Reflective thoughts and poems

Today was a busy day, but I paced myself. Received the paint-by-number kit of Santa Claus that I want to paint for Christmas, but the canvas came folded up, and it makes it difficult to paint on it. Will have to stretch it.
Tonight, made brownies for my son who will be visiting tomorrow. I like to give him a batch to take back to the dorm with him.

I dug up one of my older poems and copied it here, but there's a slight tint on the letters and I don't know how to remove it. Hope it's readable. It was inspired by the idea of being flexible around others who are different from us. Enjoy!



Opposites Do Attract

Doors, once open, may close on us,
And some days are better than others.
For every “No,” somewhere there is a “Yes” —
As one person may have reason to cry,
Another person finds laughter easily.

Though clouds overhead depict the rain,
A strong wind may push them away
Revealing the sun’s golden rays.
No lock, no key, but a gentle
Blowing from God brightens up our day.

Everything that goes up must come down,
Constant changing of the universe —
We must be prepared for change.

Flexible like clay, molded with
Each sigh of the wind,
Moving on like clouds in the sky,
We must be
Graceful enough to endure the rain.

P.A. 2006
 

These past few days were exceptionally warm and wonderful. I have a large rose bush in the front of the house, and I was admiring it recently. Each year I like to trim it down for the winter, but I feel it's not time yet. Roses became a symbol of love with my late husband. He would give me roses for Mother's Day annually once he found out I loved them. This poem was inspired by that.

Remember the Roses

I knew the answer
When I saw your face
The grin determined
Our ultimate fate

Remember the roses
That stood on the hill
Remember the roses
On the window sill

Forever your sweetheart
I vowed that day
Forever together
In every which way

Remember the sunshine
That made you glow
Remember the kindness
That made love grow

We walked together
As if eternity was our friend
We loved each other
As if today would never end

Remember the sadness
When you went away
Remember the flowers
That with you did lay

Forever your laughter
Remains in my heart
To keep lit the candle
Burning in the dark

Goodbye my dear loved one
For we didn’t say goodbye
You left without notice
You left with just a cry

Remember the roses
That grew in your soul
Your gift were the roses
Their scent to behold.

P.A. 2015
 
We all have a child within us, no matter what age we are. It comes out whenever we play a game, laugh at a silly joke, or have fun. This child never grows old. I wrote this poem with the idea of never saying "goodbye" to the child within us. This is especially important to remember as we age.

Never Say Goodbye

Somehow, the fire inside has
Flown away, vanished
Leaving darkness in its place
Replaced by worry and doubt
Where there once was joy and courage.

Where have you flown to, my hope?
You, who nourished my dreams
Every night and gave me food for the soul.

The work grinds its teeth wearily
Unable to erase the fact that no one
Cares to look for the forgotten child
And tend to its needs

One more day, one more night
Of restlessness

You look for the child outside yourself
Maybe you look up to the sky for its return
Or do you think you’ll find it in the night stars?

Maybe the sun’s rays will warm your heart
You search days and nights, seeking
The youthful joy that you once possessed

Have you grown so old that you
No longer recognize me?

I am you, the child
That stares quietly at you through the mirror
Still seeking love
Still seeking appreciation
Still seeking approval

Reach out and embrace me once more
I am a part of you.

P.A. 2020
 
My son's visit over the weekend was not as planned. He had worked hard the last few weeks, and when he came here, he was tired, overworked, and essentially caught a cold. Lethargy, stomach flu, etc....So he slept, overslept his appointments, and basically slept. He did test for covid and it was negative. When he left yesterday afternoon, he told me later that he had to stop somewhere and take a nap. The trip back to the dorm was 2 hours. If I had known he was that bad off, I would have insisted he remain here, but he had work to go to and school. Overall, he ended up doing his classes online for now. He just called me to let me know how he's doing. Hopefully, I won't catch what he had.

Meanwhile, I was thinking how these little things like a son's illness can be stressors. I was trying to write about it, and find some peace in this, but instead, I came across this poem I wrote a few years ago. I had been playing the piano at the time and realized that it brought me peace and tranquility. The poem was a result of that feeling. Whenever I read it, I feel peaceful. Enjoy!

