Seniors, What Can You Say About Having Children?

StarSong said:
Shali, I cannot express how much your story distresses me. Although I've been active on these boards for only a few short months, I quickly recognized yours to be a voice of intelligence, gentleness, kindness, reason and balance. Compassion like yours is like the finest steel. It is borne only of blistering fires, it cannot merely dug up from a sheltered place that has never known pain.

Be well, my friend. I sincerely hope that the brokenness between you and your son is healed soon.
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Ooooohhhh, I needed that. “Balm of Gilead,” indeed. Touched to the point of tears. Your words heal far more than you know, my friend. I am cognizant of the strength of your convictions, your clarity of thought, measured intelligent response even under duress. I am elevated by our friendship, u bring out the best in others.❤️
 

Shalimar said:
Thanks RadishRose. It is truly beyond my comprehension. If love, support, compassion are not enough, I concede defeat. It is all I have to offer.
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Sometimes offspring have to grow...old, before they come to certain realizations about their folks.
Sometimes parents pass away before that happens.

Keep the heart door open, Shali.
 
I recommend at least three
The first two will teach you how totally inept you are in parenting skills
The third one will confirm you didn’t learn a thing from the first two

I’m happy to say, today our kids think we’re pretty OK
Sometimes even thank us

Our eldest ‘gifted genius’, ’headed to Mensa’ as depicted by his profs, was diagnosed schizophrenic in his very late teens, or early twenties (I try not to remember)
He’s doing as OK as he’s gonna do
He has limited capacity in regard to the emotion of love as most know it
That’s OK by me
I’m happy he can function on his own

Our second son decided to do what Dad did…only more
We survived it
He almost didn’t
He now has a somewhat large ranch, and two quite large (90 some foot) fishing boats
He still scares me
We love each other greatly
Swap stories
I no longer wish to arm wrestle with him, saying I don’t care to embarrass him

Our youngest, our daughter, is currently testing our nerve ends, our sanity, our gullibility
She’s running outa time
Makes my passing something with which to look forward
Hope to beat her to it…pretty much neck and neck at present

Nutshell, our second son and daughter managed to give us some very beautiful grandchildren of which has enriched our lives beyond expectation

I really can’t ask for more

Lastly, I penned a brief synopsis about life’s process some time ago
Prolly posted it here
Here it is again (sorry);

Life, seems, is divided up into indistinct sections of which we ease in to and out of, like a balloon coaxed thru a small opening, morphing sometimes without notice:


Eating/pooping (part 1, discovering texture)
Preschool (intro to social, sharing)
School (the teacher is God)
Teenage (high school hell, for teen and parent, hormones are an entity requiring exorcism, the teacher is Satan)
College/military (fun, fun, fun; learn, drink, fornicate, kill)
Pre-parental Early adult (more fun, but serious thoughts, sipping not chugging, meaningful pursuits, mating, career)
Parental (joy)
Parental hell (see teenage)
Midlife (see early adult, attempts at hindsight adjustments)
Grandparent (brief joy)
Grandparental hell (hiding, see teenage)
Musing Youngish Geezer (lazy boy-crossword-Jeopardy sessions, looking upon mate with renewed ardor, reflecting, attempting things you did with ease years ago)
Geezer (whazzat? Whoozzair?)
Eating/pooping (part 2)...Nurse!? I did it again (toothless smile)
Dirt nap
 
Neither of us regret it one bit. Had I married a woman that didn't want kids, I would have been fine at the time.

However, knowing what I know now, I would have missed out on a great deal of fun and a couple of great grandchildren that have been the joy of my life.
 
I have one grown daughter, she's smart and has a good profession. She changed a lot over the years and no, we're not very close now. There are two grandchildren who are grown now. I don't waste time on doubts or regrets. At my age, it's best not to waste any time. Just dealing with the challenges of us being older, that's living life each day at a time.
 
Shalimar said:
Yet his dad who did not

pay child support, and did a brief stint in jail for domestic abuse years after I kicked him to the curb somehow gets a clean slate.
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Shali, you probably learned this somewhere along the line so this is just a reminder: the absent parent is (almost) always the hero. Maybe your son hasn't elevated his father to quite that status, but it's probably easier and more convenient for him to excuse his father than to admit that you did the best you could and you're not the reason he grew up without a father.

