grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Stop feeling sorry you girls above, (now if one of you could take me on as a project, hopeless as I must seem, then who knows where we'd end up, "wed maybe"!). 
The funny sides of a failed marriage, (where the writing was already on the wall!)
- Thread starter grahamg
- Start date
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Another suitable song perhaps:
Achy breaky heart
You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone
You can tell my arms go back to the farm
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooh
You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who's fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway
Or tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows I'm not okay
Or you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me one-day
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooh
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooh
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Anyone enjoy this list (read backwards etc.)?
Stop feeling sorry you girls above, (now if one of you could take me on as a project, hopeless as I must seem, then who knows where we'd end up, "wed maybe"!).
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Glad you can still laugh at yourself (as well as me, or do you think childish behaviour makes you superior somehow?).
This should improve things for all my forum mates to enjoy, (everyone doesn't have to prove how tough they think they are the whole time):
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Serenity4321
Senior Member
- Location
- Florida
UK
This is soooooooooooooooooo true and so many men do not find out until they make the mistake of saying calm down.
- Sunday at 7:51 AM Original Poster
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This is soooooooooooooooooo true and so many men do not find out until they make the mistake of saying calm down.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I heard a guy get way with it today, (though he wasn't married to the lady concerned!).UK
Here come the jokes, (there may be many more to follow, (cos I've got mate who though happily married, likes to paste a great many funnies about marriage on his social media page):
- Sunday at 7:51 AM Original Poster
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Serenity4321
Senior Member
- Location
- Florida
I thought it was hilarious...and clever. My husband died over 2 years ago. We were married 50 years and so many of these posts are relatable...
graham..I think your keeping a sense of humor is great and as long as you feel you are doing ok I would not worry about what others have to say. You are in control of your life and if u do not feel it's hopeless it isn't..all the best!
Serenity4321
Senior Member
- Location
- Florida
some women are more patient than others...for me it would have depended on my mood..If the issue was no big deal I might say..You're right..but if a lot of things were bothering me and that was 'the last straw I would probably become more upset..
Graham Sorry you haven’t let your failed marriage go yet. It’s time to forgive her and your failings and move on. I don’t know how old you are, I guess it doesn’t matter. Since we’re on a Senior Forum you are above 50 something, there are so so many single women, widowed and divorced that would love your company. But, you have to change your attitude about relationships even if you think you are joking! Go out and find a companion. It’s much easier for a man than a woman. There are more single senior women then men. Btw most of us on here have probably been hurt in a relationship at least one time in our life.
Sassycakes
SF VIP
- Location
- Pennsylvania
This info is for women only if they want a happy marriage. Do not ever expect your hubby to listen to what you tell him and to do what you tell him to do. Being married for over 50 yrs I know what I am talking about. For an example just today my hubby was going to the store. I had seen a pair of shoes I wanted in the store. So I wrote the name of the shoe, the size, and the price. I even made him read the note I gave him. Of course, he bought the wrong shoes. The shoes I showed him were $20.00 so he bought shoes that cost $65. They were a different size and color. So guess who will be going back to the store tomorrow. I didn't holler at him or even hit him. I just said that I probably didn't give him the right info. Then I went into the other room called my sister and told her that I married an idiot.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I'm healed enough so far as my failed marriage goes, and told my daughter so when she asked the pertinent question aged about five or six, ("do you still love mummy"?)!
So my annoying the begeeshus out of those who think no one is entitled to keep bringing up issues from the past is a conscious choice, (and one I won't be layering any time soon!).
As the originator of a thread called "Our patents sayings" that's done rather well, ("and lasted the course like they did"!), bringing all sorts of things my memory seems to have retained, and keep coming up again when something seems to prompt them to move to the front of my mind,(., a random act maybe?), is a gift that keeps giving and I'll keep on keeping on as they say!
horseless carriage
Well-known Member
Allow me, observing your dilemma as an outsider. You are at least fifty percent to blame, maybe more. How so? Training. You see, you haven't trained him, or at the very least, trained him correctly.
When my wife was once asked if she would ever consider marriage again, should she outlive me she replied, "Oh no, I don't think that I could do that." Her friend who had posed that question thought that my wife was wonderful, so romantic, so in love with her first husband that she just couldn't contemplate another. Therefore she was quite shocked when my wife explained that: She just couldn't face all that training again.
If, after fifty years, your hubby still doesn't know your shoe size, he most certainly hasn't been trained. My goodness me I know my wife's sizes from her hats down to her shoes. I learned that through financial experience.