Quiet Medley

So let the music begin. Smooth and sweet,
Like maple syrup, this flowing stream of notes.
To nudge the effervescent corners of my mouth,
To smile in recognition at the piano's plucked heartstrings.

That which hovers around the room sinks its echoes into the
Crevices of my mind to lull me in the aftermath.
Bring me back to the time where there is no time, where beatitude
Has its own throne, where the Lord's peace is my companion.

Crystals, forming brilliant, splattered hues along the frozen river's edge, thaw,
One loving drop at a time; the music inevitably ends.
Long fingers that rest on the ivory-gilded memories reveal a quiescent peace
While the sun shines its heated blessing on me - its own quiet medley.

P.A. 2006
 
Today, I was painting a Christmas tree on canvas (paint-by-number) and made good progress. As I painted, I listened to a few Youtube videos while the sun was shining through the kitchen's sliding door. I also washed two loads of clothes and graded papers.

I would like to share a short poem about Love. This is something I feel strongly about. We need more of this in the world. Enjoy!

Love's Daily Chores

Love swoops with angel wings
Swiftly into our hearts
Cleaning, purging all filth, all blackness
Humming soft cadences
While sprinkling potpourri of
Harmony, peace, and charity
Into the unforgiving wounds

Briskly, it rises into the
Mind’s troubled cauldron
Kneading out rancid thoughts
Inserting happiness, generosity
And joy deep into the dough
Willing to wait, for Patience
Love’s mother, taught it well

And when these eyes begin to see
Beauty, where once there was fear
When these lips speak in harmony
Where once there was hate
When these hands touch to heal
Where once they held a weapon
Then Love’s chores will end.

P.A. 2022
 
I recently saw a documentary about a boy who was a genius when it came to numbers. It shows the tests he took
and how he met the real "rain man" that inspired the movie "Rain Man." As I watched the show, I was awed at the special talents and abilities he had, but at the same time, I wondered how he would fit in this world of ours. Would he ever have a normal life, get married, raise a family? There is a price to pay when one has these special gifts. This documentary made me think about outliers like him and the "rain man."


Brain man, you think with images
Sensations zap your universe
Turning them into numbers
Pulsating, vibrant forms
From left to right, your finger
Touches the table
As you recite for
Five hours
Continual numbers
Proving your worth
Proving who you are
In order to fit in, to be understood
Will your talents be put to good use
Or will they wither one day
When the universe zaps
You into silence?

P.A. 2022
 
Today was a busy morning -

First thing in the morning, had the contractor come and take a look at the basement ceiling. He had taped it up a few months ago after removing the drop ceiling drywall that had gotten moldy and wet. We wanted to see where the moisture was coming from, so he taped it up with plastic and heavy tape. He also cleaned and sanitized it to eliminate the moldy smell. During that time, I saw bugs/beetles inside the plastic seal. Don't know where they were coming from. But no water. So today, made sure the contractor understood that I don't want drop ceiling drywalls anymore, because of the humidity and it gets moldy. Instead, replace with some plastic tile or pvc tile (whatever it's called) that is resistant to water. So, waiting to see what he comes up with. He's the one who did the renovation in the basement last year after it flooded and did a great job. He also checked outside for any openings. Didn't see any. Just a little hole but it was in the ground about five feet away. He thinks it might be a critter but doesn't think it's relevant. He did plug it up, though.

Also, had the plumbers come to check on the hot water heater as soon as the contractor left. They were scheduled for next week but had a cancellation and were able to come today, which is nice because I really didn't want to have work being done during the Thanksgiving holiday. The reason for the plumber's visit is that these past few weeks, the hot water had an odor, like a dirt smell. The water heater was not even a year old. I replaced it last year after the basement flooded, just as a precaution. The plumbers replaced the "anode" from inside the heater with an aluminum one. The anodes are supposed to help with the smell. They believe they don't make them like they used to and use mixed materials, so they break down sooner. They also added some bleach to the heater. Time will tell if the smell goes away. If it doesn't they told me to put some in a glass of water and let it sit for awhile and see if it still smells. Don't know what that will do, but I will try it if needed.

After everyone left, it was only 11:00 AM. Since I do intermittent fasting, my breakfast for the day isn't until noon. So I cleaned a few things, then prepared my keto breakfast of eggs and cheese and coffee/cream. I also splurged on 2 small peanut butter cookies I made using almond flour (4 g carbs total). Then I did my half-hour walk on the treadmill. I'm feeling content right now.

