The Stockholm Syndrome

Ruthanne

Caregiver
Location
Midwest
Stockholm syndrome

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


For other uses, see Stockholm syndrome (disambiguation).

The location where the 1973 Norrmalmstorg robbery took place in Stockholm, Sweden (2005).​

Stockholm syndrome is a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.[SUP][1][/SUP] These feelings, resulting from a bond formed between captor and captives during intimate time spent together, are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims. Generally speaking, Stockholm syndrome consists of "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other."[SUP][2][/SUP] The FBI's Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly eight percent of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome.[SUP][3][/SUP]
It was formally named in 1973 when four hostages were taken during a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. The hostages defended their captors after being released and would not agree to testify in court against them.[SUP][4][/SUP] Stockholm syndrome is ostensibly paradoxical because the sympathetic sentiments captives feel towards their captors are the opposite of the fear and disdain an onlooker may feel towards the captors.
There are four key components that generally lead to the development of Stockholm syndrome:

  • A hostage's development of positive feelings towards their captor
  • No previous hostage-captor relationship
  • A refusal by hostages to co-operate with police forces and other government authorities
  • A hostage's belief in the humanity of their captor, for the reason that when a victim holds the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be perceived as a threat.[SUP][2][/SUP][SUP][3][/SUP]
Stockholm syndrome is considered a "contested illness", due to many law enforcement officers' doubt about the legitimacy of the condition.[SUP][4][/SUP]
Stockholm syndrome has also come to describe the reactions of some abuse victims beyond the context of kidnappings or hostage-taking. Actions and attitudes similar to those suffering from Stockholm Syndrome have also been found in victims of sexual abuse, human trafficking, discrimination, terror, and political oppression.[SUP][4]

More here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

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[/SUP]Ten-year-old Natascha Kampusch disappeared on her way to school in Austria in 1998. In 2006, 18-year-old Natascha Kampusch reappeared in a Vienna garden after escaping from her captor's home while he wasn't paying attention. In a statement to the media read by her psychiatrist, Kampusch had this to say about spending eight years in a locked cell beneath her kidnapper's basement: "My youth was very different. But I was also spared a lot of things - I did not start smoking or drinking and I did not hang out in bad company." By most experts' accounts, Kampusch is in a traumatized state and appears to be suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
People suffering from Stockholm syndrome come to identify with and even care for their captors in a desperate, usually unconscious act of self-preservation. It occurs in the most psychologically traumatic situations, often hostage situations or kidnappings, and its effects usually do not end when the crisis ends. In the most classic cases, victims continue to defend and care about their captors even after they escape captivity. Symptoms of Stockholm syndrome have also been identified in the slave/master relationship, in battered-spouse cases and in members of destructive cults.
More here: https://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/mental-disorders/stockholm-syndrome.htm




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Has anyone here experienced this syndrome personally or know someone who has/does? I know well about it. I now realize the effects of it do not end with the end of the traumatic experience. This thread is for the support and understanding of the victims of the syndrome and not about blaming the victims.
 

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Yes absolutely...I have suffered and witnessed the suffering of victims of Stockholm syndrome, but I won't be discussing it on an open forum. However it's a very real and mentally debilitating condition...
 
Yes absolutely...I have suffered and witnessed the suffering of victims of Stockholm syndrome, but I won't be discussing it on an open forum. However it's a very real and mentally debilitating condition...
I understand and maybe if you feel safer you may want to join in. It is not an easy thing to discuss for many.
 

Yes I have experienced Stockholm Syndrome from the result of severe abuse and the symptoms don’t end when the abuse stops but severe abuse has long lasting effects on the human psyche that most people don’t understand. To state it’s a complex condition is an exaggerated ‘understatement.
 
Yes I have experienced Stockholm Syndrome from the result of severe abuse and the symptoms don’t end when the abuse stops but severe abuse has long lasting effects on the human psyche that most people don’t understand. To state it’s a complex condition is an exaggerated ‘understatement.
You are right that most don't understand and unless they make a serious effort to understand. It is very complex and lasting. I do know what you mean.
 
I think the worst part about this condition is that no matter how much praise or complimentary others can be to me,
I will always feel ‘not good enough.’

