This may be selfish but you gotta know what you gotta know.

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friar said:
So my avatar is pretty much me and at my age I don't understand why all my wives left me.
Am I that ugly or are other men just better looking?. I truly don't understand why I find myself alone.
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What you’re saying hits deep—and it’s painfully human.

First, let me say this clearly: Your worth is not defined by who stays or leaves you. And it’s not defined by looks alone, either. That said, loneliness—especially after loss, divorce, or repeated heartbreak—can really mess with your sense of self. When people walk away, especially more than once, it’s natural to start asking questions like:
  • Is something wrong with me?
  • Am I not enough?
  • Is everyone else just... better?
But here’s the truth:

It’s almost never just about looks. Attraction, relationships, love—they’re complex. Some people leave because:
  • They have unmet needs they never voiced
  • They’re dealing with their own baggage
  • The relationship stopped growing
  • Or, honestly, they just weren’t ready or right
And sometimes, yes—we play a role too. Maybe emotionally unavailable. Maybe hard to communicate with. Maybe too guarded or too giving. These things don’t make you “ugly”—they make you human.

A few hard but hopeful reflections:​

  • You could be doing everything “right” and still lose people. That’s not your failure.
  • If there are patterns in why relationships ended, looking at them without blame—but with honesty—can be empowering, not shameful.
  • Aging doesn’t make you less worthy. It just filters out the shallow people faster.
So no—you’re not “that ugly,” and no, other men aren’t automatically “better looking” just because they didn’t get left. But if you’re willing to really examine your part and still hold on to your dignity, you can start to understand—and maybe even rebuild.
 

Naturally said:
What you’re saying hits deep—and it’s painfully human.

First, let me say this clearly: Your worth is not defined by who stays or leaves you. And it’s not defined by looks alone, either. That said, loneliness—especially after loss, divorce, or repeated heartbreak—can really mess with your sense of self. When people walk away, especially more than once, it’s natural to start asking questions like:
  • Is something wrong with me?
  • Am I not enough?
  • Is everyone else just... better?
But here’s the truth:

It’s almost never just about looks. Attraction, relationships, love—they’re complex. Some people leave because:
  • They have unmet needs they never voiced
  • They’re dealing with their own baggage
  • The relationship stopped growing
  • Or, honestly, they just weren’t ready or right
And sometimes, yes—we play a role too. Maybe emotionally unavailable. Maybe hard to communicate with. Maybe too guarded or too giving. These things don’t make you “ugly”—they make you human.

A few hard but hopeful reflections:​

  • You could be doing everything “right” and still lose people. That’s not your failure.
  • If there are patterns in why relationships ended, looking at them without blame—but with honesty—can be empowering, not shameful.
  • Aging doesn’t make you less worthy. It just filters out the shallow people faster.
So no—you’re not “that ugly,” and no, other men aren’t automatically “better looking” just because they didn’t get left. But if you’re willing to really examine your part and still hold on to your dignity, you can start to understand—and maybe even rebuild.
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thank you very much. that was very thoughtful and neutral. I appreciate the insight.
 
so ok at this point it seems I have wasted everyone's time and made myself a target in the process. It was a simple question actually no one answered. I never realized there was so much hate on the internet but here we are. I'm sorry for those of you without any charity of spirit. It must be hard for you day to day. anyways consider the thread closed because I don't want to waste my time or yours. In fact I had more hope for this forum than what I have witnessed so I doubt I will be back. I thought only teenagers could be this ugly under anonomous but seems I was wrong. anyway enjoy your forum. over and out..the friar
 
friar said:
so ok at this point it seems I have wasted everyone's time and made myself a target in the process. It was a simple question actually no one answered. I never realized there was so much hate on the internet but here we are. I'm sorry for those of you without any charity of spirit. It must be hard for you day to day. anyways consider the thread closed because I don't want to waste my time or yours. In fact I had more hope for this forum than what I have witnessed so I doubt I will be back. I thought only teenagers could be this ugly under anonomous but seems I was wrong. anyway enjoy your forum. over and out..the friar
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What are you looking for ? How can we answer completely, correctly ? We do not know you. One of the ladies here said you were {IHO} good-lookin' OK, so what ? Good lookin'/handsome/pretty , only attracts the opposite sex, it doesn't keep them around. Maybe you're an asshole ? Self centered ? Selfish ? etc. etc.

Or sometimes people just need to move on, make a change in their lives , it's not always about you .

There are just too many reasons why relationships end to note one about someone I do not even know.

Hell, I'm 76 and I too am alone , was married once, divorced 53 year ago. Had many "romances" through the years , I could bore everyone here with stories [but i won't] :) Scared y'all didn't I ? I wish one or two of them could have worked out , but they didn't. The rest of them ? glad they're gone.

Again, I do not know what you were/are expecting from [us] But I will say that if you are going to carry this around {IMO} that in itself will continue to be a turn-off for women.

Make yourself happy and good luck in your pursuits .
 
This isn't hate... this is folks seeing the old barroom scene of "my wife doesn't understand me"... where guys (or ladies... can go either way) go into a bar with the "my spouse doesn't understand me" line knowing some kind soul will swoop in to "make it better."

Okay... so your opening post about wondering if you're ugly was a first red flag for some members. And then four, count 'em four wives who didn't understand you. Second flag. Soon we moved to "where can I find a chat room?" which was the third.

Apologies if I'm way off base and very well may be... but I hope you can understand where and why conclusions were drawn. "No one loves me, no one understands me" is a classic catfishing line, so yeah, folks are going to be skeptical whether or not it's valid. If a gorgeous lady would come in here with "I must be ugly, no one understands me and I can't keep a partner...." what would your first thoughts be?
 
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I don't hate you, why would I, I don't know you.....and in fact I understand the bewilderness, having just gone through a Divorce myself literally days ago..

We were really all just trying to give a little levity to the subject given many of us have had similar happen... and someone with 4 ex wives is pretty unusual, c'mon be fair...

However you're clearly looking for a 5th wife.. and that's not going to be this forum.. so leave if you want.. and good luck...
 
My first husband was dropdead, gorgeous, and much better looking than me. I divorced him because he was a crappy husband. The only good thing that came out of that marriage was my oldest son and he looks very much like his dad and also is extremely good looking. Luckily his inside matches his outside and he’s a very kind and loving person.

I divorced three husbands and they were all for very different reasons. None of us could know what the problems were in your marriages and they could’ve all been different problems. People change and grow through the years and sometimes you just grow apart or no longer are compatible.
 
Teacher Terry said:
My first husband was dropdead, gorgeous, and much better looking than me. I divorced him because he was a crappy husband. The only good thing that came out of that marriage was my oldest son and he looks very much like his dad and also is extremely good looking. Luckily his inside matches his outside and he’s a very kind and loving person.

I divorced three husbands and they were all for very different reasons. None of us could know what the problems were in your marriages and they could’ve all been different problems. People change and grow through the years and sometimes you just grow apart or no longer are compatible.
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Both of my ex husbands are very good looking... this was the half the problem... if another woman looked at them, they were very happy to let her have what she wanted...
 
friar said:
so ok at this point it seems I have wasted everyone's time and made myself a target in the process. It was a simple question actually no one answered. I never realized there was so much hate on the internet but here we are. I'm sorry for those of you without any charity of spirit. It must be hard for you day to day. anyways consider the thread closed because I don't want to waste my time or yours. In fact I had more hope for this forum than what I have witnessed so I doubt I will be back. I thought only teenagers could be this ugly under anonomous but seems I was wrong. anyway enjoy your forum. over and out..the friar
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Ah, hang on. Give it another try.
 

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