Staying at my daughter's house, don't know for how long.

Too bad...let's see, we know that it will take over a year to develop and test a coronavirus vaccine, just wondering if they could also take a crack at developing an "emotional immaturity" vaccine, too.

Like George Burns said - everyone should come from a big family - that lives 2,000 miles away.
 

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

Hey Ronni,
I’ve just gone back to some of your past threads to try to better understand what’s going on here. Sheri moves back in with Ron 3 years ago due to an abusive relationship. From the paragraph above, it appears like she’s had a few men in her life and I only just realized that this is the one she eloped with in Los Vegas and is someone she only just met recently. Now she’s kicked him to the curb because he’s the one who mentioned them visiting other people during this pandemic?

This is messed up. It’s no wonder you are stressed. This isn’t a good start to a healthy marriage. I wish I could offer some good advice but this is out of my range of understanding. I think I’d opt for the tiny house. I’d feel safer there since there’s less people, less stuff to worry about cleaning, contaminating etc., You could really simplify your lifestyle and make that place your own secluded sanctuary. Look after yourself the best you can while Ron takes care of his ā€˜family’ affairs and hopefully this will all work out.

I wish you the very best Ronni ā¤ļø
 
Last edited:
Hey Ronni,
I’ve just gone back to some of your past threads to try to better understand what’s going on here. Sheri moves back in with Ron 3 years ago due to an abusive relationship. From the paragraph above, it appears like she’s had a few men in her life and I only just realized that this is the one she eloped with in Los Vegas and is someone she only just met recently. Now she’s kicked him to the curb because he’s the one who mentioned them visiting other people during this pandemic?

This is messed up. It’s no wonder you are stressed. This isn’t a good start to a healthy marriage. I wish I could offer some good advice but this is out of my range of understanding. I think I’d opt for the tiny house. I’d feel safer there since there’s less people, less stuff to worry about cleaning, contaminating etc., You could really simplify your lifestyle and make that place your own secluded sanctuary. Look after yourself the best you can while Ron takes care of his ā€˜family’ affairs and hopefully this will all work out.

I wish you the very best Ronni ā¤

Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.

He told us. She then dumped him.
 

Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.

He told us. She then dumped him.
Yes. That’s what I said but didn’t realize he wasn’t with her while visiting these friends? Ok!šŸ‘ So she basically betrayed him also. šŸ˜
 
Last edited:
Too bad...let's see, we know that it will take over a year to develop and test a coronavirus vaccine, just wondering if they could also take a crack at developing an "emotional immaturity" vaccine, too.

Like George Burns said - everyone should come from a big family - that lives 2,000 miles away.
But I want my daughter here and my great granddaughter. My granddaughter, hmm, have to think about it. Lol.
 
Yes. That’s what I said but didn’t realize he wasn’t with her while visiting these friends? Ok!šŸ‘ So she basically betrayed him also. šŸ˜

Sorry....I misunderstood your earlier question so yeah, I just basically repeated what you'd already said lol! šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø

Right. He's in an "essential services" position (mechanic) but has his own business and is able to work alone for the most part and has been very vigilant as much as possible, about not transmitting the virus with appropriate sanitizing measures. He came home from work, I asked him where Sheri was, and said she had been at her friend Brooke's house and was on her way to her other friend Morgan's house. Both those friends have boyfriends and small children. He'd texted her when he was on his way home from work as he always does, and that's what she said.
 
Last edited:
Sorry....I misunderstood your earlier question so yeah, I just basically repeated what you'd already said lol! šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø

Right. He's in an "essential services" position (mechanic) but has his own business and is able to work alone for the most part and has been very vigilant about transmitting the virus. He came home from work, I asked him where Sheri was, and said she had been at her friend Brooke's house and was on her way to her other friend Morgan's house. Both have boyfriends and small children. He'd texted her when he was on his way home from work as he always does, and that's what she said.
No worries.

