Set in my ways?

Well, northern BC to South America sounds like a bit of a stretch for someone who is having trouble bringing herself to attend outdoor events in her own town. Could it be a little bit of depression, maybe? Just wondering; it sounds kind of extreme.

But I also can sympathize, to a degree. There are things I'd love to do, but I don't any more, because I have trouble negotiating escalators, dealing with stairs, keeping myself running from one thing to another throughout the day. I live in a suburb of Washington, DC, and for many years have enjoyed visiting the Smithsonian museums. I haven't been there in years, not since before Covid. It occurred to me today that I'd like to see a new exhibit they have in the National Gallery of Art, but then I thought about all the logistics of driving down to the nearest Metro station, taking a very long and fast escalator to the trains, riding the train to downtown DC, etc. Not to mention all the hours of walking just within that huge museum. Decided not to try it until I can get someone to go with me. But I still hope to.

Probably you should try baby steps. Maybe call that neighbor back and ask if you can have another chance to do something together?
 

@Sunny Yes, it is depression, or a rut, or something. I know I'm capable of adventure because I did it last year. But in this town, everything seems like too much trouble.

I imagined losing my canes in Peru or somewhere. I'd have to ask some lovely helpful people for directions to the cane store, and it would be in an interesting neighborhood, and it would all be lots of fun.

But here, I'd order canes from Amazon, and something would go wrong, and then I'd have to look for the hard-to-find phone number, and spend an hour on the phone being made to feel like a criminal.

The neighbor is extremely busy, an 84-year-old whirlwind who usually doesn't have time for more than a quick hello. She has found her groove, while I have not.
 
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I'm an introvert, but I still need socialization. I am often inclined to just do my usual activities, but I realize I need to get out of my comfort zone and socialize to stay mentally healthy. It wouldn't have been easy, but I would have welcomed the chance to attend an outdoor event and catch up with or meet new people. Get out there!
 

Thank you all for your replies!

Thanks to those who supplied pep talks. I know I'm in the wrong headspace. Trying to find my way.

@MarkinPhx and @Jackie23 Yes, the spontaneity was a problem. I would have appreciated an hour's notice. If I know a day in advance, I get too worked up and have trouble sleeping.

@Packerjohn By walker club, I thought you meant walking club ... For 2 years I needed 2 canes just to walk across a room. I've improved tremendously through exercise, and only need the canes if I'm walking a couple of blocks or more.

@Seren and @Ruthanne and others who are in similar boats, thank you for telling how it is for you.

@Gary O' Yes, I have teeth and good health. I know I have a great deal to be grateful for.

I got frustrated with a local group (that was started by me) and put it on hold for a few weeks. But having read all your replies on the importance of "getting out there," I will try to resuscitate it.
 
I know exactly what you are talking about. I do it all the time. For instance, this week is a big art festival and I have gone to it every year. Yesterday and today I have not felt like going to it. Do you know how far away I have to go for it? Right across the street! Yesterday, instead of going I spent my time prepping food for the next few days. I could do that any time. Every week, my boyfriend is an official at go-kart and at rc races. How many times do you think I have gone? Zero! He'd love it if I went but I never feel like it.

To be honest though, whenever I go anywhere I just can't wait to get home. Reminds me of my Grandma and how she would get her house key out 20 miles from home.
Me too. I hate traveling. I have a couple of friends who love it & they can't understand why I don't like it.
 
This is kind of pushing the obvious, but maybe just try going for a short walk every day, weather permitting? Even if it's just the immediate area around your home? And then, every day try making it a slightly longer distance? Physical exercise does lift the clouds of depression. Even a couple of blocks, using your canes if necessary, is better than nothing.

Probably, also, the advice columnists in the papers would tell you to get counseling. They seem to advise that to everyone; so maybe it really helps. I don't mean long-term psychotherapy, there are shorter forms of counseling available.

I belong to a theatre group in my community. We're all amateurs, some a lot better than others. We put on a small play or musical production every month, and two big shows, using professional directors and choreographers, every year. I'm directing a play next month; this will be about the 8th one I'm doing. Sometimes I write the plays, sometimes I get a free script off the internet. It's a great depression-lifter, and loads of fun. Maybe try that? I'm sure Canada has community theatres also, and it would certainly get you out of the house!
 
There is a difference in our lives when you are obligated to wake each day and go off to work and when you have no obligation or deadlines to meet. We tend to get lackadaisical in our ways and could decline. I think we are just happy in our own skin and not having to compete and prove ourselves anymore makes the difference. However, we should still keep active even if it is at our own pace and time.