Most things in life I can excel in and do well when and if I put my mind to it except for human relationships.
In this area I try too hard and always have. I’m constantly over striving to try and fit in but I never quite do and that people pleasing thing gets sickeningly old yet is a difficult thing to shake off. Trying to find middle ground for me is next to impossible.

I’m so bad that even others fighting about something that has nothing to do with me affects me in a huge way. If people are angry and upset I struggle with trying to understand that it ‘might’ have nothing to do with me. I’m always blaming myself and have a really difficult time seeing anyone suffer. It drives me crazy!


Yes. I ‘still’ struggle with this and I think I always will.
It’s horrible.
 
I think the worst part about this condition is that no matter how much praise or complimentary others can be to me,
I will always feel ‘not good enough.’

Most things in life I can excel in and do well when and if I put my mind to it except for human relationships.
In this area I try too hard and always have. I’m constantly over striving to try and fit in but I never quite do and that people pleasing thing gets sickeningly old yet is a difficult thing to shake off. Trying to find middle ground for me is next to impossible.

I’m so bad that even others fighting about something that has nothing to do with me affects me in a huge way. If people are angry and upset I struggle with trying to understand that it ‘might’ have nothing to do with me. I’m always blaming myself and have a really difficult time seeing anyone suffer. It drives me crazy!


Yes. I ‘still’ struggle with this and I think I always will.
It’s horrible.
Keesha, I feel the same way as not being "good enough" much of the time. I think it's important to try and alter the messages we give ourselves, although as I am writing this I am thinking it helps for awhile and then I feel the same again. I know that all of us are better than good enough! We are very good people who have lived through tremendously hard things. Our abusers are the ones who actually are the ones to question. One of the men who abused me made me feel like I was the only one he ever abused and that I was at fault because no one else was subjected to what I was. I am beginning to realize that that man was very sick-I couldn''t see if before but his daughter clued me into it.
 
I think the worst part about this condition is that no matter how much praise or complimentary others can be to me,
I will always feel ‘not good enough.’

Most things in life I can excel in and do well when and if I put my mind to it except for human relationships.
In this area I try too hard and always have. I’m constantly over striving to try and fit in but I never quite do and that people pleasing thing gets sickeningly old yet is a difficult thing to shake off. Trying to find middle ground for me is next to impossible.

I’m so bad that even others fighting about something that has nothing to do with me affects me in a huge way. If people are angry and upset I struggle with trying to understand that it ‘might’ have nothing to do with me. I’m always blaming myself and have a really difficult time seeing anyone suffer. It drives me crazy!


Yes. I ‘still’ struggle with this and I think I always will.
It’s horrible.

Did I just write this?...you couldn't have described it more accurately...that's exactly how it feels, and how it is.
 
I think the worst part about this condition is that no matter how much praise or complimentary others can be to me,
I will always feel ‘not good enough.’

Most things in life I can excel in and do well when and if I put my mind to it except for human relationships.
In this area I try too hard and always have. I’m constantly over striving to try and fit in but I never quite do and that people pleasing thing gets sickeningly old yet is a difficult thing to shake off. Trying to find middle ground for me is next to impossible.

I’m so bad that even others fighting about something that has nothing to do with me affects me in a huge way. If people are angry and upset I struggle with trying to understand that it ‘might’ have nothing to do with me. I’m always blaming myself and have a really difficult time seeing anyone suffer. It drives me crazy!


Yes. I ‘still’ struggle with this and I think I always will.
It’s horrible.
Even after all the psychology I learned, plus a decade of intense therapy, this is still the story of my life. Not everything is curable, sometimes all we can do is survive. For those of us who incurred protracted and horrendous abuse, that is a miracle. Only the very strong would have made it. Some demons we destroy, others we live with. I call it keeping dragons in boxes. Managing the symptoms is as good as it gets. But please, honour yourselves for the courage it takes to live your lives. I certainly honour you.❤️PS. Hardest thing for me is my inability to trust beyond a certain point, that, and being feral. Part of me still resides in the killing fields of childhood.
 
