To What Purpose does regret serve?

Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed

Be what you is not what you what you ain’t
Location
Central NY
Feeling regretful for a life led seems counterproductive to the life we lead. Forgiveness allows us to move forward in life as if never happened.

As humans sometimes we feel unworthy of happiness and joy. This is a lie we tell ourselves to refrain from loving ourselves and loving others.

Religion is partly to blame for the paradox we live in and subservient way of life.

Not everyone feels this way, however, sadness and remorse is the choice we make. No excuses, how will you choose to live?
 

Mr. Ed said:
Feeling regretful for a life led seems counterproductive to the life we lead. Forgiveness allows us to move forward in life as if never happened.

As humans sometimes we feel unworthy of happiness and joy. This is a lie we tell ourselves to refrain from loving ourselves and loving others.

Religion is partly to blame for the paradox we live in and subservient way of life.

Not everyone feels this way, however, sadness and remorse is the choice we make. No excuses, how will you choose to live?
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I don't see how you figure religion is to blame for regret. And sadness is not a choice anyone would make for themselves on purpose. Sadness is just something that happens to people. Especially where depression is concerned. Blaming the church for something like that seems odd to me. At a time when many people don't go to church anymore I don't see how you think it's the fault of religion. Unless you're blaming Christianity in general for this which is even worse.

If we're gonna start fighting over religion on this website now then I likely won't be participating in anything on here too much anymore. If you don't like something in your life you have no business pointing a finger at God and blaming him for your struggles.
 
The things I used to regret are more of those I did NOT do in my life. Things I did that I was brave enough and threw caution to the wind, I don't regret any of them even if some brought painful memories. I will always remember with affection people and things that were part of my life.
 
Ed, I can relate to your post. As a young woman I was offended by something my grandmother once said to me and as she had often reduced my mother to tears I decided to cut her from my life. I never connected with her again until the day she died. I did not attend her funeral.

Later, with more years under my belt I realised that I was wrong to do this to an old woman who had suffered much in her life but it was too late to make amends. She had outlived two sons who had died in WWII and a husband who had served in the Boer War and WWI and who returned a very sick man who died slowly but prematurely from silicosis of the lungs caused by inhaling desert sand in Palestine. She had also lost an adopted daughter at 18 from nephritis. I suspect that her childhood was pretty tough too.

She outlived my father who died of a coronary aged 59 and even then wounded pride would not allow me to reconnect with her, even though she lived almost opposite my mother's house. By this time I really did not know how to begin to reach out.

Regret settled in my heart and whenever I was asked in church during the general confession to think of my sins before the absolution this was the first and most troublesome sin that would rise up from the inner depths. I could not find forgiveness for my stoney heart.

In 1985 I was given a second chance. Hubby and I took a long overseas trip and on our way home we had a stopover in Singapore. I never knew either of my uncles who died in the war and by this time Dad had passed on but I had maintained some contact with his two surviving brothers. They told me where I could find the grave of one uncle in the Imperial War Cemetery in Krangi. Hubby and I found it and as I placed some Singapore orchids on it I whispered, "This is for you, Grandma." I was the first and as far as I know, the only family member to ever visit it. We took photos of the grave with the flowers and gave one to his brothers.

This simple act of contrition freed me from the regret that I had carried for so long and I was able to forgive myself, and Grandma. I have since since been to the grave for another visit and this time I whispered to my uncle that he has not been forgotten and asked him to tell his brother, whose bones rest in a cemetery in central Nigeria, that his family remembers and honours him too.

These days I am at peace and the past has no power over me.
 
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Regret might move a person to take responsibility,
to admit mistakes, or past errors, and to be able to attempt to take actions to make amends to others who may have been harmed, if they are still available. Possibly might be able to salvage a harmed relationship, even partially, or simply to help support the others' process, who were effected, if possible.

In addition, regret can motivate us to improve ourselves, in multiple ways. As we can make conscious efforts then, to not make similar mistakes.

Past that, regret can be very self-destructive, in my view, and not serve an additional positive purpose.
 
MarciKS said:
I don't see how you figure religion is to blame for regret. And sadness is not a choice anyone would make for themselves on purpose. Sadness is just something that happens to people. Especially where depression is concerned. Blaming the church for something like that seems odd to me. At a time when many people don't go to church anymore I don't see how you think it's the fault of religion. Unless you're blaming Christianity in general for this which is even worse.

