The General Humor Thread

“My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as sharp as it used to be.”

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper—the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”

“I’m not old; I’m vintage, like a fine wine or a classic car.”

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
 
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“At my age, ‘Happy Hour’ is a nap.”

“I’m so old that when I was a kid, rainbows were in black and white.”

“They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I say, ‘You can if you use bacon as bait.'”

“My hearing may not be what it used to be, but neither is my cooking.”

“I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands.”

“I’m not old; I’m a classic with a few wrinkles.”
 
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