Sometimes people, not just our kids, lash out in anger over something, then realize that they overreacted and knowing they can't put the words back in their mouths, stubbornly refuse to make amends. The longer it goes on, the more likely they'll start rationalizing and justifying what they've done or said.

Wait. You're the wig-picker! Why am I telling YOU this? LOL
 
I have 5 children, 4 boys and a girl. Folks think I stopped at 5 because I had a girl. Nope, I stopped because no matter how hard I tried, my 35 year old body just kept saying "enough!!!" Finally I listened. My oldest is 44, youngest (my girl) is 29. All natural childbirth, all born at home. 10 grandkids.

We are a very close family. My oldest lives in California with his wife and 4 girls. We see each other a couple times a year, they take me on the most wonderful vacations (Hawaii is my favorite!) or they visit here, or I go stay with them for a week. I am in in touch with son, my DIL and my grandkids via phone, Facebook, emails, texts and FaceTime all the time. The rest of my kids live here, in Nashville. We have a family get together every time it's someone's birthday, every seasonal event, and randomly too, so there are get togethers all the time. Separately, I go out to lunch or dinner with random assortments of my kids and/or grandkids whenever the mood strikes. There isn't a week that goes by where I'm not seeing and/or talking to a child or grandchild or some combination. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The siblings are all close too. They get together for poker nights, to hang out, dinner, etc. They help each other with moves, car repair, computer issues. They each have their own unique relationship with each other. e.g. my daughter and one of my boys spend time almost daily sending each other stupid GIFs and Memes and photos which they think is hilarious!! I don't typically see the humor, but that's their thing. :)

Their father is a jerk, completely out of their lives except for random, sporadic emails which they ignore. We don't even know where he is. He's never seen most of his grandkids. I know many of you wish you'd had a different spouse, and I've occasionally thought the same, but if that were the case then I wouldn't have the children I do now, and they enrich my life so completely that I just couldn't imagine anything better! Dealing with their father is a small price to pay for the immeasurable benefit of having them!
 
There’s an old joke that used to be popular, but since has died off.

A group of gals and guys were debating which hurt worse; childbirth or a kick in the gonads. After several minutes of the back and forth, finally, Joe noticed that his buddy, Joe, who had been sitting in the back all this time never said a word, asked him what was his opinion.

Joe answered, “There is no doubt about it, a kick in the gonads definitely hurts worse.” Jane immediately spoke up and protested and asked Joe what made him think that? Joe took another drag on the pipe that he was smoking and said, “Well, I’ve been around a lot of women and I have heard some of them speak up from time to time and say, “You know, I wouldn’t mind having another child.”

“However, I have also been around a lot of guys and I never heard even one say, “You know, I wouldn’t mind having another kick in the gonads.” ����

Ta-Dah

(You can replace the word “gonads” with a more colorful word.)

(Hopefully, I won’t be banned for writing that.).
 
Capt Lightning said:
Children - you love them and then you let them go. I'm happy that they are close to each other and to us, but we all have our own lives to live. I've tried not to tell them what to do, but always provided a safety net under them. They're doing well for themselves and that is all the thanks that I need.
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Ditto! A sure sign of successful parenting is seeing the kids grow up to be responsible adults, and make a good life for themselves. I feel sorry for Seniors who are still having to "babysit" their kids....and there seems to be quite a few who are caught in that trap.
 
We are a blended family; I have 2 sons and my husband has 2 daughters and a son. We married when they were all small; the youngest was 2 and the oldest 8. It was always hectic and the teenage years were sometimes exasperating, but they all grew up to be great responsible young people. My life is richer having been "mom to 5". (I used to say my hobbies were calling out spelling words and doing laundry. :D)

They grew up and scattered to the winds and now the closest one to us is 2 hours away, so we don't see them as much as we'd like. Thankfully the electronic age makes it easy to keep up with them all.
 
SeaBreeze said:
For those here who have had children, what can you say about the experience, what are your thoughts? Are your children a blessing? Has having children been good or bad for you in your life? Do you have a close relationship with your kids, or have you grown apart over the years? Do your children care about you now that you're older, are they there for you when you need them?
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I honestly believe I was destined to be a mom.

