the connection between earning a Merit Badge and actually writing and publishing a book. Merit Badges are like reputation points on a forum: they make you feel good when you get one, but when you grow up you realize they don't mean a blessed thing.


Hang around - the party is just starting.


She goes on …

... it's kind of a 'need' in me - I can't be any more specific than that. I figure I've got one book in me, at least …

Personally I think she's filled with much more than "need", but we'll let that slide for now.


And then, the gem that caused my little brain-to-finger editor to go on vacation:

I do like the idea of a book of 'something' on a specific theme, rather than a 300 page novel. I feel like I just need that 'spark' of an idea, and I'll be off and running. But, in the words of U2, I still found what I'm looking for.

Wow - I am SO glad you want to write a book on "something". I think that's what the world really needs.


Look ... with the advent of self-publishing anyone can write and publish a book. You can go with the POD (Publish On Demand) system that is offered by many online houses, including Google, Cafe Press and others where you submit a manuscript, they edit it (usually at extra cost) and then print out as many as you want.


In fact, there's even a machine that you can pretty much stick in your pages and your money and out pops a book!


Well ... not really. The book has to already be in the computer, which in turn means utilizing the traditional practice of submitting a manuscript to whatever publisher you're using (the machine pictured here is used by Google).


Basically it's a POD machine, meant to be used by a publisher, but in the near future it's entirely possible that you could become an instant author while waiting for your Triple BypassBurger at Mickey D's.


But I'm sure our little scribe doesn't know that.


The funny thing is, I never wanted to write a book until AFTER I started writing for Helium a couple of years ago.


NOW I understand! Here's a lady who writes for a content mill and thinks that qualifies her to write a book. She's got the attention span of a hummingbird, having banged out fluff articles for so long, and thinks that translates out to the time, effort and PAIN involved in publishing a book.


Once again she hoists herself on her own petard:

I don't think I'm suited to a great tome of work, my style of writing tends to be short and sharp, and I like to inject humour wherever possible. I'm not one for lots of descriptive, 'flowery' stuff.

This is becoming uncomfortable to watch - like being witness to an impending train-wreck. Somebody had to save this hapless victim-to-be from herself. No one else was forthcoming, so I bravely stepped up:

One of the first things you might want to do, before you write this book, is to learn the art of quoting properly ...Forgive my bluntness, but you're giving all the wrong answers in all the wrong ways. Perhaps everyone here is too nice to say it plainly, but you don't sound like you're ready to write a book. Maybe there are other, hidden qualities that you have that will prove me wrong, and I truly hope for your sake there are, but I just don't see them yet.

Ooh, yeah, Phil - way to finesse the ladies! I'm SURE she's swooning as we speak!


* sigh* People bring this on themselves. As my patron saint Anthony Hopkins once said, he "prefers to eat the free-range rude". I guess I'm dinner.


But c'mon - who could resist the bait here? That worm looked soooo juicy and shiny, dancing in front of my eyes. I ask again - WHO could resist? Not me.


Her last reply ... sadly, it was her death knell ...

I'm fully aware of how to quote properly, thanks. And I thought you were extremely rude. Not blunt. Rude. I didn't join this forum to be personally attacked.

Wow. Just ... wow. I couldn't resist - I chomped down on that worm as if I hadn't eaten in weeks. First, the softening-up process:

If you purposely misquoted to appear clever, then the sentence structure leading up to the punchline was poorly constructed. Otherwise, I stand by my assertion that you misquoted.

... and then the swift killing blow -

If you think THAT was bad, what will you do when your editors, publishers, reviewers and reading public have at you with both barrels?

"Personal attack"? "Rude"??? If I wanted to be rude and personally attack you, I think I would have crafted my reply a bit differently; perhaps something along the lines of:


Listen, dumb-bunny: there are two things you need to know right now - you're more out-of-touch than a virgin in a rural Catholic school, and the world always needs more ditch-diggers. Maybe then you could bury that putrid pile of puss you call a book without soiling yourself.


