Sex as a senior

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My first inclination and I have enormous faith in my instincts, they have very rarely let me down…call it a blessing or a curse, but I was born with this and it has served me well. In a nutshell then, I am having trouble with the veracity of the original post.

That being the case, I shall not give you any "sound" advice because in doing so, I would be extremely unfair to your wife, whose side of the story we do not know.

You cannot make someone have sexual feelings for you. Obviously this aspect of marriage is very important to you and why not? On the other hand, your wife, from what you told us has lost interest…perhaps she is asexual … perhaps you are oversexed…who knows? No one is in your house with you and you are not going to tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The way I see it…if this is a real situation, you have two avenues open to you. You either put up with your present conditions and live as companions …or… you bite the bullet and leave the situation. Things have a way of working out.

Good luck!
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Let's see. You use your money to pay all the bills and your wife spends all her money on herself. Her mother lives with you and does all the cleaning and gardening so your wife doesn't have to do that. You would like to have a warm intimate relationship with your wife, but she doesn't really seem to care what you want.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but she sounds incredibly selfish and spoiled to me.

I don't know what can be done with someone who wants to stay married but doesn't want to make any effort toward happiness for their partner. I would say the same about anything that was really important to the spouse. All I can think of would be asking her if she was willing to talk to a priest, either with or without you along. He might remind her that there's more to being a good Catholic wife than just not getting divorced. Both partners in a marriage have conjugal rights as well as the right to say no. When one person takes their right to say no and turns it into never, (when that desire isn't mutual) that's just wrong and a denial of the marriage vows.
How do you know his wife wants to stay married? For practicing Catholics, it can be very complicated. How do you know what their marriage vows were? The wife works, the mother wants to feel useful, such arrangements are common in a lot of households.

You are only hearing half the story. And no, no matter what the circumstances, means no.
 
The way I see it…if this is a real situation, you have two avenues open to you. You either put up with your present conditions and live as companions …or… you bite the bullet and leave the situation. Things have a way of working out.
I concur

I believe this is where Set was going
Be a good man. Take it and stop complaining. Be a good husband and a good father and accept the situation.

I'm not big on counselors, but if there ever was a situation that required several sessions, this seems one.

But

It takes two

She needs to be a player

If not?

'You either put up with your present conditions and live as companions …or… you bite the bullet and leave the situation.'

As far as extended time going without...can't
After too long, anything soft becomes quite attractive
 
Oh, I am very friendly and non judgmental and I am not an hombre. But you did not answer my question, hotel, ally, car?
You have shown yourself to be unfriendly and judgmental towards me. Perhaps not an hombre in its Spanish definition of man, but hombre is one of those words that the current generation has put to use for either sex like bro and dude.
 
You have shown yourself to be unfriendly and judgmental towards me. Perhaps not an hombre in its Spanish definition of man, but hombre is one of those words that the current generation has put to use for either sex like bro and dude.

Absolute nonsense ...this could be a case of you can't face the truth.
 
@LSWOTE Did you know you can block posts from members you don't wish to communicate with on here. It is called the "ignore" feature and it is used by clicking on a person's avatar and then clicking on "ignore." Feel free to use it and much good luck to you.
 
Frankly, LS, considering some of the negative comments you have shown great restraint, and a gentlemanly manner. I hope you will stay. Perhaps using the ignore feature might spare you from less positive posts. Oops, Ruth, I didn’t realise you posted this, great minds think alike. 🙂
I agree that you have shown great restraint @LSWOTE I know how hard it can be to tell one's problem on a forum and get subjected to hurtful comments. There are many kind members here too who will show you a better time.
 
Absolute nonsense ...this could be a case of you can't face the truth.
Which thing is involving a truth not being faced? Is this regarding what I have expressed regarding my marital situation or regarding the comment regarding prostitutes?