A mechanic with his own business. Wow! Most people who run their own business have to be extra vigilant cause if they are sick nobody pays their bills. The poor guy. He had to find someplace to stay in a moments notice during this pandemic!
That’s crazy. He was blind sided just as you were. I truly feel bad for all of you. Considering this is a pandemic trust in family members is vitally important.
 
@Ronni Somewhere above, I mentioned couples counseling before you and Ron marry ...once we're back to doing normal life stuff like counseling. Thinking about it more, Sheri needs to be in on that given she's part of the core family living under one roof. And don't think she'll be under his roof long if therapy is a requirement.

With your line of work, you'll be able to hook up with someone top notch which is needed given Sheri's narcissism. Someone good that none of you know personally.

Several people have mentioned making her uncomfortable and that would surely do it. Narcissists do not at all like therapy with professionals that have their number.

It'll cover more bases than that too. It's not an unreasonable condition for Ron to set; actually demonstrates love for her and the kids. If she won't go, she can't paint him as the bad Dad for setting that requirement (and paying her fee). He'll also have some emotional relief on telling her to find somewhere else to live as well because he'll be advised by an objective professional that to let her stay as things are now is harmful for her.

Ron is trapped in a painful place with her even if you weren't in the picture. Her current behavior isn't what loving parents want for their kids. Including Sheri in with you will--I think--more effectively help him see and work through the grieving process of the loss of their relationship as it is now (because it's about 99% probable that she'll lash out at or cut him off) more so than if he went alone or with you.
 
Last edited:
Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.

He told us. She then dumped him.

I'm replying to my own comment to further clarify that John and Sheri were having issues before this. Sheri told me a few times they were "in a rough patch" to use her words. Him telling us where Sheri was is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Issues had been building between them from before they got married. I mean, the speed at which things progressed between them is mind boggling. Met, dated, married, and divorced....all in 5 months. :oops: Thanksgiving 2019 to now.

John was very frank with me about how unhealthy this relationship became for him. He told me on the surface they were completely compatible (and they were, the first thing I noticed....they had identical interests, strengths, sense of humor, same tastes in stuff, so many similarities) and he fell so completely in love and was so excited to have a fun life partner that he just didn't take the time he should have taken to get to know her better. Superficially they were 100% alike, and he is angry at himself that he didn't dig deeper.

He sent me a long text in which he explained he tried for 3 months to buy a house for them and she wouldn’t be satisfied. She undermined him and complained of every location and made it impossible. I'm mentioning this because Sheri complained all the time about how John was making her (Sheri) do all the work of finding a place. She didn't mention that was because he got sick and tired of presenting dozens of places to her and her turning them all down, so he finally just told her to find what she wanted. I went looking at several houses with her. I was surprised that she was looking outside of her price range. She told me more than once "John can afford it."

She also expected to still work and make money (before the quarantine) but insisted John pay all her bills. I was in the room during several arguments where Sheri was demanding John pay for something (in one case it was a medical bill of one of her kids, in another her credit card payment) and he was pointing out that they were expenses incurred before they were ever together, and though he was willing to split expenses in general he wasn't willing to just take on all her debt. She was really angry.

She complained that John was hard on the boys. I never once saw him deal with them any differently than Sheri herself did. He modeled his interaction with the kids on Sheri's own. I heard her countless times threaten the boys with John as a way to get them to mind...."You better act right or I'm gonna tell John/John's gonna deal with you" etc. wilding him like a sword or hammer. And then she turns around and says he's too hard on them?

I think what really got to Sheri was that he finally called a halt to them buying a house. I witnessed that conversation too. He said now wasn't the right time, and she completely flew off the handle. My opinion is that once she realized that he was not as invested in her and their relationship as he had been, and was taking a breather to sort things out, that's what tipped her over the edge. She couldn't use him and his money? He wouldn't buy her the home she wanted? He wouldn't pay for stuf? She was done with him. On to greener pastures.

