The jokes only thread....

A guy goes to hell and he is met by the devil who shows him two doors. The devil said you need to choose one but the choice is final and it is for eternity. The guy opens the first door and everyone in the room is standing on their head.

He opens the second door and everyone is standing up to their knees in feces sipping on a cup of coffee. The guy says I don't like standing on my head and I love coffee so I want that room. So he goes in and is handed a cup of coffee which wasn't bad tasting. After a couple minutes a whistle blows and there is an announcement saying "coffee break is over, back on your heads".
 
A father is working on his car and his little daughter comes over and asks what's sex?
The father thinks, maybe this is a good time to tell her the straight facts.
So he slowly explains how a man and woman take their clothes off and hold their bodies close, and then there's a baby later. The girl listens perplexed.
Father asks, well why do you want to know.
Daughter says, Cause Mom said lunch will be ready in a few secs.
 
A doctor asked a lawyer at a big party "Damn, these people seize advantage of me being outside my office and consult me here instead of taking appointment at the hospital. It would be rude to tell them to visit my office. What should I do?".

The lawyer replied. "Ask the host for a copy of the guest list, and once you have the names, send first consultancy bills to their addresses."

The doctor said "Yeah that's a good idea. I would do that if the situation gets out of hand."

It did.

The next day, the doctor prepared bills for each of the guests who asked for his medical advice. He initially hesitated, but after a few days he decided to go through with it. He was about to leave when he received a bill from the post man. It was from the lawyer.
 

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