I did a lot of babysitting growing up, and thoroughly enjoyed it, so always felt that motherhood was my destiny.

Children are a blessing, and they've been good for me, and while all are grown now and busy with their own lives, we are all still close, even the two who live long-distance.

While I am closer to a few, they'd be there for dear husband and I if needed, and they know the same holds true when it comes to us for them.
 
We have one child, a son, I footed the college bills. I'm an engineer and I thought he might follow my tracks. But he did not, he was an art major and I was concerned for his future, not knowing where his career choice would take him. But he has done well for him self, used his artistic talents as a stepping stone and is now the CEO of a corporation. At 40 years old he had his first child, our first grand child, and has settled into the new lifestyle of a father well. We live 13 hours away from his family, but being he being very savvy with technology, our son has enabled his two year old to face time with us at any time using Alexis and Apple. WE FaceTime with her several times a week, sometimes several times a day.

It has worked out well.
 
We have 3 boys. Oldest is 52, and twins 48.
Looking back... I wonder how any of us survived 😏. They were, how do I say this?, boy-boys through and through. Rowdy, adventuresome, stubborn. If there was trouble to be had they found it. My husband was in the Navy for 10 years and when he got out, he went into sales and traveled 5 days a week. That pretty much left me, one nerve, and the 3 little indians. When he was home, he was the best father ever. When he wasn’t home, he called every night to help with homework or whatever was needed for all of us. So we stumbled through it, and did the best we knew how to do at the time. But lordie, looking back we did so much wrong and could have done so much better. But, in spite of everything, they turned into 3 outstanding humans that We are beyond proud of. They love us, don’t smother us, but let us know constantly that they are there for us if we need them. Our life hasn’t been easy, but it sure has been worth every single second of it
 
Kathleen’s Place said:
We have 3 boys. Oldest is 52, and twins 48.
Looking back... I wonder how any of us survived 😏. They were, how do I say this?, boy-boys through and through. Rowdy, adventuresome, stubborn. If there was trouble to be had they found it. My husband was in the Navy for 10 years and when he got out, he went into sales and traveled 5 days a week. That pretty much left me, one nerve, and the 3 little indians. When he was home, he was the best father ever. When he wasn’t home, he called every night to help with homework or whatever was needed for all of us. So we stumbled through it, and did the best we knew how to do at the time. But lordie, looking back we did so much wrong and could have done so much better. But, in spite of everything, they turned into 3 outstanding humans that We are beyond proud of. They love us, don’t smother us, but let us know constantly that they are there for us if we need them. Our life hasn’t been easy, but it sure has been worth every single second of it
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I raised 4 boys, and compared to my girls, what a handful they were! LOL!
 
My 2 are 23 months apart,girl is older 41,boy is 39.They were like oil and water growing up,pretty much until their late teens when the became BFFs,lol.
I feel my life would be very empty without them,we live only 20 minutes apart and they would do anything for me,they are both married and even the in-laws are great!
My son is the Dad to the worlds best grandson,8, who I get to watch frequently and have had a special bond with since they put him in my arms at just a few hours old.
I do like to quip that they are my greatest accomplishment however I'm pretty sure more than a few of these gray hairs belong to them.
 
I'll try to respond to this thread slightly differently, in the hope it adds something more than saying I'm very thankful to have my one child, and two grandchildren, in spite of other difficulties I've experienced, (as others have related above).

I'm going to mention my relationship with my own mother, as a way of shining a light on the thread topic possibly. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, though I'd never have rejected her, nor vice versa, and it proved impossible to have really open, fully honest, adult discussions with my mother, as I'm sure we'd all like to do. I'd go so far as to say I thought my mother might haunt me from the grave, but I was completely wrong, and all the very positive aspects of her character are what come to my mind, comfort me, and give me strength! :) .
 
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My two kids are a blessing. We are close but not so close that I can't let go of them and let them lead their own lives.
Needless to say the Grands are great!

A buddy of mine married a women in her very late 30's. Now he is 66 with a one year old. Better him than me.
 


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