All of the relationships she had prior to John that I know about/knew the men, they all ended because of money, though in every case Sheri insisted it was because they were mean to her and/or the boys, etc. I had conversations with those men just the way I have had with John, and in each case Sheri was furious about some kind of money aspect. The first one wouldn't spend any money on her. The second was way to frivolous with his money and wouldn't listen to her about how it should be spent. The third changed jobs in order to vastly increase the benefits to Sheri and the boys and provide a much better financial future for them over the long haul, but because it made $1 less an hour she was done with him.

And then there was John. Who wouldn't by her a house.
 
Considering this is a pandemic, trust in family members is vitally important.
If that isn't the ever-loving blue-eyed truth, I don't know what is.

She couldn't use him and his money? He wouldn't buy her the home she wanted? He wouldn't pay for stuff? She was done with him. On to greener pastures.
It seems that Ron has become her fall-back "greener pasture." We all get why Sheri's doing this. Why wouldn't she?

Sheri isn't your problem though. Ron is.

He allows her to call the shots because it's more comfortable for him to enable his daughter than to deal with her abuse, tantrums, and (likely) threats of estranging herself and her children that will come, if and when he requires her to stand on her own two feet.

Raising independent, contributing members of society is one of the primary goals of parenting. If Ron isn't willing to deal with his discomfort at finishing this job by forcing the issue, I fear Sheri will always find a way to be in the driver's seat. To finish the metaphor, Ron will be riding shotgun, and you'll be the lowly backseat passenger.
 
Last edited:
Hmm, I am torn. As I remember Ronni has done tough love with one of her sons, but still supported him, emotionally at least. I think that took a while and son is better. I did tough love with my oldest son for a different reason but always supported him emotionally and a little financially when I could.

As I have all my children, always supported my granddaughters emotionally. But tough love as needed for every one of them in certain situations. Daughter uses tough love as well. But some people are not able to do this.

I wonder if Ron is a reader. If so, maybe a couple of books on how tough love works would make a nice present for Ron


My granddaughter has had three relationships as well, no marriages. As for John’s not paying Sheri’s bills or paying for the kids. Up until you said that I might have been on John’s side. With that attitude he would have never been a good father for those kids. My husband always paid for my son’s needs, and, as soon as my ex allowed, my husband adopted him. Think my son was 7 at the time.

John is in the loser category as far as I am concerned. Shari is well rid of him.
 
My granddaughter has had three relationships as well, no marriages. As for John’s not paying Sheri’s bills or paying for the kids. Up until you said that I might have been on John’s side. With that attitude he would have never been a good father for those kids. My husband always paid for my son’s needs, and, as soon as my ex allowed, my husband adopted him. Think my son was 7 at the time.

John is in the loser category as far as I am concerned. Shari is well rid of him.

We disagree on this point.

He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.

He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together. I agree with him. I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.
 
We disagree on this point.

He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.

He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together. I agree with him. I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.
It’s ok that we disagree. I am frequently wrong. I had no past debt when I married my husband, he did, lol. His credit was in the hole. I worked at the time, I helped catch him up on many bills, got his credit in great shape, and then I started my medical journey downhill.
 
I have been happily married for over 35 years. Before that, I was a "Battle Scarred Veteran of The Romantic Wars."
I learned many things and walked away from several romantic involvements.

I can only offer you the wisdom of that famous philosopher Kenny Rodgers in his song "The Gambler."

You've got to know when to hold em.
Know when to fold em.
Know when to walk away.
and know when to run.

I think that I would be lacing up my sneakers about now.
SOOOOOOO TRUE.. "Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away". Love it!!!
 
SOOOOOOO TRUE.. "Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away". Love it!!!
Most of that is correct except the part about her new husband John. She kicked him out because HE is the one who told me that Sheri had gone visiting and being social with her friends.

He told us. She then dumped him.