Old Friend

Oh me, oh my
The joys of owning a home
Maintenance and all
Repairs and replacements,
Yet, cozy and comforting
Like an old friend
Or a loved one,
I find a happy medium
In my plants, and paintings,
The kitchen with its cooking
And nice aromas
My laptop computer and movies
Entertainment for hours -
And the front door,
Oh that glorious front door,
As I let in the contractors,
The plumbers, the electricians,
The neighbors, and
Most importantly,
My son coming home
For the holidays to a cozy home.

P.A. 11/18/22
 
We had our writers' group meeting today through Zoom, and afterwards, we listened to a guest poet recite his poetry. These are monthly events, and I am in charge, and I usually look forward to them. But I have decided to step down next month, and let someone else take the reins. The reason why? I have become busy with my classes.

I have been working today on a PowerPoint presentation that needs to be recorded via Zoom so it is ready for class on Monday. Next week is Thanksgiving, so there's a short holiday break. I have been doing these weekly presentations since class began a few months ago. It is a requirement and they're supposed to be within a certain time frame, but what I put in them is up to me.

When I first began using Zoom to record my presentations for this online class, I had to learn the basics about sharing my Powerpoint presentation, and where the buttons were to start/stop the recording, so in my first presentations, you could literally see me fumbling around looking for the buttons. Not very professional!

So when I met with a student the other day through the school's online communication portal, after we finished the meeting, there I was again, fumbling to find the "Leave session" button, and she politely pointed me to the right direction. I guess the students pick up quickly these skills, but being older, it takes me longer to figure things out.

But I'm pleased to say that my video presentations have improved since then. I am quick and smart and I've learned not to settle with the first recording (haha, or so I think!). I now record, delete, record, etc until I'm comfortable with the results. Usually 3-4 tries will do it. Almost a full day, but I love it! I've also learned to work with the lighting to give me the best visual presentation. I'm looking more and more professional. :)

At This Late Stage In Life

Although considered "retired"
I did not want to vegetate
I chose to go back to school
I chose to become a teacher
The alternative was death
Of the soul

At this late stage in life -
Teaching online classes
Has been a valuable transition
From being a grad student
These past 3 1/2 years, with
My nose buried in books
Hours at a time
No one to talk to
Mumbling in my soup
Typing furiously to meet deadlines
Scattered papers all around

At this late stage in life -
Success at last!
Diploma in hand!
A childhood dream come true!
Each day I awake refreshed
I look forward to
The teaching,
The students,
The learning,
Their youth revives me
And gives me a purpose

At this late stage in life -
Dreams that once were a blank
Page on the wall of my mind
Have become a reality
And I am building
Newer and newer realities
Each beautiful, glorious day.

P.A. 11/18/22
 
I plan to step down from a volunteer group that I formed and directed for many years - but how do I tell them? Is it easier to write and send an email, or maybe make a video and send them a recording? These are the thoughts swirling in my head today as I work on the speech I plan to give next month.

I already found a replacement (X) to take charge of this 80-member group. She (X) has been an active member for several of those years and will step in and continue where I left off - or maybe not. I'm not sure how much leadership skills she has, although she has told me she led other organizations in the past, and that's why I trust (X) is the best person for this position.

In Charge and Letting Go

To be a director is a position of power
You have a vision and move forward
Over the years, this position draws
People to you like magnets. Through word
Of mouth, flyers, Facebook, social media,
They want something from you,
Either advice, a recommendation,
Knowledge, to sell something,
Or networking. They let you in on
Things that no one else in the group
Is privy to. So you know who did what
And when, and then you decide when
To let the group know.

At the same time, your position means
Responsibility and management
You build credibility through transparency
Your interest in people
Makes you trustworthy, compassionate

Organizing and leading the meetings
Was a major focus of my work;
Delegation was tough because
Members were career people -
Too busy to be
Sending out email messages;
Maintaining a blog and FB page,
Editing manuscripts, etc.