Even after all the psychology I learned, plus a decade of intense therapy, this is still the story of my life. Not everything is curable, sometimes all we can do is survive. For those of us who incurred protracted and horrendous abuse, that is a miracle. Only the very strong would have made it. Some demons we destroy, others we live with. I call it keeping dragons in boxes. Managing the symptoms is as good as it gets. But please, honour yourselves for the courage it takes to live your lives. I certainly honour you.❤️PS. Hardest thing for me is my inability to trust beyond a certain point, that, and being feral. Part of me still resides in the killing fields of childhood.
Yes, it is a hard life to live but the courage is a great thing when it happens, isn't it? I don't claim to be one of the strongest but I want to understand and try to alleviate these symptoms that are so challenging.
 
So, I guess just cleaning the slate and offing everyone, letting God sort ‘em out, has never been a strong consideration for you guys.

I sorta recall the incident when it happened but have not heard of the syndrome.

I think I have the reverse
See myself as pretty much a cherub, and ‘know’ it’s their problem, whatever it is

This drives my lady nuts

I might be beyond help

Whatever happens, and why, I know one thing for sure......I’m having pancakes for breakfast
 
So, I guess just cleaning the slate and offing everyone, letting God sort ‘em out, has never been a strong consideration for you guys.

I sorta recall the incident when it happened but have not heard of the syndrome.

I think I have the reverse
See myself as pretty much a cherub, and ‘know’ it’s their problem, whatever it is

This drives my lady nuts

I might be beyond help

Whatever happens, and why, I know one thing for sure......I’m having pancakes for breakfast
Offing them all seems like a good fantasy! Can't do that, there are laws against it as you know. I appreciate your feedback and saying "its their problem" for it surely is! Now to believe that forever....a big job.
Thank you.
 
Offing them all seems like a good fantasy! Can't do that, there are laws against it as you know. I appreciate your feedback and saying "its their problem" for it surely is! Now to believe that forever....a big job.
Thank you.

This is where my lady and I used to be at odds
She'd fret over these things...into the night, with coffee in the morn
I'd try to mentally fix 'em for her
can't

Heh, now we know each other so well, we no longer try to fix each other

She seems to marvel at my numbness t'ward what society has for us

Little does she know, I'm just not that deep...or maybe she does

She does know, for sure, that pancakes solve most my issues

I accidently wiped out four of her irises yesterday when building her a greenhouse....I do feel guilty about that....and may just go ahead and tell her I did it, and not some rabid squirrel, like she suggested




...after pancakes
 
I remember hearing the term "Stockholm syndrome" in reference to Patty Hearst, who was kidnapped and then became an active member of the group which had captured her. That was an interesting story, in the news a
lot about a half century ago.
 
I remember hearing the term "Stockholm syndrome" in reference to Patty Hearst, who was kidnapped and then became an active member of the group which had captured her. That was an interesting story, in the news a
lot about a half century ago.
Yes, she is a classic example of the Stockholm Syndrome. She was forced to do what they wanted her to do.
 
I think I have the reverse. See myself as pretty much a cherub, and ‘know’ it’s their problem, whatever it is. This drives my lady nuts. I might be beyond help. Whatever happens, and why, I know one thing for sure......I’m having pancakes for breakfast
You're funny. Your diagnosis is called TypicalGuy Syndrome. Your cure is "stuff it and meet up at the pub for a beer"...or pancakes. Ha. Guys have it so easy. But I do get the seriousness of you and your wife having to learn to adjust to your differences. Sounds like you work it out together okay.

I'm not totally serious. I do believe some men have childhood abuse to deal with as well and is just as hurtful long term as for females. I care. The recent news about the choreographer who was abused nightly by Michael Jackson is an example....his interview appeared to be the Stockholm Syndrome for a male.
 
Some experiences become a permanent part of us. Whether we are able to "just let it go" depends on how old we were when the crimes were inflicted upon us. The younger we were, the more entrenched the memory and the deeper the trauma.
Additionally, the length of time the crimes took place is a huge factor in how we deal with it.

I'm 72 years old now and the son of a bitch is STILL alive. I really, really want to piss on his grave. (please forgive my language).
 
You are right that most don't understand and unless they make a serious effort to understand. It is very complex and lasting. I do know what you mean.

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important" (repeat)
From the movie, The Help.
This little girl was verbally abused by her mother and these words are spoken to her by her nanny.