Good training has unexpected rewards. Today, which is why I'm responding to your post, I came across a dedicated poem from a husband to his wife, by Andre' Cardenas There was some that I had to rehash but when my wife looked at her phone this morning she saw that there was a text message from her husband, on opening it she read:
Hand in hand we walk together,
God's grace warms us from above.
It's him I thank each day I wake
for blessing me with all your love.
You're the sunshine in my morning
and the birds that sing my song.
In this life when I'm troubled
it's you who keeps me strong.
You're the wind beneath my wings
as this eagle takes to flight.
You're the stars that brighten up the sky
in the darkness of the night.
You're the daughter of your mother
and the air that gives me life.
My truest friend of all...
my heart, my soul, my wife.
She sent me the following text. "You made me weep," then she qualified her words: "happy tears."
You see, I've been well trained.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Here is another take on things, (from my happily married friend I keep mentioning, who just loves making jokes, and I'd guess his wife wouldn't want him any other way):
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
A website with something to say on the thread topic:
https://www.thedad.com/husband-and-wife-jokes/
Quote:
"Do all of these jokes fit every relationship? Nah, some are chuckle-worthy relics from a generation (or two) before our time. But, we’re positive you’ll find plenty to relate to and laugh about."
5. My partner told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.
I told them I wasn’t yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.
6. What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game?
They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder. If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.
7. “I love you,” she said.
“Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?”
“It’s me talking to the wine.”
14. My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
So far, we’ve been up for three days.
15. When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word.
They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
17. I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
18. I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body?
She said, “Your sense of humor.”
23. The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
27. Marriage is when a man and woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
28. A man approaches a very beautiful woman in the supermarket and says, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the beautiful woman.
To which the man replied, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
29. Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
30. At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home, and those who don’t. The trouble is they’re usually married to each other.
31. My son asked me what it’s like to be married. So, I told him to leave me alone and, when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
32. Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
33. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.
35. Man: I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
Friend: Why not?
Man: I don’t like to interrupt her.
https://www.thedad.com/husband-and-wife-jokes/
Quote:
"Do all of these jokes fit every relationship? Nah, some are chuckle-worthy relics from a generation (or two) before our time. But, we’re positive you’ll find plenty to relate to and laugh about."
5. My partner told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.
I told them I wasn’t yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.
6. What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game?
They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder. If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.
7. “I love you,” she said.
“Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?”
“It’s me talking to the wine.”
14. My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
So far, we’ve been up for three days.
15. When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word.
They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
17. I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
18. I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body?
She said, “Your sense of humor.”
23. The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
27. Marriage is when a man and woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
28. A man approaches a very beautiful woman in the supermarket and says, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the beautiful woman.
To which the man replied, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
29. Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
30. At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home, and those who don’t. The trouble is they’re usually married to each other.
31. My son asked me what it’s like to be married. So, I told him to leave me alone and, when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
32. Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
33. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.
35. Man: I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
Friend: Why not?
Man: I don’t like to interrupt her.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Not my joke you understand, (just my happily married mate amusing himself and his family I'd guess ):
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I found these comments on a website concerning marriage and thought them worth reposting, along with an amusing placard:
We've had a lot of great discussion recently on our blog! There have been a number of comments and thoughts from readers about one of our opinion posts earlier this week on how to be a "cool" bride. Many readers thought the article was written from the perspective of a needy and greedy bridesmaid who gives bad advice and asks the bride to take on extra chores or costs. Others saw it merely as suggestions for how brides can celebrate their bridesmaids and show them they care. Whatever your personal opinion, I thought that the discussion brought up an interesting question: What exactly does it mean when someone says the wedding is "all about the bride", or "the bride's special day"?
First of all, I want to point out that calling a wedding day "the bride's special day" is inherently flawed. Seeing as there are two people taking part in a marriage, this statement immediately cuts the groom out of the wedding equation, placing all emphasis and attention on the bride. This kinda sucks for the groom.
But past that, when people use language describing a wedding as "the bride's", it causes us to think about the wedding celebration in a way that reduces the big day to a set of needs and desires dictated by one person: the bride. This obviously causes a lot of problems, because the wedding day isn't actually just a day of what the bride wants. Yes, it absolutely is a day to celebrate the bride and groom, and it absolutely is a day to support the couple. But it's easy to forget that when we speak about a wedding like it's owned by the bride.
As a bride, your wedding is a celebration that's focused on you, but it's not just for you. It's for your groom. And your parents. And your siblings. And your best friends. And your grandparents. That's why we have a tradition of inviting guests - because those are people you want to share the occasion with. And as we learned in pre-school, sharing is way better than being a jerk and yelling "IT'S MINE!" to everyone who comes along and wants a little part of your big day.