I worked from home and could do it
But I no longer want to do it.
I cannot do it.
It was fun all these years,
But it was hard work and no pay
Volunteers do not get paid.
My compensation was intrinsic
Seeing others succeed through my efforts
and their hard work gave much satisfaction

But now, I have joined the ranks
Of being busy with my new "career"
it is time to move on
and let someone else take charge
It is time to see what
The rest of the world is doing
It is time to let go.

P.A. 11/20/22
 
My son is visiting for the Thanksgiving holiday. We put up the Christmas tree today, which is a family tradition. We have ornaments that have nice memories attached to them, so we were reminiscing about them. Afterward, I talked with family on the phone or emailed friends for the holiday, then painted some more of my Christmas tree paint by number. Almost done. Will share at some point.

Then prepared dinner. We ate around 5:30.

Update: Just finished Thanksgiving dinner with my son - roast lamb and small potatoes, sweet potatoes, spanakopitas, roasted peppers and mushrooms, cranberry sauce, kalamata olives, croissants, salad. No, I didn't really eat all that. Because I'm on Keto, my meal was lamb, roasted peppers and salad.

Will watch a movie later. Listening to Pluto TV all day with its Christmas music. It is cheerful and put me in good spirits. https://pluto.tv/en/live-tv/holiday-lights

Grateful

I am grateful for many things,
including the chance to be alive
today, on this earth.
Grateful for the breath I take
Grateful for the food I eat
Grateful for my son and family
Grateful for my house
Grateful for my friends
Grateful for my health
Grateful I live in the United States
May many blessings come your way,
today and every day.
 
Today, it was sunny and around 58 degrees, which was comfortable being outside. My son and I put the lights outside on the garage and on the nearby bushes. He has a remote that I could use to turn them on and off, which I greatly appreciate.

I am sharing the 16 x 20 painting I have done of the Christmas tree and fireplace. I am 90% done. Just need a few more touchups on the tree, etc. I bought this framed paint-by-number from Amazon and have been working on it for about 3 weeks. Hopefully, once it's done, I will work on the Santa Claus painting next. That was folded, so that canvas needs stretching before I can work on it.

Christmastreepattypainting.jpg
 
I had a wonderful few days spent with my son, as he visited me for his Thanksgiving break. We went shopping, dined, and put up the Christmas tree and lights. We went to church together, and afterward, I returned home and he returned to his dorm. And although he was not here today, I could still feel his presence as I passed his bedroom to go to mine. I half-expected him to come out of his room and say "Howdy" in his cheerful way. But I know our time together will become less and less as he moves next year to grad school.

Sometimes I see myself moving away, to live closer to my son, and then at the same time, I've become quite attached to my home. It has become my family, in a way.


I wrote this poem the other day, then sat and revised it today. Might work on it some more, but this is what I have now. I also noticed I wrote a poem about my home earlier in this thread, so this might become a recurring theme.

This Home

The comfort of a cozy home
All paid for, with room to roam
A city within its boundaries
Of four walls, I'll always call home
No matter where I move around
From floor to floor, and up and down
No matter that my needs are met
From warmth of home to the Internet
No matter that the food is good
With clean clothes and dishes, too
When sunlight beckons from outside
The thoughts rush in, from me to you
Wandering thoughts sit on the throne
That pull me away from my home
So tempting, it is, to dream the dream
That life on the other side is more green
Since you died, life changed so much
All the burdens I had without your touch
No one has come in years to see
Other than one or two, maybe three
The hope that there is more to life
Than these four walls, does make me sigh
Now that I do think of it,
This home has seen the most of it.
If walls could talk, what would they say
Would they miss me if I went away?

P.A. Nov. 28, 2022
 
P.A., have you seen this yet?

Because I Could Not Stop for Death

Amanda Flower
3.91
433 ratings122 reviews
Emily Dickinson and her housemaid, Willa Noble, realize there is nothing poetic about murder in this first book in an all-new series from USA Today bestselling and Agatha Award-winning author Amanda Flower.

January 1855 Willa Noble knew it was bad luck when it was pouring rain on the day of her ever-important job interview at the Dickinson home in Amherst, Massachusetts. When she arrived late, disheveled with her skirts sodden and filthy, she'd lost all hope of being hired for the position. As the housekeeper politely told her they'd be in touch, Willa started toward the door of the stately home only to be called back by the soft but strong voice of Emily Dickinson. What begins as tenuous employment turns to friendship as the reclusive poet takes Willa under her wing.