If we're gonna start fighting over religion on this website now then I likely won't be participating in anything on here too much anymore. If you don't like something in your life you have no business pointing a finger at God and blaming him for your struggles.
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Just to be clear, it is not God, it's people with good intentions who meddle in people's lives. Blaming others for my life has no merit, although I am a product of experience, there is no fault in others I blame but those in power and authority that lead us astray.

I apologize for upsetting you; I hope you will continue to contribute your thoughts in this forum. You may consider not reading my posts if they continue to upset you.
Mr. Ed
 
Mr. Ed said:
Just to be clear, it is not God, it's people with good intentions who meddle in people's lives. Blaming others for my life has no merit, although I am a product of experience, there is no fault in others I blame but those in power and authority that lead us astray.

I apologize for upsetting you; I hope you will continue to contribute your thoughts in this forum. You may consider not reading my posts if they continue to upset you.
Mr. Ed
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Meddlers are a pain but they're everywhere. People in authority never seem to be able to manage to do the right thing. I don't think they're capable. Which has always made me wonder why they are allowed to be in authority in the first place.

What do you mean when you say you are a product of experience?
 
A lot depends on what you regret. Is what you regret something you did to others, or to yourself? If you really screwed up and truly hurt others, I would say maybe you should regret that. If you didn't tip the newspaper boy 38 years ago, you might let that one go. If it is something you did to yourself, can you at least learn from it, and maybe change the out come. We all have lost causes, that we must leave behind.
 
There was a time in my life that I needed to make amends with past transgressions. I learned by harboring my unresolved differences and making them right had little to do with the people of my past, but everything to do with moving forward and letting go.
 
Mr. Ed said:
There was a time in my life that I needed to make amends with past transgressions. I learned by harboring my unresolved differences and making them right had little to do with the people of my past, but everything to do with moving forward and letting go.
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I think we all go through this at some point. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself too.
 
MarciKS said:
Meddlers are a pain but they're everywhere. People in authority never seem to be able to manage to do the right thing. I don't think they're capable. Which has always made me wonder why they are allowed to be in authority in the first place.

What do you mean when you say you are a product of experience?
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We are all products of what we experience
 
I think almost everyone has regrets that they wish they hadn't done or even have done. I know there is one thing I regret not doing more about and I will never forget it or forgive myself for how I handle a particular situation.
 
Regret is connected to guilt. If you have no guilt concerning anything you've done then you're probably a jerk. Just sayin'. I have problems with people who think they do everything right, though. Me, I'm a mess. I feel guilty about the bug I accidently stepped on and stupid things I've done years ago.
 
Some do not agree when I say life is perfect and we live in a perfect world. Think about it. All of life and existence strives to maintain equilibrium and balance therefore in doing so manages the purpose and existence of present events that affects or creates the future. Life is simple so simple that everyone and everything contributes as much as he or she desires.

The secret to life relies on one's ability to cope. In view of high school stereotypes, there are reasons some students do well in sports or academics or music. Imagine the universal ability to cope with whatever life brings? I've got good news! We are practicing good coping skills everyday in every situation we find ourselves in.

Keep up the good work!

Do what you do best, Be Yourself.
 
Judycat said:
Regret is connected to guilt. If you have no guilt concerning anything you've done then you're probably a jerk. Just sayin'. I have problems with people who think they do everything right, though. Me, I'm a mess. I feel guilty about the bug I accidently stepped on and stupid things I've done years ago.
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OK, but what about things you regret that you didn’t do? There’s no guilt there, just regret.

For me, I use regret as part of my wisdom. For example; if I see one if my grandkids passing up an opportunity that I also had, but passed on, I ask them to rethink their decision. I had the opportunity to go to a big time Division I College to play football, but I was in such a big hurry to get my A.D. in Criminal Justice, so I could apply to the Pennsylvania State Police that I decided to pass on the opportunity. My one granddaughter had considered going to a 4-year college close to home, instead of going to a larger college farther away that had offered her a free ride for the 4 years. I told her my chance and then came the regret. She used my wisdom and decided to take the free ride with no regrets. Sometimes it works out and other times, it may not.

Who was it that said, “Sometimes not taking a risk is taking a risk?”
 
Mr. Ed said:
I understand, I wasn't blaming God. Perhaps the messenger
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Having a go at religion has almost become a religion it itself, or an "article of faith" anyway, (I interpret some of this tendency to be connected with people not wanting to be told, or being told things they don't want to hear).
I can relate to mist of your OP though. :) .
 

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