About being “social “, I could not be bothered as I have no time and inclination trying to keep up with the Joneses.
 
As I have posted in other threads, I'm bored and lonely in my new town. I manage to "fill my days." But apart from a couple of online things that I enjoy, my life feels like a never-ending round of toothbrushing, housework, and other drudgery.

So yesterday my neighbor spontaneously asked me if I wanted to come along to an outdoor event. I should have jumped at the chance. It was a beautiful day, and my neighbor would have introduced me to lots of people.

But I told her I wasn't feeling up to it. Mostly I didn't want to rush around changing my clothes and making sure I had everything I needed (sunglasses, canes, etc.).

Meanwhile, I'm still hoping to do wild and crazy things like running away to South America by bus. Or boat, or hitchhiking. Anything.

Do you become resigned to doing less when you could be doing more? Is there a disconnect between what you want and what you do?
Hi NorthernLight. I would suggest that you chat with your neighbor about planning future outings with her. Let her know that because of your physical condition you need a bit of time to get ready for an event.
 
I hope I didn't give the idea that I sit around watching television or doing nothing. I am busy about every minute of my day. I get up early and do most of my physical work then. It is when I have the most energy. I am really into projects on my computer that I work on in the afternoon. I have never been one to do activities that involve a lot of people. Even when I was younger I was the same way. I am not just sitting in my apartment waiting to die.
 
Me too. I hate traveling. I have a couple of friends who love it & they can't understand why I don't like it.
I can't say I hate traveling, but it's sure not in the top ten list of activities I enjoy most.
Like you, I have friends who love traveling and can't understand why I don't.

Probably you should try baby steps. Maybe call that neighbor back and ask if you can have another chance to do something together?
Good advice.

@NorthernLight, my mother used to say that to have a friend you must first be a friend.
Similarly, if your aim is to feel more engaged, you have to behave more engaged, even if it feels uncomfortable to begin with.

A thousand mile journey begins with a single step. Lots of first steps are outlined here. It's up to you to start taking them. Hoping you do.
 
Well said! Dylan Thomas was telling his father to rage against his impending death. Much different from our current Summer of Rage...LOL.
My problems is that most of my friends are now gone and it is hard to want to get involved because of the "pain of too much tenderness"...Gibran. Land of the Living Dead is why I don't get involved with our local senior center, just too much of that so we do limited volunteer work during the day only. Going out at night isn't safe anymore and bedtime comes earlier every year.
Dear Happy Heart: I am pretty well in the same boat. About the only person that is still living "from the good ole' days" is my brother who is always reading and borrowing books on health to me. However, I have joined a senior center for this coming winter on the theory that those seniors who bother to join, get dressed and come on down to the senior center are among the most active seniors. The rest just don't bother. Perhaps they sleep until 10 am, walk around in their PJs all day and watch endless commercials on TV. I am gambling this winter with the senior centers. However, if it proves to be a place with a bunch of "deadbeats" I am sure I will not join next winter. Life is a gamble and sometimes you have to take a chance. I sure wouldn't meet any lovely, nice ladies sitting here in my apartment.
 
All the folks in my life 'from the good ole days' are not necessarily dead yet, but they're not in my life anymore. Same difference. I meet new folks every day, young, old and in between. I've met and cultivated relationships with fellow staff of all ages to discuss many issues of interest. I greet and assist customers all day long and enjoy casual banter with the dailies. I especially enjoy meeting/greeting young children, both the shy and the gregarious, and marvel at their innocent wonder of the world around them. One of my greatest joys is to elicit a smile out of a young child. While I remember my past, I do not regret its passing. I'm here now and getting as much as I can from it.
 
As I have posted in other threads, I'm bored and lonely in my new town. I manage to "fill my days." But apart from a couple of online things that I enjoy, my life feels like a never-ending round of toothbrushing, housework, and other drudgery.

So yesterday my neighbor spontaneously asked me if I wanted to come along to an outdoor event. I should have jumped at the chance. It was a beautiful day, and my neighbor would have introduced me to lots of people.

But I told her I wasn't feeling up to it. Mrauostly I didn't want to rush around changing my clothes and making sure I had everything I needed (sunglasses, canes, etc.).

Meanwhile, I'm still hoping to do wild and crazy things like running away to South America by bus. Or boat, or hitchhiking. Anything.

Do you become resigned to doing less when you could be doing more? Is there a disconnect between what you want and what you do?
Guten Tag Frau "Northern Light",
or should I say Buenos Dia Senora "Northern Light" ?