Tragedy soon strikes and Willa's beloved brother, Henry, is killed in a tragic accident at the town stables. With no other family and nowhere else to turn, Willa tells Emily about her brother's death and why she believes it was no accident. Willa is convinced it was murder. Henry had been very secretive of late, only hinting to Willa that he'd found a way to earn money to take care of them both. Viewing it first as a puzzle to piece together, Emily offers to help, only to realize that she and Willa are caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse that reveals corruption in Amherst that is generations deep. Some very high-powered people will stop at nothing to keep their profitable secrets even if that means forever silencing Willa and her new mistress....

First published September 20, 2022
 
ohioboy said:
P.A., have you seen this yet?

Because I Could Not Stop for Death

Amanda Flower
3.91
433 ratings122 reviews
Emily Dickinson and her housemaid, Willa Noble, realize there is nothing poetic about murder in this first book in an all-new series from USA Today bestselling and Agatha Award-winning author Amanda Flower.

January 1855 Willa Noble knew it was bad luck when it was pouring rain on the day of her ever-important job interview at the Dickinson home in Amherst, Massachusetts. When she arrived late, disheveled with her skirts sodden and filthy, she'd lost all hope of being hired for the position. As the housekeeper politely told her they'd be in touch, Willa started toward the door of the stately home only to be called back by the soft but strong voice of Emily Dickinson. What begins as tenuous employment turns to friendship as the reclusive poet takes Willa under her wing.

Tragedy soon strikes and Willa's beloved brother, Henry, is killed in a tragic accident at the town stables. With no other family and nowhere else to turn, Willa tells Emily about her brother's death and why she believes it was no accident. Willa is convinced it was murder. Henry had been very secretive of late, only hinting to Willa that he'd found a way to earn money to take care of them both. Viewing it first as a puzzle to piece together, Emily offers to help, only to realize that she and Willa are caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse that reveals corruption in Amherst that is generations deep. Some very high-powered people will stop at nothing to keep their profitable secrets even if that means forever silencing Willa and her new mistress....

First published September 20, 2022
Click to expand...
Thanks for letting me know about it, @ohioboy! Sounds intriguing!:)
 
This weekend, I sent an official email to my group that I was stepping down. It took me several days to write the message, because in it, I included how it all began several years ago, including the history of the group and its achievements. I named the people who accomplished what they set out to do, and those who helped make it successful. I thanked everyone who was a part of it and supported it throughout the years. By the time I finished writing and editing it, I was emotionally and mentally drained.

Several people responded positively to my message today with a couple requests to meet for lunch. Unfortunately, I have not gone out to lunch lately (except with son) with friends. Most everyone lives an hour away (we used to live in that area for many years), and I would now have to take the freeway to meet with them. I don't dare invite anyone to my house because it's a long haul to come up here. A few friends have done that in the past, mostly for curiosity, but have not repeated the trip. A colleague of my late husband's invited us to dinner; he lived over 1 1/2 hours away and it was a long drive there and back. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Besides, now that I'm on a low carb diet, it's very difficult to find a good place to eat that would cater to my narrow diet requirements. So instead of agreeing to have lunch, I asked them if we could Zoom. At least we get to see each other. Telephone is ok, too, but not as good as seeing each other.

Meeting with Friends

When I lived in the city years ago
Every Sunday,
I would meet with friends
after church, at the
cafe in the Mall
which was five minutes from church.
We would catch up on news, laugh,
and enjoy ourselves.
Not anymore.
Not after Covid.
The last time I did that was in
August of this year, and the person
who is going to replace me in the group
was there. So it was an important lunch date.
But I have't done that since.
I do miss having lunch with friends, though.
The waiters and waitresses knew us there.
That's the same place I sat with my colleagues
two years ago, editing poems
for a poetry book collection.
What is nice about eating in a cafe in the Mall
is that there is always room available to sit
particularly near the large windows
Afterward, you can walk around the Mall
and enjoy browsing the shops with their bright displays
Now, with Christmas around the corner, the Malls
are decorated with lights, Christmas trees, and Christmas decorations
which give them a festive atmosphere
They are quite pleasing to the eyes
And make me want to see another Hallmark Christmas movie!
I might opt to visit the local Mall soon, by myself,
while browsing the shops, and
reminisce of a carefree time
when no one wore masks, and I met
with friends freely and joyfully.
All that is left are nice memories.