Yes thank you so very much Lara. You are by far one of my favourite people here. :thankyou:

Keesha, I feel the same way as not being "good enough" much of the time. I think it's important to try and alter the messages we give ourselves, although as I am writing this I am thinking it helps for awhile and then I feel the same again. I know that all of us are better than good enough! We are very good people who have lived through tremendously hard things. Our abusers are the ones who actually are the ones to question. One of the men who abused me made me feel like I was the only one he ever abused and that I was at fault because no one else was subjected to what I was. I am beginning to realize that that man was very sick-I couldn''t see if before but his daughter clued me into it.
Trying to change these eternal messages is a continuous practice. It helps for a while is right. I believe what Shalimar and traveler said is also right; some experiences become a permanent part of us and the best thing we can do is except that and treat ourselves with compassion in this acknowledgement

Did I just write this?...you couldn't have described it more accurately...that's exactly how it feels, and how it is.
Sorry! :(
Even after all the psychology I learned, plus a decade of intense therapy, this is still the story of my life. Not everything is curable, sometimes all we can do is survive. For those of us who incurred protracted and horrendous abuse, that is a miracle. Only the very strong would have made it. Some demons we destroy, others we live with. I call it keeping dragons in boxes. Managing the symptoms is as good as it gets. But please, honour yourselves for the courage it takes to live your lives. I certainly honour you.??PS. Hardest thing for me is my inability to trust beyond a certain point, that, and being feral. Part of me still resides in the killing fields of childhood.
Thank you for the reminder Shalimar. It DOES take courage to live with this. It sure does.
I’ve had plenty of counselling also.

You are selling yourself short, Gary. I think you're one of the smartest and most perceptive folks on this forum, and I bet your wife knows that.

I agree. You are far from shallow Gary. You just use humour to cope like myself. Or at least that how it seems.
Some experiences become a permanent part of us. Whether we are able to "just let it go" depends on how old we were when the crimes were inflicted upon us. The younger we were, the more entrenched the memory and the deeper the trauma.
Additionally, the length of time the crimes took place is a huge factor in how we deal with it.

I'm 72 years old now and the son of a bitch is STILL alive. I really, really want to piss on his grave. (please forgive my language).

I am sorry for the abuse you people had to endure. My thoughts are with you all
I hope you pamper yourself often. :grin:
 
Even after all the psychology I learned, plus a decade of intense therapy, this is still the story of my life. Not everything is curable, sometimes all we can do is survive. For those of us who incurred protracted and horrendous abuse, that is a miracle. Only the very strong would have made it. Some demons we destroy, others we live with. I call it keeping dragons in boxes. Managing the symptoms is as good as it gets. But please, honour yourselves for the courage it takes to live your lives. I certainly honour you.❤️PS. Hardest thing for me is my inability to trust beyond a certain point, that, and being feral. Part of me still resides in the killing fields of childhood.

I like the imagery of keeping dragons in boxes. I have a big box with a very large dragon chained inside, and I take great care to keep him there. Oh sure, occasionally I find myself cracking the box and peeking in, but I have learned the hard way that it is disastrous for me to release him. Also have some smaller boxes with smaller dragons, some of which I let fly now and then to see if they can be tamed, but usually come to realize that there will be no benefit to either of us if i re-engage with those dragons.

Needless to say, I go to great lengths to keep (new) potential dragons from developing into such.
 
I like the imagery of keeping dragons in boxes. I have a big box with a very large dragon chained inside, and I take great care to keep him there. Oh sure, occasionally I find myself cracking the box and peeking in, but I have learned the hard way that it is disastrous for me to release him. Also have some smaller boxes with smaller dragons, some of which I let fly now and then to see if they can be tamed, but usually come to realize that there will be no benefit to either of us if i re-engage with those dragons.

Needless to say, I go to great lengths to keep (new) potential dragons from developing into such.
Yes, what ever. :)
 
I like the imagery of keeping dragons in boxes. I have a big box with a very large dragon chained inside, and I take great care to keep him there. Oh sure, occasionally I find myself cracking the box and peeking in, but I have learned the hard way that it is disastrous for me to release him. Also have some smaller boxes with smaller dragons, some of which I let fly now and then to see if they can be tamed, but usually come to realize that there will be no benefit to either of us if i re-engage with those dragons.

Needless to say, I go to great lengths to keep (new) potential dragons from developing into such.

Yes, what ever. :)

Ruthanne, what do you mean by what ever ? Seems a bit catty, considering the topic.
 


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