Seniors in Denial

Don M.

Don M.

SF VIP
Location
central Missouri
Has anyone dealt with older family members or friends whose health is failing, both physical And mental, yet they refuse to go to the doctor, or seek help. When anyone tries to intervene or suggest that they need help, this couple seems to think it is an invasion of their "privacy", and tells them it's None of your Business, and even asks them to leave.

It's a sorry situation that is affecting their friends and family because no one seems to be able to get this couple to take better care of themselves. It's not a financial issue, as this couple has sufficient funds at their disposal. I thought I'd open this for discussion and ideas, and perhaps find some information/ideas to pass along to their relatives.
 

Unfortunately you can't make anyone do what they don't want to. I think the only thing that can be done is plant seeds with them and hope for the best. My dad wouldn't listen to anyone about going to see a doctor when he had issues. His response was that if he dies he dies or something like that. And he died..maybe he could have lived longer or maybe not..something else could have happened besides his issues, too.
 
yep, my husband , wont go to a doctor or let me ring for advise....
its up to him.......his brain is still working ok, so its his decision, ........plus,i am the same as him, I wont go to a doctor, unless i really have to, which is never at the moment !!
 

charry said:
yep, my husband , wont go to a doctor or let me ring for advise....
its up to him.......his brain is still working ok, so its his decision, ........plus,i am the same as him, I wont go to a doctor, unless i really have to, which is never at the moment !!
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Yeah, for better or for worse, I'm like you guys, too. I hate doctors and hospitals and medicines. Maybe because since age 5 I've had to have four operations on my ears and once had to be hospitalized for pleurisy and in all five incidents had to be pumped with penicillin. One time I had a bad pain under my left ribs for 16 days until I could no longer take the pain and went to a clinic and the pain was gone in 2 days. I did feel like a fool!
 
If I need to go to the Doctor, it is just much less trouble to go than to subject myself to "extended" discussions with my wife.

She wants to keep me around, and can be unrelenting.
 
I'm a guy & I don't mind going to the doctor at all. In my 40s I used to have a complete medical checkup every 2 years. Since I reached my 50th birthday I have a complete medical checkup every spring. I'm 73 & still kicking! Yes, many men are awful weird about going to the doctor. They would rather watch football all day. I knew a few guys like that. Some died rather suddenly & people would say, "he never went to the doctor; he seemed so healthy". HA! I say! Bring to my mind the story about a certain big bird in Africa that sticks his head in the sand. You know: See no evil, hear no evil!
 
As with most things, it all depends on the situation & the individual . I had a friend that started Cehmo,...he said he wished he hadn't. He said hell, I didn't feel this bad last week. The really sad part is, it didn't work for him after all.

I had a heart attack 20 years ago, three stents, seems to have done the trick but.........

I have other issues , have been to six different docs, + my GP. Have had three procedures for the issues , nothing !

Spent a-bunch of money along the way, and some discomfort along with it.....But we don't know till we try either.

Should we seek a doc at the drop of a hat? Wish I knew the absolute answer.
 
Is it possible the OP's friends or family cannot afford to see a Doctor?

My husband is exactly the same he has to be dragged kicking and screaming to the doctor, and that's only when he's so ill he can't put up a fight.. he'd rather suffer than see the GP
 
The older I get the more I feel I want to be in charge of my health and well being. Some people I know think I should be going to the doctor on a regular basis and I'm sure I would be given medication for everything from blood pressure to an ingrown toe nail. I choose not to go.
I'm sure the time will come when I'm in a lot of pain or have trouble breathing that I'll have to go for relief. Until then I prefer not to spend half my life in the doctors waiting room or having tests done.

I was a practical nurse many many years ago, if the practice of medicine was back then like it is today I would have chosen a different career.
 
My husband is doing better about going to the Doctors then he was years ago. The only stipulation is that he won't let me go with him. Years ago we were at the foot doctors and he insisted that I leave the room because he said I was telling the Doctor too much about his condition. So I left the room and went outside and a crazy lady grabbed me yelling at me asking if I thought she was fat.She said her husband always said she as fat. It's a good thing a security guard was there and he pulled her off me and I ran back into the waiting room. Then my husband came out and told me to help him fill out a form. You wouldn't believe the look I gave him and I did not help him with the form. So now I just sit at home when he has an appointment and worry at home.
 
Yes, this is a widespread dilemma, isn't it? and a serious issue for families who have parents or family who need medical assistsnce for physical and or mental health problems in old age or younger.

As for me, I have to take responsibility for my health and wellbeing as this is entirely my responsibilty while I posses the physical and mental health Im fortunate to have. My two Sons and families are caring and not too far from me distance wise but they see me as I am: a 76 year old woman active and in reasonable good health getting on with life and coping since my Hubby died five years ago.

If I required help as I age, assuming I live on, then I do hope they would rally if I became in need of support and help. Until this actually happens all I can do is hope against hope that I will never need help and live until Im in my mid 80's like my dear Mum did who died in her own home and was never seriously ill and passed away in her armchair and on her own as she was a Widow for over 30 years, bless her.
 
Going to the Doctor for a regular annual checkup revealed that I had prostrate cancer. Since it was caught early, he treatment was not too severe. And I am now cancer free and likely to be around for a lot longer than if the cancer had progressed.
 
Pecos said:
Going to the Doctor for a regular annual checkup revealed that I had prostrate cancer. Since it was caught early, he treatment was not too severe. And I am now cancer free and likely to be around for a lot longer than if the cancer had progressed.
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So pleased for you Pecos. What a relief and it was caught quickly. Two of my friends have been treated for this recently and are in the all clear. Relax now it's dealt with and enjoy your Christmas and New Year.
 
CrackerJack said:
Until this actually happens all I can do is hope against hope that I will never need help and live until Im in my mid 80's like my dear Mum did who died in her own home and was never seriously ill and passed away in her armchair and on her own as she was a Widow for over 30 years, bless her.
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Wishing you the same ending as your mother, maybe even when a little older. ❤ I wish I will die the same way as your mother, better still, in bed nice and comfy. It's what I call ''the ideal death, with comfort and peace and dignity".
 
Catlady said:
Wishing you the same ending as your mother, maybe even when a little older. ❤ I wish I will die the same way as your mother, better still, in bed nice and comfy. It's what I call ''the ideal death, with comfort and peace and dignity".
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Thank you for your kind words. She was a brave woman after losing Dad. I was in my 20's and newly wed when Dad died in 1966 and didnt know back then the searing pain that grief can bring. She had a heart condition but kept well enough so her old ticker got tired and gave up.

I do wonder if she had become unable to care for herself if I could have dealt with it as she was a feisty lady and very independent and we clashed at times over things and Im not the most patient of people. Ive so far not had to care for anyone who needed it. My Hubby was fit and well until 2015 when he passed away sudden and unexpectedly and my two Sons and families are all well.
 

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