P.A. Dec. 4, 2022
 
palides2021 said:
This weekend, I sent an official email to my group that I was stepping down. It took me several days to write the message, because in it, I included how it all began several years ago, including the history of the group and its achievements. I named the people who accomplished what they set out to do, and those who helped make it successful. I thanked everyone who was a part of it and supported it throughout the years. By the time I finished writing and editing it, I was emotionally and mentally drained.

Several people responded positively to my message today with a couple requests to meet for lunch. Unfortunately, I have not gone out to lunch lately (except with son) with friends. Most everyone lives an hour away (we used to live in that area for many years), and I would now have to take the freeway to meet with them. I don't dare invite anyone to my house because it's a long haul to come up here. A few friends have done that in the past, mostly for curiosity, but have not repeated the trip. A colleague of my late husband's invited us to dinner; he lived over 1 1/2 hours away and it was a long drive there and back. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Besides, now that I'm on a low carb diet, it's very difficult to find a good place to eat that would cater to my narrow diet requirements. So instead of agreeing to have lunch, I asked them if we could Zoom. At least we get to see each other. Telephone is ok, too, but not as good as seeing each other.

Meeting with Friends

When I lived in the city years ago
Every Sunday,
I would meet with friends
after church, at the
cafe in the Mall
which was five minutes from church.
We would catch up on news, laugh,
and enjoy ourselves.
Not anymore.
Not after Covid.
The last time I did that was in
August of this year, and the person
who is going to replace me in the group
was there. So it was an important lunch date.
But I have't done that since.
I do miss having lunch with friends, though.
The waiters and waitresses knew us there.
That's the same place I sat with my colleagues
two years ago, editing poems
for a poetry book collection.
What is nice about eating in a cafe in the Mall
is that there is always room available to sit
particularly near the large windows
Afterward, you can walk around the Mall
and enjoy browsing the shops with their bright displays
Now, with Christmas around the corner, the Malls
are decorated with lights, Christmas trees, and Christmas decorations
which give them a festive atmosphere
They are quite pleasing to the eyes
And make me want to see another Hallmark Christmas movie!
I might opt to visit the local Mall soon, by myself,
while browsing the shops, and
reminisce of a carefree time
when no one wore masks, and I met
with friends freely and joyfully.
All that is left are nice memories.

P.A. Dec. 4, 2022
Click to expand...
I can relate to shopping in the mall. Used to do that every week-end and occasionally during the week. It was my place back in the late seventies and eighties. Seems like long ago now. Your poem brought back my own memories of it.
 
Low Carb Isn't For Everyone

What do I eat on a low carb diet?
Instead of focusing on fat, I focus on
enough protein and lowering my carbs.
Carbs are found in rice, pasta, breads,
Oatmeal, cereals, fruits, and vegetables.
First of all, I aim for 20-30 carbs a day.
Some consider that very low carb.
I love my two eggs sautéed in olive oil every morning.
A slice of Monterey Jack cheese, and a
Decaf coffee with almond milk and a
dollop of heavy cream finishes my 'noon' breakfast.
Zero carbs.
Then walk for half hour. Exercise is important.
Snacks include handful of almonds, walnuts, peanuts
About 2-4 grams of carbs in that mix.
Sometimes, I have Rebel keto ice cream with
only 1 g in a serving. Or sugar free jello.
Or an almond flour muffin or sugar free
cookie using stevia instead of sugar.
Dinner is about five to six hours past noon.
Protein is a main staple, either cod, salmon, or shrimp.
Or chicken, lamb, or sausages
With a salad and one vegetable, and sliced cucumber
Olive oil and vinegar, I feel nice and full.
Dinner is usually less than 10 grams carbs.
Another half-hour walk after dinner.
Herbal tea with almond milk is good at night.
Or a cup of chicken bone broth
To keep the muscle twitches down.
Oh, yeah, you have to make sure you're
getting enough electrolytes, so I have a solution
of that every day and sip several glasses of water.
A low carb diet isn't for everyone
But it seems to work for me.

P.A. 12/5/22
 

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