Oh, we're just working on learning different second languages. ( I do un poquito espanol.)

I was first attracted to your "northern B C" because I have a friend who lives in northwestern B C and complains about not being able to find people to talk with and not being able to get senior help. I told her about seeing some of your posts and wondering if you two could help one another. She is older than both of us and extremely active but her physical situation is that she cannot use a computer - the only communication method she can use is cell phone. I have permission to give her phone number to you if you are interested but I don't want to post it publicly. Do you know a way for me to do that? She is a NW B C native and is currently in Campbell River, looking for a new living situation, which IMO she does need.

The second attraction is your stated loneliness issues. I have the same problem since we are coming out of the covid fiasco. My motive is to share ideas. The most important thought that has got through to me is to concentrate on my WANTS and not the things I NEED to do. I have gotten happier doing that and not so subject to "downers" and procastination. The second thought is that we must force ourselves to get "out there" amongst other senior people. Yeah, I have not yet found the female companion or partner I want to make life better for one another, and I have found a lot of LOCAL women are fearful and angry (because that was delivered to them by the media and politicians), but I am seeking to understand what women our age want in our "new, modern" world. I am a past 80 chronological but not biological age western American single male. Cheers!
 
@Ron Stukey , thank you, but I don't live in that part of the province. Campbell River is nice, right by the water, with many other beautiful places nearby. No wonder your friend is looking there! I was happy in that area, but moved away last year.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'll try to concentrate more on what I want to do. Good luck with your search.
 
Yes it sounds like depression. Yesterday I had my house ripped apart doing some deep cleaning and one of my friends in the building asked me and another friend to come over. My first inclination was no because I was in the middle of stuff but then I realized I could certainly finish it later. I went to my friends for 3 hours and had a great time. It actually was just what I needed because of the smoke I haven’t went anywhere because I have asthma. I think it’s easy to fall into just staying home because it’s easier.

Almost 2 years ago I found out my husband was cheating again. He got 2 stds during the pandemic. I filed for divorce immediately. I didn’t want to stay in the house and bought a condo. Last week I went to my stepson’s wedding and while it was fun I was depressed for a few days after seeing my ex. He was very sweet and attentive and it reminded me of when our marriage was good and I was blissfully ignorant of his cheating.

On top of this I usually spend a day or two a week with my best friend and she has Covid so I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks. I can’t walk the dogs because of the smoke. I think it’s easy to fall into the inertia trap.
 
Dear Happy Heart: I am pretty well in the same boat. About the only person that is still living "from the good ole' days" is my brother who is always reading and borrowing books on health to me. However, I have joined a senior center for this coming winter on the theory that those seniors who bother to join, get dressed and come on down to the senior center are among the most active seniors. The rest just don't bother. Perhaps they sleep until 10 am, walk around in their PJs all day and watch endless commercials on TV. I am gambling this winter with the senior centers. However, if it proves to be a place with a bunch of "deadbeats" I am sure I will not join next winter. Life is a gamble and sometimes you have to take a chance. I sure wouldn't meet any lovely, nice ladies sitting here in my apartment.
Sounds like you have a good plan.
My neighbor and I were planning to go to New England for the Fall colors but aortic sarcoma got her first. Just can't bring myself to go without her. There is just something about the colors and smell of Fall in NE that only exists there. I thought about taking the train through CA, OR, and WA to see Fall on this coast, but...
 
A solo senior with everyday Saturday might learn the day before to plan, print out maps/guides/info, charge batteries, pack camera and day gear, ready clothes, pack food drinks, gas vehicle, and then next day promptly execute day road trips especially those that begin early mornings before one has the common sense to just roll over and go back to sleep. If one waits to sequence through usual morning activities, eating, dressing, etc, one is more likely to abort not confronting whatever effort. I learned to do this decades ago as a young twentysomething 8 to 5 m-f worker with weekends off I was determined to given balance put to productive enjoyment and fun. It could be a day at a golf course, a day in the city with an evening baseball game, or hiking at some regional parkland, whatever. Doing such at short notice on the day one might is a formula for being a couch 'tator.

Tomorrow this old landscape and nature photography enthusiast will rise at 5:15am PDT and be out my door before 6am early dawn. Will drive 130 miles northward on busy SF Bay area freeways before the main commute picks up to an obscure coastal state park beach to close-up photograph colorful wet surf smoothed stones. Had planned to go Monday but weather forecast changed from midday sun to fog. But now Thursday is forecast for sun. Tides are also usable with a higher tide than normal during the night that erases to a natural look any possible previous day footprints, while rearranging stone positions.
 

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