The Mindless Thread

The CEO needs to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dials the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:




"They're looking for me"
 

"Daddy, why do you go to work every day?"
"So, I can buy Cool Toys."
"But Daddy my toys are Crap!"
"Mine aren't."
 

The old Gal in on the Cruise Ship and goes into one of many bars.
She says to the Bartender, "It's my birthday, Scotch with 2 drops of water."
She finishes that drink, a man, to her left, says, "I'd like to buy you a drink too."
The Hag belches & says, "Thank you very much, my dear. Bartender,"
"I'll have another Scotch, with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says.
As he gives the Old Hottie her drink, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The Old Bag chokes and coughs a bit then replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age,
you've learned how to hold your liquor.
Water, however, is a whole other issue."
 
SURE ITS IMPORTANT STUFF, BUT

You raise your hand to wave as a friend passes and your flab waves first before your hand.

You do your annual Dental Checkup and you don't care what the dentist says, as long as you keep them. ......
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A Blond young Hottie walks into a doctor's office and says,
"Doc, I fee; horribly sick!"
Her Doc checks her over and asks, "Flu?"
"No, I drove here."
 
Karen has excruciating diarrhea.
Karen has, "my anus horribilis,"
as they say in Latin!
 
The Old Queen & a Hottie die on the same day, (room for one only)

The Angel asks The Hottie, "What can be the
reason why she should be admitted to go to Heaven?"
Well, So the Hottie takes off her top and says,
"Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts
God's ever created and I'm sure it will please God
to be able to see them every day, for all of eternity".

The Angel asks the wrinkled Old Queen the same question.
The Queen Hag takes a bottle of Perrier out of her Old Hag Bag and
drinks it down. Then, she pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go on in!"

So, the Really Hot Chick yells, "What the hell was that all about?"
"I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down!"
She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me"?

"Sorry," says the Angel, "But even in Heaven, a Royal Flush
beats a Pair, no Matter How Big They Are!"
 
The CEO of a huge Automotive Corporation is flirting with his new hot young secretary.
The Vice President of Sales and marketing looks in the office door and says, "the
Cleveland factory is burning down!" "Dang. There goes my pickup line!"

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Lighthearted jokes can help laugh away the day.
So spread out, stretch and pass on your favorite.
TAG, you're it!

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Richard is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit.
There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. So Richard and his friends start
snacking on them. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you,
ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts."

"You're welcome. Eat all ya' want...
Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off 'em."

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BE QUIET MY BEATING HEART;

Had my head in, and was about to aim the lantern,
when my thumb slipped upon the dam thing,
and the old man sprang up in bed, crying out --
"Who's there?"

I kept quite still and said nothing. For a whole hour
I did not move a muscle, and in the meantime.
I did not hear him lie down. He was still sitting up
in the bed listening; --just as I have done, night after night,

When I had waited a long time, very patiently,
without hearing him lie down, I resolved to open a little
--a very, very little crevice in the lantern. So, I opened it
--you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily --until,
at length a single dim ray, like the thread of the spider,
shot from out the crevice and fell full upon the vulture eye.

It was open --wide, wide open --and I grew furious as I gazed
upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all a dull blue,
with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones;
HARKENING to the death watches of mine thru the open door.

The open eye and the unending heartbeat
Sure the screams quieted me my beating heart.

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A lawyer goes the barber for a haircut, the barber refused payment, saying,
“You serve the justice system.”



The next morning a dozen lawyers are waiting for a free haircut.

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Ken takes the Hot Blonde out on a date one night.
Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point'
So, they start making out.

After things progress, Ken thinks he might get lucky.
After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asks his date,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought,
maybe she's not ready yet.

Now he has her shirt and skirt off and the windows are steamed.
Things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to
get into the back seat?" "NO!" she answers again.

Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped.
Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want
to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
 
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