Regarding my marital situation I think I understand what I am facing. Either I leave or put up with the way things are. As far as prostitutes, I don't think it is immoral to be with a prostitute. If you disagree, then it is not a case of me not facing the truth, it is that we disagree what the truth is.
 
Which thing is involving a truth not being faced? Is this regarding what I have expressed regarding my marital situation or regarding the comment regarding prostitutes?

Regarding my marital situation I think I understand what I am facing. Either I leave or put up with the way things are. As far as prostitutes, I don't think it is immoral to be with a prostitute. If you disagree, then it is not a case of me not facing the truth, it is that we disagree what the truth is.

I have no idea what you are talking about. I never mentioned prostitutes and I have no interest in your association with them. That is your business.

I notice you did not comment on my post # 76. However, this I will say…much of what Aneeda said I have not discounted.
 
I'm 66. My girlfriend Michelle is 39. We met fairly recently; been seeing each other for several months. I've been single for well over 2 decades, and before meeting Michelle I hadn't been in a relationship for about 4 lonely years, and I wasn't dating either. But I was super occupied with other stuff. I'd had major back surgery and was getting intense physical therapy, going to tai-chi classes almost every day and group meditation sessions once a week.

So my situation is different, but I can certainly relate to the need for a sexual relationship supported by an emotional bond. (And I suppose you could say that in the reverse; an emotional bond supported by sexual relations.) I'm not Michelle's pal, I'm her lover. We don't have sex for the giggles, it deepens our relationship. Conversation after sex while lying in bed naked is far more personal and intimate than conversation over dinner while buttering a roll.

But the stuff that kept me occupied for those 4 lonely years did help decrease my frustration over the absence of an intimate relationship. It helped immensely. I worked really, really hard to get my strength back, to walk normally, and increase my endurance. I was very focused.

That said, I would be a very unhappy man if I were married to someone who just up and decided we weren't going to have those rewarding hours of beautiful intimacy anymore.
Love that - "Buttering a Roll."
Do you write professionally? You should. :giggle:
 
Going to take a different tact here.
Encourage her to have a complete physical, there could be a lot of reasons for her rejection of you, anything from depression to that little butterfly shaped organ in our necks, trust me, until I got my thyroid meds adjusted correctly I had no problem thinking I had early onset dementia...brain fog, no libido,exhaustion and on and on.
My husband was 17 years older than me, we had a very enjoyable, active sex life until about 2004.
He started having “performance problems” and was very frustrated, we tried the little blue pill but he didn’t like the side effects.
Unfortunately, what we had no clue about this was an early warning of lung cancer, that within a year would metastasize to his brain and kill him in 3 weeks,
He was my 1st and only love, still is and I frequently wonder if we had consulted a better doctor than his moronic primary we may have caught it sooner.
Anyhoo, I wish you luck and hope you find a working solution.
 
I have no idea what you are talking about. I never mentioned prostitutes and I have no interest in your association with them. That is your business.

I notice you did not comment on my post # 76. However, this I will say…much of what Aneeda said I have not discounted.
I don't know what you said in post 76 that should be responded to. You pointed out like I have and others have that I have the choice to either leave or stay and put up with things the way they are. Now I was actually hoping other people might have an option 3, like a way to rebuild intimacy with my wife. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy as well. If nothing else I was hoping to find out how to live with a difficult situation. I have no family and no close friends so I am having a rough go of it.
 
I don't know what you said in post 76 that should be responded to. You pointed out like I have and others have that I have the choice to either leave or stay and put up with things the way they are. Now I was actually hoping other people might have an option 3, like a way to rebuild intimacy with my wife. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy as well. If nothing else I was hoping to find out how to live with a difficult situation. I have no family and no close friends so I am having a rough go of it.
Counseling was mentioned, and consulting a priest, and a doctor. I'd say those constitute your 3rd option - professional help. I understood you to say your wife isn't open to marriage counseling, but maybe she'd see a doctor? It could be something that can be treated.
 
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