Don't annoy the dancing bear. Ever.

 

[Shalimar]

Ok, Philly, now what do you reeeely think?layful:

 

[SifuPhil]

Right?

People think I'm bad now - they should have seen me a while back. I'm still picking out traces of DNA from under my nails ...

 

[NancyNGA]

I'm with you, Phil.

When someone who knows very little tries to argue with the pros, and then whines when they get a little criticism back, a red flag should pop up. I'm guessing it has little to do with writing a book, and more about getting attention. Or maybe she just misjudged the sophistication of the folks on your forum.

 

[SifuPhil]

Well, Nancy, I think part of it was the huge rush of POD - Print On Demand - and of course the whole "Amazon effect" where all of a sudden everyone can be a published author, even if they just grab a bunch of grocery lists off the kitchen table. The traditional route of going through a brick-and-mortar publisher has been compromised and along with it such little niceties as editing and rewrites.

 

[Son_of_Perdition]

My one and only attempt at writing was on request (order) from my dept manager to write a job description for a senior tech support. It was going to be used for hiring and promotions. I took to it and created one that entailed all areas of what was required from our position gained through years of on-hands experience. I did it more as a lark, embellishing, adding everything I could think of that was asked of me during my tenure as a senior tech. It was done more as a joke never expecting to have it accepted. I'll be darned it became part of the Human Resource's guidelines. Any one of my co-workers who read it on our web said no one could qualify for that position, not even our in-house gifted system analyst (it was said he was the number 2 man nationwide rated by IBM). Don't know but he was fantastic & even better very humble.

My hat's off to all writers, it's not an easy task.

 

[SifuPhil]

My one and only attempt at writing was on request (order) from my dept manager to write a job description for a senior tech support. It was going to be used for hiring and promotions. I took to it and created one that entailed all areas of what was required from our position gained through years of on-hands experience. I did it more as a lark, embellishing, adding everything I could think of that was asked of me during my tenure as a senior tech. It was done more as a joke never expecting to have it accepted. I'll be darned it became part of the Human Resource's guidelines. Any one of my co-workers who read it on our web said no one could qualify for that position, not even our in-house gifted system analyst (it was said he was the number 2 man nationwide rated by IBM). Don't know but he was fantastic & even better very humble.

That's pretty darned impressive!

Writing corporate material such as job descriptions always eluded me. I just couldn't get into the mindset that you obviously did - good for you!

My hat's off to all writers, it's not an easy task.

But still much easier than digging ditches. layful:

 

[fureverywhere]

that putrid pile of puss...heeheehee couldn't resist the typo but it might mean she's a miserable cat or sad lady parts.

But agreed you can't just stagger into writing. Some of the best written stories write themselves. I found a long buried one the other day and shall submit it to my favorite dog magazine...and I barely remember writing it, but it's the kind of story they look for. Then again I have a cousin. If you've ever heard of a series called Left Behind, mad popular with folks who enjoy gnawing on the Da Vinci Code. My cousin wrote a whole several volumes of Christian fiction in the same vein and it's sold rather well. Seems anyone can be a writer these days...just need to find their niche market.

 

[SifuPhil]

Left Behind is some heavy reading, and I agree that if you know your niche and can exploit it you've got it made.

Unfortunately for me, the market for a series with a protagonist who is paranoid / schizoid and a gimp is rather small right now ...

 

[SifuPhil]

that putrid pile of puss...heeheehee couldn't resist the typo but it might mean she's a miserable cat or sad lady parts.

I didn't even catch that - see what happens when you don't have an editor? :chargrined:

 

[SifuPhil]

The eviscerated turkey lay on the platter on the table, it's legs and wings splayed, its brown skin bathing in its own juices.



Torn wrapping paper and shredded bows and ribbons are scattered here and there around the Christmas tree, itself looking like it had been through a war.


