The General Humor Thread

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”
“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.”

Erma Louise Bombeck (February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s.
 
How cold is it? Depends on where you live.

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat..
People in Upstate New York plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Upstate New York sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Upstate New York drive with the car windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Upstate New York wear a long-sleeved shirt.

35 above zero:
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
People in Upstate New York have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami freeze to death.
Upstate New Yorkers close the windows.

Zero:
Californians go to Mexico .
People in Upstate New York get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Californians disintegrate.
The Girl Scouts in Upstate New York are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC finally runs out of hot air.
People in Upstate New York let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Upstate New Yorkers get upset because they can't start the snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Upstate New York start saying..."cold enough fer ya?"

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Upstate New York public schools will open an hour late.
 
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