Reflective thoughts and poems

AntonakiandPatty2Dec2022xLightshow.jpg
Sharing a snapshot of me and my son at the City Park during their light show. The photo had been sitting in his camera until now, and he showed it to me today. We went to the City Park a couple weeks ago to see the light show. I think I shared some photos of it earlier here. The winter vacation flew by and he will be leaving for school soon. Last year of college for him before going off to grad school. You can see the reflection of the light show from his glasses.

Today, he changed the air filter for me (I need a ladder to do this while he does it on tiptoe since he is taller). Got a package together for him - soup cans, Mac and cheese boxes, etc., plus freshly made brownies and other goodies to take with him. Tonight, we will watch the Pride & Prejudice 2005 version. Haven't seen that one yet. I love Jane Austen's stories. Already missing him.
 

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palides2021 said:
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Sharing a snapshot of me and my son at the City Park during their light show. The photo had been sitting in his camera until now, and he showed it to me today. We went to the City Park a couple weeks ago to see the light show. I think I shared some photos of it earlier here. The winter vacation flew by and he will be leaving for school soon. Last year of college for him before going off to grad school. You can see the reflection of the light show from his glasses.

Today, he changed the air filter for me (I need a ladder to do this while he does it on tiptoe since he is taller). Got a package together for him - soup cans, Mac and cheese boxes, etc., plus freshly made brownies and other goodies to take with him. Tonight, we will watch the Pride & Prejudice 2005 version. Haven't seen that one yet. I love Jane Austen's stories. Already missing him.
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What a beautiful Mother/Son photo....and the poetry inspiring too :)
 

Today I turned 66 and had a nice day! My son sent me beautiful pink flowers, which was totally unexpected. When the doorbell rang, I almost didn't answer it. But I'm glad I did. The florist gave me the vase of flowers, and then of course, I took pictures and had to share the photos with family. Given that my son had a car accident a few days ago, he had bounced back. He never fails to amaze me.

Family members called today and wished me a Happy Birthday. I received a few birthday cards from friends far away. I bought myself a birthday present - I ordered a paint-by-number kit on Amazon. I couldn't resist. Painting these brings me peace and joy. They give me an opportunity to think and reflect. I solve a lot during my painting sessions.

Sadly, since I no longer eat cake, I didn't have my birthday cake. I would have to make a cake from almond flour instead. Life is so different since I switched to Keto, but I'm happy with the results. That's ok. I'm glad I'm alive.

I wrote this poem last year during the new year (when we were in the midst of Covid). I revised it today:

Bring in Hope

Hope, will you come
This new year -
Once again to stir the heart
That has hardened
That has bled
That has shed tears
That sleeps with fear

Hope, will you bring the
Wind, renowned for your charm-
Cast your spell upon the earth
Blow away the dirty air and
The germs
Bring clean air
For the new year

Hope, do you
See their troubled gaze
Hidden beneath the mask
Hidden lives, once open?

Hope, will you
Save all the people
Save their souls
Save our nation
Under God
Indivisible nation


P.A. Jan. 10, 2022
 
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So many things are happening through my work teaching, and yet there are moments of silence and rest that allow me to reflect. I discovered this poem I wrote a few years back and would like to share it with you. At that time, I had high hopes of writing books (although I have published 5, and have another one unpublished) but somehow the urge to write novels has slowed down considerably. It's a very time consuming endeavor, not only to fabricate whole characters, their dialogue, settings, plot, climax and resolution, but also to revise extensively. And even after the revisions, getting it published and marketing/promoting it are also time consumers. I don't know how these people can write dozens of books. Anyway, enjoy the poem!

A Toast to Life

Is to gather
Soft, willowy wisps of “thank you’s”
And blow them into the air until
A smile returns my way.

To hand out with large doses
Random acts of kindness
To people who suffer so much, they cannot see,
Except my outstretched hand.

To wish with sincerity
A journey, filled with loyal friends,
Who cheer and support each other
Through good and difficult times.

To sit still enough
So that peace may find me,
And fill the chambers of my heart with serenity,
Thus brightening even my darkest hours.

And let us toast to love,
For even when we are alone,
Our poor and ailing hearts
Still can feel its powerful joy.

Strive always for
Patience, wisdom, and foresight
So they could stand faithfully by our sides
And guide us all to righteousness.

Surely we must also read, and learn
Through books and classes
Of the universe’s secrets -
This knowledge must be gleaned.

I plan to write about life -
Stories so powerful and uplifting
They bring tears of joy to others,
One page at a time.

And when I depart
This beautiful earth one day,
Will I have accomplished my purpose -
To leave a part of me behind?

So let us lift our glasses
To make a Toast to Life,
And let us write our own story -
One chapter at a time.

P.A. 2014
 
It's amazing how much has happened since 2014! Who would have predicted the Covid years at that time? This poem "A Toast for Life" in my previous post was written during a time that I had lost my husband, but good, kind people rushed to my side during my mourning, filling me with gratefulness. Their thoughtful actions inspired this poem. Now, eight years later, the aches and pains have come. People are no longer around, thanks to Covid. I am essentially alone. Online work has filled a void, and so has Social Media, SF, reading and painting.

No longer

I no longer play in the orchestra
because of their vaccination requirement.
I no longer drive one hour to church
as I used to. It seems so far away.
I no longer meet with friends. Some have died.
I no longer believe things that were once important
are still important. Other things have
taken their place.
I still believe in God and pray daily.
He will never go away.

P. A. 2023
 
It's been a little hectic lately. My 88 year old mother was hospitalized a few days ago for an inflamed gallbladder. She was vomiting and couldn't keep anything down. Since then, they've given her two doses of antibiotics and were planning on surgery to remove her gallbladder. However, today was a blessing. I learned that her inflammation went down enough so they no longer need to consider surgery. Yes, prayers do help! Yet, she is still unable to keep anything down and no BM. Having worked in the healthcare industry years ago, I remember when a patient was kept in the hospital until their vital signs were normal. So they're keeping my mom in the hospital until she's functioning normally.

I learned most of this news from my sister who is watching over my mother. Today, I attempted to talk to my mother on the phone, but because she did not have her hearing aids on, it was a one way street. "Eh? Eh?" she kept saying, interrupting my conversation, so I let her ramble on. At least she didn't have the enormous pain from a few days ago and felt well enough to talk. Attempts to call her before were fruitless because they had her sedated and more or less knocked out.

I know that I must ultimately face
the day when she will no longer say,"Eh?"
I prefer those words from her living breath
Than a memory to fall back on
When she is no longer with us.
May God bless her and enlighten
the doctors to keep a vigilant watch
Over her. No matter what happens,
I know she is in good hands.

P.A. Jan. 27, 2023
 
katlupe said:
Sorry about your Mom being so sick, but thankful that she recovered.
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Thanks, @katlupe! Today, I learned that she was able to tolerate food, so that is good. Tried calling her 2-3x but her line was busy. She's a very popular person! Ended up talking to the male nurse. He said that she will stay longer, and they're planning to do her pacemaker which was something she needed to have replaced. Not sure, though, if they are planning to remove her gallbladder or not. I get conflicting messages. Will see what that's about! Found out my sister got her her hearing aids, so I hope to have a normal conversation with her today! She's a very empathic person, and feels things (I've taken after her) and has had dreams and visions that have turned out to be true. Last year, she lost both her younger brother and sister (they were in their 80s also). So she's the only one left in her family. I've been praying for her, and prayers do work!
 
The latest news is that my mom received her new pacemaker battery and made it home to my sister's house. She will recuperate for a few days. So the whole family is happy about that!

Meanwhile, I learned that the orchestra I play in finally has lowered the restriction that players needed to be vaccinated, so I went to the rehearsal tonight. Many people were happy to see me, as I was happy to see them. It had been three years that I had been gone. It was fun playing the notes and listening to the wonderful sounds of the music. That was something I had missed doing these three years. Now I have to put in all the fingering to the notes and make sure I practice daily. I don't mind. It gives me a purpose.

The thing that shook me tonight was the drive back home. It was close to 10:00 PM and it was dark. I have to take the freeway and the exit to the freeway had some barrier walls that were the same color as the cement road and they loomed up on me and I could not react fast enough to avoid hitting it. However, I realized it was slanted because my car's tires flew up on the side of the wall and landed firmly back on the ground. I was amazed I didn't crash, but I was all shook up and not sure if I had hit/scratched the right side of the car or not. I kept driving on. I didn't want to stop in the middle of the night. In the past, my son used to be with me when I drove home at night. Anyway, it's a good half hour drive on the freeway and instead of going the 70 mph speed limit, I was going 55 just to be sure I hadn't done anything to the car. I was picturing the wheel flying off or something like that! I kept saying the Jesus prayer all the way home. I was picturing what I would tell the car insurance company with my clean driving record all these years. I was picturing what garage I would have to take it.... ladadada.....

To make a long story short, when I drove into the garage and jumped out to see the damage (on the front right side of my car), I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

I turned on the light in the garage.
Nothing.
Hallelujah!
I was scratching my head.
Tomorrow I will look again.
It was a miracle that I didn't crash.
I will have to rethink my drive home.
Going to the rehearsal, I can go earlier
when it is daylight. At night,
I might have to find
another route that
doesn't require the freeway
and is much safer.
I don't want to give up orchestra,
not now.

P.A. 2/2/23
 
palides2021 said:
The latest news is that my mom received her new pacemaker battery and made it home to my sister's house. She will recuperate for a few days. So the whole family is happy about that!

Meanwhile, I learned that the orchestra I play in finally has lowered the restriction that players needed to be vaccinated, so I went to the rehearsal tonight. Many people were happy to see me, as I was happy to see them. It had been three years that I had been gone. It was fun playing the notes and listening to the wonderful sounds of the music. That was something I had missed doing these three years. Now I have to put in all the fingering to the notes and make sure I practice daily. I don't mind. It gives me a purpose.

The thing that shook me tonight was the drive back home. It was close to 10:00 PM and it was dark. I have to take the freeway and the exit to the freeway had some barrier walls that were the same color as the cement road and they loomed up on me and I could not react fast enough to avoid hitting it. However, I realized it was slanted because my car's tires flew up on the side of the wall and landed firmly back on the ground. I was amazed I didn't crash, but I was all shook up and not sure if I had hit/scratched the right side of the car or not. I kept driving on. I didn't want to stop in the middle of the night. In the past, my son used to be with me when I drove home at night. Anyway, it's a good half hour drive on the freeway and instead of going the 70 mph speed limit, I was going 55 just to be sure I hadn't done anything to the car. I was picturing the wheel flying off or something like that! I kept saying the Jesus prayer all the way home. I was picturing what I would tell the car insurance company with my clean driving record all these years. I was picturing what garage I would have to take it.... ladadada.....

To make a long story short, when I drove into the garage and jumped out to see the damage (on the front right side of my car), I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

I turned on the light in the garage.
Nothing.
Hallelujah!
I was scratching my head.
Tomorrow I will look again.
It was a miracle that I didn't crash.
I will have to rethink my drive home.
Going to the rehearsal, I can go earlier
when it is daylight. At night,
I might have to find
another route that
doesn't require the freeway
and is much safer.
I don't want to give up orchestra,
not now.

P.A. 2/2/23
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Oh no, how scared you must have been! Thankful that you were able to drive home. Maybe the barrier walls are now made of something that a vehicle bounces off?

You talking about the orchestra reminds me of my MIL who played in the seniors orchestra. She played the violin in that but was musically talented and played many different instruments, including the saw and cowbells.
 
katlupe said:
Oh no, how scared you must have been! Thankful that you were able to drive home. Maybe the barrier walls are now made of something that a vehicle bounces off?

You talking about the orchestra reminds me of my MIL who played in the seniors orchestra. She played the violin in that but was musically talented and played many different instruments, including the saw and cowbells.
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Thanks, @katlupe for your kind and thoughtful comments! The next morning, I looked at the car again, and at the bottom of the car, near the right tire, I can feel that it has been scraped. Visual inspection shows nothing, but if I run my hand underneath it, I can feel it. On the other side (near left tire) it is smooth. So will have to take it in to get the scratch fixed. I don't know how deep it went and don't want it to rust there.

That's wonderful your MIL played in the seniors orchestra! Several members of my orchestra are in their 80s and still playing.

It is truly a wonderful, uplifting experience to be right in the middle of the music making. Listening to records and albums is not the same; it's a diluted form. When you are in the middle of the orchestra, the notes jump at you with several layers of texture and richness. We all play different parts, and when we come together, the parts make a whole, like a puzzle. I can't explain it. Also, learning the notes, moving my fingers, counting the measures, etc. as well as the social contact makes it all worth while for me mentally, physically, and socially. I just have to figure out how to handle the night driving. I need courage!

I will make an appointment with the eye doctor to double-check if I need new glasses. It's been a few years since I got my last prescription.
 
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I am sharing one of the musical pieces we will be playing at our upcoming concert - Grand Canyon Suite

It really feels as if I am at the Grand Canyon.


I like to listen to pieces we will play for a concert (over and over again) to familiarize myself with the music and various sounds and timings of the instruments. Sometimes I play along. Today, I was busily jotting down the fingerings for the notes provided by the first chair. Fingerings and bow markings (up or down bow markings) allow for the orchestra to be synchronized in the movements of their bows. Otherwise, it would look chaotic. That's it for now.
Hope you all have a great evening! Enjoy the music!
 
Majestic,moisture driven, monumental, miraculous and magnificent.
smart,simple,sweet surrender, soaring, satisfying and so sound full.
thanks.
 


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