So she dumped him because he told you the truth about something that could seriously affect your health and the health of the rest of the family? She really IS a piece of work.
 
So she dumped him because he told you the truth about something that could seriously affect your health and the health of the rest of the family? She really IS a piece of work.
I think Ronni said that there were other issues and this was the last straw.
 
We disagree on this point.

He paid for everything while they were together. Bought all the groceries, gifts for the kids, Christmas, parts for her car so he could fix it, split the daycare costs with her etc.

He drew the line at not paying for debt she incurred before they got together. I agree with him. I had zero expectation that Ron cover any of my past debt. He even offered, and I refused.
Ronni-----I think you are on the right road. Your stepdaughter comes with a lot of baggage. Besides having some type of mental issue(s), she seems to be fixated on money. Like maybe she is thinking, "What can I get out of this guy next?" Manipulation and co-dependency seems to be at work here. Next up is a dysfunctional family.

Have you ever considered getting some professional advice? Right now, I am seeing my Therapist using "Teletherapy." I go online using the doctor's link that he sends to me and when I sign in, I go into his waiting room, until he invites me into his office and then the session begins. Pretty cool.
 
Last edited:
Ronni-----I think you are on the right road. Your stepdaughter comes with a lot of baggage. Besides having some type of mental issue(s), she seems to be fixated on money. Like maybe she is thinking, "What can I get out of this guy next?" Manipulation and co-dependency seems to be at work here. Next up is a dysfunctional family.

Have you ever considered getting some professional advice? Right now, I am seeing my Therapist using "Teletherapy." I go online using the doctor's link that he sends to me and when I sign in, I go into his waiting room, until he invites me into his office and then the session begins. Pretty cool.

Well, in better times I've suggested Sheri get some counseling, both to her directly and to Ron. From everything the family told me, the Baby Daddy of her kids was an abusive @#$. She could certainly benefit from some counseling, as evidenced by her dysfunctional relationships with men. I told her how much it helped me. Ron enthusiastically agreed. Sheri didn't.

I am always open to therapy, to a support group, to group sessions, to anything that might help. In this case though, I feel like it won't benefit the situation much for me to just get individual therapy. And though I'm depressed and upset, I know what the source of that is, I know what needs to happen to fix it, and I know where I stand on both those things. So I'm not sure how much therapy will help in this current situation.
 
Last edited:
Well, in better times I've suggested Sheri get some counseling, both to her directly and to Ron. From everything the family told me, the Baby Daddy of her kids was an abusive @#$. She could certainly benefit from some counseling, as evidenced by her dysfunctional relationship with men. I told her how much it helped me. Ron enthusiastically agreed. Sheri didn't.

I am always open to therapy, to a support group, to group sessions, to anything that might help. In this case though, I feel like it won't benefit the situation much for me to just get individual therapy. And though I'm depressed and upset, I know what the source of that is, I know what needs to happen to fix it, and I know where I stand on both those things. So I'm not sure how much therapy will help in this current situation.
Therapy might help with your fear of the virus, other than that, I agree with what you wrote
 
Therapy might help with your fear of the virus, other than that, I agree with what you wrote
Do you think fear of the virus, of getting sick, possibly being hospitalized, giving it to someone else (my family for example) is an inappropriate response?
 
Sounds like you have strong convictions about this and you also know how you would like this situation to end. Now, all you need is a plan to make it happen.
 
Do you think fear of the virus, of getting sick, possibly being hospitalized, giving it to someone else (my family for example) is an inappropriate response?
No, I am referring to before when you said you were having trouble coping because of the changes you had to make in reorganizing what you were doing due to the virus. If I have you mixed up with someone else, I am sorry.
 
Last edited:
If you consider Therapy I think the one that really needs it is Ron. Maybe he should understand he is being an enabler to his daughter which can be very harmful to not only him but to his daughter and grandchildren and of course you. I wish he would go to therapy.
 


Back
Top