Perhaps it had. Perhaps we ALL had.


Why do we subject ourselves to this madness every year? They say that one sign of insanity is that you repeat an action over and over, expecting a different outcome.


Perhaps these holidays, these cherished times so associated with family and bonhomie, are insane?



I'm afraid I can't tell you – I'm on the outside of the great wall, looking in. I'm a stranger in a strange land. I don't celebrate Christmas or New Years.


Why should I? I have no family to speak of; friends that aren't connected to me through my computer monitor are scarce. I have no religion. No boxes of ornaments going back to Great-Grandma's time. No horse-drawn sleigh.



I don't even like turkey that much.


The mad rush during the months (it used to be weeks, and before that days) before Christmas is to me a display of lack of class, of all the baser elements of humanity. Of madness. Of crowd mentality gone very, very wrong.


Yet I cry every year at the end of It's A Wonderful Life, and Bing Crosby still sends shivers up my spine when I hear White Christmas. A nicely decorated tree still catches my eye and the sight of children rushing down the stairs on Christmas morning still brings a smile to my face.


New Years? Well, it's just another day, right? What's the big deal about celebrating some arbitrary point in time and investing it with such magical properties? What's the point of it all anyway – eat too much junk food, get drunk and watch a big ball fall down?


Yet there has to be something to it – so many millions of people, around the globe, make a big deal of it.


What's going on here?


Are these days really imbued with some kind of magic, or is it just, as usual in my world, the crowd of sheeple following each others tails, performing the rituals without understanding their meanings?



In the run-up to Christmas I have to fight the impulse to put my foot through the TV, with all of its blatant, screaming ads to hurry up and buy the latest and greatest gizmos. God forbid you don't have the latest, smart big-screen television, or the latest iteration of the holy iPhone (the latest model is 1/8” wider!!!). Black Friday? The Holy Grail of greed and materialism.



As soon as the day itself has come and gone – usually not without its share of dashed expectations and stuffing-flinging family fights around the table – we are inundated with the New Years Special ads. Who are YOU watching this year? Ooo, let's Tweet about it! Give me a break – a bunch of talent-less talking heads trying their best to come up with something fresh to say for a few hours, earnestly working to appear excited but coming off as only stridently desperate.



Take all of that away and what are you left with?


Silence.


You can hear the snow falling and the church bells ringing. You can feel the sharp tang of the cold air on your nose.


You can almost, for a moment, feel the magic.

 

[Karen99]

I enjoyed reading your thoughts on Christmas...and maybe that moment of magic flickers very brightly before it dissolves into smoke...

 

[SifuPhil]

I think you're right.

... about the magic moment, I mean - I assumed you would enjoy reading my thoughts.

 

[NancyNGA]

Take all of that away and what are you left with?


Silence.


You can hear the snow falling and the church bells ringing. You can feel the sharp tang of the cold air on your nose.


You can almost, for a moment, feel the magic.

Been there. Beautiful words, Phil.

 

[SifuPhil]

Been there. Beautiful words, Phil.

Thanks, Nancy.

I've had a moment or two like that over the years - that's how I recognized it.

 

[Karen99]

I think you're right.

... about the magic moment, I mean - I assumed you would enjoy reading my thoughts.

Well I did. That line about the "eviscerated" turkey did bring a few strange mental pictures..but I'm thinking that carcass is still good for soup.

 

[Yaya]

Phil - we are all sorry that you have to go thru this. We never forget the animal we loved that died. Remember also there are so many animals that desperately need a home and love.

 

[SifuPhil]

Well I did. That line about the "eviscerated" turkey did bring a few strange mental pictures..but I'm thinking that carcass is still good for soup.

And the annual family football game - for a while at least.

Phil - we are all sorry that you have to go thru this. We never forget the animal we loved that died. Remember also there are so many animals that desperately need a home and love.

Thanks, Yaya - are you referring to the turkey?