I'm not saying you have to defer to your family and guests while planning every single detail of your wedding day. But I'm sure many of you will agree with me when I say that language like "the bride's special day" is often used for the purposes of evil, like justifying a decision that may be considered selfish or inconsiderate to others. It works as a band-aid to cover up a social faux-pas or situation that rubs someone the wrong way, and leaves the offended party powerless to say anything contradicting what "the bride wants". I mean, who wants to be the person that screws up the bride's special day, right?
Now, I'm not saying that all brides are jerks and use this excuse to make outlandish demands upon friends and family. In fact, these types of brides are very few and far between. But it's not just brides that are guilty of this problem - it's everyone. Seriously! I'm sure that there are tons of family members and friends who have acted like jerks in the name of preserving "the bride's special day". Magazines and blogs we read tell us that the wedding is going to be the most perfect, important day in a bride's life, and that this day is all about her. We've honestly probably mentioned "the bride's special day" more than once on this blog. But that's the problem - it's such a habit when talking about weddings, that everyone's a little guilty of perpetuating this thought.
So how do we fix this problem? Well, it certainly doesn't happen overnight. We just have to start watching ourselves and the way we're talking about weddings. Because (no offense brides) this day isn't just about a single person. It's about a relationship, which includes the couple and everyone else who played a significant part in their journey to marriage.
GG comment,
Bearing in mind all the above here is something that should worry us all a little, concerning the over commercialisation of weddings:
We've had a lot of great discussion recently on our blog! There have been a number of comments and thoughts from readers about one of our opinion posts earlier this week on how to be a "cool" bride. Many readers thought the article was written from the perspective of a needy and greedy bridesmaid who gives bad advice and asks the bride to take on extra chores or costs. Others saw it merely as suggestions for how brides can celebrate their bridesmaids and show them they care. Whatever your personal opinion, I thought that the discussion brought up an interesting question: What exactly does it mean when someone says the wedding is "all about the bride", or "the bride's special day"?
First of all, I want to point out that calling a wedding day "the bride's special day" is inherently flawed. Seeing as there are two people taking part in a marriage, this statement immediately cuts the groom out of the wedding equation, placing all emphasis and attention on the bride. This kinda sucks for the groom.
But past that, when people use language describing a wedding as "the bride's", it causes us to think about the wedding celebration in a way that reduces the big day to a set of needs and desires dictated by one person: the bride. This obviously causes a lot of problems, because the wedding day isn't actually just a day of what the bride wants. Yes, it absolutely is a day to celebrate the bride and groom, and it absolutely is a day to support the couple. But it's easy to forget that when we speak about a wedding like it's owned by the bride.
As a bride, your wedding is a celebration that's focused on you, but it's not just for you. It's for your groom. And your parents. And your siblings. And your best friends. And your grandparents. That's why we have a tradition of inviting guests - because those are people you want to share the occasion with. And as we learned in pre-school, sharing is way better than being a jerk and yelling "IT'S MINE!" to everyone who comes along and wants a little part of your big day.
I'm not saying you have to defer to your family and guests while planning every single detail of your wedding day. But I'm sure many of you will agree with me when I say that language like "the bride's special day" is often used for the purposes of evil, like justifying a decision that may be considered selfish or inconsiderate to others. It works as a band-aid to cover up a social faux-pas or situation that rubs someone the wrong way, and leaves the offended party powerless to say anything contradicting what "the bride wants". I mean, who wants to be the person that screws up the bride's special day, right?
Now, I'm not saying that all brides are jerks and use this excuse to make outlandish demands upon friends and family. In fact, these types of brides are very few and far between. But it's not just brides that are guilty of this problem - it's everyone. Seriously! I'm sure that there are tons of family members and friends who have acted like jerks in the name of preserving "the bride's special day". Magazines and blogs we read tell us that the wedding is going to be the most perfect, important day in a bride's life, and that this day is all about her. We've honestly probably mentioned "the bride's special day" more than once on this blog. But that's the problem - it's such a habit when talking about weddings, that everyone's a little guilty of perpetuating this thought.
So how do we fix this problem? Well, it certainly doesn't happen overnight. We just have to start watching ourselves and the way we're talking about weddings. Because (no offense brides) this day isn't just about a single person. It's about a relationship, which includes the couple and everyone else who played a significant part in their journey to marriage.
GG comment,
Bearing in mind all the above here is something that should worry us all a little, concerning the over commercialisation of weddings: