The Sagittarian Moluskanoid Nanny
by Radrook
by Radrook
The Sagittarian Maluskanoid sat calmly on the plush, blue-carpeted floor of the employment office’s waiting room, with his eight orange tentacles splayed limply around his circular, purple body. He had been waiting patiently in the job-interviewer’s private office for the past hour and was beginning to wonder why everyone had left upon his entrance, and why those who entered, suddenly did a quick about-face and bolted for the hallway elevator.
Suddenly, the muttering from the office stopped and the door slowly opened. Standing there, like a statue, with her broad back against the widely opened door, as if she felt cornered, was the job interviewer’s secretary, a stout, elderly woman with thick eyeglasses and a scowl. She stood silently staring at the Moluskanoid as if she had just contemplated the biblical Earthian Devil himself.
“Mr. Gallagher will see you now," she finally said smugly and quickly moved to one side, eyes threatening to leap from their sockets as the Sagittarian Moluskanoid cautiously proceeded to employ his tentacles for locomotion much as a spider does, gave her a wide berth, and confidently entered the interviewer's small, semi-dark office.
It was a small office for such a large edifice, he noticed. Not at all what he had expected. But then again, the man sitting behind the desk was himself rather small even by human standards. Something akin to the human pygmies he had heard about, albeit with pale skin, bald headed, with intense, beady green eyes.
"What may I do for you?" Mr. Gallagher, the employment-agency owner asked, while glaring belligerently from behind his sun-lit, window-framed mahogany desk. Having never been off-world, he was a man unused to extra-terrestrials and avoided the places they frequented as if they were quarantined. Of course, when he set up his business far from all space-ports, he never imagined that some alien might someday seek his services. But as it turned out, to his bitter dismay, here it was.
"I am here for a job," what appeared to Gallagher as a nightmarish monstrosity, uttered via its glistening, jet-black, birdlike beak.
“Yes, of course! Why else would you be here?"
"I do not know. Do you render other services that I am unaware of?" it said calmly in response.
"No of course not. You are from the Sagittarian Federation Zone, I see." Gallagher gazed angrily at the resume displayed on the computer screen, as if it were his mortal enemy.
"Yes, obviously." the Moluskanoid responded. "I am also exceedingly qualified to do the job I applied for. Do you have anything available?"
"Yes, yes, I see you are applying for a child-caring position. But you don't specify a species."
The Sagittarian Moluskanoid inched closer before responding, making Mr. Gallagher flinch as if a sonic blaster set on kill had been aimed at his bald head.
"Well, obviously I am on Earth. Am I not?" the Moluskanoid enunciated truculently through its large glistening, parrot-like beak, while rolling its yellow, dinner-plate-sized eyes twice.
"Yes, of course, but..." Gallagher responded nervously, while sliding open the drawer holding his sonic blaster just in case.
"Then it behooves you to assume that I am applying to care for Earth children. Does it not?"
There was an unusually long silence before Gallagher finally responded.
"Have you actually been around Earth children?" He finally said while making a circular motion above his desk with his index finger so that the meaning of the word “around” would be properly understood.
"No, I have not. But I am genetically modified for child-caring purposes," the Moluskanoid proudly proclaimed.
"Now I find that rather incredible, umm, MM RR SS? Is that what you call yourself?"
"Why so?" it responded .
"Why so what?"
“Why do you find it so incredible?"
“Well, obviously, any Earth-child that would catch sight of you would be terrified!"
“Perhaps you are projecting your own psychological predispositions unto others, Mr. Gallagher. You see, I have successfully cared for many immature members of many species, and none have reacted in the ridiculous manner you describe. My resume with a thousand recommendations is on your computer, is it not?”
“Yes! Yes! I understand, but none of these creatures which recommend you are human."
"Which means?"
"Which means that they are probably accustomed to seeing and interacting with your kind!"
"You are mistaken, Mr. Gallagher. Most of those clients had never seen nor had ever been near a Moluskanoid!"
"Really? Well, for your information, most humans wouldn’t even consider for one moment handing over their kids to something that resembles some giant squid!”
Gallagher leaned forward glaring as if expecting the Moluskanoid to take offense and leave, or else to become rowdy so he could sonic-blast him, and then summon security to have it arrested and deported back to where it belonged.
“Are you suggesting that we are deformed, Mr. Gallagher? Please understand that to us, you humans and other humanoids appear to be truncated?”
"Truncated? Ha! Surely you jest.” Mr. Gallagher said smugly.
“No jest intended sir. You are missing six entire limbs, Mr Gallagher. SIX! To us that is a very serious deformity"
"Bah! That's utter nonsense!" Gallagher said while looking visibly upset by the criticism.
"You are also cylindrical, as opposed to being blessed with our beautiful symmetrical roundness.” the Moluskanoid uttered calmly, knowing full-well that the human interviewer was trying to provoke a violent reaction in order to brandish his sonic blaster on him. Unjustified provocation of others was a well-known human trait not shared by the rest of the galaxy's sentient creatures, and he wasn’t about to be a victim of it.
Frustrated by the Moluskanoid’s calmness, Gallagher leaned back in his plush leather chair and smugly continued.
“Just out of curiosity, what exactly can you do as a child-caretaker anyway?”
“Well, Mr. Gallagher, unlike your Earthian females, who only have two hands, I can employ four of my tentacles for multitasking. Feeding while changing diapers while preparing a meal all at once. All this while singing lullabies!”
Gallagher took a deep breath and let it out slowly in frustration. It was obvious that the Moluskanoid just couldn’t or wouldn’t take a hint and needed to have it explained in fine detail.
“Let me be forthright! The truth of the matter is that since you arrived all my clients bolted for the hallway elevator and my receptionist almost had a heart attack. Are you telling me that you didn’t notice their reactions.”
“Some Earth people take longer than others to adjust!"
“Adjust? They see you as a monstrosity!”
“The reality is, Mr. Gallagher, that the only monstrosity in this room right now is you! Good day sir! And may the curses of a thousand planets descend upon your miserable humanoid pate!"
With that the Moluskanoid quickly spider-walked out the door into the waiting room as Gallagher nervously fumbled with the setting on his sonic blaster. On the way out, the Moluskanoid caused two senior citizens a heart attack and a young man broke his leg as he tripped over a table while trying to get away.
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Reader COMMENT
JD04/06/2021That was FUN and very funny! Well done! : )
